Week 12 Recap
Not all Bowl Games are created equal. I would argue that the Turkey and Jesus Bowls are here to reconnect us to the game’s purest essence. To bring us back to the schoolyards where we first fell in love with the sport. The upcoming 2023 Bowl is here to remind us of its inevitable mortality. Of it being bound to the calendar and the strictures of time. That no year lasts forever. No season lasts forever. No player. Everything advances. We are all barreling toward some expiration date. Whether we actively perceive it or not – we are always on the clock.
I say this not to depress us at this most festive time of the year. The complete opposite. I say this to inspire us. How fortunate we are to be here and now and together. Think always about what we have built. From the party in Oceanside to Week 12 to the Jesus Bowl to Wednesday Night Lights to 2 days of football this weekend. It’s a lot – and we’d all welcome more. Simple message: Appreciate it with your body, heart, and soul.
Before week 12, I sent out the teams and Rabin saw the teams – he wasn’t QBing – and he messaged me that he would sit out. He had a Chanukah party the night before – was gonna be absolutely frigid at 8am Sunday morning – and y’know….he’s 45 and was it worth it to come out to play WR? So I swapped him with Stats. Once that was done, I messaged him: Listen, we are at an age where we are not gonna be the first, second, or 3rd option. It’s crazy and annoying….but is where we are. If we think coming out is worth it only if we are the main attraction….we are never gonna come out. Our time has passed. Now we just enjoy hanging on when all the other guys our age are sleeping late after their holiday parties. Don’t give in to that voice. Always better to be on the field being ignored than not being on the field.
He wrote back: You’re right. Get me back in.
But it was too late.
Too late.
And that’s really what I’m getting at.
Living before it’s too late. Jewballing before it’s too late. Most importantly: Jewballing to the best of your ability before it’s too late.
This brings me to a big story from Week 12 – for me. I know we try to promote and celebrate and honor the history of our League and all that. I mean, I would guess for newer players – it’s a lot of talk. A lot of propaganda. Dachs is the QB now. He’s lighting up the field now. He doesn’t care that Marino was doing it ten years ago. Or Katzenstien 20 years ago. Zinn doesn’t care about what Yakir once did. Oppen doesn’t care about what B-sh once did. What matters is what is happening NOW. I get it. BUT Jewball is different. Because we don’t just talk about the past. The past is always present. That’s what I’ve seen. No one is more past than Rabin – and he was out there Wednesday night. Yakir played this year. B-sh hosted our party. Klink of the Golden Age got a baby gift as did Stella of the Dark Ages. BD hates Pray.
And in Week 12 of this 1st Year of the Enlightenment, after almost twenty years out of the Sunday game, Avi Spira played a real Jewball game. The past is the present. More to come, brother.
I’ve exhausted the appreciation angle. Let’s talk tachlis. It is a time of New Year’s resolutions and there is no resolution more abused than the resolution to get healthy and fit. But, let’s abuse it some more. Everything we want to do together here is premised on football. I admit, I’ve been a little grumpy lately on the chat. And if I dig down deep and find the root – it’s because – everything else is nice and cute – but when the chat and the extracurriculars start to feel primary and the football starts to feel secondary, it bothers me. When the injuries start piling up – it bothers me. When the football isn’t as good as it should be – it bothers me. And we can’t compensate for that with a party, a podcast, a chat storm, a baby gift, or wings. I get grumpy when it starts to feel like the football is taking a backseat. Maybe that’s just in my head. Just feels very noisy. I don’t want Jewball to become too noisy. This is my fault. I’m the commissioner. If the  noise to football ratio is out of kilter – that’s on me. We either need more football or less noise. Because I feel like the noise is distracting us from the primary purpose of Jewball. To get our asses on the field and challenge ourselves in the game of football. So, as the Jewball year turns to 2023, I urge us all to look inward and work on our football selves. Work on our noise-levels. Work on our fitness goals so that we can be on the field for a long time. So the past can be the present and the present can be the future.
Week 12 began with a request to confirm. Are we really playing tomorrow? There was even a poll. The Dachs bros were looking at the temperature dropping to below freezing and were not having it. Are we really doing this? For once, the chat was stoic. Everyone knew the Daxes were embarrassing themselves and no one wanted to touch it. Goldberg knew from experience and told them to just show up and play. And everyone did. Granted, Stats was late. He does come in from Brooklyn though, so I’ll give him a p- No, I won’t. Stats, you need to come on time. They say that coming on time and warming up prevents drops. Pray once told me that. Not sure if it’s true. I did get you your donuts, though.
It was Pray v. Dachs in the early game and the parking lot gate was locked due to it being Christmas. Thank the Jewball Gods the field was still accessible. Not for us, but for the dudes in red and green playing on the grass blasting Bon Jovi alongside a folding table set with Jack Daniels and a grill. They were awesome. That’s pure.
Yeah, it was damn cold Sunday morning, but the sun eventually peeked over the horizon and bodies started moving – and it becomes about the football again. No one ever regrets coming out (except Kill on Monday) and the mental edge you have for the rest of the day and week is priceless. Turned out the aforementioned cold-weather-weary trio of Dachs, Dax, and Goldberg went OFF in Week 12. Dachs seemed completely unaffected by the weather and was throwing dazzling passes all over the place. This man is the best QB in Jewball right now. Dax mmay have reluctantly shown up to his Bar Mitzvah, but once he did he leined, I mean played so beautifully. The guy did exactly what needs to be done in the freezing games. That is…RADIATE ENERGY. BRING THE HEAT. He did that. And Goldberg. Fucking Goldberg! Fucking Evan Goldberg! The face you want to punch. The voice you want to punch. The personality you want to punch. He has no business being this good at football. Talk about someone who has challenged themselves and came out on the other side of that crucible, just better. The guy was OUT for rain. OUT for cold. And one day he said to himself – I don’t want that to be me anymore. And it’s not him anymore. I filmed some of his exploits. He had 3 TDs and a one handed, well defended, falling down sideline catch that was beyond belief. I mean, Zinn makes those catches. Shuie makes those catches. Goldberg is supposed to be complaining about pass interference when the throw was to the complete opposite side of the field and no one is even near him. How did this guy become a stiff-arming, play-making, power ranking behemoth! Thank you for exemplifying what we want from every Jewballer, Goldberg. Limited noise. Maximum football. Jewball to you.
I’m making it seem like it was a one-sided game. It wasn’t exactly. The final was 6-5, but Pray scored 2 very late (and I think one of them even after the game was over). Zinn put up 2 just by walking on the field. But in a game where even Zinn was dropping passes, it is safe to say that Pray has become Yaron. Guys just not catching his balls. His WRs left points on the field. That is except for my man, PJs. PJs who recently made the move from BOP to Lionhearts, showed why he and Pray are very often connected in the minds of Jewballers. PJs career as a receiver was in many ways resuscitated because of Pray. Pray finds PJs. Pray trusts PJs. And PJs does not let Pray down. When no one was doing Pray any favors last Sunday, PJS kept him in the game with catch and runs that defied reason. Extremely proud of the effort PJs put in on Sunday. Good hands. Good elusive speed after the catch. And he’s becoming a very effective pass rusher. PJs gets an L on Sunday, but I think it’s a game he’s been waiting for for a long time. Way to show us what a comeback looks like.
Game 2 deserves better than I’m about to give it because…..I’m hungry. It was an excellent battle between Yaron and Perla. The randomizer nailed this one. Rook, Storm, Jordan, MK, Kut, and Rabin with Yaron. Prime, DK, E, Ross, Pray, and Tom with Perla. I recall Yaron going up 2 early and perhaps a month ago Perla’s team would have sunk their heads and given in. But we are amidst full swing White Goodman Mania here in Jewball and his teams stick with him. As Perla told him team after the early deficit: I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude… and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman. Now, Let’s do it.
Right after Jack said that “there is no way he passes to me here,” Perla hit Jack for the first of his 3 TDs on the day. I feel like Perla is the guy that just lives to defy your expectations. If I wrote in the recap that Perla is a very good quarterback, but he has trouble flying, he would drop out of the sky and land on the field the next Sunday morning, look at me with a smirk, and say “He has trouble flying…” then casually take off his parka.
White did bring his team back. Taking advantage of some major confusion by Yaron’s defense – likely due to Yaron having a tendency to be confusing. No one should ever have to ask what a defensive jet sweep is. I’ll fast forward to the very end where we have a tie game and Yaron has final possession before OT. On 4th and 23 he throws cross the field to Jordan to pull out the desperately needed 1st down. MK picked up the next first down by lowering his shoulder into Prime. And eventually it was The Rook in the endzone. On this 1st Day of Christmas The Rook gave to me 3 TDs and a partridge in a pear tree. He gets a Jewball for that. Before we say to all a good night…..
NEW RULE!
The first team to have all seven players present on the field and ready to go will get to take ball last. There is always someone late or a little late. Well, that person now takes away last licks from his team. If every player is ready to go on time – the usual rule then…flip a coin or just decide all friendly. But there is now officially a penalty for the player who comes latest.
Happy New Year, Jewball.