A busy week makes Week 1 feel like a fast-fading memory. By the time week 2 comes around, Week 1 will feel like it was from last season. So, let’s get to recapping.
We have had many monumental Week 1s. Days filled with sunshine and hope and the reuniting of friends who had not seen each other for over five months. They are always great. Symbolizing both rebirth and the continuing cycle. There is no Jewball without a chain of seasons. And there is no season without a beginning and an end. Kohelet says that ends are predicated on the beginning (though we have had plenty of seasons that started off slow and picked up steam). Well, steam has not been a problem in Jewball for a while. Nowadays – We start strong and finish strong.
This is my 21st full season. 21st opening day. I was brought to the game by Michael “Gish” Grushko in 2001. Became a regular in 2002. Commissioner in 2005. I’ve been playing Jewball almost half my life. So let’s talk about life for a second. It’s that time of year.
I could focus on the fact that we had 3 games on Opening Day; a staggeringly awesome first. That’s crazy enough. That’s a headline. But, when processing what went down, it struck me as fateful that we had 36 players participating in Week 1. Because 36 is not just any number. It’s two times chai (the Hebrew word Chai means life and the Hebrew letters that make up that word equal 18). And I am not a gematriah (numerology) guy or a superstitious guy. I am, however, an opportunist when it comes to manipulative symbolism. 18 is Chai. 18 is the number that equals life. 36 then is two times that. To venture a step further and take an additional recap writer’s liberty. 36 represents a second life.
One way to look at the concept of a second life in relation to Jewball is that it’s kind of like a shadow life. A life apart from the one we already lead. One that runs parallel, just below the surface of our “real” lives. I won’t call it a better life. But I will say it is an alternate life. Where we can be our alternate selves and achieve alternate goals. Develop connections that would never occur in our first lives.
Another way to look at it is that Jewball gives you a second dose of life. A second life force. I think both these concepts are worth considering. 36 players. A second life.
I think about this time of year with Rosh Hashanah and – I’ll be honest – as self pitying as it sounds – when I say Shma Koleinu nowadays, it hits different (as the kids say). Used to be it was all about the first two verses. Those were the ones that got all my attention and devotion. No, I’m not ancient, but when I was younger, I couldn’t relate to Al Tashlicheini L’Et Zikna, Kichlos Kocheinu al Ta’azveinu. Translated as our asking not to be abandoned in our old age and when our strength diminishes. It’s a cry to God, but I don’t think it’s talking about a spiritual abandonment. This is a plea rooted in the physical world. When I’m old here! When I’m physically weak here! So, it’s talking about something terrestrial. It’s talking about God not letting people abandon us when we are old and weak. No, I’m not there yet. Eddie is not there yet. None of us are there yet, thankfully. But there is something to Jewball being the remedy to this malady. We will all grow older and weaker (perhaps causing each other at times to be broken), but we do not abandon each other. We remain together on the field. This keeps us young. This keeps us healthy. This keeps us strong. And this keeps us together. We do not leave anyone behind. And I’ll close with this when I talk about the Draft and Leagues.
To the games:
Week 1 came in hot because Zez signed up for an appearance at QB. The Jewball legend who made Aliyah just before the Revolution and never got to fully enjoy these halcyon days, was going to be in town for a few hours before heading to Connecticut. So…obviously, he packed his gear, came to the field straight from the airport, and got a game in. Rooks….you want to be a legend? Watch and learn from the legends.
There were some insane storylines coming into Week 1. The Rookie class was in attendance (with the exception of Stats who is on the mend from Pre-Season – heal up). That meant Zinn, Dachs, Dax, and Oppen coming down and showing what they were made of. You had DK, the longtime Plus 1, attempting to show he’s a keeper -taking on Solo who has proven to be Round 1 talent. You had Ivry – the golden child from the past few seasons and reigning TD Leader pitted against Invader Zinn. Zinn looking to prove that the hype is not just hype. That Mighty is right. That he is not just flavor of the month, but someone who can light up the Jewball stage for a decade and beyond. We had the return of Whiskey, Waldo, and Sting. Battling back from injury. Then we had some of classic storylines. Would Feit bounce back? Yaron v. Pray for the first time since Red Sunday? Would MK know what time the game was? What does 3 games even look like?
It started off like any classic Jewball season. Scouting for a field and getting tossed before even being able to set up on a new one. Confusion on the chat. People being diverted and rerouted. Yaron and I at Greis watching some dude unlock a gate at 7:40am and spoil our plans of 2 fields (Sorry Daveo). All for the best. This just meant taking our chances that Old Dudes wouldn’t show up at Hewlett. And they didn’t. So – blessings and miracles do not cease – 28 Jewballers started the season at the same time with side by side games. On one field, Zez v. Feit, and on the other Yaron v. Pray.
While I did lookover a few times to see what was going on with Yaron and Pray, I was mostly focused on my game and trying not to get bulldozed by Zez. Well, he bulldozed me in 2009 and he bulldozed me in 2022. Ad meah v’esrim, brother. He started our Jewball season by going into his bag of trick (no typo) and taking off down the sideline. Despite Goldberg being charged with stopping him and Beast poised to stop him – no one got in his way – and I don’t blame them. Zez is a truck and he doesn’t give a rhymes with truck. Zez scores the first TD of the Jewball season and takes a 1-0 lead over Feit. With Solo coming after him, which would shake any mortal QB, Feit was impressively composed. He went through his progressions but got rid of the ball quick. I didn’t see the pump “fakes” which plagued him in year’s past. He moved the ball very well with Beast and Irv using the middle of the field. Beast put a hit on Zez that made me feel a lot better about all the bullying I took from Zez over the years. Not sure I’ve ever seen Zez get put on the ground. Feit soon found Irv on a cross in the endzone and zipped one in to a very tight window – Irv seeing the ball in to his grip expertly and the score was tied. Zez squandered a few opportunities to score using his tall receivers, Zinn and Waldo by putting just a bit too much air under the ball and sending the ball slightly beyond the endzone. And speaking of putting air under ball, Feit threw a bomb to Irv that stayed in the air forever. Luckily, its arc proved true and Irv tracked it down on the straightaway to score TD number 2 for him and for his team. Feit leads 2-1. Zez punched right back by driving with runs and Solo leaking out from the TE position. It was Zinn at the front of the endzone with Feit draped on his back. Zinn is on the board. We expect him and Irv competing for TD Leader the entire season (unless Zada keeps it up). A drive later, Beast made a hell of a catch running full speed and over the wrong shoulder to put Feit up 3-2. With time winding down, Zez went steamroller mode once again and created a TD purely by tucking the ball, running fast (for his age, of course) and punching people in the face along the way. Game knotted at 3. Feit had one last shot in regulation, but he missed a wide open Goldberg (or according to some Goldberg missed a wide open ball) and even with some College Rules OT….the game ended in a tie. No Jewball to be awarded.

Over in Game 1B, as we called it (and reminder to thank PJs for his phone on a swivel and getting us some footage) I caught a few glimpses and heard some cheering. I saw Zada put up a point – he had 2. I saw Pray running a fair amount but he did not have any rushing TDs. Storm caught one for Pray as well. Bottom line Pray beats Yaron 3-1 (MK being the one score for Yaron). Looks like Zada with the Jewball. Difference maker that he is.
Game 2 had some glitches. While it’s existence allowed 8 Jewballers to get a game when they otherwise would have been locked out, the quality needs to improve. As discussed on TBI, Boths are not a right. Yes, they are a privilege, but they are also an obligation. It’s an obligation to the players who are being joined by you in their one and only game. The fact is – both is easy to say and type (four letters, one syllable), hard to do. Maybe even impossible to do. And it certainly is not something most of us can do. Boths need to be reserved for players who can and will BRING IT both games. It requires conditioning, stamina, concentration and commitment. I felt for the players in Game 2. Guys jumping in and out. Guys leaving. Guys unable or unwilling to keep up. It was a shame because it was Dachs’ first game – and the players on his team were dropping everything. One guy who definitely seemed up for the challenges of Both was Pray. He gets the W, 4-2 over Dachs. Hitting Mighty, Zada (3 TDs on the day!) and Dax for scores – as well as running one in. Jewball to Pray for a dominant start to his season.
This has been long, but let’s talk Draft Party before we go. I have to start by owning up. I am never one to run around like a phony asking for mechila from everyone I meet in the days leading up to Rosh Hashana. As Dax might say, What a Scam! Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? That’s  not right sticker. Of course we should be interested in forgiveness – generally. And this time of year highlights the interest. But step 1.) Know what you are asking forgiveness for, and 2.) Once you know – ask forgiveness for that thing from the person(s) who you wronged. Have the balls to be specific. Don’t be a “If did anything to offend you….” You know what you did! Express it. That’s just general advice.
The Draft Party was a good time – it was special. It was a celebration and it needs to grow and continue. But, it got ugly toward the end. After the first 4 rounds, there was a clear tension in the air. That only increased and became more painful and distressing as time went on. Listen, I’m not too cool to say it – I love every Jewballer. And I didn’t like see guys slighted, offended, insulted, and left out of the party as the rounds got late. So I’m sorry to all Jewballers for seeing that coming and still letting it happen. It was inevitable and I should have avoided it. I know it’s too little too late, but I’m being honest and not patronizing you, there was  real real talent until the last round. Our problem is just that we couldn’t get a 5th QB (Offman!). And it’s a major problem. Because if we had a 5th QB, the party would have had no bad vibes. I know a lot of people felt bad about how it went down. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t necessary. And that’s on me. Jewball, I ask mechilah for the embarrassment I allowed Thursday night. I feel like shit about it. I know the Captains do as well. I failed them and you.  Again, cuz we really love every player, and respect every player – and I didn’t do right by us. Also, it should have been a snake 🙂
But teshuvah is not just asking for mechilah…it’s doing something about it. So here goes: League Rule number 912: Although every team only brings down 8 players per game, the Captains must give every drafted player at least one start in the regular League Season. Start just means every player is brought down for one game. They can be the 8th man, but they are brought down. I just don’t want anyone completely excluded from the Leagues experience. We can’t make such a big deal about Leagues and then entirely exclude people – especially really good players. That’s not who we are. That’s not who we want to be. We have choices in life. Let’s strive to make the right ones, even if we can’t always get them right the first time.
Jewball! Wishing us and our families a year of health, stats, stickers, quality games, quality experiences, opportunities to come through for one another, great lines, great catches, pushing ourselves, grinding through, growth, good clean routes, no bad calls, and the continued ability to be our best Jewball selves.

LEAGUE SCHEDULE:

Game 1 – 10/23/22
8am: Topguns vs. BOP
945: Lionhearts vs. Roll Tide

Game 2 – 11/20/22
8am: BOP vs. Roll Tide
945: Lionhearts vs. Topguns

Game 3 – 12/11/22
8am: Lionhearts vs. BOP
945: Topguns vs. Roll Tide

Game 4 – 1/1/23
8am: Lionhearts vs. Roll Tide
945: Topguns vs. BOP

Game 5 – 1/15/23
8am: Lionhearts vs. Topguns
945: BOP vs. Roll Tide

Game 6 – 2/12/23
8am: Topguns vs. Roll Tide
945: Lionhearts vs. BOP

WEEK 1

Game 1A
8am – 930am
HHS

Dark

Feit – QB
DK
Beast
Goldberg
Jordan
Sam
Irv

Colors

Zez – QB
Rabin
Waldo
Solo
Klink
E
Zinn

Game 1B
8am – 930am
HHS or TBD

Dark

Yaron – QB
Maor
Rook
Jack
MK
Tabak
Dobs

Colors

Pray – QB
Zada
Sting
Storm
Prime
Kut
Bert

Game 2
945am – 11:15am
HHS

Dark
Winners of Yaron v. Pray
Dax (young Dachs for now)
Whiskey

Colors
Dachs – QB
Logan
Daveo
Winners of Feit v. Zez

In Jewball, we care about our eras. When we say Silver Age it evokes images of Spira and Rabin and Kenny and Brian. In Queens. Cleating up in the parking lot off the 108th street exit, hoping guys show up to make it a solid 5 on 5. Choosing up teams. Arguing did he get me with two hands? The Golden Age conjures the ghosts of BD, Klink, Ike, and Uri as the game moved to a new land where commitment to football was only rivaled by commitment to hangovers. The Rennaisance is Mighty and Zez, PJs and Snow, where competition went to another level and quality and quantity melded delectably into a credible football experience. Jewball seemed to be at the height to its powers. But then the Dark Ages arrived. Croton spread its dark cloud grubbed tentacles across the world. Fields dried up. We wandered. With Kut, and Steveo and Daveo and Judah and Tom and O….we wandered. We gave up. We called it a TKO. We were on the mat, with a faint pulse. The Revolution came out of nowhere. Tabak and Gronk and Cronies, Yaron and the 197…..all at the same time! Singer is back. Hell, BD and Klink are back! WTF?! Spira is back?! From the light of dawn to the most brilliant sunshine. And where could we possibly go from there? Well, we go to here. We now begin the Age of the Enlightenment. What does that mean? See last year’s recap for the rundown. For now, just know you are in it. You are part of it. Bask in its incandescent glow. Soak it up and emit its aura. Radiate that ****. The Enlightenment is upon us. What does that mean to you? What do you need to do to be part of the era?
Easy. Be you. Be the best you. Play football like you mean it. Prep for football like Sunday matters. Like Bowl Games matter. Like Leagues matter. Like Jewballers matter. Like Recaps matter. Like TBI matters. It’s easy to be cynical. Everyone is cynical. Everyone has an excuse. F*ck easy. F*ck cynicism. F*ck excuses. We are enlightening beings. Let everyone else wander around in the dark scoffing at some guys who play football and take stupid risks for nothing. We can’t help those people! Let’s do us!
And we start doing us this Sunday. WEEK F***ING ONE!
Stats are live. TBI is live. Recaps are live. On Rosh HaShanah the Book will be opened and our fate sealed for the year by God. L’Havdil…..next Sunday, we open our book and we write our story. God has His book in the heavens and we can’t touch it. We have our book down here and it is on us. It is on YOU. Write. Your. Damn. Story.
Jewball loves new blood. We need new blood. Rooks are awesome. Our Rooks are especially awesome. However, when it comes to Sundays and sign ups, service time matters. I will try to get everyone a game every Sunday that they want a game. If that means 3 games on a Sunday for Jewball, it’ll be a first….but we are here for it. @⁨Zada Football⁩ will open the sign up sheet. Link will be in description. We currently have 1 8 game. And 1 945 game. Each game is an hour and a half. One game is a right. Two is a privilege (and very rare nowadays). If you sign up, you better show up. Maybe is a meaningless word. No one cares. We all have things that could come up. In means you are in the whole game. We don’t need to know that you need to leave the last 15 minutes or can be there ten minutes late. If you can’t be there the entire time, don’t sign up. No exceptions. Having 3 games will be based on seeing if we have more than 28 interested on a weekly basis. Like I said, newer guys will have to take what we give them. Vets have preference in every way. Meaning, if all the Vets need the 8am game, Rooks will only have the 945 game Option. But Vets need to show Rooks the way. Show up on time, prepared. Vets will not be given preference if they prove unreliable.
Welcome to Jewball 2022-2023. See you on the field.

Welcome back Jewballers! Hoping everyone had a productive and restful offseason and summer, and that you all have been taking care of yourselves. With the new season just a few short weeks away, below is the projected 2022-2023 season schedule. The League schedule will be released in the coming weeks.

2022-2023 SCHEDULE

9/4/22 – PRESEASON 1
9/11/22 – PRESEASON 2
9/15/22 – DRAFT PARTY
9/18/22 – WEEK 1
10/2/22 – WEEK 2
10/23/22 – WEEK 3
10/30/22 – WEEK 4
11/6/22 – WEEK 5
11/13/22 – WEEK 6
11/20/22 – WEEK 7
11/24/22 – TURKEY BOWL
11/27/22 – WEEK 8
12/4/22 – WEEK 9
12/11/22 – WEEK 10
12/18/22 – WEEK 11
12/22/22 – CHANUKAH PARTY
12/25/22 – MACCABOWL/WEEK 12
12/26/22 (MONDAY) – JESUS BOWL
1/1/23 – WEEK 13
1/2/23 (MONDAY) – 2023 BOWL
1/8/23 – WEEK 14
1/15/23 – WEEK 15
1/29/23 – WEEK 16
2/5/23 – WEEK 17
2/12/23 – WEEK 18
2/19/23 – WEEK 19/VETS ROOKS
2/26/23 – WEEK 20
3/5/23 – WEATHER MAKE UP 1
3/7/23 – PURIM PARTY
3/12/23 – WEATHER MAKE UP 2

This just happened. This is real life.

Last Saturday afternoon, I had time to kill. Amy and I walked down Hungry Harbor road in North Woodmere toward the footbridge. I was telling her about Purim by Daveo – now, just a few houses down from the bridge – and about visiting Munch to cap off the night – just a few houses further. We turned and crossed the bridge. We were actually on our way to see Yaron and his dogs when the Markfelds passed us on their way to a different friend (non-Jewball). Their plans changed. They welcomed us in to their home with such enthusiasm. Showed us their dogs and their incredible view. This is a guy who I had a Championship Game against the next day. A guy I killed on the chat all week. There is a context – one might say – where Yaron and I are enemies – or at the very least adversaries. But in the real world…I was thrilled to see him and he to see me. My wife and his wife bonded knowing their connection is powerful and permanent because of what Yaron and I have established. Seeing his kids destroy and abuse him in his own home was fun and made me wish I could share the news. We left Yaron’s house with the plan to follow Midway make our way to Branch. A few steps ahead is a frum looking family. Hair coverings and payis tucked begind the ears and lots of kids and strollers. The husband turns back for a second when he hears our footsteps behind him. 

“Hey!!! J! What are you doing here?”
My eyes light up: “Was actually just visiting my Jewballers.” 

Big smiles.

He gets it. He GETS IT!

It’s Adam Sigman (aka AdRock aka Sig) – as passionate a Jewballer as there ever was. Played in the late Renaissance and early Dark Ages. He was so into it and was such a pure animal on the field (Loganesque field etiquette) – I remember feeling bad that he missed our best days when the Renaissance was booming. Croton had begun. We were losing people and our consistency. Sig retired because of the disappointment. Twice. He became a family man. Put on the black and white. Grew payis. There is a context where we would otherwise be strangers – passing on the streets of Woodmere with a soulless Good Shabbos. But in the real world – we are bothers for life. Every time I see him. It is a lightning bolt of recognition sparking an inferno of blazing memories at our deepest core. He laments that Marino left the game and we didn’t have QBs of his caliber to step up. As if the loss was recent and sharp. He laments his physique. He comments that I am still skinny. I say you need to get back. I tell him about our great players and QBs now. That he would LOVE it. He says: Maybe I’ll come back since you have great QBs again. We pass some guy standing on his lawn in shorts and a t-shirt. Big mop of jet black hair on top. Squinting face. I hardly pay attention. Sig and I continue to reminisce about games that took place ten years earlier. Maybe more.

“Jordan?”
It’s the guy on the lawn, calling my name. I look over.

“Ike!!!”

I say to Sig, “Now, this, “ – pointing at Ike – “is a Jewball legend!”

And Ike really is. He, Klink,  Uri ,  and BD were the heart of the Golden Age. When we moved from Queens to the 5Ts….we were a bunch of Queens guys wandering in a new land trying to plant our flag and institute ourselves on foreign soil. Who were we? Nobodies. We had no claim to stake. No reputation to tout. But Joey had played softball with some of these kids…and he brought them in. And they came. They gave us credibility. They fell in love. They made it a family again. They had an edge. They played for fun. They were high as hell and they elevated us to levels we would not have imagined. That generation was the first “new” generation in my experience. It made me (and Rabin) realize that Jewball is not just OUR game, but it’s a desirable product. It’s an invaluable commodity. And there is market hungry for it. Starving for it. It was a revelatory moment in our evolution. Everything we have now emanates from that class of Far Rock kids.

I told Ike that Klink and I are playing in a Championship Game the next day. I told him if Klink is playing, he for sure can. He gives me that typical comic Ike laugh. The only thing aging him is the paunch. Kid was a rail in cargo pants back in the day. But he has the same face. Same hairline. Same glowing demeanor. He was the first to convince me to keep stats (so get on him!). He even created a spreadsheet on Excel which we called the Ike-omatic because it tallied up the stats and kept everything in neat columns. This is before Sledge made us website 1. And twelve years before Yaron made us website 2. Ike is part of the tapestry. As is Sig. As is Yaron. There is a context where Ike is someone I once knew – a long time ago – for a short period – and we have not only lost contact but are entirely indifferent to the tie that loosely binds us. A slipknot made from a tattered rope that has withered to nothing – and our encounter should be meaningless, if not awkward and clumsy. But in the real world – it is awesome and stunning. Considering how the day was going. Yaron of the Revolution, Sig of the Renaissance and Dark Ages, and Ike of the Gold Age.  Me – like a needle weaving them all together into that luminous tapestry – one to the next to the next. Ike and Sig share a few words. Try to do the math. See if they crossed over at all. Maybe they played in a game or two together. I neglected to mention that the very Marino who Sig was praising a few moments earlier is married to Ike’s sister. I invite Ike back. He says add me to the thing (by “thing” he meant chat I am sure). I will. Maybe we will see him again. We live in the time of fulfilled Jewball miracles. We will get to those soon.
I wonder what my wife was thinking as we buzzed through town, pollinating Jewball flowers – quite by accident –refreshing and revitalizing the growth of long ago sewn seeds. So much history that doesn’t feel like history at all. I feel like I’m on the field with Ike and Sig every time I am on the field. I really do. Because we are all bringing our pasts into the game. The people we played with. We learn something from every one, don’t we? Our games are creations in the aggregate. Who has taught us up until this point? Who will teach us next?

A day earlier I was on the phone with Legs, who has taught me a lot. Really. A lot. Both on and off the field. Our Man of the Year. He has a way of being incidentally wise. We were talking about Purim and I was telling him how great it was to celebrate with Jewball and how – by my simple gesture of inviting the guys over – it made my Purim more special and meaningful than it had been in a long time. I guess I expressed my surprise how impactful it was for me to see the guys come out. His response (of course with a doofy knowing laugh) “Jordan, of course it was great. These guys are your friends! I don’t understand” (He says “I don’t understand” a lot, but he understand everything.). This is a guy who took me into his family dynamic when I was alone in LA, making sure I had a proper Shabbos. When I kept thanking him and thanking him for the favor….he stopped me, and again – the same theme – trying to drive it home: “Jordan,  when are you gonna get it? We are friends.”

I’ll tell you why I don’t get it, Legs. Because there was a time – and for a long time – when Jewball was just a Sunday morning world. A great world built by great Jewballers; a world apart that had all the life-affirming rigors of kinship and competition – but it was relegated to its box. It was compartmentalized into an untouchable space and conscientiously kept secluded and apart. It was sacred, but it was not the real world. I once saw Dorothy in Mike’s Burgers and it was….weird. Jewballers were not supposed to exist outside of a patch of grass behind Woodmere Middle School. We weren’t supposed to see them in suits or yarmulkes. If I would have gone to a Jewballer’s kid’s bris – it would have been: Whoa, why is that guy from Sunday morning football here? Creepy. Did I leave something on the field? 
We shared the game we love. We were Jewballers and that meant something. For sure it did. But that’s where it was supposed to remain. That was the mandated limit as agreed between the parties. This is the code. This is the way. We did not share our lives. We were not actual friends. 

The Revolution started to change that. I’m not sure why or how. I’m not sure why we started relying on each other more – in more profound, complex ways. Expecting more. Being more comfortable with stepping over the lines and boundaries between Jewball and real life. Certainly, it has a lot to do with the kinds of guys that were coming in. Zez – for one stand out – has a tremendous heart. He made it feel like a family. He inherently doesn’t see the lines and allows you to ignore them as well. Maybe I changed. Maybe as I aged I became more sentimental and emotional and it started a chain reaction. One thing I am sure of is that this season changed us forever. It was building up for a few years, but it was cemented this past year. We are now something new. Something that permeates every aspect of our lives (depending on how interested you are in such things). Sharing occasions off the field is as natural as catching a pass on a Sunday morning. Sharing holidays. Celebrating marriages and births and whatever occasions Mighty has to leave for in the middle of a playoff game. Supporting each other when we are scared about what fate has thrown our way. Using our talents and skills and connections to provide a safety net to those who need it. It’s remarkable. We have graduated into something that is beyond where we were even a few short seasons ago. The Revolution was a phenomenal success. The most qualitative and quantitatively successful era Jewball has ever known. But at some point this season we crossed over to another era. One that pushes through a barrier we – for a time – believed to be not only impenetrable, but necessary. The walls between Jewball and the real world were made for a reason! They protect it, we convinced ourselves. They keep it safe! We bought into that premise. We don’t buy into it anymore. The Revolution is over. Long live The Enlightenment. 
This is the first time we KNOW that a season being over is not goodbye. It’s not, see you next fall. There is a loss, for sure. The football is our lifeblood. We would die without it. But, The Enlightenment is an era that recognizes and embraces that Jewball has SO MUCH more to offer – and that is okay! Not only is it okay, but it’s been our destiny all along. We just didn’t know it. 

And we are just getting started. We are only first accepting this new version of reality. Who knows where it can go?

I don’t need to point out all the benefits of being enlightened. Chanukah, Purim (even our canceled parties are great!), Softball, Sumer BBQ, TBI, Draft Party, Friday kiddush, the myriad of storylines that don’t even register for the entire group (like my Shabbos in LA). There is so much to look forward to. But today is also a day to look back. As I always say and will always say – no matter how enlightened I may get….

Jewball requires good, gritty football. Requires skilled and committed players. I think we have been extremely blessed. We always had the best people. Now the best people are also the best football players we have ever had. There were some lulls in the action this season. A lot of distasteful and unsatisfying ties. But the games were generally very good. I think. They feel like a blur right now. Spira coming back for the Bowl Games is an impossible dream realized. The addition of our EXCEPTIONAL Rookie Class gave us all so much pride (Bert, Ernie, Rook, and Waldo – Thank you!). Vets Rooks could make me cry if I dwell on it. I’m so proud to have battled with my Vets, but the Rookies wanted it so badly and their desire to win was and is so inspiring. 

Leagues can improve. We all know it. And they will. Feit will draft better as he knows the players better. We will have the League Schedule less spread out. We will have the playoffs in the middle of the season (like the All Star Break) so that players are not so broken for ‘em. We will just do what we always do, which is strive to be better and have things make as much sense as possible, Daveo notwithstanding. 

The League Playoffs, which were not recapped, were memorable, but Red Sunday, yimach shmo v’zichro, happened. Was a bit of a mess. In the end, Gronk beat Yaron in a rather boring Championship game and Maor took MVP. You know all this. We live in the post-TBI era. Recaps have become a bit antiquated and obsolete. 
In that final contest it was Gronk’s team – The Cronies, over Singer’s team – The Lionhearts, for the victory. Which brings us to a different contest. 

I have to go back to what we talked about earlier. And I have to get maybe as real as I get in these recaps (I have a bit more license to do so in the Season finale). I do not have a savior complex. This is not a cult. I am not a cult leader. I may have always had a sort of paternal attitude toward my Jewballers ever since I became Commissioner. And I’m sure that inclination only increased as I got older and some of the guys got younger. Listen, I don’t know the details and I’m no yenta. I don’t know what goes on in people’s lives. But I can tell when someone is a bit lost and is looking for an outstretched arm. For a lifeline of sorts. I saw that at one point with Gronk. And I saw that at one point with Singer. I reached out but I didn’t know if either would reach back. All I can offer is Jewball. And whatever goes along with it. The distraction. The support system. Gronk, I thought maybe – but he is always on his own trip – he is tough to read. Singer – I would have sworn it was a futile effort. I never gave up on him outwardly. But I gave up on him because I didn’t believe he knew who I was and who we were.

Singer was MVP’s boy. That’s how I knew him. That’s how I met him. I think Oren told Snow that there was this game called Jewball and Snow figured he could bring his Croton crew in pre-Croton-season and warm them up. He’d beat up on some Jewballers, get his timing down, run some plays – and move on. We were desperate. We said: Thank you, sir. May I have another. Singer was one of those brutes MVP brought down. Picture Singer ten years younger, ten inches slimmer, and I honestly think he was five inches taller back then. He was mesmerizing. I remember one time at LHS (grass) I made a really nice catch reaching up blindly at full speed and Singer said “nice catch” and it was like a celebrity crush had acknowledged my existence. Truly never thought he would play without Snow. I hoped, but it was unrealistic. A few years later, when Jewball was knee deep in darkness, I saw him in North Woodmere Park playing with a Croton team and I was walking by and he gave me a big greeting. I was like…This guy remembers me? And he’s like “I’m coming back!” Big Singer smile. I was like, sure you are. You don’t even know who I am.
Then I would see him over the years. Every time: I’m coming back. And he was in worse and worse shape each time I saw him. So my hopes of playing with Singer went from slim to none (no pun intended). He would always email me (was email back then) when I was counting up heads for the new season about his desire to play and comeback. I did my best to encourage him – still wondering if he knew exactly who I was. I knew him, of course. I knew what he could be. But I didn’t think he cared about Jewball. Because his connection to us was so ancient and tenuous. 

And then all of a sudden – like a resurrection – he was back. 

He flipped a switch and decided to change his life. Trying to regain his old form. Like a miracle. But he was not back like he was the first time. Not a part timer. Not someone just using us to get ready for something else. But as a regular. A committed, observant and proud Jewballer. And it changed everything. It changed everything. 
Gronk changed everything too. He joined us a few years before Singer reconnected. Also a guy that I couldn’t be sure his intentions. Were we a one night stand? Was he looking for a long term relationship? He was a kid. His brother was a former Jewballer who had actually ushered in the Dark Ages by starting Degel, which was in direct competition with us. His demeanor was sullen and aloof, but his talent was tantalizing. He seemed to get and appreciate what we were trying to build. I noticed that. It meant he had potential to stick. And stick he did. After a few seasons of good ball and great chat performances, he set Jewball on fire this year. His reluctant effort at QB embarrassed a trio of guys who take their craft very seriously. He won a lot and made it look easy. He was unstoppable. He walks away with a League Championship after a brilliant draft night and equally genius comprehension of the dynamics of offense and defense.  He speaks volumes in the huddle with his eyes, smirk, and the same two words. It was one of the honors of my life to play for him and The Cronies. Gronk, I could go on. I really could – and maybe one day I will – but this is about Singer. You made it a hell of a decision, but Singer is the MVP of this Jewball Season. 

Singer, you are the Jewball MVP and it has been a long time coming. You have been waiting in line and watching other people take what you believed was yours. That drive is why you are back. That drive is why you went from out of shape to first round draft pick and MVP. I don’t know why – I really don’t – because you came in with the MVP Mercenaries – but you always loved Jewball. You trusted in me before it was fashionable. You said you would be back enough times until it went from fantasy to promise to reality. There is a reason teams you are on consistently win. You do everything well, but with such humility. Now that I know you better – now that we are friends 

 – I understand why you “noticed” me way back when. Because you are celebrity to everyone around you except yourself. You see yourself as a soldier, but everyone sees you as a leader. You play with the fearlessness and effervescence of a child, but you know this is the business of men.  You are an inspiration to every Jewballer. I am sure of it. On and off the field. Bro! You flew in for Vets Rooks and played your heart out!!! If that isn’t the embodiment of a Jewball MVP, then the award has no meaning. Singer, my Veteran brother (first true Vet to win it in many years), my friend, my inspiration to keep going and to fight the voices inside that say a decline is inevitable – to give in – it is my utmost privilege to name you our MVP for the 2021-22 Season. 

Here is the part where I am I usually so emotionally fragile that I crumble and lose my shit as I attempt to type some final words about exercise and diet and seeing you in five months. But this is The Enlightenment. We no longer depart or take hiatuses or reconvene. We are caught in an eternal cyclone – and we spin around in it voluntarily. We participate actively in each other’s lives – and that’s not weird. It’s okay. It’s good. 
Life is hard and confusing enough. It’s an often arbitrary bitch that picks on us for no apparent reason. It does not ALLOW us to take a break. So we cannot. Jewball cannot have breaks. We stand united 24/7/365 – for as long as we draw beath. Even as one season ends and we prepare for a new one. We will miss the football. But we will not miss Jewball. Because Jewball – in the age of Enlightenment – has become as real as life itself.

Congratulations to the Cronies for winning the Jewball League 2021-2022 Championships!

Cronies defeated the Lionhearts 5-2, with Maor scoring 2 TD’s and taking home the Finals MVP honors.

Cronies 6 – FCFT 3

Twas at the dawn of the sun on that auspicious day. Thine families gathered within their broods preparing for the epic battles which were destined to be waged that fateful morn. Thus the hot eye of heaven doth shine unto the clear fields of Lawrence, thine fields both lined up in unison.  Thine Cronies vs thine Feit Club and Lionhearts vs BOPeth. Twas unknown how bloody the battles would become and how many bodies would be left on the field on what will forever be known as Red Sunday.

Tis a tale of great glory between the Cronies and Feit Club. Thine Cronies were barely able to scramble a team together in what was the first tragedy of the day, Logan, we’d later find out was having a most painful stomach virus. (picture the bathroom scene from dumb and dumber) Gronk, Solo, Munch, Klink, Maor, Jordon and Waldo on one side, facing Feit, O, Kut, Storm, Vegh, MK, Rabin and Rook. There was a lot of talk going into the game, would Feit Club finally come together as a team? Would Munch and Solo continue to wreak havoc on the QB’s? Would Maor actually show up? How high would Klink be? Would Vegh get any passes from Feit?

Right from the start, it was clear that people were amped. As if the bloodlines were filled with flagons of heavy wine flowing strongly, beating like a thunderous rain, through the cold veins. Cronies scored early with a long Gronk pass over the top to Solo, catching the FCFT with their pants down. 1-0. In a quick and methodical response, Feit marched back down the field and with a beauty of a pass over the defense, MK makes the first of his ridiculous diving catches. 1-1. In a string of solid defensive plays, FCFT gets a pick but fails to score on the ensuing drive. Cronies make a few plays but then try and go for it on 4th and short and fail to pick up the first. Feit uses the opportunity to go up 2-1 with a deep pass to speeding Rook. (let’s give credit to the kid who showed up week in and week out, not knowing if he’d even be playing. He will forever be known as Rook but he will go a long way if he keeps bringing that fire and passion) It would be the last time FCFT would have the lead. In what could have been a game changing play, Gronk lobs one up and it hits Feit smack in the chest, only to bounce away, along with hopes and dreams of Feit Club.  In the next drive, Gronk once again hits an open, leaking Solo who takes it 70 yards before being brought down. A well-drawn play by Gronk has Waldo speeding across the middle of the end zone and makes a great catch. 2-2. It is a great battle at the line between the top lineman in the league Munch and Solo vs Kut and O, it lives up to the hype. Each down would be hard fought and would dictate what would happen in the rest of the play. Solo finally learned to pull a flag and got 1 sack on the day. Munch would have a lot of pressures and end with two sacks on the day. Kut managed to find his way to one sack and O had his share of pressures on Gronk. Gronk managed to create another scoring opportunity and took the lead for good, going up 3-2. Feit club was able to get a few drives together but couldn’t get down the field. The game was close, each play, each set of downs would be important, each catch and each drop would be integral to a win or loss. On a 3rd and long, Gronk is feeling the pressure of the rush and somehow throws a laser over the defense for a back shoulder pass to a streaking Waldo, who makes the catch and manages to hold on as he goes down hard into the sideline. (Gotta give credit to Bentzi, it’s great to see a guy develop and improve right in front of you. End of last season and beginning of this season, his hands weren’t there. He was quick, had height, but couldn’t pull the ball down. But, like rook, he put effort in, he stayed after games to practice and learn from guys like Yaron, Ivry, Feit, and Jordan. He worked on himself, and we are now seeing the fruits of his labor. MVP of vets/rooks, and a great game on Sunday.) Well as we said, he went down hard. His shoulder was hurting, but he tried to get back into the game for the next play. No bueno. This time the pain was too great, he tried to come back, but it was too late. This led to a conundrum on the Cronies, they were down to 6 players with no subs available. Unless…. “Hey Steve-O, you only have one hand, but can you at least pretend to play?” “Hey Goldberg, you’ve been standing on the sideline yapping away for an hour, you wanna get in?” ultimately, it was Steve-O who would sacrifice his body and Shalom bayis for the love of the game. (He magically had his cleats with him, so that tells you something.) After getting Goldberg to tie his laces, (seriously, guy had only one usable hand.) Steve-O joined his Cronies. No Gronk, you can’t put him on the line and hope that we’ll feel bad attacking him. On that same set Gronk finds a leaking Solo once again who manages to stiff arm his way to the end zone for another TD. 4-2. Feit takes the ball on the 5 and puts together a couple short plays. 4th and long, have to go for it, MK comes into the huddle and says, “give me a back shoulder at the marker.” Feit draws up a play and manages to throw a bullet to MK who makes another incredible diving, back shoulder catch at the first down marker. Building on that momentum, Feit marches down the field and ends the set with a pass and great catch by Rabin for a TD. 4-3. Gronk gets the ball back and wisely calls run play after run play to eat up the clock and with heavy pressure coming after him, escapes the sack and throws another TD. 5-3. What would be the final score of the game. Feit club had a chance to make it a closer game. A great ball to Vegh with a tackle/flag pull by a one-handed Steve-O gets them to mid field. Another beauty of a lob looked like it was going to land right in the hands of Vegh streaking down the left sideline, only to be picked off by Gronk, who reached out at the last second to end the drive and the hopes of a FCFT win.

Jewball is tough here, and since the season is technically over, is there even a Jewball to be awarded? I’m open for discussion, but I think it has to go to Solo, guy was amped, body literally shaking with the pre-workout he chugged before the game. He had 2 TD’s, 1 sack, lots of pressure and countless plays. His stiffarm is deadly and he’s very difficult to bring down.

The game was truly a hard-fought battle, both teams played well. Feit Club had its chances, but just couldn’t pull through. They needed to play a perfect game, but alas, twas not. There were injuries on both sides, Feit had a badly bruised knee, Waldo’s got a fractured shoulder, Kut’s got a sprained finger, Solo could only do half a workout, and everyone who played is in just general soreness and exhaustion from leaving everything on the field.

This however doesn’t compare to what was happening in the BOP vs. lionhearts game…..

Lionhearts 3 – BOP 2 (5OT)

A PJ’s Dazed and Confused Perspective!

The postseason In every sport presents itself with the best teams from the regular season. In Jewball, while everyone makes it, that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be there. Every Jewballer plays with heart and soul. We embody our leader J, and the leaders before him. Sunday which will be given the name “Bloody Sunday” or “Red Sunday”, for so much that occurred on the field, will be a day that Jewballers will be speaking about for another decade. This recap will focus on the Lionhearts vs the defending champions, Birds of Pray, aka BOP. This is also the championship rematch of Yaron vs Pray. However this time Dobs will be on Yarons side after Yaron snatched him in the 6th round of the draft. More on Dobs later.

These two teams match up so well on paper and the regular season provided the same evidence. BOP won the first game of the season 2-1 and they tied
2-2 in the fourth game. Although, LH were never at full strength for those games, BOP was 1-0-1 against them and Pray has had the edge on Yaron in league games since it’s inception. Yaron has yet to beat Pray in the league. The # 2 seed Lionhearts are led by their QB Yaron and he lines up with Singer, who was voted by his peers as the MVP of the season, Ivry (TD leader), Jack, Zada, Dobs (MIP of the season), Beast, Big E (late scratch sort of!), and Sam. #3 Birds of Pray are led by their QB, Pray who lines up with his first round weapon and the co-TD leader and possibly the most dynamic Jewballer for the last 12 years in Mighty, Prime his bestie and most reliable stiff arm, Legs the killer( more on that!), Salem, Dave-O, PJ’s, and Eddie. Tom who was lost for the season was very missed! These two teams know each other and you knew this would be a battle for all 90 minutes… cough cough, 3 hours!

Pray starts with the ball but goes 3 and out after some short yardage plays to Mighty. Yaron gets the ball and BOP defense knew they needed to play at their best. And they did. Yaron gives it right back. Pray goes back to short game but it doesn’t work. Yaron gets the ball back and starts getting some throws to Ivry and they get the games first, first down. But they eventually give it back. Pray starts moving the ball and it starting to work but he’s got a 3rd down at the 50 and launches it deep but is picked off by Zada at 20 yard line. Yaron begins another drive with getting the ball to Zada for yards. Then find Jack over the middle but Dave-O thinks he has a INT, Jack holds on but is tripped and hits his head on the ground. Jack didn’t look good. We helped him off the field but his day was done. Yaron’s troops were worried about Jack but it was 8:40 and they needed a win. Yaron finds the man who took him down in the championship last year in Dobs for the first score of the game. PJ’s is pumped up and Pray can sense it. He finds PJ’s open down the sideline for a big 35 yard reception and a first down. The next play Pray runs for a 30 yard TD to tie the game.

LH would get the ball back but this time Dobs is coming off the field and enter in Big E(shh his wife can’t know!!) in his regular clothes. LH were down to 6 players and he stepped up. Dobs and Jack on the bench. Yaron stalled on his next drive. BOP gets the ball back and are trying to take the lead until Sam calls Pray for being over the line in the first controversial call of the game. BOP gives the ball back. Yaron and LH just cant sustain drives. BOP knows they have one Mighty drive left until the siddur play. Pray has wanted to hit Mighty deep all year and he finally connects! 2-1 BOP and it’s 9:15. Mighty Walks off the field assuming the championship is in sight next week. BOP is down to 7 players. Dobs back in the game, Big E gone as well. Kudos to E, he was sick and found a way into the game to help his team. Yaron knows he needs to tie. So he finds a weakness in the defense and hits Singer for 40 yards and gets great field position. Yaron is positioned to tie. He gets a few short yardage plays to get another first and now it’s first and goal. On first down he runs it to get close to the 10. Second down Eddie calls Yaron over the line which is a very questionable call and it’s a loss of down. And he can no longer run. 3rd down he finds Ivry who can’t hold on in a tight pocket throw. 4th down, game on the line, the ball is going to Singer. Singer makes a PI call just before the ball hits off singer and Prays hands and falls incomplete. Everyone is confused. Singer never makes a call and if he does it means it’s legit. A call is made and must be respected even If BOP doesn’t agree. LH get another chance and Ivry one on one with Salem makes a nice Catch to score. Game is tied. Both teams get one last chance to score but BOP fails to do much. Lionhearts are now driving to win the game. This is where things get crazy. Yaron hits Singer for a big first down. Then Yaron takes one himself and PJ’s tracks Yaron before the first down marker but Legs who is trailing Yaron collides with his teammate head to head both players are on the ground and laying on the next field. Legs appears to have gotten hurt as well but PJ’s holding Yarons flag in his hand. Pj’s is hurt and is concussed, but he tells everyone that he is ok when he is clearly not. First down and goal. Yaron throws to beast who drops it. Second down Yaron is sacked by Legs. Third down Ivry calls PI on Prime but prime argues that Ivry was out of bounds. LH get another 3rd down. Yaron goes deep to Ivry, who beats pray and drops the game winner. Tough catch to make over Pray but it’s down to a 4th down play again. Yaron once again will target Singer but Pray once again is their to stop it.

First Jewball playoff overtime. BOP gets the last licks and Yaron starts with the ball at his own 5. He throws a screen to singer and he gets some yards. On second down Yaron rolls out and looks deep but Legs hits the ball as he throws it. It’s a helicopter in the air and Pray the leader in INT’s picks it off. Pray runs it back to the 18 yard line and BOP with a chance to walk off and win the game. However, on the run back, Beast took a shot and hurt his shoulder really bad. He had to leave the game. Klink comes into the game and on first down grabs a nice flag on a QB run. 2nd down Pray hits a screen to Prime and they get down to the 7 yard line. 3rd down, Pray rolls and finds a wide open Salem who can’t hold on Because he thought he might go out of bounds. Salem is a great dude and he brings so much to Jewball and BOP, but it’s not on him, yes he should know the out of bounds marker, but just like it wouldn’t have been on Ivry if LH lost. BOP would have another chance.

But at the same time of the drop, a collision happens and it’s a scary one. It involves this author and prime, yes teammates. The video is weird to watch. I lost a good 10 minutes of my life. I’m told that I was out cold for 4 minutes but I only remember being in ambulance and feeling all confused. I should’ve left the game after the Legs collision for the sake of my family. But dammit you Jewball fam, thank you for calling Hatzhalah and 911 and ensuring that my life and safety were in the right hands. I’m thankful to all of you for the photos but mostly by informing my wife of my condition. Yes a part of me wishes I had woken up on my own. But I had given BOP everything I could as I promised. My health and safety needed to come first. I was told Prime took a good shot as well. Luckily he was ok to continue….

But why?? Why didn’t anyone stop this madness?  More on this for TBI! It’s 10:30 and Legs needs to leave and ambulances take PJ’s off for what might possibly be his last game! BOP needs 2 players and Rabin and Jordan come in. Sam needed to leave and LH got a replacement as well. We finally resume play and on 4th down Yaron and Singer bottle up prime at the 1 and the continuation of Overtime happens. I will not go into this back and forth in OT. These were not the same teams or players who started. But In college overtime #4 and at 11 am, Dobs came down with the game winner a 15 yard TD from Yaron. Dobs is the MVP of the game. Played hurt and applied pressure on Pray all game. 2 TD’s and the game winner!Yaron made the right draft pick and Dobs rewarded him!

This was a rough one to win for the Lionhearts in terms of the injuries and the rosters and it’s not how they drew it up. injuries and people leaving will diminish the battle between these two teams. Both Yaron and Pray did everything they could do to get their teams the W, Some feel a rematch should happen… But Lionhearts get the W and they earned it!! They will do battle with the Cronies at a TDB time for the chip….stay tuned to Kut’s recap on that game!

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