Week 3 – Jewball League Game 1 – Recap

There is no quicker Recap drafted than after a tough loss where the Recap writer embarrassed himself. I’m lucky I get this form of catharsis. Write it up, get it out, turn the page. As a player, yesterday was a day I would like to forget. A humiliating costly drop being only the epitome of a rough day for my new team. We have what to fix. I’ll get to that more objectively in the recap of games below – and I’m sure TBI will give the topic a reasoned and thoughtful analysis. But, for this intro – I’ll speak as a Commissioner. For those who are new….The whole “In J We Trust” shtick is of recent vintage. Was made up a few years ago. I don’t know why. I believe it started when I said something stupid that made no sense. Or maybe when I said let’s try Lawrence High School and no one was there. Whatever the case, it’s not some ancient Jewball mantra. It’s just a shtick for the past few years. 95% sure it means the complete opposite of what it states. May it soon be buried and forgotten.
You absolutely don’t need to trust me. Or blindly listen to me. Or even respect me. I think you see that lack of trust, adherence, and respect on a weekly basis. And that’s fine. I’m always gonna be a Jewballer first. A commissioner is a necessary evil. At the same time, I’m trying to do right by….everyone. Literally, everyone. Of course we all are charmed by talent. Who wouldn’t want to keep a great player in the fold? But I would as soon tell a great player to F off as a weak one. I don’t care if you are rich or poor. Moving to North Woodmere or escaping it. I don’t care if you are a rabbi, or a monk, or get wasted every night. I just want good football. I have known and believed that good football is the only way to sustain Jewball. You can talk about the events and the feel-good stuff all you want. It’s important. It’s nice. But it’s emptiness if not backed by athletes committed to excelling at the game itself. The Dark Ages happened because our football got weak. It is my job primarily to make sure we have high quality football and only after that to keep everyone connected and happy and feeling good vibes.
And that’s not easy. Jewball is thriving today – not because of me – but because of mazal. Dumb luck that occurred here and there over the years. At every turn when the light might otherwise fade, a spark jumped from the dying embers and burned just long enough to ignite a torch and then the next torch, which would be carried by a future era of Jewball. And here we are – a blazing inferno. As massive a conflagration as we have ever seen. And it’s not perfect. But it’s undeniably and awesomely bright.
Why am I saying this? Because of Leagues. The very valid argument which is not lost on me is….This isn’t Jewball. Well, let me drop some enlightenment in our age of Enlightenment. Jewball has a vaguely construed definition. When we went from touch to flag, I was told that it’s not Jewball. Or from grass to turf. Or from one first down at the 50, to 2 first downs, then 3. I know what we are at our core. I know we are a tribe that shows up for the love of the game. There is no financial benefit or fame. There is a comradery, for sure, but so much of the journey is personal. It’s you getting out of bed when it’s cold and creeping out of the house in the dark holding cleats. It’s you in the gym, putting in the work, not wanting to let your team down on Sunday. It’s you running back to the toilet for the 3rd time and deciding whether to message the chat that you might be late. It’s you, coming home hurt and explaining to family and co-workers that you got injured playing football. And them wonder if you are twelve. Guys, we take real risks. We take real risks….for real rewards. That’s right. Real rewards. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Leagues is our best football. And if the aim of Jewball is to have great football, then Leagues has to be right. It fulfills the criteria of my Objective 1 beyond any doubt. It struggles somewhat with Objective 2. For now. For that, I can only apologize (again) and say….hang in there. We are going to get this even more right this year, and surely next.
Damn. Top Guns. Damn. My team came off the draft night with all the headlines and hype. The construction of a team featuring Mighty, Singer, Jack, and Munch proved that the draft order was flawed! I looked like a Draft snake by not conducting a snake draft. But Prime said it early and often – The games are played on the field. Chats, like the media, like commissioners, are a necessary evil. They serve a purpose, but the beauty of sports and our game of course….is…….you got to earn it. No one is crowned on draft night. Seasons are long. Plot twists proliferate. And expectations are havel havelim.
Top Guns sure looked good out the gate. First play of the season, Munch breaks free from the TE position and gets deep into the secondary. Feit unloads as perfect a pass as you will see, and Munch keeps the focus and makes a nice catch in full stride – TG is up 1 very quickly. Jack cashes in with an extra point and things just look very easy and breezy for Feit and company. The TG defense also came in as advertised. With Gronk in for Pray, BOP had a different look. A less mobile QB for sure. A QB who doesn’t kill you with the big play. But, man….Gronk….he can break you down like no one else. He moved the ball on TG but his first drive did not result in a score. Feit, on the other hand, looked unstoppable with his new arsenal of toys. Another deep ball for another score, this time to Jack. Although the extra point was not successful, TG was up 13-0 within the first 25 minutes of the game. It looked like a blow out in the making. What happened next was TG failed to score again for the rest of the game. What happened next was Gronk put up 4 scores. How? Why? Because these are some damn good teams. And these are some serious competitors. I can break down the plays and explain that if Jordan didn’t drop a TD, or Jack embraced contact a bit more, or Singer wasn’t hurt, or Munch wasn’t hurt, or Feit wasn’t at corner….sure…I could do that, but I’ll make it about two things: 1.) BOP wanted it more. It’s a cliché. Maybe some of you are rolling your eyes. But, if you don’t think a mental edge matters, in EVERYTHING – and certainly sports – good luck succeeding in life. TG came in expecting to win. That’s not the same as wanting to win. Top Gun is a quiet, introspective, somewhat aloof, somewhat cerebral, professional, veteran team. That will win you games. BOP were a bunch of hungry wolves let out the cage. And that can make up for a lot. 2.) Gronk also makes up for a lot. I’ve seen him to do it nearly every time he plays. Same play. Same play. Same play. We made it a joke, but it’s genius. It translates as…..I see the weakness in their defense….so why would I do anything else ever but exploit that weakness every single time. If the other teams adjusts, I’ll find the new weakness and exploit that. Did you watch PJ’s stream of that game? Gronk throws to anyone that is open. Every player is part of the offense. Tabak, Goldberg, Steveo, Prime, Solo…all making big plays. Impressive win, BOP. Jewball has to go to Gronk. He took his team back from the brink. TG is too talented a team to go the way of FCFT of last year, but they need to become a team. The two teams that won yesterday were the two that were most cohesive and most passionate about winning and winning together.
Although I did not stay until the very end of Game 2 – Lionhearts v. Roll Tide – I saw enough to know that it was the most well executed Jewball game I have ever seen. I’m not saying it was the best game, although it was an excellent watch. I wish I was less depressed and took out my phone to record. I know we pat ourselves on the back for having “stacked” games, loaded with talent – and we do and have….but to see it actually come together and the talent to shine under a spotlight…was remarkable. Let’s start with Yaron. Holy Trashbags! I mean, it’s safe to say he will completely fall apart when it matters most at the end of the season, but the guy was MASTERFUL yesterday. His offense being run was really like watching Lincoln Center choreography unfold under fireworks. Grace and speed and agility, blended and unified and synergized. Oh…and hard hitting…and brutal….and fu**ing vicious. Zada said to me before the game, “You talk about killers….watch these guys….” I said, “For real?” He just smiled. Lionhearts were worked up into a frenzy. I don’t know what kind of leadership that took. Or whether each players is self-motivated. Or whether Yaron injected them all with Monster Energy in the parking lot. I can go down the list. Zada, we know is a Beast. Beast is literally named Beast. Sting is a baaaaaad man. Irv is like a ballet dancer mack truck. DK and O were the hounds of hell. And Storm…..Storm was Flame On wire to wire with a some God of Thunder mixed in. If these guys can maintain that energy throughout the season, they are gonna be the team to beat. Of course, that’s the whole trick. Yankees, Mets, Dodgers, Braves….all bounced early from MLB playoffs. The lesson is obvious. It’s not who is the hottest for the longest, but who is there at the end. For our Leagues, it remains to be seen. Roll Tide got beat by a nearly flawless LH performance, but just barely. They were down 2 scores when I left, but they came back. They lost by 1 in the end. I mean, I’ve gone on and on about how dominant LH looked, but RT is scary as bricks. I talked before about the value of cohesion. These guys are coming in pre-assembled. Dachs, Dax, Zinn, Oppen…they’ve played together. Stats is on the way. Legs will be back and he can mesh with anyone as long as they allow him freedom to run recklessly into the fray. Dachs has also very quickly found a chemistry with Waldo, Whiskey, and Rook. As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of so many phenomenal throws and catches between the QBs in Game 2 and their receivers. Truly an electric game. Yaron, I’ve never seen you better, but Jewball to Sting. The grit and heart to come back from injury. To come back from being more forgotten than Salem. To come back from a game that hardly knew you and had no reason to believe in you – and show that you are as money as they come. That you want make an impact here, with us. I don’t know how many TDs you scored or if you scored any, but I saw some catches that were knock outs, man. Welcome back with a vengeance. Honorable mention to Storm. He definitely put up some points, but he can sleep well at night counting his stats.
I know not everyone is included in League Games, but the best of us – the real ones, as they say, get it. That great football is what makes Jewball go. And if you appreciate good football and love Jewball, you will support Leagues, even if it is forcing you to swallow some pride along with a bitter pill. To that end, PJs, Klink, E, and Daveo….you guys coming out to be a part of it – you are the real Jewballers. You have every right (and obligation!) to criticize me and call me out – but you guys showed up. And that’s why Jewball works and will survive. It’s not from the super talented guys who can leap in the air and spin and catch with one hand and land and race for TDs that Jewball is sustained. You never know. Someone like that can be here today and gone tomorrow. It’s from the guys that appreciate what we are and what we are trying to build. If they are super talented, all the better. But those types of Jewballers are the sparks that scream out of the fire. That’s how our torches are lit. That’s who carries them into our glowing future.

Week 2 – Recap

With a League Week days away and Week 2 eons behind us, the Recap is a formality – but in Jewball we make sure to respect the formalities when possible. Not only it is a long time ago, but the one game I played in (of the three played) was apparently finished after I left – and my team got the W (I had left in a tie). So Week 2 feels like a stranger; a foreign entity. That said, here we go:
The big storyline was the Return of Gronk. While being sensitive to a sensitive situation, none of us knew what that would look like – or feel like. And I think our Jewballness prevailed in that it both felt right and the same. On the field, we can break things down into their rawest elements. On the field, we are just playing the game to the best of our ability. Trying to make a play. Trying not to get too badly hurt. Trying to get the W. Nothing more. And no one gets the W with more proficiency than Gronk. And writing this Recap late allows me to know that Gronk will be debuting for BOP this coming Sunday at QB, which allows me to talk about Pray. Pray got hurt – machlokes whether playing football or building a sukkah. Pray had surgery and needs rest and rehab. These are painful facts that we can’t change. It sucks for us. It’s devastating for him. Jewball without Pray is like Guns N Roses without Axl. Call it whatever you want – it’s not the same thing. So we need him back. And he will be back. No one is gonna fight to get back on the field more fiercely than Pray. Heal up, brother.
The consolation is that the Jewball Gods looked out for us, and on the day Pray went down, Perla got in touch with Yaron. Like a prayer answered. Hey, I moved to the 5 Towns……looking to get back into football. And so he did. He has played 3 times already, I believe. Definitely 2. And he’s looked good. Shaking some of the rust off, but commands a huddle and can get the ball to his open receivers. He also has the intangibles of a gamer. He cares about winning. So, welcome to Jewball, Brooklyn.
What do I remember from Week 2? Was that the one with the marching band? I don’t know….let me check the stats…
Okay, so I remember now. Oppen came late and we were killing him for it, but turned out he was in a car accident on the way to the game. He made it a bit late, but awesome that he made it. Game 1A was Pray v. Gronk and it was a good back and forth one. I remember Held (who calls himself Playmaka) getting revved up at the line. I remember Sting playing very well. Tough and fast. I remember Gronk finding Vegh open a lot. I think this was the game where Solo left in the middle to tape up his ankle. I think Munch subbed in for both teams…which reminds me now of what happened in Game 2 so we can get to that. I remember Rook making some nice grabs. I remember I sucked and felt like s— after the game. Probably Prime bullied me. I dropped a TD laser from Gronk that he managed to get off and it emerged from the chaos of the line like a missile launched from a fog. That ruined my day. When I left at the end of regulation and a College Rule set each….it was tied. I was told we won after that. Better than losing.
Game 1B was my second Bin/Zinn experiment but I think Bin QBed the whole time. It did not go well. Randomizer had some trouble in Week 2. I had a month to tweek it, so I expect better results from it in Week 4.  Yaron trounces Rabin 5-1. Invader had only TD for Bin. Angry Mighty picked up 2 more scores.
Game 2 had some controversy. In a game where Dachs defeated Yaron 6-3, I was told the teams were one-sided. I was also told that Munch played defense for Dachs. I’ll just make 2 points. 1.) On Sign up weeks….if you want to play….sign up by Thursday night. I know, we all don’t know what our lives will be like Sunday morning. Anything can happen. We can take that for granted. But don’t let the unpredictability of life paralyze you. There are people who never make plans because they always want to “wait and see.” There are people who never do anything because they are always waiting to see if they can. If they time. If things will work out. Jewball is a few hours on a Sunday morning. Jump on in. Take the plunge and make it work. We have over 30 people committed each Sunday. We can’t wait on guys. We have no reason to. Sign up Tues—Thursday. Teams are posted Friday. Don’t put it on me to find you a spot or move people around after that. 2.) Once teams are posted, those are the teams. When you get to the field, even if people finished Game 1, even if people are standing on the sidelines who did not get in a game….it is not your place to make a rotation or give away your spot. If we have an injury, or someone leaves in an emergency….awesome that there are guys on the sidelines who can keep the game going with even numbers. But short of you being unable to play, if you are there….stay in the game. The teams have 7 players. Jewball is two ways. You play offense and defense. Even if you suck at both. There is no player option to sit for a set. And certainly not to sit for a side of the game. Jewball is not Croton. It is not Degel. It is Jewball and we play the Jewball way. Every player, plays both ways, for 90 minutes. We look down on breaks. If that’s not for you, that’s not for you. Decide if you want to make it for you. Which brings me to….teams are made to work based on the above. If you take someone like Munch and invite him to play for you – and you are not Munch  – your team just got a lot better. And that’s not fair. The teams were randomly constructed to be random. Official Munch is not part of the formula.
Jewball to Gronk for Game 1A. To Mighty for Game 1B. To Rook for Game 2.
Leagues on Sunday! Hope to see everyone there. It’s a holiday! Even if you are not playing, come on out. Will be some great battles on the field.

Week 1 – Recap

A busy week makes Week 1 feel like a fast-fading memory. By the time week 2 comes around, Week 1 will feel like it was from last season. So, let’s get to recapping.
We have had many monumental Week 1s. Days filled with sunshine and hope and the reuniting of friends who had not seen each other for over five months. They are always great. Symbolizing both rebirth and the continuing cycle. There is no Jewball without a chain of seasons. And there is no season without a beginning and an end. Kohelet says that ends are predicated on the beginning (though we have had plenty of seasons that started off slow and picked up steam). Well, steam has not been a problem in Jewball for a while. Nowadays – We start strong and finish strong.
This is my 21st full season. 21st opening day. I was brought to the game by Michael “Gish” Grushko in 2001. Became a regular in 2002. Commissioner in 2005. I’ve been playing Jewball almost half my life. So let’s talk about life for a second. It’s that time of year.
I could focus on the fact that we had 3 games on Opening Day; a staggeringly awesome first. That’s crazy enough. That’s a headline. But, when processing what went down, it struck me as fateful that we had 36 players participating in Week 1. Because 36 is not just any number. It’s two times chai (the Hebrew word Chai means life and the Hebrew letters that make up that word equal 18). And I am not a gematriah (numerology) guy or a superstitious guy. I am, however, an opportunist when it comes to manipulative symbolism. 18 is Chai. 18 is the number that equals life. 36 then is two times that. To venture a step further and take an additional recap writer’s liberty. 36 represents a second life.
One way to look at the concept of a second life in relation to Jewball is that it’s kind of like a shadow life. A life apart from the one we already lead. One that runs parallel, just below the surface of our “real” lives. I won’t call it a better life. But I will say it is an alternate life. Where we can be our alternate selves and achieve alternate goals. Develop connections that would never occur in our first lives.
Another way to look at it is that Jewball gives you a second dose of life. A second life force. I think both these concepts are worth considering. 36 players. A second life.
I think about this time of year with Rosh Hashanah and – I’ll be honest – as self pitying as it sounds – when I say Shma Koleinu nowadays, it hits different (as the kids say). Used to be it was all about the first two verses. Those were the ones that got all my attention and devotion. No, I’m not ancient, but when I was younger, I couldn’t relate to Al Tashlicheini L’Et Zikna, Kichlos Kocheinu al Ta’azveinu. Translated as our asking not to be abandoned in our old age and when our strength diminishes. It’s a cry to God, but I don’t think it’s talking about a spiritual abandonment. This is a plea rooted in the physical world. When I’m old here! When I’m physically weak here! So, it’s talking about something terrestrial. It’s talking about God not letting people abandon us when we are old and weak. No, I’m not there yet. Eddie is not there yet. None of us are there yet, thankfully. But there is something to Jewball being the remedy to this malady. We will all grow older and weaker (perhaps causing each other at times to be broken), but we do not abandon each other. We remain together on the field. This keeps us young. This keeps us healthy. This keeps us strong. And this keeps us together. We do not leave anyone behind. And I’ll close with this when I talk about the Draft and Leagues.
To the games:
Week 1 came in hot because Zez signed up for an appearance at QB. The Jewball legend who made Aliyah just before the Revolution and never got to fully enjoy these halcyon days, was going to be in town for a few hours before heading to Connecticut. So…obviously, he packed his gear, came to the field straight from the airport, and got a game in. Rooks….you want to be a legend? Watch and learn from the legends.
There were some insane storylines coming into Week 1. The Rookie class was in attendance (with the exception of Stats who is on the mend from Pre-Season – heal up). That meant Zinn, Dachs, Dax, and Oppen coming down and showing what they were made of. You had DK, the longtime Plus 1, attempting to show he’s a keeper -taking on Solo who has proven to be Round 1 talent. You had Ivry – the golden child from the past few seasons and reigning TD Leader pitted against Invader Zinn. Zinn looking to prove that the hype is not just hype. That Mighty is right. That he is not just flavor of the month, but someone who can light up the Jewball stage for a decade and beyond. We had the return of Whiskey, Waldo, and Sting. Battling back from injury. Then we had some of classic storylines. Would Feit bounce back? Yaron v. Pray for the first time since Red Sunday? Would MK know what time the game was? What does 3 games even look like?
It started off like any classic Jewball season. Scouting for a field and getting tossed before even being able to set up on a new one. Confusion on the chat. People being diverted and rerouted. Yaron and I at Greis watching some dude unlock a gate at 7:40am and spoil our plans of 2 fields (Sorry Daveo). All for the best. This just meant taking our chances that Old Dudes wouldn’t show up at Hewlett. And they didn’t. So – blessings and miracles do not cease – 28 Jewballers started the season at the same time with side by side games. On one field, Zez v. Feit, and on the other Yaron v. Pray.
While I did lookover a few times to see what was going on with Yaron and Pray, I was mostly focused on my game and trying not to get bulldozed by Zez. Well, he bulldozed me in 2009 and he bulldozed me in 2022. Ad meah v’esrim, brother. He started our Jewball season by going into his bag of trick (no typo) and taking off down the sideline. Despite Goldberg being charged with stopping him and Beast poised to stop him – no one got in his way – and I don’t blame them. Zez is a truck and he doesn’t give a rhymes with truck. Zez scores the first TD of the Jewball season and takes a 1-0 lead over Feit. With Solo coming after him, which would shake any mortal QB, Feit was impressively composed. He went through his progressions but got rid of the ball quick. I didn’t see the pump “fakes” which plagued him in year’s past. He moved the ball very well with Beast and Irv using the middle of the field. Beast put a hit on Zez that made me feel a lot better about all the bullying I took from Zez over the years. Not sure I’ve ever seen Zez get put on the ground. Feit soon found Irv on a cross in the endzone and zipped one in to a very tight window – Irv seeing the ball in to his grip expertly and the score was tied. Zez squandered a few opportunities to score using his tall receivers, Zinn and Waldo by putting just a bit too much air under the ball and sending the ball slightly beyond the endzone. And speaking of putting air under ball, Feit threw a bomb to Irv that stayed in the air forever. Luckily, its arc proved true and Irv tracked it down on the straightaway to score TD number 2 for him and for his team. Feit leads 2-1. Zez punched right back by driving with runs and Solo leaking out from the TE position. It was Zinn at the front of the endzone with Feit draped on his back. Zinn is on the board. We expect him and Irv competing for TD Leader the entire season (unless Zada keeps it up). A drive later, Beast made a hell of a catch running full speed and over the wrong shoulder to put Feit up 3-2. With time winding down, Zez went steamroller mode once again and created a TD purely by tucking the ball, running fast (for his age, of course) and punching people in the face along the way. Game knotted at 3. Feit had one last shot in regulation, but he missed a wide open Goldberg (or according to some Goldberg missed a wide open ball) and even with some College Rules OT….the game ended in a tie. No Jewball to be awarded.

Over in Game 1B, as we called it (and reminder to thank PJs for his phone on a swivel and getting us some footage) I caught a few glimpses and heard some cheering. I saw Zada put up a point – he had 2. I saw Pray running a fair amount but he did not have any rushing TDs. Storm caught one for Pray as well. Bottom line Pray beats Yaron 3-1 (MK being the one score for Yaron). Looks like Zada with the Jewball. Difference maker that he is.
Game 2 had some glitches. While it’s existence allowed 8 Jewballers to get a game when they otherwise would have been locked out, the quality needs to improve. As discussed on TBI, Boths are not a right. Yes, they are a privilege, but they are also an obligation. It’s an obligation to the players who are being joined by you in their one and only game. The fact is – both is easy to say and type (four letters, one syllable), hard to do. Maybe even impossible to do. And it certainly is not something most of us can do. Boths need to be reserved for players who can and will BRING IT both games. It requires conditioning, stamina, concentration and commitment. I felt for the players in Game 2. Guys jumping in and out. Guys leaving. Guys unable or unwilling to keep up. It was a shame because it was Dachs’ first game – and the players on his team were dropping everything. One guy who definitely seemed up for the challenges of Both was Pray. He gets the W, 4-2 over Dachs. Hitting Mighty, Zada (3 TDs on the day!) and Dax for scores – as well as running one in. Jewball to Pray for a dominant start to his season.
This has been long, but let’s talk Draft Party before we go. I have to start by owning up. I am never one to run around like a phony asking for mechila from everyone I meet in the days leading up to Rosh Hashana. As Dax might say, What a Scam! Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? That’s  not right sticker. Of course we should be interested in forgiveness – generally. And this time of year highlights the interest. But step 1.) Know what you are asking forgiveness for, and 2.) Once you know – ask forgiveness for that thing from the person(s) who you wronged. Have the balls to be specific. Don’t be a “If did anything to offend you….” You know what you did! Express it. That’s just general advice.
The Draft Party was a good time – it was special. It was a celebration and it needs to grow and continue. But, it got ugly toward the end. After the first 4 rounds, there was a clear tension in the air. That only increased and became more painful and distressing as time went on. Listen, I’m not too cool to say it – I love every Jewballer. And I didn’t like see guys slighted, offended, insulted, and left out of the party as the rounds got late. So I’m sorry to all Jewballers for seeing that coming and still letting it happen. It was inevitable and I should have avoided it. I know it’s too little too late, but I’m being honest and not patronizing you, there was  real real talent until the last round. Our problem is just that we couldn’t get a 5th QB (Offman!). And it’s a major problem. Because if we had a 5th QB, the party would have had no bad vibes. I know a lot of people felt bad about how it went down. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t necessary. And that’s on me. Jewball, I ask mechilah for the embarrassment I allowed Thursday night. I feel like shit about it. I know the Captains do as well. I failed them and you.  Again, cuz we really love every player, and respect every player – and I didn’t do right by us. Also, it should have been a snake 🙂
But teshuvah is not just asking for mechilah…it’s doing something about it. So here goes: League Rule number 912: Although every team only brings down 8 players per game, the Captains must give every drafted player at least one start in the regular League Season. Start just means every player is brought down for one game. They can be the 8th man, but they are brought down. I just don’t want anyone completely excluded from the Leagues experience. We can’t make such a big deal about Leagues and then entirely exclude people – especially really good players. That’s not who we are. That’s not who we want to be. We have choices in life. Let’s strive to make the right ones, even if we can’t always get them right the first time.
Jewball! Wishing us and our families a year of health, stats, stickers, quality games, quality experiences, opportunities to come through for one another, great lines, great catches, pushing ourselves, grinding through, growth, good clean routes, no bad calls, and the continued ability to be our best Jewball selves.

2022-2023 JEWBALL LEAGUE SCHEDULE

LEAGUE SCHEDULE:

Game 1 – 10/23/22
8am: Topguns vs. BOP
945: Lionhearts vs. Roll Tide

Game 2 – 11/20/22
8am: BOP vs. Roll Tide
945: Lionhearts vs. Topguns

Game 3 – 12/11/22
8am: Lionhearts vs. BOP
945: Topguns vs. Roll Tide

Game 4 – 1/1/23
8am: Lionhearts vs. Roll Tide
945: Topguns vs. BOP

Game 5 – 1/15/23
8am: Lionhearts vs. Topguns
945: BOP vs. Roll Tide

Game 6 – 2/12/23
8am: Topguns vs. Roll Tide
945: Lionhearts vs. BOP

Week 1 Rosters

WEEK 1

Game 1A
8am – 930am
HHS

Dark

Feit – QB
DK
Beast
Goldberg
Jordan
Sam
Irv

Colors

Zez – QB
Rabin
Waldo
Solo
Klink
E
Zinn

Game 1B
8am – 930am
HHS or TBD

Dark

Yaron – QB
Maor
Rook
Jack
MK
Tabak
Dobs

Colors

Pray – QB
Zada
Sting
Storm
Prime
Kut
Bert

Game 2
945am – 11:15am
HHS

Dark
Winners of Yaron v. Pray
Dax (young Dachs for now)
Whiskey

Colors
Dachs – QB
Logan
Daveo
Winners of Feit v. Zez

WELCOME 2022-2023 SEASON!!

In Jewball, we care about our eras. When we say Silver Age it evokes images of Spira and Rabin and Kenny and Brian. In Queens. Cleating up in the parking lot off the 108th street exit, hoping guys show up to make it a solid 5 on 5. Choosing up teams. Arguing did he get me with two hands? The Golden Age conjures the ghosts of BD, Klink, Ike, and Uri as the game moved to a new land where commitment to football was only rivaled by commitment to hangovers. The Rennaisance is Mighty and Zez, PJs and Snow, where competition went to another level and quality and quantity melded delectably into a credible football experience. Jewball seemed to be at the height to its powers. But then the Dark Ages arrived. Croton spread its dark cloud grubbed tentacles across the world. Fields dried up. We wandered. With Kut, and Steveo and Daveo and Judah and Tom and O….we wandered. We gave up. We called it a TKO. We were on the mat, with a faint pulse. The Revolution came out of nowhere. Tabak and Gronk and Cronies, Yaron and the 197…..all at the same time! Singer is back. Hell, BD and Klink are back! WTF?! Spira is back?! From the light of dawn to the most brilliant sunshine. And where could we possibly go from there? Well, we go to here. We now begin the Age of the Enlightenment. What does that mean? See last year’s recap for the rundown. For now, just know you are in it. You are part of it. Bask in its incandescent glow. Soak it up and emit its aura. Radiate that ****. The Enlightenment is upon us. What does that mean to you? What do you need to do to be part of the era?
Easy. Be you. Be the best you. Play football like you mean it. Prep for football like Sunday matters. Like Bowl Games matter. Like Leagues matter. Like Jewballers matter. Like Recaps matter. Like TBI matters. It’s easy to be cynical. Everyone is cynical. Everyone has an excuse. F*ck easy. F*ck cynicism. F*ck excuses. We are enlightening beings. Let everyone else wander around in the dark scoffing at some guys who play football and take stupid risks for nothing. We can’t help those people! Let’s do us!
And we start doing us this Sunday. WEEK F***ING ONE!
Stats are live. TBI is live. Recaps are live. On Rosh HaShanah the Book will be opened and our fate sealed for the year by God. L’Havdil…..next Sunday, we open our book and we write our story. God has His book in the heavens and we can’t touch it. We have our book down here and it is on us. It is on YOU. Write. Your. Damn. Story.
Jewball loves new blood. We need new blood. Rooks are awesome. Our Rooks are especially awesome. However, when it comes to Sundays and sign ups, service time matters. I will try to get everyone a game every Sunday that they want a game. If that means 3 games on a Sunday for Jewball, it’ll be a first….but we are here for it. @⁨Zada Football⁩ will open the sign up sheet. Link will be in description. We currently have 1 8 game. And 1 945 game. Each game is an hour and a half. One game is a right. Two is a privilege (and very rare nowadays). If you sign up, you better show up. Maybe is a meaningless word. No one cares. We all have things that could come up. In means you are in the whole game. We don’t need to know that you need to leave the last 15 minutes or can be there ten minutes late. If you can’t be there the entire time, don’t sign up. No exceptions. Having 3 games will be based on seeing if we have more than 28 interested on a weekly basis. Like I said, newer guys will have to take what we give them. Vets have preference in every way. Meaning, if all the Vets need the 8am game, Rooks will only have the 945 game Option. But Vets need to show Rooks the way. Show up on time, prepared. Vets will not be given preference if they prove unreliable.
Welcome to Jewball 2022-2023. See you on the field.

Jewball 2022-2023 Season Schedule

Welcome back Jewballers! Hoping everyone had a productive and restful offseason and summer, and that you all have been taking care of yourselves. With the new season just a few short weeks away, below is the projected 2022-2023 season schedule. The League schedule will be released in the coming weeks.

2022-2023 SCHEDULE

9/4/22 – PRESEASON 1
9/11/22 – PRESEASON 2
9/15/22 – DRAFT PARTY
9/18/22 – WEEK 1
10/2/22 – WEEK 2
10/23/22 – WEEK 3
10/30/22 – WEEK 4
11/6/22 – WEEK 5
11/13/22 – WEEK 6
11/20/22 – WEEK 7
11/24/22 – TURKEY BOWL
11/27/22 – WEEK 8
12/4/22 – WEEK 9
12/11/22 – WEEK 10
12/18/22 – WEEK 11
12/22/22 – CHANUKAH PARTY
12/25/22 – MACCABOWL/WEEK 12
12/26/22 (MONDAY) – JESUS BOWL
1/1/23 – WEEK 13
1/2/23 (MONDAY) – 2023 BOWL
1/8/23 – WEEK 14
1/15/23 – WEEK 15
1/29/23 – WEEK 16
2/5/23 – WEEK 17
2/12/23 – WEEK 18
2/19/23 – WEEK 19/VETS ROOKS
2/26/23 – WEEK 20
3/5/23 – WEATHER MAKE UP 1
3/7/23 – PURIM PARTY
3/12/23 – WEATHER MAKE UP 2

JEWBALL ’21-’22 – SEASON RECAP

This just happened. This is real life.

Last Saturday afternoon, I had time to kill. Amy and I walked down Hungry Harbor road in North Woodmere toward the footbridge. I was telling her about Purim by Daveo – now, just a few houses down from the bridge – and about visiting Munch to cap off the night – just a few houses further. We turned and crossed the bridge. We were actually on our way to see Yaron and his dogs when the Markfelds passed us on their way to a different friend (non-Jewball). Their plans changed. They welcomed us in to their home with such enthusiasm. Showed us their dogs and their incredible view. This is a guy who I had a Championship Game against the next day. A guy I killed on the chat all week. There is a context – one might say – where Yaron and I are enemies – or at the very least adversaries. But in the real world…I was thrilled to see him and he to see me. My wife and his wife bonded knowing their connection is powerful and permanent because of what Yaron and I have established. Seeing his kids destroy and abuse him in his own home was fun and made me wish I could share the news. We left Yaron’s house with the plan to follow Midway make our way to Branch. A few steps ahead is a frum looking family. Hair coverings and payis tucked begind the ears and lots of kids and strollers. The husband turns back for a second when he hears our footsteps behind him. 

“Hey!!! J! What are you doing here?”
My eyes light up: “Was actually just visiting my Jewballers.” 

Big smiles.

He gets it. He GETS IT!

It’s Adam Sigman (aka AdRock aka Sig) – as passionate a Jewballer as there ever was. Played in the late Renaissance and early Dark Ages. He was so into it and was such a pure animal on the field (Loganesque field etiquette) – I remember feeling bad that he missed our best days when the Renaissance was booming. Croton had begun. We were losing people and our consistency. Sig retired because of the disappointment. Twice. He became a family man. Put on the black and white. Grew payis. There is a context where we would otherwise be strangers – passing on the streets of Woodmere with a soulless Good Shabbos. But in the real world – we are bothers for life. Every time I see him. It is a lightning bolt of recognition sparking an inferno of blazing memories at our deepest core. He laments that Marino left the game and we didn’t have QBs of his caliber to step up. As if the loss was recent and sharp. He laments his physique. He comments that I am still skinny. I say you need to get back. I tell him about our great players and QBs now. That he would LOVE it. He says: Maybe I’ll come back since you have great QBs again. We pass some guy standing on his lawn in shorts and a t-shirt. Big mop of jet black hair on top. Squinting face. I hardly pay attention. Sig and I continue to reminisce about games that took place ten years earlier. Maybe more.

“Jordan?”
It’s the guy on the lawn, calling my name. I look over.

“Ike!!!”

I say to Sig, “Now, this, “ – pointing at Ike – “is a Jewball legend!”

And Ike really is. He, Klink,  Uri ,  and BD were the heart of the Golden Age. When we moved from Queens to the 5Ts….we were a bunch of Queens guys wandering in a new land trying to plant our flag and institute ourselves on foreign soil. Who were we? Nobodies. We had no claim to stake. No reputation to tout. But Joey had played softball with some of these kids…and he brought them in. And they came. They gave us credibility. They fell in love. They made it a family again. They had an edge. They played for fun. They were high as hell and they elevated us to levels we would not have imagined. That generation was the first “new” generation in my experience. It made me (and Rabin) realize that Jewball is not just OUR game, but it’s a desirable product. It’s an invaluable commodity. And there is market hungry for it. Starving for it. It was a revelatory moment in our evolution. Everything we have now emanates from that class of Far Rock kids.

I told Ike that Klink and I are playing in a Championship Game the next day. I told him if Klink is playing, he for sure can. He gives me that typical comic Ike laugh. The only thing aging him is the paunch. Kid was a rail in cargo pants back in the day. But he has the same face. Same hairline. Same glowing demeanor. He was the first to convince me to keep stats (so get on him!). He even created a spreadsheet on Excel which we called the Ike-omatic because it tallied up the stats and kept everything in neat columns. This is before Sledge made us website 1. And twelve years before Yaron made us website 2. Ike is part of the tapestry. As is Sig. As is Yaron. There is a context where Ike is someone I once knew – a long time ago – for a short period – and we have not only lost contact but are entirely indifferent to the tie that loosely binds us. A slipknot made from a tattered rope that has withered to nothing – and our encounter should be meaningless, if not awkward and clumsy. But in the real world – it is awesome and stunning. Considering how the day was going. Yaron of the Revolution, Sig of the Renaissance and Dark Ages, and Ike of the Gold Age.  Me – like a needle weaving them all together into that luminous tapestry – one to the next to the next. Ike and Sig share a few words. Try to do the math. See if they crossed over at all. Maybe they played in a game or two together. I neglected to mention that the very Marino who Sig was praising a few moments earlier is married to Ike’s sister. I invite Ike back. He says add me to the thing (by “thing” he meant chat I am sure). I will. Maybe we will see him again. We live in the time of fulfilled Jewball miracles. We will get to those soon.
I wonder what my wife was thinking as we buzzed through town, pollinating Jewball flowers – quite by accident –refreshing and revitalizing the growth of long ago sewn seeds. So much history that doesn’t feel like history at all. I feel like I’m on the field with Ike and Sig every time I am on the field. I really do. Because we are all bringing our pasts into the game. The people we played with. We learn something from every one, don’t we? Our games are creations in the aggregate. Who has taught us up until this point? Who will teach us next?

A day earlier I was on the phone with Legs, who has taught me a lot. Really. A lot. Both on and off the field. Our Man of the Year. He has a way of being incidentally wise. We were talking about Purim and I was telling him how great it was to celebrate with Jewball and how – by my simple gesture of inviting the guys over – it made my Purim more special and meaningful than it had been in a long time. I guess I expressed my surprise how impactful it was for me to see the guys come out. His response (of course with a doofy knowing laugh) “Jordan, of course it was great. These guys are your friends! I don’t understand” (He says “I don’t understand” a lot, but he understand everything.). This is a guy who took me into his family dynamic when I was alone in LA, making sure I had a proper Shabbos. When I kept thanking him and thanking him for the favor….he stopped me, and again – the same theme – trying to drive it home: “Jordan,  when are you gonna get it? We are friends.”

I’ll tell you why I don’t get it, Legs. Because there was a time – and for a long time – when Jewball was just a Sunday morning world. A great world built by great Jewballers; a world apart that had all the life-affirming rigors of kinship and competition – but it was relegated to its box. It was compartmentalized into an untouchable space and conscientiously kept secluded and apart. It was sacred, but it was not the real world. I once saw Dorothy in Mike’s Burgers and it was….weird. Jewballers were not supposed to exist outside of a patch of grass behind Woodmere Middle School. We weren’t supposed to see them in suits or yarmulkes. If I would have gone to a Jewballer’s kid’s bris – it would have been: Whoa, why is that guy from Sunday morning football here? Creepy. Did I leave something on the field? 
We shared the game we love. We were Jewballers and that meant something. For sure it did. But that’s where it was supposed to remain. That was the mandated limit as agreed between the parties. This is the code. This is the way. We did not share our lives. We were not actual friends. 

The Revolution started to change that. I’m not sure why or how. I’m not sure why we started relying on each other more – in more profound, complex ways. Expecting more. Being more comfortable with stepping over the lines and boundaries between Jewball and real life. Certainly, it has a lot to do with the kinds of guys that were coming in. Zez – for one stand out – has a tremendous heart. He made it feel like a family. He inherently doesn’t see the lines and allows you to ignore them as well. Maybe I changed. Maybe as I aged I became more sentimental and emotional and it started a chain reaction. One thing I am sure of is that this season changed us forever. It was building up for a few years, but it was cemented this past year. We are now something new. Something that permeates every aspect of our lives (depending on how interested you are in such things). Sharing occasions off the field is as natural as catching a pass on a Sunday morning. Sharing holidays. Celebrating marriages and births and whatever occasions Mighty has to leave for in the middle of a playoff game. Supporting each other when we are scared about what fate has thrown our way. Using our talents and skills and connections to provide a safety net to those who need it. It’s remarkable. We have graduated into something that is beyond where we were even a few short seasons ago. The Revolution was a phenomenal success. The most qualitative and quantitatively successful era Jewball has ever known. But at some point this season we crossed over to another era. One that pushes through a barrier we – for a time – believed to be not only impenetrable, but necessary. The walls between Jewball and the real world were made for a reason! They protect it, we convinced ourselves. They keep it safe! We bought into that premise. We don’t buy into it anymore. The Revolution is over. Long live The Enlightenment. 
This is the first time we KNOW that a season being over is not goodbye. It’s not, see you next fall. There is a loss, for sure. The football is our lifeblood. We would die without it. But, The Enlightenment is an era that recognizes and embraces that Jewball has SO MUCH more to offer – and that is okay! Not only is it okay, but it’s been our destiny all along. We just didn’t know it. 

And we are just getting started. We are only first accepting this new version of reality. Who knows where it can go?

I don’t need to point out all the benefits of being enlightened. Chanukah, Purim (even our canceled parties are great!), Softball, Sumer BBQ, TBI, Draft Party, Friday kiddush, the myriad of storylines that don’t even register for the entire group (like my Shabbos in LA). There is so much to look forward to. But today is also a day to look back. As I always say and will always say – no matter how enlightened I may get….

Jewball requires good, gritty football. Requires skilled and committed players. I think we have been extremely blessed. We always had the best people. Now the best people are also the best football players we have ever had. There were some lulls in the action this season. A lot of distasteful and unsatisfying ties. But the games were generally very good. I think. They feel like a blur right now. Spira coming back for the Bowl Games is an impossible dream realized. The addition of our EXCEPTIONAL Rookie Class gave us all so much pride (Bert, Ernie, Rook, and Waldo – Thank you!). Vets Rooks could make me cry if I dwell on it. I’m so proud to have battled with my Vets, but the Rookies wanted it so badly and their desire to win was and is so inspiring. 

Leagues can improve. We all know it. And they will. Feit will draft better as he knows the players better. We will have the League Schedule less spread out. We will have the playoffs in the middle of the season (like the All Star Break) so that players are not so broken for ‘em. We will just do what we always do, which is strive to be better and have things make as much sense as possible, Daveo notwithstanding. 

The League Playoffs, which were not recapped, were memorable, but Red Sunday, yimach shmo v’zichro, happened. Was a bit of a mess. In the end, Gronk beat Yaron in a rather boring Championship game and Maor took MVP. You know all this. We live in the post-TBI era. Recaps have become a bit antiquated and obsolete. 
In that final contest it was Gronk’s team – The Cronies, over Singer’s team – The Lionhearts, for the victory. Which brings us to a different contest. 

I have to go back to what we talked about earlier. And I have to get maybe as real as I get in these recaps (I have a bit more license to do so in the Season finale). I do not have a savior complex. This is not a cult. I am not a cult leader. I may have always had a sort of paternal attitude toward my Jewballers ever since I became Commissioner. And I’m sure that inclination only increased as I got older and some of the guys got younger. Listen, I don’t know the details and I’m no yenta. I don’t know what goes on in people’s lives. But I can tell when someone is a bit lost and is looking for an outstretched arm. For a lifeline of sorts. I saw that at one point with Gronk. And I saw that at one point with Singer. I reached out but I didn’t know if either would reach back. All I can offer is Jewball. And whatever goes along with it. The distraction. The support system. Gronk, I thought maybe – but he is always on his own trip – he is tough to read. Singer – I would have sworn it was a futile effort. I never gave up on him outwardly. But I gave up on him because I didn’t believe he knew who I was and who we were.

Singer was MVP’s boy. That’s how I knew him. That’s how I met him. I think Oren told Snow that there was this game called Jewball and Snow figured he could bring his Croton crew in pre-Croton-season and warm them up. He’d beat up on some Jewballers, get his timing down, run some plays – and move on. We were desperate. We said: Thank you, sir. May I have another. Singer was one of those brutes MVP brought down. Picture Singer ten years younger, ten inches slimmer, and I honestly think he was five inches taller back then. He was mesmerizing. I remember one time at LHS (grass) I made a really nice catch reaching up blindly at full speed and Singer said “nice catch” and it was like a celebrity crush had acknowledged my existence. Truly never thought he would play without Snow. I hoped, but it was unrealistic. A few years later, when Jewball was knee deep in darkness, I saw him in North Woodmere Park playing with a Croton team and I was walking by and he gave me a big greeting. I was like…This guy remembers me? And he’s like “I’m coming back!” Big Singer smile. I was like, sure you are. You don’t even know who I am.
Then I would see him over the years. Every time: I’m coming back. And he was in worse and worse shape each time I saw him. So my hopes of playing with Singer went from slim to none (no pun intended). He would always email me (was email back then) when I was counting up heads for the new season about his desire to play and comeback. I did my best to encourage him – still wondering if he knew exactly who I was. I knew him, of course. I knew what he could be. But I didn’t think he cared about Jewball. Because his connection to us was so ancient and tenuous. 

And then all of a sudden – like a resurrection – he was back. 

He flipped a switch and decided to change his life. Trying to regain his old form. Like a miracle. But he was not back like he was the first time. Not a part timer. Not someone just using us to get ready for something else. But as a regular. A committed, observant and proud Jewballer. And it changed everything. It changed everything. 
Gronk changed everything too. He joined us a few years before Singer reconnected. Also a guy that I couldn’t be sure his intentions. Were we a one night stand? Was he looking for a long term relationship? He was a kid. His brother was a former Jewballer who had actually ushered in the Dark Ages by starting Degel, which was in direct competition with us. His demeanor was sullen and aloof, but his talent was tantalizing. He seemed to get and appreciate what we were trying to build. I noticed that. It meant he had potential to stick. And stick he did. After a few seasons of good ball and great chat performances, he set Jewball on fire this year. His reluctant effort at QB embarrassed a trio of guys who take their craft very seriously. He won a lot and made it look easy. He was unstoppable. He walks away with a League Championship after a brilliant draft night and equally genius comprehension of the dynamics of offense and defense.  He speaks volumes in the huddle with his eyes, smirk, and the same two words. It was one of the honors of my life to play for him and The Cronies. Gronk, I could go on. I really could – and maybe one day I will – but this is about Singer. You made it a hell of a decision, but Singer is the MVP of this Jewball Season. 

Singer, you are the Jewball MVP and it has been a long time coming. You have been waiting in line and watching other people take what you believed was yours. That drive is why you are back. That drive is why you went from out of shape to first round draft pick and MVP. I don’t know why – I really don’t – because you came in with the MVP Mercenaries – but you always loved Jewball. You trusted in me before it was fashionable. You said you would be back enough times until it went from fantasy to promise to reality. There is a reason teams you are on consistently win. You do everything well, but with such humility. Now that I know you better – now that we are friends 

😏

 – I understand why you “noticed” me way back when. Because you are celebrity to everyone around you except yourself. You see yourself as a soldier, but everyone sees you as a leader. You play with the fearlessness and effervescence of a child, but you know this is the business of men.  You are an inspiration to every Jewballer. I am sure of it. On and off the field. Bro! You flew in for Vets Rooks and played your heart out!!! If that isn’t the embodiment of a Jewball MVP, then the award has no meaning. Singer, my Veteran brother (first true Vet to win it in many years), my friend, my inspiration to keep going and to fight the voices inside that say a decline is inevitable – to give in – it is my utmost privilege to name you our MVP for the 2021-22 Season. 

Here is the part where I am I usually so emotionally fragile that I crumble and lose my shit as I attempt to type some final words about exercise and diet and seeing you in five months. But this is The Enlightenment. We no longer depart or take hiatuses or reconvene. We are caught in an eternal cyclone – and we spin around in it voluntarily. We participate actively in each other’s lives – and that’s not weird. It’s okay. It’s good. 
Life is hard and confusing enough. It’s an often arbitrary bitch that picks on us for no apparent reason. It does not ALLOW us to take a break. So we cannot. Jewball cannot have breaks. We stand united 24/7/365 – for as long as we draw beath. Even as one season ends and we prepare for a new one. We will miss the football. But we will not miss Jewball. Because Jewball – in the age of Enlightenment – has become as real as life itself.