I woke up today at 630am after a long loud night. The old city got shut down due to mass crowds for slichos. So much honking outside. My son got caught in a sea of people and couldn’t get back to school (allegedly). Not sure what he would have done if he didnt have a parents’ apartment. Maybe a wandering night, sneaking into a hotel room, or sleeping under a table in a hotel conference room (Ive done both). Bleary eyed, I checked my phone even though I told myself to wait until after davening…as seems proper….but I guess I have what to work on. Honestly, I have a wall up. I realize that. I look at the pics, see the names, the faces – and I know Im supposed to be there. My brain tells me I took those pics. Or Im in them. How could I not be? I wouldnt miss. But…..I didnt take the pics. I could scroll through a hundred times…I wont be in them. A piece of me is in them….but not the same. The reality is…..I was sleeping when all this happened. So the wall I put up is to prevent me from fully feeling the void. I watch….from a safe distance. I see the names on the rosters…..and it hurts. Thats kind of the main feeling. Less than I missed it and am missing it….but mainly that Im not going to be playing the game. Like I said in the Final Recap….J will be fine. Jordan is gonna suffer unless I take defensive measures. Went to the gym, walked to the shuk, met up with a friend, and now on bus to RBS.  Listened to Daxxy and Ernie while walking. Almost broke down hearing Ernie belt our Shuvi. Return to me, my Beloved. Come to me, Jerusalem. Felt like both my worlds were colliding. Reminded me that leaving the paradise of Jewball – a holy place we created –  required going to a paradise on earth – a holy place God created. Its the ultimate defensive mechanism. I can rationally convince myself that I am somewhere better.
As for the teams…..F…..F! JEWBALL! YOU MONSTER! Look what we have???!!! I have to watch the draft so I see how it went down. My hearts is with Blunts obviously. We have unfinished business. Love that we have Zinn and Dachs. Championship pedigree. But….yknow….every team looks great on paper. But…as we know….one team will surprisingly suck. And without me there….it finally cant be my team. 

. You all look beautiful. I go into Shabbat at peace. Jewball is flying on its own.

I don’t remember my first Jewball catch or my first game. My memory jumps straight from standing on the sidelines watching guys like Spira and Rabin play the game and hoping to get in (which I did not) to the following: Jason Katzenstein is my QB. He wasn’t a big play caller. Of the Gronk Get-Open school of offensive coordination. I lined up on the outside right. On hike, moved as fast as I could up the sideline and then cut left. Got a step on my defender, made eye contact with JK, and I knew the ball was coming my way. I accelerated toward the middle of the field. Jason let it fly. He was also of the Yaron Throw-As-Hellaciously-Hard-As-You-Can-Every-Time school of passers. The ball came in a little high and my body knew by then to jump and let it hit you squarely in the chest while airborne. The impact came and the ball stuck. A few steps later someone two-hand-touched me. A few people said nice catch. I jogged back to the huddle. And that was it. The ball hit. The dopamine hit. I understood that I could do this. That whatever that was, I would continue to do it. It’s a feeling we are all familiar with. It’s when you know you belong on a football field. It’s the moment something inside – and not everyone has it – most do not – even the most talented of players – something inside tells you…I can become addicted to this shit. This shit will haunt my daydreams while I am in class, in the bathroom, at work, at shul, driving, or wherever else I find myself in the dreary time spent between Sundays. For the next 24 years, if a Jewball game was being played, I’d say 95% chance I was there.
I remember my first catch of this season. Even though I played a few games at the end of last season, I was still tentative due to the torn bicep. Not sure how it was healing. Not sure if it would tear again doing the same things in the same ways with the same intensity. But I came out for pre-season at Woodmere Middle School. Was a bright day with a low sun and few clouds. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get in. Maybe just watch the boys and get in the mental reps. We were playing some kind of round-robin format that I came up with but that made no sense and everyone had to explain to me how it actually worked (typical), and Dachs was throwing on the near field. I remember everyone dropping every beautiful pass he threw (which has been the story of his season) and a frustrated Dachs is hard to endure. So – Jewball Ego Activated – I jumped in. Maybe this 46 year old with a new bicep could show them how it’s done. This is how the brain of the addict works. A few sets later, after a few more drops by those not named J, Dachs calls my number. Right side, streak about 20 yards and hit the corner just beyond the first down marker. Ball will be on the outside, between me and the sideline. And so I streaked. And so I hit the corner. And so I looked back. Directly into the blazing sun. A blinding orb in the sky that blankets everything in white. But within the white flashes, the shadow of a projectile. So I know the ball was thrown. All that is left to do is not fuck up. So, based on the flash of the shadow against the white blanket…my 24 years of experience make a prediction. Some sort of calculation that none of us could ever explain other than calling it a feel. My hands shoot out into a space to the right above my head…and there is planted a football. A catch. Prime is on the sidelines. He says “That’s my Commish!” And in that moment there is no difference between the 22 year old and the 46 year old. I’m not a drugs guy (but if you are….call me), but I presume what makes a high a high is something permanent and reliable. The addictiveness is due to the chemical consistency. You know how it’s gonna go. Jewball has been that for me for all this time. An addiction. A consistently reliable high. And you wonder why it took me so long to get to writing this…and the answer is….withdrawal is a bitch.
I jumped over to the other field where Pray was throwing. Maybe against Perla. Although I did not have a catch there, at one point, Ice Man did, and I was on defense. He was running toward me and instead of running me over which he surely could have done (aka The Pray), he tried to evade me with his much quicker quickness. My options were freeze and do nothing since nothing could be done. Or dive at him, close my eyes, stretch out a hand to where his flag might be, and see what happens. With peak pre-season flexibility, energy and optimism engaged, I went with Option B. Full out extension dive. And guess what? I heard a pop. And not that bad kind. Flag in hand, I was sprawled on the turf. The rare Jewball moment of disbelief. Where even you are impressed with you. And I got to pretend I did it all on purpose. Think Beast said, “Fuccckkk. That was some Spider Man shit.” I realize I’m making this about me, so far, but I’m doing it because that Pre-Season game and those two moments, were a stark reminder (then and now) that Jewball has always been about taking a chance, reaching out, and seeing where things go.  Now, looking back – looking back on this season – looking back on it all – it’s been about reaching out in faith the whole time. But not only that – that’s too easy. Too mundane. Everything is technically about faith. You can hear about emunah and bitachon (faith and belief) in every class, sermon, Disney movie (including Marvel and Star Wars), half-time speech, and country song. Jewball has been so much more than that. Jewball has been faith rewarded. Faith alone wouldn’t have gotten us to where we are. People place their faith in all sorts of things. Faith that their prayers will be answered. Faith that their team will win. Faith that their troubles will dissipate. Faith in people. A kid will come around. A friend will forgive. A boss will recognize hard work. And sometimes that object of faith keeps stingily demanding more, and stretching its limits, and testing its boundaries, and cruelly stressing it to no foreseeable end. In this life, so many times we reach out our hands in perfect faith…and we hope that the ball hits or the flag pops….and it just doesn’t. But Jewball has been – for as long as I’ve know it – the thing that does not let you down. And even when it lets you down, it’s in a way that somehow also picks you up. It is demanding, but never in a cold and distant way. It demands with an invisible hand behind you, gently pushing, a hand in front gripping your jersey…pulling you forward.  It never forces you to ask yourself – is this worth it? The more you put in, the more you got out. This whole enterprise has been that. I type this in my office while wearing a Jewball hoodie. With a beautiful logo that Laura Curran called the Nassa County Lion when she came to our Draft Party and hit on PJs. That happened. Below the lion it says “Est Early to Mid 90’s” which is an inside joke from an episode of Three Balls In – our podcast – when the founder of Jewball – Alan Milchman (aka The Oracle) – someone we never met but respect and revere – was interviewed. That happened. Our faith has been rewarded. Not tenfold. Not some random multiple that would of course be arbitrary but suggest a vast and profitable return on investment. I don’t see it that way. We have shown and continue to show extraordinary faith. In our institution. In each other. In our principles. And in our God – the Rewarder of Faith (and, yes, we will have to get to Him in this final recap). Everything we have built was built by faithful performance – not expecting reward – not for reward – but kinda being sure it was out there, just waiting to be gifted and granted.
I didn’t wear the Jewball hoodie today because I was planning on typing a recap. I didn’t wear this today because I thought I’d see a Jewballer. I wore it because I see it in my closet and it make my heart full. Yesterday I wore the black one. I happened to have seen Daveo and Ike. That’s a Jewball life. How easy it has been to put in over these twenty-five years KNOWING how much you get out.
As fate would have it, no season has proved and reinforced the theme of faith rewarded more than this past one – my final season as Commissioner. From that first day of pre-season where I reached out with hope and faith in the physical realm…until now – where I know that with the last word of this recap – I will need to find a new way to give, to put in, to demonstrate my faith.
It was a bright sun-drenched late-summer morning in the city of Toronto. On a bench in the shadow of the Rogers Centre, overlooking a glimmering Lake Ontario – I stared at some notes I had scribbled on the plane ride over. Sean Manaea and his wife were out for a walk and generously agreed to take a picture with a guy who looked anxious and homeless. That guy was me. My homeless look was par for the course. The anxiety was due to the pressing business at hand. The morning was dedicated to fixing – too harsh – let’s call it improving – Leagues. Oh, Leagues, how you have tantalized us over the past five Jewball seasons. You are a black-hearted seductress. A temptation filled with delicious, empty calories, but who can resist you? With your unlabeled-fueled Draft Parties, your sharp jersey designs, your draw of top talent, your intrigue and flair for the dramatic? Is there Jewball without Leagues? Have we permanently attached ourselves to the product like an addict to the drug? I think and would swear the answer is yes we have. There is no going back. We have tasted of and feasted on the forbidden fruit. Leagues are now integral to who we are. BUT – after 4 seasons of good results – they needed a change. Why? Because a Commissioner needs to know when to ignore a problem and when to address it. Leagues needed a refresher. And so….there I was, pacing the plaza outside the Toronto Aquarium, just down the steps from where the Mets – fighting for a playoff spot – would soon take on the Blue Jays in a pivotal series. I had five phone calls to make.
I can’t say I remember the order of the calls, but I got through to Kut, Ernie, Prime, Steveo, and the Rook. I made my pitch. I told them Leagues needed a reboot. Captains who would approach the program with fresh eyes and a fresh attitude. A Draft that would all of a sudden present new and interesting dynamics. More fodder for TBI. Different, exciting configurations of talent. By far the coolest thing about Leagues has been the teams that have come together. A Captain is somewhat like a comic book writer surveying the collective of stars in the heroes (and villains) gallery; free to mix and match and create an assemblage of awesomeness. But, most importantly, the desire for change was to have teams lead by Captains who represented, both and equally, the brotherhood and competitive spirit of Jewball. Not to say that the Captains beforehand did not do this. They were great. But they were Captains only because of what they could do on the field. Now, they would be chosen based on both skill and….something else. An intangible. My list was short and exclusive. It wasn’t like my years as Shul President where you call numerous people to be Dinner honoree until someone says yes and you tell each of them that they were the only choice. It was these five.
Kut – No one has figured out how to be one of the guys while also universally respected – quite like Kut. A lineman type not playing line who arrived a vagabond after we were great and just before we went Dark. He endured through it all and just kept working at the craft of football and showing up with the most charismatic of auras. Ernie – Literally got his name because he came around the same time as Bert. You can’t be much more sidelined. And Ernie is not one to be sidelined. He’s a star. And do you know how I know this? Because if you are star….you shine. Your shine cannot be denied. Some guys come into Jewball and are given star treatment from the first time they step on the field. Ernie plugged away – invested himself in Jewball – he earned it – and his talents brightened Jewball in every way.  Prime – Probably the biggest compliment we ever received was Prime aligning with us. His love for football is undeniable. He is – by far – the most experienced football player in our midst. But there is so much more to him. And he saw in Jewball great football. If he didn’t – it would have been a non-starter. But he also recognized the so-much-more in us. There is nothing like the unexpected synergy between Prime and Jewball. Steveo – I’m actually shivering…just thinking about the enormity of what you bring and have brought to Jewball. Like Ernie and Kut, you arrived unassuming. A long haired skater. Quiet. Intense. Is there football in there? Is there a voice in there? My God….there is so much football in there. There is so much voice in there. Steveo has revolutionized the EXPERIENCE of being a Jewballer. And The Rook – His debut made Steveo’s seem loud and obnoxious. The Rook came in as low key as we have ever seen. And he built himself up and embraced the challenge of becoming a Jewballer. Eventually ending in a nuclear explosion of talent and persona.  More about him in a bit.  What these five have in common – and the reason they were chosen besides the basic requirement of being good and committed players – is that when you think of them….you feel a spark. Something inside – the part of you that loves Jewball – starts to whirr and hum. Call it the soul’s version of a smile or a some of kind of Jewball electromagnetism. Kut. Ernie. Steveo. Prime. The Rook. They represent the best of us.
They all needed to think about it. Some needed until the next day. All understood the sacrifice. All eventually said yes….because….they were the right people. You don’t want people who want it. You want people who understand that you just do it for Jewball. Because of these new Captains, each team took on a certain personality. Kut’s Carnivores were a fun-loving bunch who could chow down with you at a BBQ, but also eat your heart. The Duck Dynasty was quirky with a friendly exterior, masking the threat just below the surface. The Blunts of Prime were a veteran team, a little too high on themselves. The Reapers were deep and eclectic; a simmering cauldron of football genius. The Gorrilaz were business-like and reflective; humble but transcendentally confident.
But – even though it sometimes feels like it – seasons are not defined by Leagues alone. In my mind at least, seasons are defined by the Rookies. We had been stupidly successful with Rookie classes for the past five seasons. With Singer retiring. Waldo moved. Dax, Irv, and Jack stepping back. There was an argument to be made that the star-power in Jewball was fading. That the talent-level was receding. It was important to add quality players for the 2024 season. But it’s always a crap-shoot in Rookie recruiting. Who will show up? And when they do, will they commit themselves? And if they do, will they get it? And if they get it, will they participate, and produce, and thrive, and become legends like our Captains have? There is only one way to find out. And we call it Week One.

I’m on record as saying that a season is defined by its Rooks. Maybe not thematically, but in terms of organizing it in the catalogue of memory. I remember when Oren brought Yaron and he was a great QB, if a little verbose in the huddle, and it was like tripping over a diamond on the beach. I remember when Yaron brought Pray and I thought he looked like Ivan Drago and I way underestimated the impact he could have – and then he started taking seismic leaps as a player and leader in our game. We remember the first Rookie class of the Revolution – our prime season of rookie hazing. Followed up by the Roll Tide Rooks who dominated every storyline. And last year with the Ross, Starfox, Sherriff, Ice Man, Daxxy, BK Rookies– like the Thunderbolts to Roll Tide’s Avengers. And of course, I remember when Effie joined in 2021.
Coming into this season, we had three players pre-approved – Tommy, Logic, and Justin after quality appearances last season. I took some heat from the likes of Daveo for adding too many Rooks besides that trio. Of course this wasn’t true, but it became a decent third-rate chat shtick. I won’t name names because…you never know…but…the added new blood didn’t exactly take Jewball by storm as Rookies had since the Revolution. Guys who failed to step up this past season, may do so in the future, but the fact is…Tommy came true and showed phenomenal talent whenever on the field, Logic came true and snagged a very well-deserved Roy, and Justin was as devoted and pure as the man that brought him down. One guy that did show a lot of flavor and Jewball grit was BZ, who got hurt early and often, including a broken nose, but he brought it every time he was on the field. The Oppen name aint nothing to eff with. But Jewball knows when something is missing – we feel it in our shared gut – and something was missing. We also know that Jewball is not just about faith, but faith rewarded. Our faith never wavers – even when things seem amiss – and that commitment has always been rewarded. We wait and see. Let it play out. The magic will arrive. So just when we thought the Rookies would not define the season for the first time in a while, a guy named the Rook stepped up to make this season stand out above all others.
It starts with an engagement and a L’Chaim in West Hempstead. Awesome, but been there done that. We’ve had guys get engaged before. We’ve had l’chaims. Shalom zachors. Brisses all day. What we’ve never had was a Jewball wedding. And I don’t want to be Logan and PJs and analyze something I did not witness, but – as I was in Israel with the canceled flights and delayed return – I was zocheh to the pictures and videos sent from the Rook and Jessica’s wedding. Playing football Sunday mornings for years and years…it’s special, it matters, it sets the tone for many many things that have real world implications, but those memories jumble and swirl and eventually fade into dreams and their ghosts. Weddings are seared into the frontal lobe. Partially due to the reverence of the occasion, but also because it is so well documented.  Jewball is for life, but the moments from our weddings are frozen in time forever. And in this case, Jewball was not just there, but we took over. I am very jealous of those of you who have the animated images in their heads while I only have second hand nachas. But…as I write this…the images of Ernie singing, the boys drinking, the table posing, Logan lifting Rook from the badekin, Spira dancing, and so on….These are forever moments. And they don’t happen without Jewball. Our football game that isn’t a cult.
This has been recapped and discussed, but I will gloss over it to get to my point. Kut messaged me one day about doing a Sheva Brachos for the Rook. Maybe because I was embarrassed that I hadn’t thought of it myself. Maybe because I was overcompensating for the guilt of missing the wedding. Whatever it was – the second he said it – I knew it was happening and I knew it would be BIG. And – again, previously recapped – ayin sham – it was a night that transcends everything we have ever done. The perfect mix of slassy and holy. Indulgent and DIY. Visceral reality and surreal parody. It was faith rewarded in tangible, edible, physical, and spiritual form. It was God saying I love what you guys are doing…keep it up. But this was not the end, because Jewball is not a place of finite results. Every miracle leads to the next miracle. And, without embarrassing him too much – I cannot risk not appreciating the story of Kagan. The Bartender. While I had to mention the 7B in this season Recap as it was an all-time Jewball highlight, in the end – perhaps it was just meant to lead us to Kagan. Kagan was a Rookie that came in and managed to define this season. Dayenu if he bartended at Rook’s 7B, saw what we had going, and simply felt in his heart that we were something of which he wanted to be a part. Dayenu if he expressed it. That he came down for games. That he played hard in those games. That he eventually brought his brother. That he signed up and backed up and put in the on-the-field work. But Kagan showed, felt, and demonstrated the kind of faith in us that….makes us merit the rewards that we have become accustomed. In many ways, he – much like the Rook – become the fulfillment of their own prophecy. They love and gravitate toward Jewball because they see and believe that it has so much to offer. And it does. But then they manage to give more than they get. They put in even more than they can possibly get out…and by their actions, they create the place that offers so much. And, no, I’m not just talking about the X-Factor daquiri and the drinks on the sideline – I’m talking about Kagan being the kind of ALL IN Jewballer that makes us all feel like…how did we do this before him? Makes me realize – as I constantly do in this League – that we have to keep going because we are still waiting for more pieces to come home and make us whole.
The first few weeks of the season – believe it or not – we were on the grass. Dom got us permits again, but they didn’t start until like Week 5 or 6. During those weeks, we either played both games on the LHS grass or Game 1 on the turf somewhere (like HHS) and then moved over to LHS grass for Game 2. Once we got the turf at LHS, the season settled into a groove and League Games started. The League storylines that stood out were 1.) Would the collection of talent that the Reapers put together find any chemistry – and enough to win games?, and 2.) Would the separation of Prime and Pray – two-time champions together – hurt one more than the other in terms of winning success? The classic Belichick and Brady analysis.
Well, the answers came pretty early on. The Reapers were a force to be reckoned with. Solo was fully bought in – and combining with Oppen to bring a pass rush the likes of which had not been seen in Jewball Leagues since Solo and Munch (with honorable mention to Oppen Legs of course). Feit was back and commanding the huddle; making some brilliant throws. Logic was a revelation  – just a through and through football player. Mighty was doing Mighty things; scoring TDs at a furious pace. Goldberg had his healthiest season in a while and was back to producing on both sides of the ball. Steveo was managing all the egos and keeping the tone chiller (chiller/killer). And Ross was running suicides. They won a lot. At first surprisingly, and then expectedly, and then dominantly. But would all that winning translate into a Championship?
As for the Pray/Prime question – It pains me to say that was answered too. The Blunts of Prime got off to a bad start. Then got off to a bad middle. And had an okay end in garbage time. BLOP was just an experiment that may have proved the formula faulty. That assembling a veteran, tough team…and then relying on a superstar to carry every game…is a risk. Though Ice Man has team-carrying talent….it’s hard to win when one player’s dominance is the key to everything. If he has an off game or an under the weather game…well…there goes that. And there went that for BLOP. The Vets did not step up. Drops, miscues, and confusion permeated and prevailed. They racked up losses and the dream died. The Rook’s Gorillaz, which featured Pray, Legs, Zada as its big three….they – on the other hand – were a winning team. A little shaky at times, but found ways – as Pray has done throughout his career. They would eventually face off against Steveo’s Reapers in the finals.
The other two teams in the League, Ernie’s Ducks and Kut’s Carnivores – need to file those two stories into the great, infuriating  anthology of sports history’s We’ll Never Know . Sherrif – who was playing incredible ball and was instrumental in some thrilling Carnivore wins – goes down with a hand injury. To lose Sherriff in the middle of a Jewball season…it’s a devastating blow. Much of what I said before about Kagan can be said about Sheriff. He’s that guy. His heart is that heart. He brings so much. We need you, Sherriff. Heal up. Come on back. And when it comes to injuries and the impact they have on your team, Ernie sidled up to Kut and said, “Hold my beer.” BK…done (left distal bicep tendon tear brother!). Tommy done. And, with those two critical players gone – sure we have great talent like Stats to step up and replace – and you can win games, sure…but Ducks were the Cronies II of this season. A team with so much potential but plagued by injuries and malfunctioning alarm clocks.
What might get lost in the narrative of this season – as we discuss injuries that sidelines some of our best and brightest – is that Singer attempted a comeback. I don’t want that to be forgotten. I don’t want anyone to think he just retired. I don’t want anyone to think he walked away after last season. I don’t want anyone to question his commitment and love. He did not walk away from Jewball. It was cruelly stolen from him. And I don’t even know if he is done. But….remember, please – he played this season. He heard the call…and it echoed in his soul and pounded in his heart…and it was loud…LOUD!…and it drowned out the reasonable voice that probably sounds like Yaron telling him to stay away. But the heart wants what it wants. And he tried…he got on the field…and tried. HE RISKED EVERYTHING. Yes, like we all do….but he KNEW….Imagine that!? He KNEW! And yet he stepped onto the field. Because he loves us. He loves you. He loves Jewball that much! So how dare you not play when you don’t KNOW! How dare you not try when you don’t even suspect! Singer KNEW….but he stepped onto that field and said…NO! I will not give this beautiful dream away for free!!! I will it give it away…when you tear it from me!  And so it was. This is not the season Singer retired. This is the season where Singer showed us – in heartbreaking, heart rousing fashion  –   how much we can give.
The Season of Faith continued to unveil itself before us in unexpected ways. A new bowl game was introduced. We played our first Chol Hamoed Sukkot game dubbed the Pitom Bowl with teams decked out in yellow and green. Even with this festive addition, our holidays were not celebrated in their traditional fashions – no Socks or Jesus at the Turkey Bowl, no Sushi at the Jesus Bowl, and no Champagne at the 2025 Bowl. Yes, the games were played, and the competition is all that really matters, but – perhaps the Commish had his eyes on the exit door and let some things slip. I’m recalling Bowl Games in rain, cold, and wind – just being proud we showed up. My tent getting soaked and twisted. I’m recalling Kill and his friends coming out and some old guy trying to kick them off before the old guy was asked if he knew who he was talking to – and the old man relented. As Chanukah was soon after the 7B and it was believed that Jewball had exhausted its natural resources, the annual Chanukah Party was canceled. And much like the canceled Purim Party which took flight only because Jordan canceled it, the Chanukah Party found its way into being due to the hard work of the usual suspects who make sure Jewball is never lacking. Particularly Daveo and E. Our protectors of the realm. Our ambassadors of faith. Kagan showed up with fresh enthusiasm and continued to professionally inebriate us – and in E’s kitchen…RIGHT? was born. Around this time, even more rooks found their way into our fold. Ernie swore by his DJ nephew, and our TNF crew pitched Jewball to a rough around the edges, highly skilled QB named Levinger. Portal and Avenger came into Jewball with a lot of hype and some skepticism. We knew they had the talent. Did they have the disposition? Were they Jewball material? I’ll give that one an Incomplete grade. Over the course of the rest of the season, I do think Avenger warmed up to us by a few degrees. He even signed up as “Avenger” a few times and had probably the greatest overall statistical game in Jewball history. He even smiled once! All good signs. Portal earned his stripes at Vets Rooks by playing straight from the airport and brining it at the Super Bowl BBQ. He celebrated like our brother in the cold. He came into Jewball swearing he would own everyone and earned every Settle Down Rook sticker.
And speaking of Rooks being treated a certain way by the Vets, Vets Rooks was played on Super Bowl Sunday with the new format of Juniors v. Seniors and Freshies v. Smores. A lot of monumental changes this year to the rosters as the Roll Tide Rooks graduated to Smores, and Smores poster boy, Pray, became a Junior along with Legs. With Rabin out for the Seniors, there was some valid controversy as Junior Gronk stepped in to throw for the Seniors. And that made all the difference. The Seniors beat the Goldberg-lead Juniors in one of the more epic games of the season.
ROY Logic Captained the Freshies valiantly and they posed a furious comeback to make it a game against Zinn’s Smores, but Zinn remained undefeated in VR Games. What an awesome sight for Jewball! A Rooks semis featuring Zinn, Dachs, Ice, Avenger, Portal, and an assemblage of young exciting players (also Spira!) who prove that many things grow stale and lose appeal over time, but Jewball is not one of them. In the finals, with Senior legends Singer and Zez present (Singer on the sideline and Zez having flown in from Israel to raise a mere $50,000.00 and playing), the Seniors were hopeful that everything would come together and the honor to the Vets could be restored. But it was a cold day and Rabin went full Raynaud’s. Two completions were thrown on the day, and although the Vet defense held up for a while, Dachs and Zinn would not be kept down for long. Rooks win again and the Vets three year drought is now a four year midbar.
In the other Championship, it was the 1 and 2 seeds squaring up. Reapers v. Gorillaz. PJs and his livestream were on the scene capturing the action for a riveted Jewball audience. In what has been universally accepted as the greatest Championship Game of the League era, the Reapers came out with all the swagger they earned over the course of a dominant season. They went up two scores early and with a Solo Oppen line and talent everywhere….this looked like the dream season for Steveo and his squad. But you can’t count out Pray. Or Yaron and DK. Wait….what? Don’t ask. This is Jewball. Was it gonna end any other way? With Feit about to redeem himself from every Top Guns joke he ever swallowed…on the 4 yard line and about to make it a 2 TD lead over the Gorrilaz with ten minutes to go, he holds the ball a few seconds too long and throws the out to Mighty….which Rook saw coming from a mile away. And a second later Rook was a mile away from every Reaper chasing him in disbelief. The game is tied. The Reapers took the punch and had time and opportunity to recover, but sometimes a P6 from the 2 yard line is not just a swing of points but a premonition of outcomes. And that was the case here. On the next Gorrilaz possession, with only minutes left, Pray, while running for his life to the left, throws across his body to the Rook cutting up the middle of the field – and Rook makes the biggest catch of his life, in the biggest game, and gets his team a Championship and himself a League Finals MVP.
So, we need to talk about MVPs now. The hour is late. Both in terms of the actual hour as I write this as well as the date. I’ll simply start by saying God loves Jewball and it is evident to me in so many ways. And when I say this, I do not mean like He is a fan. I mean…He loves what we have done and bestows undeniable blessings and serendipity upon us. I can only explain the kind of fortune Jewball has met by God loves us. And I don’t think it is unmerited love. I think we do our best to earn it. That said, I have one last MVP to give out. And God hooked me up.
I reserve this space now to talk for a moment about the almost MVPs. Since Jewball is never about one person, and there were some incredible performances this season. I would start with our prior 2 ROYS.
Ice Man is a unique Jewballer. Hard to compare him to anyone in our pantheon of heroes past. He is all in and has takeover level talent, but also seems to keep his distance. He loves Jewball, but he also knows exactly how much of it he can take and stay sane. The fact is this – anything Ice Man shows up to, he brings a warmth and electricity that radiates through the space. He is mentioned here because of the offensive numbers he put up this season. He lead the League in scoring by a lot. He makes the jaw dropping catch. He possesses the breakneck speed. Unfortunately, Prime screwed him. Not by drafting him first round to the Blunts. But by drafting Oren and Jordan in the later rounds. With those two losers on his team, he didn’t stand a chance. Despite his propensity for points, he could not win. But, I will say this as his teammate – the Ice Man who walked off the field in his first game because the team was weak and failing – that guy is gone. I saw the opposite this year. While BLOP kept losing and losing in frustrating ways…the Ice Man kept his chin up and kept punching opponents in the chin. Whether on the chat or in the huddle – he was all LFG. Ice, a most memorable privilege to be on your team this past season.
And we can’t have an MVP conversation without Zinn. I’m told he’s considered the most talented football player in the Jewish leagues world. That this is universally accepted. I can believe that. But – as we will get to in a second – our MVP – is not just about football talent. Which makes it even cooler that Zinn is a candidate every year. Because his football skills wow us on a weekly basis, but – considering the greatness of his game – how cool is it that he is a down to earth, humble, generous, considerate, thoughtful mensch. In an alternate reality, he is a cocky bastard – too prized by the football world to run around and play pick-up with the likes of Jewball. But he shows up for EVERYTHING. He embraces the chaos, the dirtiness, the company of football plebians. We don’t fully understand or appreciate just yet how lucky we are to have a Moshe Zinn in our midst. His football season on the field was a bit uneven due to injuries. He didn’t get to play in as many games as he would have liked to, and he didn’t reach his potential. But of course he made his mark and dominated many games, including leading his team to a VR championship, despite the Vets best efforts to rip off his clothes.
When I said before that God hooked me up with our two MVP finalists, I meant that it came down to – not only two Vets – but two Vets who are very close to my heart.
I’ve written about Kut’s origin many times. He has written about his origin. Coming from out of town, looking for….who knows….a game, a chevra, a reason to get out of the house…he chanced upon Jewball. Over a decade later he’s in my house wiping squirrel guts on my wall. But – again – with the hour late – I just want to talk about this season. Kut had a remarkable season. The best I can remember. He looked healthy, strong, hyper-focused on playing well. He was always an IN BOTH guy, but he’d give you a game and quarter of effort. On a bad day three quarters of a game. This season, he played wire to wire and sideline to sideline. He had excellent defensive numbers, leading the league in sacks, and very good offensive numbers (top ten in receiving TDs). His hands were extremely reliable in 2024-2025. And reliable is really the midah of Kut that makes him an MVP. He is someone the Rooks can look up to in so many ways. I have images of Kut this past season making incredible TD catches, racing down the field with dynamic speed, pursuing QBs with fiendish delight, preparing plates in his apron at the 7B, and being harassed by not-hungry Jews at Game Night. Kut, thank you for finding us, leading us, making us better, setting the right tone for Jewball all these years. From you we learned how to play the game, be reliable, and see it all with equal measures cynicism and reverence.
Kut is a Jewballer. Mighty is not…and that’s why he mattered so much when he joined in the early Renaissance.
MVP does not mean MVP as it does in sports. “Player” means the same thing and “Most” means the same thing, but “Valuable” doesn’t. Where in other Leagues it means most value AS a player, we mean the player who brings most value to the league. Mighty is not the type to want to hear this. He wants it to be limited to between-the-lines value. And….guess what, Mighty? Your numbers this year prove that you bring that. Your are that. You put up all the on-field numbers that matter. You lead your team to the finals. Nothing shows your value more than the VR Semis when the Vets fortunes correlated directly with your presence and absence. But….sorry to have to tell you…you are more than that.
I can only say this because I’m retiring as Commish, but Mighty is someone that I care about what he thinks. And not because he is smart and opinionated. It’s because I see in him someone who joined us on faith. It’s not like Zinn joining us now when we have everything clicking. Mighty joined when we did not have like talent. For some reason he came down – we were strangers – and he developed an unwavering faith in us. No one made more Jewballers retire than Mighty. “I’m not chasing that….” was the common refrain when people turned 30 and saw a kid making cuts that deified logic and reason. Mighty is ruthlessly competitive. But he is not just fiercely committed – thankfully we have plenty who are committed – Mighty is fiercely protective of Jewball. All his fights about integrity and rules…they are and always have been to protect Jewball. He wants it to be and always wanted it to be a place where players of his caliber could thrive. I think he sees that now. And that fills me with pride and gratitude. Even when he left us for big chunks of the season back in the Dark Ages, he kept an eye on us. He came back when he could. I think a lot of this comes from his foundation with pick-up games. And, Mighty, because you elevated us and guided us to this elevated state, you have raised a new generation of players who will know the magic and glory of the pick-up game. So many will go from high school, to Israel, to these Leagues. But there is nothing like a pick-up game where the players infuse it with the competitiveness. Where you learn that it matters, not because you get a trophy or see your name in the stat sheet, but because you dig deep and make it matter. This is what Mighty has taught me over the years. That your physical gifts will only take you so far. It is your mind that gives you the edge. No one in Jewball history has been mentally tougher than Mighty. He sets that standard. To be doing what he is still doing in our game – despite age – despite injury – that is a mind trick. So – let’s make it official: Mighty, my friend, my warrior-brother, my ezer k’negdo of Jewball – you are not just the MVP of this past season, you are the MVP of Jewball so far.
At the end of the underrated J.J. Abrams Star Trek reboot, a fresh-faced Captain Kirk takes over command of the Starship Enterprise from the grizzled veteran Captain Pike. Pike had established a deep, almost symbiotic bond with the Enterprise over his long and storied career. Perhaps Pike and the Enterprise had become synonymous – a man and an enterprise, inseparable in body, spirit, and mission. Pike had steered the crew he was responsible for through innumerable perilous journeys. Oh, the adventures they must have had. You see it in the crags in Pike’s forehead and the smile lines framing his mouth.  You see it in the brightness of his eyes when he sits on his throne-like chair at the helm of the bridge.  In a clever and (at least to me) moving exchange between the characters when making the transition of power official, Kirk says to Pike, “I relieve you, sir,” and Pike responds, simply…poignantly: “I am relieved.” I would never joke explain, but I will script-elucidate. When you hand over a well-worn responsibility to a new steward, there is a tension. On the one hand, a burden is taken off your shoulders. You have freed up your time, energy, headspace, and yes, sometimes, finances. That is one kind of relief. But, if you care for the responsibility, you feel an ongoing obligation to make sure it is handled and looked after into the future. There is a lingering anxiety and guilt which cannot be shaken, brushed, or even scraped off. However, when the new steward is as committed and caring as the one giving up the role, the retiree can walk away in peace and confidence. And that is an even greater relief. Pray is the right man for this job. And I don’t want to exaggerate it as much as I don’t want to shortchange it. It’s an important job. I can’t say I’ve always felt the same way about being the “Commissioner of Jewball,” but I don’t remember too many days of my Jewball career where it and my fellow Jewballers were not of paramount importance. I remember my first few jobs in the early 2000s, sitting at my desk without much actual work to do (relax, Mighty), but toiling on recaps and stats and emails and teams. I remember calling players as a newlywed in KGH, volunteering to pick them up, and waiting outside apartment buildings on Sunday mornings in the driving rain – hoping the dude who told me he was IN would not flake. Urging people and coaxing them out of their garden apartments, even as the eggs were being scrambled, to make sure we would get a game. I remember walking to the spot beyond the trees in Flushing Meadows Park on an icesheet knowing that the field would certainly be equally frozen, but praying for a miracle. The crazy thing is, it was never hard for me to justify how much I cared. Obviously we start with the gadlus of football. Just the game and the exhilarating feeling of a catch, a touchdown, a pick, a sack, a win. But then it was the power of it bringing people together. I sensed that power very early on. I respected so much the guys who pulled into that parking lot off of 108th Street and laced up in their cars – rain, shine, cold, heat. I never would have imagined this world existed. And with each new person I met – the kind of people willing to show up for Jewball – I realized…these are my people. These are the highest quality people I will ever be fortunate enough to encounter. And it just kept proving itself true. I wanted to be counted amongst them.
We call it the Jewball Tree on the chat. Who brought who…and then who that brought-dude brought. The coolest thing about being a twenty-four-year veteran has been watching it all take root and blossom before my eyes – and bear fruit. I bring Joey to the Silver Age; Joey brings the Golden Age (Klink, BD, Uri, Ike); they bring Dorothy and Judah. Meir brings Munch. Steveo brings Daveo. PJs brings the Renaissance. O brings Yaron. Yaron brings the Revolution. And so on and so on. The football binds us. My job – I came to learn and accept – was to just connect it all. Make it feel cohesive. I guess that’s the role of the recaps – plus showing up and being a constant presence. Rabin the same. And now Spira. Guys who played from 2001 until today….I know them all. Many by name, more by face, all by aura. When you run into them…there is a recognition. We shared Jewball. The talk is always football. “Are you still playing?” They say no. I say yes. They can’t believe it. Sometimes – because there is still a familiarity to it in some physical form – they come back. How cool. Whether they played a season or five seasons…it sticks. Something about it sticks. It feels vital and current and present. It feels palpable and comfortable and eternal. That was how it was for almost 20 years. Dayenu. And then….something else happened about 8 years ago….something I cannot explain nor take credit for. We evolved into an unstoppable force of nature. So…yes…this is an important group and being its Commissioner is an important job.
Pray doesn’t need my advice. I will just give him a bracha. Pray, you understand that you will organize, and make decisions, and coordinate, and randomize, and show up, and play great football. But, what you may not fully understand (yet), is your real job is to connect it all. CONNECT IT ALL. From the Vets who played before you to the Rooks showing up year after year not knowing what the hell they are walking into. To orient us by your steady and constant presence. To both pilot and anchor this starship we call Jewball. To make sure we have a home to return to. May Hashem give you the wisdom and health to carry us for decades to come. And may you see and enjoy the nachas I did over my entire adult life due to Jewball. There is nothing like it. You will undoubtedly get out what you put in, and so much more. And remember, you can always blame the Captains.
Jewball, I know once I leave I leave…and I promise you – I don’t feel anyone owes me anything. The complete opposite. But, you have spoiled me greatly. The fact is, as much as IJWT is a shtick….it means a lot in terms of practical decision making and plan execution. Please trust Pray. For the good of Jewball – it will only work if he is not pulled in a hundred directions, contradicted, and degraded. Is he fat? Yes. But, even if you don’t agree with everything, show him the incredible support, loyalty, and love you showed me. You do that and Jewball will continue to soar. Pray will not let you down. He is the first Jewball Commissioner who is actually good at football. That’s got to mean something.

I’m not going to do a list of thank yous. This isn’t the place. The thank yous and recognitions are well documented throughout the Chronicles. But I do want to be thankful. I am thankful for a lot about Jewball, but I want to focus on two things. The first is something maybe doesn’t get spoken of – probably for good reason. While we all know how unique and exceptional our brotherhood is – and that there is nothing that comes close it – in this final address, I want to just acknowledge something as discreetly as I can without ignoring it – because it means that much to me and us. In a league called Jewball, created by and comprised mostly of orthodox Jewish players, the reverberations in the game and my life brought by our non-Jewish players is so incredibly powerful….I don’t think we can even remotely appreciate it. Forget how unique it is (perhaps unprecedented). Forget how special it is. It is a gift (perhaps beyond all other gifts) that these handful of guys who have – against the odds – joined us, cannot imagine that they have bestowed upon us. Yes, I know it’s not cool to talk about (act like you’ve been there before is usually good policy), but let’s be honest – we are a sheltered bunch. We could live our lives – birthstone to gravestone – never expanding our intimate circle beyond the Sholoms of the world. Never knowing more. Never caring about more. Never expanding our social horizons. I’m not saying that it’s anyone’s fault – but it could happen. Just due to the circumstance and environment as presented. And this is why I am thankful so much for Jewball. Because our lives are so much richer and more meaningful and we’ve learned so much and grown so much and evolved so much – because of a number of brave holy souls who have joined the Jewball family, even if they were not first among the Jewish family.
They say, one must first thank God – and this is never a bad idea. But I wanted to first give the above example of how God has granted us such remarkable blessings. Because we are something extraordinary. We are nostalgia animated. We are faith rewarded.
For many years, Amy and I had a ritual when I left the house Sunday mornings. She would say, “Don’t get hurt!,” and I would respond, “I won’t.” For 24 years, this was mostly true. Three times I came home truly injured. In 24 years! Once at a Turkey Bowl – I tore my index finger tendon on Goldberg’s shirt. A few years later, the plantaris, just after being trucked by Solo, and jumping for a Storm flee-flicker sideline pass. And then the bicep while trying to stop Ernie last season. None of them season-enders. Just enough to tell me I’m human and not David Dunn. So, you might say, Jordan, wow, amazingly long career, but you were zocheh to play Jewball for 24 years because you stayed healthy. You got lucky. I will tell you…I don’t believe that for a second. What I believe with every fiber of my being is that I was zocheh to stay healthy because I was dedicated body and soul to Jewball. The correlation is direct and undeniable. God, thank you for these dreamlike years, these beautiful people, the moments which remain so fresh and fanciful in my mind, I hardly can believe this has been my life. You gave me a tafkid that no one who knew me before 20 would have ever predicted, and You made it so rewarding and pleasant and gave me all the kochos and wisdom I needed when I needed them. Thank you for these Jewballers, who are in many ways precious to me like my own children and I imagine we will grow old together (some of us sooner than others) and the nachas will continue. My hakaras hatov for Jewball is nothing short of infinite and I hope to pay it back by doing right by You (or trying to figure out what right by You means) for the rest of my days.
I started this recap segment by comparing Pray to Chris Pine, so it would only be fair to compare myself now to Brad Pitt. No, I’m not Tyler Durden, but I think there has been an undercurrent of the Fight Club dynamic since I took over this job in 2004. I don’t know why I did it, but there is no question it was done. I signed-off every recap with a letter – “J”. However, in the recaps themselves, I always referred to Jordan. Jordan was placed on a team (but never given a nickname until Beast added the Violent). It was Jordan scored a TD. Jordan yelled at everyone. Jordan blew the game. J was the chronicler. J made the teams. J made the rules despite not knowing them. And, eventually, after doing it for long enough, J earned your trust. And, as Jordan was a Jewballer first and foremost, he was given my trust as well.  I trusted that J would handle what needed to be handled and Jordan would be on a team. J would set up the field so Jordan could play on it. J would write the recaps so Jordan could look back and remember. I don’t feel for J. It will be easy for J to move on. He will find an outlet for his authoritarian tendencies elsewhere. He will be happy to have Saturday nights uncomplicated by drop-out drama. He will be freed from making up rules. But Jordan is gonna be a mess. Jordan just wants to play football and spend Sunday mornings with Jewballers. I’m worried about him. I don’t know how he’s going to get by. I worry he will get old very quickly. I am worried he will get slow and creaky and be miserable. I’ve seen what happens when people stop playing. It ain’t pretty. And so, I end this Season Recap – despite its funereal tone and monumental nature – as I would end all of them. Only this time, I need to heed the call more than anyone.
We still have over two months left until Opening Day…so there is time. Get in shape! Eat well! Work out! Make smart decisions. Prioritize your inner Jewballer and do the things that will increase your stamina, endurance, strength and speed! Become the physical specimen you know is just below the surface. You are a Jewballer! You have a depth and grit and ferocity that no one around you can fathom, let alone touch. Look around you. All these dudes who gave up on themselves. F*CK THEM! Kick your own ass so you can kick other people’s asses when the season starts.
If Jewball is our island, if Jewball is our elixir, if Jewball is the thing that will keep us inspired and motivated and dare I say happy….well – it doesn’t come free. It takes work. Put in the work. It’s mental. It’s physical. It’s an all-encompassing philosophy. It’s living by the Jewball code.
As I think I said at the beginning – been too long since this recap started – with my absence, everyone must step up. No excuses. Show up for each other more, sponsor more, recruit more, sign up more, give more, believe more, trust more, have more faith.
Jewball, I’m not done. Eddie played at 51, and Jordan is only 47. I’ll be back with you all next season at some point. But this is J signing off.
See you on the field,
J

WEEK 20
I’ve been writing game recaps for almost 20 years. Why did I even start this whole thing? For a pretty small pick-up League? Sent via emails, to which no one really replied and couldn’t even hang a heart emoji on ‘em. No expectation of the recaps being kept. Certainly not as part of a website with pics, videos, stats, pirkei avos, lyrics, and original art. Back then I really liked writing. I also thought it would help Jewball – if not gain players – hold on to the ones we had. We would have a slight edge. Our players might keep coming back to be amused and “immortalized.”  That was likely the motivation. A marketing tool combined with my propensity at the time to write.
I remember the day Rabin sent me an email with a Word Doc attached. He had gone through his emails and pulled the recaps. He sent a file called The Jewball Chronicles. It was eye-opening to see where we had been, who we were, how clever and interesting Jewballers are, how committed, how passionate. I received that email thirteen years ago. A lot will be said in this year’s final recap, which will be more final than ever. So I need to hold off even as I type this final recap of a Jewball Week of games. Back then the recaps were a lot better. Just pure football talk and a lot of wild details. Something called Top Plays as well. All gone. The details. The Top Plays. This is the price we pay for having three games, TBI, and, thankfully so much Jewball talk in between. I just can’t. To the football:
So close yet so far. It was my last week to get some positive numbers. Wanting some stats to pass Goldberg on the all-time list and Zinn on the TDs list, but, really to gets a few more Ws so my losing % would be just a tad less egregious. No such luck. I end the season with back to back OT Ls. Another storyline going into Week 20 was a showdown between Vegh and the Czar of Eligibility. Vegh needed 2 games to become playoff eligible for the Ducks – and he played them (but it didn’t matter in the end, cuz he had a baby – Mazal Tov).
The game had Yaron, BZ, Sam, Stats, Steveo, Zada, Jordan v. Gronk and the Cronies with E, Mighty and Spira. Beautiful mix of generations. From Spira of the Silver Age to BZ, a red shirt rookie. Silver Age, Golden Age (Steveo), Renaissance (Mighty), Dark Ages (Gronk), Revolution (Yaron), and Enlightenment (Stats). All together. Doing what we do. I remember dropping the easiest TD to start the game. I remember Gronk rocketing one in to Vegh to win the game in the OT. Goldberg and Tabak went all VR on me begging for OT when we had the tie in hand! Jordan had all 3 scores. 1 short, 1 deep, 1 medium…but an L nonetheless.
On the other field Pray and Avrumi tied 4-4. Avrumi made his Jewball debut and no one seemed to be able to tell me if it went good or badly.
More of the same in Game 2 for me. Avenger v. Pray (and Yaron) in this final game of the regular season. Jordan and Rabin put up TDs (and Stats 2 more – what a season!) but was tied at the end of regulation. Stella convinces us to go into OT. I say the worst we can do is tie…
Pray and Yaron win. I think Yaron was the QB, but stat line says Pray threw 2 (to Prime) and Yaron threw 1 (to Pray). Oh yeah, and then daggered my heart with a P6 in the OT to rack one more loss on this old man before it goes dark.

As League playoffs start in a few hours, I would be even more remiss than usual if I didn’t get out – even in this flimsy manner – a recap for the final week of League Games. Meanwhile, I’m watching Heretic, which is brilliant. With first place on the line, Gorillaz and Reapers squared up to prove who goes into the playoffs with the most swagger. Steve-O, with as low key a façade as they come, managed to show his interior depth once again, by way of his drafting. The team seemed scattershot and incongruent. Would Solo be engaged? Could Feit shake off the Top Guns PTSD? Could Mighty have an MVP season? I mean…..it’s as if the Wizard knew the future. Just not sure how far into his crystal ball he has seen. I guess we find out in the morning. Although there has been no fully dominant team like 2023’s Birds of Pray or 2022’s Roll Tide, The Reapers have been the class of Leagues this season. Gorillaz and Carnivores started strong. The Ducks had their moment in the sun. But in the end….
This game was a low scoring, by the numbers affair. Although I was on the other field (to be recapped), I have to presume there was great defense. Of course Mighty had 2 scores – and that’s all the Reaper offense needed. I was lucky enough to look up and see a behind the back lateral from Goldberg to Mighty. Based on the box score, Pray did all he could. The reigning MVP threw 1, picked 2 (one of em for 6), but the extra point does him in and Reapers take the top spot by a single point. Feit takes a team to 1st place. Solo is engaged AF. Mighty gets another Jewball. Reapers making this very interesting.
With nothing to play for, of course Yaron puts it all together and wins. The Ducks had eliminated BLOP with their prior W and was all about healing and filling in holes (pause) on Week 19. But some things – some injuries – a week or two off won’t cure. And that was the position Ernie and his Ducks found (and find) themselves in as both BK and Tommy – two stalwart players – the muscle of the Ducks – sustained season ending injuries. They got Stats and Kagan to replace Tommy and BK, but was a wet day, very slippery. And while Dachs merely had the flu, his team suffered from dropsy. BLOP was just bullying. They punched in all the TDs that eluded them all season. Yaron throws 6 and Ice Man throws 1. Jewball to OPY Ice for 3 TDs, 1 thrown, and 3 picks.
The late game a blow out with Zinn asserting his dominance as a QB and multi-tiered threat. Ran for 2, threw 2 and a pick 6. Kut continued to be an offensive juggernaut with 2 scores. Pray finishes off a low caliber day for him – throwing only 1 TD to Prime. That’s 2 TDs thrown by Pray on an IN BOTH day. Rough one for the MVP. Let’s see how he does tomorrow when everything is on the line.

As I watched the theatrics then fallout from NBA All Star Weekend (as you read this, you’ll be able to spot the various time periods I worked on it), it had me reflecting on Vets Rooks and the treatment we give it here at Jewball. Although some (Mighty) have argued that we should make it an All-Star game, I’ve resisted this notion. And now I’ve resisted to the last, as next year it will be someone else’s decision. (As an aside – Jewball, I will never ever ever leave you hanging. The IPWT era will begin, but until God recruits me to the Jewball games in the Olam Ha’Emet, I will contribute whatever I can – as much or as little is needed to keep our glorious institution afloat and on the rise.) What stood out consuming the All Star game festivities was how intent they were in injecting it with pomp and circumstance. The playbook read: SELL that this game means something because we are telling you it means something. We will dress it up and commentate and reminisce and this will create the illusion of import. And hopefully….HOPEFULLY the illusion will become the reality. Well, the fallout from social media and analysts said this plan crashed and burned. Mostly because the players themselves, both current and former, plainly stated as much. The older players criticized the dumbing down of it all. The younger players said the game is meaningless to them. Well, that game is played like it is meaningless.
Say what you want about VR…at the very least, it brings people out. The fun is in the rosters. The pre-game trash talk. The players that circle the game on the calendar. It’s that…”If I play one game this season, I’m coming out for VR.” It’s the game Singer flew in from Florida for (and then back). It’s the game Zez just flew in from Israel for (and saved a life along the way). There is something compelling about it. Whether you call it nostalgia or hype. In a way, just showing up matters as much as playing well. One thing that will inherently separate VR from an exhibition match is….it’s always been a regular season game. It counts. And Jewballers never phone it in when they can rack up a W (and maybe some stats along the way). They come out and compete. Maybe the concept of VR doesn’t mean what it once did, but there is no one on the field taking plays off. And that’s what makes the difference.
Luckily, I already talked about the disgraceful way Juniors Seniors ended (each side thinking…yeah…because of you, other side!) so we can just talk about the game.
I guess we have to go back to the pre-game trade. It’s relevant. Because Rabin had to clear out a deep impact, the Seniors picked up a QB who made a big impact. Gronk not only gave the Seniors a big advantage on both sides of the ball, it took a very versatile player away from the Juniors. That said, the Juniors had a loaded roster, and all the talent needed to go to the finals in back to back years. But then the snow came. Not enough to cancel the game (sorry Goldberg), but just enough to trap Solo (and Spira) and all of a sudden, the Juniors were mortal. There was also enough snow to have us all move our cars out of the LHS parking lot right before game tim, so it was a very Jewball-esque ceremony of rolling with obstacles and just finding a way to get the game in.
With Gronk on the other side and Solo snowed-in (and Storm on the IR), it was left to Yaron, Prime, Zada, Stella, Goldberg, Logan, Beast and their new toys, Legs, Dobs and Pray to do the heavy lifting. Yaron took ball first and it was a quick 3 and out. Gronk came in for the Seniors and sized up the defense. He immediately judged it as not formidable. Gronk with time is a nearly unstoppable force and the Juniors defense could not figure out an effective alignment early in the game. Gronk just picked it apart with Mighty, Jordan, Tom, Daveo, and Steve-O at his disposal. The Seniors were scoring early and often, while Yaron just managed one TD to Dobs in the first half. Yaron was kinda throwing the game away. Like Prime said, “Pick to Steve-O is something you can print in advance if it’s a VR game.” With the game tied, a Steve-O pick leads to a Senior TD. Then a Gronk pick leads to a Senior TD. Mighty is going off moving the ball and scores on a graceful leap to snag a pass right up the gut and into Valhalla. Jordan grabs two of his own and Daveo adds one. As the clock ticks down on the first half, the Seniors are in control with a 4-1 lead. But then Mighty has to drop his daughter off at a Chumash Play. He’s going to be gone for 35 minutes, allegedly to return. Can the Seniors hold on until the resurrection? No. No, they cannot. The Juniors start the second half with Pray at QB and a much more fierce pass-rush of Dobs and Legs. Yaron is left on the sidelines contemplating the degree of curse worthy to damn for all eternity the day he was born. The loss of Mighty is glaring and brutal and the Seniors start losing their swagger. TD to Prime. 4-2. Seniors think, bad, but we still have room to breathe. But then on a 4th and long, with man coverage and Pray under pressure, Daveo leaves his man to…allegedly watch the run. Dobs wide open in the endzone. TD Dobs. Juniors are breathing down the neck of the Seniors who are in full panic mode, staring at the parking lot, hoping for any signs of rat droppings. Instead of playing defense, the Seniors start saying Tehillim. This doesn’t work. Pray to Stella for a TD. All is lost! ALL IS LOST….it’s 4-3….nothing is working! NOTHING IS WORKING. MK drops a sure TD, gorgeous pass down the sideline from Gronk. Gronk starts to look totally bored and that’s never a good thing when he’s your QB. He’s gonna start throwing picks on purpose….and….and….HERE HE COMES TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAAAY! A car races into the parking lot and pulls up alongside the field. The door opens, and out jumps….no one…..oh wait, a mouse scurries out of the car and scampers onto the field. It’s MIGHTY! The Seniors are saved. Pray throws a pick to Gronk. The clock expires. The Seniors drive one final time just for fun (and of course to make the Juniors think that they get ball last even though they are down and the clock has expired and they don’t get ball last, but…why should reality and common sense ever get in the way of good old fashioned tantrum – sorry…recap is for posterity….had to be noted for future generations).
SENIORS ADVANCE!!! (Jewball to Gronk)
Oh yeah, there was also another game. First off, need to thank Logic for being one hell of a Rook. Just a consummate pro and Jewballer from day one. Much like his fellow Rook Captain, Zinn….a true role model in every way for our young players. On the field effort and skill. Off the field commitment and accountability. Thank you for joining us and making such a positive impression on the JCU.
It’s very cool that Avenger QBed for the Freshies. We are yet to see or know or realize what Avenger will be in Jewball, but I think he’s off to a really promising start. He plays the right way. The talent is undeniable. And he’s a character. So….it’s really just up to him whether he buys in. Hope he does. Game changing talent. Unfortunately for the Freshies, some of the top tier players were lost to injuries this season like Sherrif, Tommy, and BK. So…you’ll never know how this might have gone, but – at the same time – games are played under the circumstances which they are played. Meaning, depth of roster matters, as well as….who is zocheh to be in the game when it’s played. Also known as destiny.
The Smores we know. Honestly, hard to process and behold the Smores without Pray at the helm….But so is life. It rumbles on. We are powerless to stop time. This is one of the factors that makes VR as exciting as it is disturbing. The Smores this year were basically Roll Tide. You know that crew….Zinn, Dachs, Oppen, Stats, Ernie Rook, Waldo….The team that went all the way. And at the VR semis….they were up 4-0 quick. Dachs was a tad on fire. He threw 5 TDs! (2 to Irv, 1 apiece to Ernie, Zinn, and DK) and he rushed for one. Oppen and DK (YIKES!) sacked Avenger 5 times combined. Zinn even got in on the action with an Avenger takedown of his own. I’ll give Jewball to Captain Invader for being that Roy. Sacks better than picks. Seemed like this game would be a dud, but the Freshies stormed back. The final was 6-4 (Blitz two scores, and 2 for the new guy Avenger brought), so need to give them credit for showing grit. Pretty inspiring crew. Beyond the leadership of Logic and tenacity of Avenger, Portal was a revelation that Sunday. Landing from Israel at 5am…straight to the game, then helping out at the BBQ. I’m telling you, Jewball, the future is nothing but bright and brilliant. Jewball will be there for our kids. We carry it for us, but also for them. We will pass it down and pay it forward.

The categories below are made to give respect to those who we believe have earned the highest Jewball achievements of the season. While some polls are limited to choices, some have write in ballots. Please consider what these players do on the field, what they do for their teams, the stats they accumulate, and how they impact the game each time they walk on the gridiron. Please note that the overall MVP award is a distinction given by our commissioner during the season recap (although he does consider the vote). Please only vote once. Make every vote count!! (Note: Most performance categories carry a 10 games played minimum)

Coming off their impressive tie (sarcasm), the Blunts NEEDED a win and Ducks loss to remain alive for the playoffs. Ducks were playing on the other side of the split field. Looming above all this was the Pray v. Prime reunion/grudge match where each wanted to prove what he could do without and against the other. And it looked like stalemate for most of the game. Yaron leaned very heavily on Prime (perhaps too heavily), giving the Blunts’ Captain carry after carry. And Prime ran with the opportunity, picking up a lot of yards and bludgeoning the Gorillaz defense that was without their lead killer, Legs. BLOP scored first but the difference in this game was the extra points (oh, the irony!). Yaron buried one in Ice Man’s chest, but the ball bounced out. Points left on the field. Pray answered back every time, mostly with his legs. But once again, BLOP got in the endzone and took the lead. This time it was Jordan unable to haul in an extra point. The Gorillaz tied it up and finally got that critical extra point to take a lead. It was Zada hiding in plain sight and uncovered to nab the loft from Pray. Another mistake on Blunts’ resume. But Blunts were in never say die mode and took the lead one last time. The rest of the game for the BLOP….not pretty. Instead of stepping on the the throat of the Gorillaz and putting up a point that would put the game out of reach from the Gorillaz and seal a win, with 20 minutes left and 3 possessions over that period…..Blunts failed to score. On their last possession, Pray went straight run down the left sideline and Jordan could not keep up or catch him. Yaron took the ball last with a chance to tie, but the game ends on a jump ball between Jordan and Irv that Jordan couldn’t handle. No picks by Yaron. He throws 3 (2 Storm, 1 Ice). Pray threw a pick and ran 3 in. He was the man. Jewball to him.
*UNUNDEFEATED
An Ode to the Blunts of Prime
*A bird, flightless, plucked from its nest
Burning, High/stressed, embracing the test
Some questions unanswered and warnings unheeded
Draft Night, tension, the brownies unlabeled
Slight trash apprehension, a crowning is fabled
With Ice-Man and Stormy, a chip is conceded

Begin with the munchies, ready to feast
Defending like swiss cheese, from greatest to least
Bad starts can happen, a wound can be treated
Two down, still winless, doubt – it did creep
The story grows spinless, you sow what you reap
Mistakes and regrets, a mantra repeated

Deep Kuts, the sequel, a blow to the chin
Popmpous yet feeble, and bowing to Zinn
No ifs, ands, or butts, our buts firmly seated
Caught it, Prime did, now tied in a knot
Afforded more time, with one final shot
A rivalry next that could not be more heated

A wing and a prayer – is how the dream died
A team without hope is a team that is fried
Yaron should have lied more, LeBron should have cheated
The end, it approaches, a feeling that sucks
Puffing on roaches, hunting for ducks
A lone prime objective, to go un undefeated.

As far as playoff clinching, the Blunts loss to the Gorillaz did not end up mattering since the Ducks beat the Reapers. The 2023 BOP remain the lone undefeated team in League history. The Ducks won but lost BK for the season with the distal bicep tendon tear. Heal up, BK! Gronk gets the Jewball for the guest appearance at QB for the Ducks. They won this one handedly. Saw Tommy make some beautiful TD catches. Without Mighty and Ross, the Reapers could not put up points. Steveo starting them off with a score right away, but it was a barren wasteland after that. 1 TD and 5 picks for Feit. Steve-O the only TD….first score and only score. Some say the win was because of E who came in for BK and the Ducks took off. From line judge to savior. Ducks go on season defining, playoff spot seizing run…Gronk throws 4 TDs….2 Tommy, 1 Ernie, 1 Special K….almost everyone has a pick, but DK had one for 6.
The late game was a barn burner. 7-7 final, so….no Jewball (staying true to the alleged rule, but I did see recaps where I did give one for a tie due to special circumstances, but it’s been a long while) – however honorable mention due to the insane numbers for Avenger. Pray was sacked 4 times by Kut. Yaron threw 6 but was picked 3 times. Avenger threw 2, caught 2, rushed for 1, sacked Yaron and picked him twice (one of em for 6). I won’t remember many Jewball games as the years go on, but I think this one will stick.

Week 16 Part I
With great football comes great recapsibility. Steveo is not to blame for this terrible opening line. But he is responsible for the following…
Weather was great as the players took the field at Hewlett High School on an unofficial Jewball Sunday. One-man down, Stats came in to save the day to even out the game with Jordan. Unfortunately, the short bus had not arrived yet and Special K was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was in a different school district, but regardless he was not coming. The Commish sat the game out to keep the game even at 6s where Yaron started with the ball with one of his favorite WRs Goldberg, the Power Ranking Vampire aka Stats von Count, Spira, BZ, and the Real Slim Sammy. In the first drive Yaron connects with a beautiful pass over Steve-O and behind everyone to Stats who continues his hot streak this season to put the first score on the board. Rabin answered back with a pass to Steve-O and with a few spin moves and a broken tackle takes it down the field to balance the score. After that Yaron would bring it down the field but could not score against the defense of both O bros, Stella, Rabin, Kut, and Pray. Rabin did give them several chances throwing picks to BZ, who had a day, and finally a short pass to Stats and missed easy flag grabs, led to more stats and a 2-1 lead for Colors.
Rabin moving the ball fairly well, along with trick plays and runs with plays, sent BZ another ball his way, BZ racing to the endzone with Stella close behind, pulls ahead for a point as Stella’s Hamstring fell off making him look like the absent TBD. Earlier, J had walked off into the abyss with his fist pumped in the air, to the background of 80s music so the game was left with an odd count yet again. While the discussion to end the game, or go with an official defender, was underway, Sam went looking for his father at the convenient store, where they must have restocked the milk by now, and the game went on.
Down 3-1. Dark had the ball, but there was a major difference, there were no lineman. A dead/rush count in effect, as Jabroni reminisced about the Dark Ages he never experienced, Rabin returned back to a decade where he had no pressure and new cleats. No pass was in the ground and there were some beautiful balls thrown. The game was tied up quickly after a nice TD pass, and pick, and a beautiful run by Pray which he turned into a cross field bullet pass lateral to Kut to bring dark back in the game.
From there on out it was a fun and friendly shoot-out, both teams spreading the ball and racking up stats (lowercase). In the final moments of the game, tied at 7s, Yaron had one more drive to make it happen, but dark made the necessary stops. Rabin going with schoolyard “get open” plays, moved the ball downfield and again hitting Steve-O on the flag route where he takes it to the house for the W. A combined 7 TDs, 2 picks, 1 TD thrown, and a sack for the O bros all possible to the never-give-up attitude of a Jewball OG, throwing like Esiason and possibly retiring those cleats, of Rabin. Jewball for the GOAT.
I’ll take it from here, Wizard….
Week 16 Part II
We start with a little old school Jewball Recap moralizing from the soap box. There was controversy before, during, and after the game about Mike. I bring this up not to exacerbate it, but only to hopefully alleviate it. Though I may only be exacerbating. Here is what I will say about the Kid: He clearly hates the cold. Cali native stuck on the east coast and the low temps get under his skin and invade his soul. I don’t think he’s exaggerating how miserable the cold makes him. And I stand by and support his position that he has plenty of times stood out there in the cold and either played part time or hardly at all. He’s been a trooper at times. But….I will also say this… it’s not enough. We aren’t judged here by how much we do relative to how little we could potentially do. We are judged here based on the totality of what we do and how we do it. Compared to nothing and no one. The more you give to Jewball, the more you get. And conversely, the more you take from Jewball, the more you lose. Mike has given to Jewball. He started off like Rook and Waldo. Super interested by what he saw going on from a distance. Itching to become one of us. A very promising sign as he stood on the sidelines, waiting to get in, watching and being hopeful. Learning from Beast, talking football. It all looked so rosy and bright. But something did get lost along the way. At this point it doesn’t matter what. We all know the chat stuff, on field stuff, communication stuff. The fact is, Mike, you are one of us….and you are not too far gone. We are not beyond resolution, but it takes both sides. We all have to make sure our Jewball balance sheet always reflects more giving than taking. Kid, you have to start fresh with us – prove yourself on and off the field. And my hope is that this allows Jewball to give you a fresh start and…lay off you a bit 😏
This preamble is a long, pedantic, and circuitous way of saying Gorillaz came into Week 16 a bit discombobulated. Their disposition matched the field’s. Hate to make Feit right and God bless him for not sending me an “I told you” so text….but I would have sworn that the sun would have melted the snow from the prior week and LHS turf would be both ours and clear. It was ours. One end zone and twenty-five yards were shoveled to make a short soccer field and a pile of snow was built like a battlefield mound just beyond the 25. The beauty of Jewball after 23 years is….you always need to find new ways to adjust, to make it work, to plow through. You can do this year after year and no matter how long you persist…you’ve never see it all. This was a first. So everyone got to doing what they do best. Mighty and Opes grabbed shovels and starting digging us out. Yaron started using his Beautiful Mind and calculated that a 60-yard field would work (15 yards shorter than our usual) and lay down the cones – and Jordan started yelling at everyone trying to help. Thank you, Might, Oppen, and Yaron for setting up the field. I did shovel the hashes, btw – so it wasn’t just yelling.
And when all the field prep was done…it was time for Reapers v. Gorillaz. The Reapers were the Top Guns of Draft Night…in that everyone was wrong about them. The Reapers lost draft night. That was murmurs, whispers, and TBI gossip. But the hell with the rumor mill – These dudes show up! Speaking of showing up – where was Irv? Rook had already dropped the Mike and his team was still short one. Irv eventually came looking like Timmy Tim…skipped the mandatory stretches and hopped on the field. Can’t miss those stretches, Irv. Opening play with Pray over center for the 2-1 Gorrilaz….Irv gets a step on Ross on a post to the middle of the field. Perfect pass….and right through the wickets. Would have made a huge statement. Would have likely been a score. Would have changed the entire dynamic of the game for Gorillaz and settled everything down. Instead, it compounded everything. Sorry, Irv…was that kinda day. See you Sunday. Bring it.
Meanwhile, Feit has only been building and gaining momentum with his squad. The QB has shown that he has a non-stop motor – and I’m talking about his mouth on the sidelines. Just kidding (I mean, not really). But for real – he’s playing really good football, and as the weeks progress and Reapers keeping sowing wins, Steveo is looking more and more like a….well…..a draft wizard. Feit is making passes that no one else makes. Not that he is the most talented QB in Jewball. He isn’t. He knows it. But right now…he’s the master of touch (relax, PJs). It’s not just the high and tight fastball to Goldberg for the TD on a slant. It’s the looping sky-high arch of a pass to Logic in the back corner of the endzone. It’s the passes that meet his receivers at the exact right moment whether they are on a cross or a fly. Keep this dude in mind come awards season. His story is a great one (speaking of fresh starts that no one saw coming). From irreparable Feet to incredible feats.
Another great performance in this game was that of the line judges. One in particular. When Rook picked Feit in the endzone, Jordan was right on the spot making the call. Didn’t give anyone time to argue whether it was a catch or not a catch. Jordan knew that the point of the line judge was to show authority. By making a definitive call so that the game would not be interrupted by incessant arguments and petty bickering. Everyone stayed cool and accepted the call. No one lost their mind. The line judge concept once again proved itself to be a worthy addition to Jewball and Leagues. Although at one point Jordan’s fellow line judge, Yaron, left his post because he said he was lonely – which is cute – but on the very next play there was a call needed right where he stood before.
Oh, btw, the Reapers crushed the Gorillaz. We start with they are great team. We start with Solo in the short sleeves totally bought in. We advance to he and Oppen menacing QBs with a boisterous spirit. We add a very talent receiving core lead by an MVP caliber Mighty. We consider Feit playing his best football and being his best self. And then we have Goldberg who was just the top player out there that day and gets the Jewball. I know this because he told me. But now I see he had 2 TDs and pick, so checks out. And we end with….poor Pray. The two time MVP might have won this game if his players….y’know….caught the great passes he threw. But they didn’t. They seemed to drop or misplay them all. I presume some catches were made, but they were few and far between. Gorillaz go to 2-2. Reapers remain undefeated at 4-0-1.
Logan must have read the Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuvah between Week 12 and Week 16. Not only does he show up to any icy field, not only does he show up to an icy field without sleeves, not only does he play, not only does he dive on the first play of the game (to make a hell of a catch), not only does he cut himself on the ice and bleed from his well-tone arms the entire game, but he does all that without saying….you don’t fucking know me, mother fuc*ers (yes, I cleaned up the second f-bomb because the context was different). Talk about a full and complete Teshuvah!
It was physical ball last Sunday (wow…writing a recap between games is a cool thing…I should do this more often 😐). The short field contributed to the intensity and immediacy. The whole experience felt surreal. Disorienting, but in a good way. The need to constantly orient demanded a heightened concentration level and focus. Mental toughness was at a premium. Yaron had Prime, Zinn (back from the IR), Logan, Kut, Bert, and Whiskey, and Pray lined up with Dobs, Justin, Kagan, The Rook, Tom, and Jordan. Early on, Prime was picking on the Rook, who still looked shel-shocked from the beat down he had recently emerged from in the early game. Sometimes it’s hard to wash off a loss in sports, day to day or even week to week, but Jewball often demands you do it minute to minute. Yaron took a fairly quick 2-1 lead. Prime rushed for 1 and Zinn caught one deep getting behind Pray. At the half it was 3-2 Yaron as he connected with Logan just before halftime. After some soul-searching in the locker room, Pray’s crew figured out the defense and just got gritty with it. It’s an old cliché, but in this case it was true: Pray’s team just wanted it more. OMG! Just kidding! Yaron threw some mind-numbingly bad picks that let Pray back in the game….none worse than a floating heave that he threw blindly to no one while getting sacked that landed in Dobs’ arms. Was Dobs second pick of the day. Dobs also put up a point and nearly had another one on an awesome leap in the middle of the endzone, but the ball glanced off his fingertips. His defense was also stellar, holding up Zinn so the phenom could not break free and break one off, and diving to knock away a big 3rd and short pass to Kut. Jewball to him for the inflated stat line. Shoot….I gave away the ending. Jewballs are for winners and this means Pray won. The QB who was plagued by drops in the League Game was blessed with a bounty of caught balls in the late game. Pray, who was also clearly rattled by the early game, hung in the there and hung tough. He ran when he needed to. Picked up some critical first downs by inches in pivotal moments when his team needed a leader and a back to jump on. Down 3-2 with a quarter of football left, he found Kagan in the back of the endzone to tie things up, right? And then took the lead when Rook was left alone deep. He even challenged Zinn on a deep ball and stuck with him stride for stride, knocking the pass away at the last second. Yaron and co. did not score for the last 30 minutes of the game due to such relentless defense, with Tom in particular picking up some big time sacks and applying pressure on every play. And just generally, Pray’s team utilized that sports intangible known as momentum….it swung wildly in this one. Yaron’s crew was losing their cool as Pray’s crew was gaining their confidence on route to a comeback dub.

The Reapers were still lossless when they came into this one and the Blunts were absolutely desperate to salvage their season, especially after the Ducks got a W on their ledger. Without Oppen this time and having played them close in their prior contest, Blunts had reason to believe. It was a great back and forth game. Reapers were up early, but the infamous skip pass to Prime rallied the Blunts. As for the call itself. We all said the same thing. The ball sounded like it grazed turf, but the visual showed catch. Who knows? Goldberg would argue either way. At some point Zinn showed up with the camera and we have some great shots of the end of this one, prominently featuring this recapper. Yaron to Jordan over the top down the sideline on 4th and long to keep the Blunts alive. Ice Man ties the game on the next play. To College OT we go. On 4th down again, Jordan to the rescue. A drop and then a recovery while sliding in the back corner of the endzone puts Blunts up a score, but tis the season of Mighty. A dump pass from Feit at the 7 has Mighty dashing for the endzone. Ice Man meets him at the 5 and pushes him all the way back to the ten. The Blunts are frozen. Staring and not swarming as we promised ourselves we would. Mighty keeps his thunderous legs churning and Ice Man starts losing his grip. As Mighty slides out of Ice Man’s grasp, the Blunts begin to get over, but it’s too late. Mighty is in and the game is tied. That’s how it ended.
Across the way, Pray beats Gronk in a close one, 6-5. Gronk, as always, spreads the ball. TDs by Kut, Special K, Stats, and Tom. Pray pours in 3 with Ernie, 2 to the Rook and 1to Zada. Wish I had the details on this one. Seems like a beast of a showdown. Jewball to Ernie for the hat trick.
Late game another tie – 4-4. Pray v. Dachs. Dachs does it with Storm, Stats and Ice (and runs one in). Pray throws all of his (2 to the Rook (who is racking up gaudy season TD numbers) on a 4 TD day!, 1 Prime, and 1 BK.