As I slowly but surely run out of ways to describe football games in words, I like to believe that by filming, I save myself the requirement to recap. Week 12 was another 3 game affair and I dutifully filmed much of it. And as much as I’d love to refer you to the clips posted for some of the details of these games, this is a recap that needs writing. The Chronicles need to mark this week because we will one day ask ourselves when the Gronk comeback began. And the answer will be that it occurred on the same week that the Feit comeback began.
Game 1A looked really good on paper. Two QBs on a roll going head to head. Gronk v. Pray. At the same time two MVP candidates on the same team – Mighty and Pray – trying to win the game while limiting the stats of the other. And also the biggest challenge of all…PJs trying to avoid a concussion. I’d love to say that things started falling apart for Team Colors the moment Gronk got injured, but in reality – he had thrown three picks and no TDs before tragedy struck. I believe the score was 0-0 when all of a sudden, Gronk was on the floor, eyes closed, holding his leg. He knew. “I feel like I got shot in the ankle” He was doing something he had done a thousand times before. Moving around, buying some times before finding the open receiver. And bang. Shot. Down he goes. There are so many reasons to lament the end of Gronk’s season. After basically missing the entire last season, he came back with just a tad of rust on the field and a lot more centered off of it. The guy was a force to be reckoned with on the chat the past few seasons. Firing missives and provocations with abandon. But, now, he is Oraclesque in his discretion – weighing his words and thoughts. Then the football part of him kicked in. Athletes gonna athlete. He started intimidating QBs, catching Yaron bombs on Tuesday nights, taunting the Kid, and dropping dimes on every single WR at his disposal. He was having a season that could only be described as Gronkian. But sports is a cruel master and there are no free passes. No one is above a season ender. We are all out here dodging bullets. As is the Jewball way, Gronk hobbles over to a bench and spends the rest of the game contemplating his miserable fate. With a torn achilles, the denial stage does not last long. Depression sets in almost immediately. Acceptance soon after. The game goes on, but it was not much of a challenge. A one armed Jordan steps in to replace a QB. Kut tries to throw. Throws a pick. Goldberg tried to throw. Throws 2 picks. Mighty is the beneficiary of all this. Scores 2 and picks 3. PJs catches a TD as well as knee to the head. He nearly had a P6, but was foggy post hit. Pray walks away with the Jewball in the accursed game with 3 thrown, 2 picks, and 1 of em for 6. Gronk….fight!
Gronk had a great excuse for taking the L. Don’t know what Yaron will tell you. He loses to the upstart Invader 2-1 in a game that all who witnessed it dubbed The Daxxy Game. The rookie crooner had 2 sacks and a majestic leaping P6. I missed the fireworks of that play, but every time I looked up to check on that game, I saw E making catches all over the place and DK taking out his sack lunch (birthday boy had 4). But DK and E’s heroics were not enough to get Yaron a W. Who can possibly get a Jewball for the Daxxy Game? Hmmmm….
On a day where a QB goes down, a QB is resurrected. Feit has been having a lowkey strong season. Walked to Pray SZ in the rain. Played sharp in 2 Bowl Games. Got a Jewball in a BOP win. And now, a regular season win over Yaron. JaBron graciously gave Storm a start on the fiery one’s birthday and it went pretty well. Both Feit and Storm went 3 and out to start the game, but on take two, Storm matriculated down the field and fired one in to Yaron at the back of the endzone and took a 1-0 lead. At that point Yaron took over the offense and the team would fail to score for the remainder of the game. And although Feit ran anemic offenses for his League Teams in prior years, he has been a potent offensive force this season. The Determined Dermo has been showing up with the Stat That swagger of old, and dividends are being paid. He throws the TDs (Sherrif, Kut, and Pray), runs one in for a score, and add a pick for extra flavor. Jewball to him? Yes. Is a League Team next?

League Week 3 gamesmanship started days in advance, as two of our teams were scrambling to replace QBs. The QB for the 1-1 Dawgs and 0-2 Cobras were out of commission for pivotal matchups in this very short 6 game season. Dachs was trying to keep the shalom bayis and stayed back (with the exception of a short appearance, leaving the kids in the car in the parking lot like many great men before him), and Perla is down with a bone chip suffered during a PJS flackle (flag grab disguised as tackle). Let the battle for Weider begin. While the potential/hopeful future Jewballer had agreed to come out, the question was who he would play for. It looked at first that he would be throwing for Cobras as his absence was assured, but once Dachs made his decision to sit official, Legs played both the he’s my friend card and the confused card, and Weider was all set to run the offense for the Dawgs. We will get to the Cobras in a bit.
The Dawgs, coming off a loss to BOP, were taking on the 1-1 Crocs, who had beaten the Lionhearts a few weeks earlier at Woodmere Middle. An impressive win, but one they viewed as merely a stepping stone. The Dawgs would be a tough test, with the combined talents of Legs, Mighty, Steveo, O, Blitz, Salem, and Ross. Even without their leader and signal caller – this is a stacked team. But would Weider be able to catch up to Jewball speed after many years away from the game and scrape off the rust in time to deliver his team a victory? To the game:
The answer to the rust question was answered immediately. It was there and needed some scraping. Passes were not reaching their intended targets and Weider’s scrambles were one gear too slow. It was surely a frustrating first few sets for the Dawgs. But it was clear that Weider was a winner and confident and knew that his football faculties would return – the only question was when and would it be too late?
The Crocs were lined up with their formidable squad; MVP under center and a powerhouse of talent lead by Zinn and rounded out by BK, Dobbs, Rook, Sam, Kut, Vegh, and Tom. On their first possession, a well contested ball and drop by the normally sure-handed Dobbs kept both teams off the board early. But after another shaky set with Weider’s timing off, Snow got the ball back and went to the most reliable weapon in Jewball – the jump ball to Zinn. Left sideline 40 yard no doubter – keeping it simple and moving the chains. From the red zone, Ross – who had a big game – made a nice play batting down a TD intended for Zinn, but a play later Snow found BK and the Crocs were on the board.
If Weider wasn’t going to figure things out, it was possible that Crocs could win even with one score. But just then the defense did him a huge favor. It was the Big O with a deflection of a Snow pass and a beautiful diving recovery of the ball before it hit the ground – setting up the Dawgs at their 5 yard line. With that kind of down and distance, Weider came back fully charged and found Ross zipping across the endzone left to right and tied things up.
The celebration was short lived. With Dachs watching from the sideline, the Dawgs’ defense broke down and a blown coverage resulted in a wide open BK who easily took the 25 yard pass to the house as Legs screamed “Who has him?!” Crocs up 2-1 as the first half came to a close.
The second half was about as exciting as Jewball gets. Weider transformed right before our eyes into a QB, and though still not what he soon will be, the passes were crisper – some brilliant – and the QB runs were up to speed. And it helped that Ross was having his best game as a Jewballer. The rookie picked Snow for 6 and tied the game up early in the 2nd half. The second half made it look like Snow was trying to blow the game. The first half momentum was flushed away in a flurry of picks. The MVP was intercepted 5 times on the day and the last one resulted in a drive for the invigorated Weider and Dawgs. A sweet sliding grab running right to left in the corner of the endzone by Blitz to give the Dawgs a 3-2 lead with only minutes left in the game. Dawgs were assured ball last so the odds were stacked against the Crocs to pull this one out. I wish I could say I remember everything about the drive Snow orchestrated. For some reason I think it was catches by Vegh and Dobs. Either way, the drive was capped by a game tying TD by the Rook! Dawgs now with the ball and a chance to win it in regulation. Weider marched his team down the field confidently. Everything had gone their way in the second half and it was now time to indelibly stamp this game as an all time great comeback. Straight out of a TBI dream sequence, the game would end on an out to Mighty on the right side. He would make one man miss and skitter his way in to the endzone to seal the game and his legend. The Year of the Rat would continue. But what happened was…Mighty runs into a brick wall at the 1. And you can’t spell brick without BK. BK stands Mighty up at the 1 and the game goes on. It goes on to the tune of another TD for the Rook in nearly the same spot as his game tying TD five minutes earlier. Dawgs get another chance to win the thing, but after some positive yards, Weider fires a gorgeous 26 yard pass at a crossing Blitz, who proceeds to do what Storm calls the dart board and the ball bounces off his chest and into the air. And then into the waiting arms of Rook. Game over. Crocs win! Jewball in a game like this is a tough win. Because it’s an important game and there were so many huge plays. In the end, none were bigger than the one that actually prevented the loss. That is BK stopping Mighty at the 1. That’s the ball game, right there. Mighty scores there nine out of ten times. Rook comes very close with the late game heroics, but in the end – it’s BK with the 2 early scores to give Crocs the cushion they desperately needed, and making the play of the game to keep his team alive.
Our other games I did not watch. Klink was manning the Cronies v. Lionhearts game and Samet was handling Cobras v. BOP. Thank you, gentlemen, both. Much appreciated. Brief recaps of those two affairs:
At LHS, it was the 1-1 Cronies against the 1-1 Lionhearts, and Lionhearts jumped out first with a bomb TD to Jack. My heart sunk as I saw that from across the way, thinking my team would be having a rough day. But they didn’t. A few minutes later I see a bomb TD to storm and a few minutes after that a bomb TD to Tommy. I see the Cronies celebrating and barking. We bark. You can shut them up by beating them. Good luck. Every time I look up I see Oppen smacking down a pass. I see Daxxy with a huge smile. Cronies are fine. Yaron put up some points in Yaron time, but it was all Cronies day. My QB throws 3 TDs (Tommy, PJs, and Storm), has 3 picks (2 of em for 6), and racks up another Jewball.
Brady did not make it to Jewball. The man most excited about Bardy did not make it out Sunday morning. Solo was late Sherrif was later. Cobras still made it a game, but in a losing effort. BOP have not lost. Cobras have not won. On to the next. Every game is its own unique story and possibility. Jewball to Prime for coming in and scoring a TD. The guy is an inspiration.
The next morning we regrouped for some Jesus Bowl football. Was great to see All Man play some ball. Was astonishing to see Brody come out (for all the well earned shtick about his chronic canceling – he can ball). Was beautiful to see all the friends and Jewball family on the sideline. Our Bowl Games are our holidays and we know how to celebrate. We know what’s important. We have another one in a few days. See you on the field.

It’s a cliché, but Jewball has become the gift that keeps on giving. With every season, we add something new that immediately becomes an integral part of the tradition. As if we’ve always done it. As if the innovation had just been waiting for us to incorporate it into our ever expanding schedule. And so it has been with our Chanukah Party – now a mere three years old, but feeling like a well worn pair of jeans. Just comfortable and reliable and always a good look. Legs was just a precocious newbie when he stated with the authority of a Vet that Jewball shall have a Chanukah Party. And the wives shall be invited. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. Year one was a pool hall in Island Park. Year two was a brewery in Oceanside. Year Three was a music hall in West Hempstead. Three different flavors, but each one absolutely spot-on for the moment in time. My only regret is that not everyone could be at every one. But to those who came out, thank you. It’s a major source of a chizuk for me personally and for all those who appreciate the world we have built and continue to. Thank you to Legs once again for starting this up and buying us all drinks. To Rabin for sponsoring the games. To Yaron for handling the food (and to all those who sent him $). To Daveo, Steveo and Ice Man for the donuts (support Alans!). To the big O for thinking about our wives and getting them extremely thoughtful gifts. To Weague Leek (Kut, Ernie, Dax, Daveo, and Steveo) for entertaining the hell out of us. And most of all to DK for giving Ernie a permanent complex.
The party preceded Week 10, and although there wasn’t mass intoxication at the party, there seemed to be a group hangover Sunday morning by anyone playing against Yaron.
It was our second week in a row of pending rain storms. So cold and gloomy, but the Jewball gods once again kept the downpour in check so the games could be played.
Let’s start with the blow out loss. We can blame one of two things for such an uneven game – if we are looking for excuses. One is Brody’s big comeback was delayed at the last minute by none other than Brody. I believe he wholeheartedly intends to return, but I think I speak for all of us when I say – I’ll believe it when I see it. So Spira – a very good player – takes the place of Brody. The issue is just they are different kinds of players. It took a speed receiver away from Pray. The other excuse is Pray who was getting over a flu-like symptomy week. He just wasn’t himself. The other possibility – and it should not be brushed aside – is that Gronk is back to the dominant Gronk that beat up on every QB we threw at him. A week after leading a team that put up a whopping 8 scores, he leads a team that puts up….a whopping 8 scores. Although this will be remembered as the Tom game, where the big fella galloped his way to two awe-inspiring touchdowns, it’s really about what Gonk is doing right now. As Tom himself said later in the day while chasing his kids around Ohr Torah, “Gronk uses me.” And that’s what makes the Mat Stafford doppelganger so effective. He has gift for processing the field and finding the open man. He firmly believes that the open man gets the ball – no matter what the power rankings or the mock drafts say. Faith breeds confidence and confidence breeds catches. Well, Gronk ran away with this one. Literally. He ran, sashayed, shook, and shimmied for 3 scores himself while throwing 5 more to 3 different receivers. Pray could only put up half that many points in his diminished state. The Rat got his stats with a TD and a pick. Mike made a really sweet deep catch for a score, starting to show the skills that he’s been promoting on the chat. And the quiet hero of Jewball, Josh Scott Dobs, not only inflated the menorah, but inflated his stat line with 2 TDs. Although I’d love to give the Jewball to Tom because he’s a majestic beast of a man, it’s got to be Gronk for laying the smackdown two weeks in a row.
On the other side of the cones, Yaron was doing his best Gronk impression – he himself rushing for 3 TDs, but would it be enough? His opposing QB, the great recent girl dad Dachs, is known for putting up points and running up a score. But to do this, your receivers needs to catch the ball. And his have been suffering from a chronic case of the dropsies. A malady that plagued many of Yaron’s receivers in the past.
Now what if I told you that Yaron’s top receiver, Ice Man, would go down early with ankle, attempt to tough through it, but eventually limp off the field not to return. What if I told you that his replacement, Legs, would not show up until garbage time. What if I told you the Sheriff would score two for Yaron, but they would each be canceled by calls (Goldberg PI, and Beast that the line moved – poetic combo). What if I told you, two of Yaron’s players, Goldberg and Ross, would each have multiple easy almost picks which they bumbled. And then what if I told you Yaron won by 3 scores over Dachs, 5-2. It’s hard to say what was wrong with Dachs, but I guess I’ll just say Mazal Tov. He had a lot on his mind and his receivers were making his life miserable with some unforced errors. Either way, the W by Yaron was inexplicable. But that’s why we play the games. Two very hot QBs going head to head in Week 11 in a League Game (in less than 10 hours actually). Jewball to Yaron for winning this one with smoke, mirrors, scotch tape, and other scraps of the trash his game is made of.
The late game was better. While Pray’s fever had still not broken, at least this time Spira was actually supposed to be on his team. I have to admit, I spent most of the game talking life, hashkafa, and shidduchim with Irv, I was cognizant of the game for fleeting moments. One of them allowed me to witness a spectacular, stunning, and stupendous touch down pass from Pray to BK like Lock to Smith-Njigba. BK getting to the ball in full stride and hauling it in with his fingertips down the right sideline. At another instant of paying attention, I saw Legs looking more and more like the T-1000 version of Christian McCaffrey. But this terminator wears tiny pink shorts. Brad had 2 sacks, a TD, came early to help Jewball, and wore his shorts. I was going to give Yaron two Jewballs on the day, but he’ll gladly take his 2 wins and the momentum into tomorrow. Instead, it’lll go to Legs since TBI and the general consensus of Jewball is that Legs is the man right now. Or at least the cybernetic organism right now. Come with me if you want to win.

League Weeks 1 and 2 Recap

Although we played one League game Primeaturely, Week 7 of Jewball marked the official start of League Weeks. The hype for Leagues this season was somewhat muted by the reconfigured Draft Party and the long wait for the games to begin, but Jewball Leagues are Jewball Leagues, and there is really nothing quite like it in our history. We’ve had big games, whether against non Jewball teams or – most similarly – Vets Rooks, but there is something about Leagues. The jerseys. The team names. The bonding. The knowledge that only one crew will remain standing, and DOMA sits at the end of the crucible. I like to think that Jewballers bring it every week – and for the most part, they do. No one takes a play off. Except for Snow accidentally saying in the huddle once, “Let’s have some fun,” and Zinn accidentally saying on the chat once that Vets Rooks doesn’t matter, Jewballers generally show up ready to rumble. But you can’t deny the sizzle in the air on League Weeks. So, despite the drama, it was a great idea, it remains a great idea – and – with some tweaks – we are continuing to make it a core element of the Jewball season.
Week 7 featured two games, Cronies v. Dawgs and Lionhearts v. Cobras. The Crocs (0-1) and Birds (1-0) had the week off and a bunch of their players came down to watch.  First up was Cronies v. Dawgs. Gotta hand it to the Dawgs. They have shown up for both League Games so far with their full rosters available. That’s always a great sign. Cronies have 3 players on the IR (Sting, Jordan, and Samet), with possibly only Jordan poised to come back this season. And PJs was on assignment. So it was formed Crony (and Championship MVP) Maor to the rescue. That gave the team 6. Daxxy recruited a kid from high school with a good reputation to round out the squad – nice, kid, but the result was less than nice.
Gronk came out leading his Cronies with that Gronk swagger. Quick long strike, perfectly placed to Storm, and it was Cronies on the board first. 6-0. But all that potential and hype disappeared as the game progressed. Daxxy’s Plus 1 had a brutal game of drops. And we know Gronk – he gives up on no one who is open. Player was open. The ball hit him in the hands. The ball hit the ground. Time and time again. The good news for the Cronies was, Dawgs were going drop for drop with them. Think even Mighty dropped one. For sure Ross did. Dachs and Gronk were handling their business and being let down. However, Dawgs has Mighty and Legs – two players that have shown this season that they will not be held down. Mighty caught 2 TDs, and had a P6. Legs erupts for 6 sacks. Jewball to each of those monsters. This is also the game where Beast reffed, and I think it went relatively well with someone making calls. Less fights. Even though some of the calls were made under the influence. I think. Your final is 26-6 Dawgs (1-0) over Cronies (0-1).
In a game that felt like it would be even more one-sided than the early game, Lionhearts v. Cobras had some juice at the end. Once again, it was the team that had its roster show up looking a lot better than the team trying to plug holes. Listen, I give Perla a ton of credit. He is the ultimate gamer. He abides by the philosophy of…..you do your best with what you have and you fight to the whistle. But Cobras need MK, Solo, Goldberg, and Sherrif at every game to compete. And so far they have not had a game with those 4 in attendance. They played a fully stocked Lionhearts and it wasn’t close for most of the game. Yaron jumped out to a 3 score lead, looking really comfortable with his new toys. While his usual go-to, Jack, did have a rushing TD, it was Fox having the statement game hauling in 3 TDs. With all hope seeming lost, Perla did his usual furious comeback bit. Riding the elusive speed and sure-handedness of Sherrif, and the rage of Big E Walls (3 sacks), Cobras made it interesting in the end. Whiskey caught at TD pass which brought the Cobras to within a score to tie the game. But Yaron pumped two late TDs in (1 to Stats and 1 to Fox) and put it out of reach. Jewball to Yaron for the 5 TDs thrown and 2 sacks as his Lionhearts (1-0) defeat the Cobras (0-1).
After a rain checked Week 8, League Week 2 was played – all 3 games at 8 am. We will begin with the 2 played at Lawrence High School on an unseasonably warm and calm December morning – though the clouds were pregnant with a brewing storm. And speaking of storms a brewing, our very own Johnny Storm had himself a game for the Cronies. This time it was Cobras with MK and Goldberg, but without Perla’s main weapon, Sherrif. Regardless, there is no real good excuse for what happened. Cobras need to figure out something that works. They have too many talented players to not be competitive. This one is not worth analyzing much more than saying Gronk gets Jewball for throwing 6 TDS to 4 different receivers (3 to Storm). The Kids scores the only TD for Cobras. PJS had a TD and an epic sack which we just learned will sideline Perla for a bit (welcome to the club). And Tommy looks like a keeper. Cronies (1-1) right the ship and Cobras (0-2) are still looking for answers.
 Across the way, a heavyweight battle was underway. BOP v. Dawgs faced each other in a game that many think will be replicated in the finals. Once again, Dawgs were fully loaded, while BOP was missing Prime, and for most of the game it was Dawgs on top. The game was scoreless for the first quarter, but as the 2nd quarter began, Dachs found Waldo streaking across the back of the endzone and took the lead. The lead was held until 2 minutes before the half, when Pray found former FCFT and Top Guns captain, Feit, a step off the sideline in the endzone and the QB did his best WR impression, making the catch and getting 3 balls in. Game tied. At this point, I ventured to WMS to scope our 3rd game of the day, but when I returned 45 minutes later, it was clear that Dawgs had been victimized. They were wronged in some way and the game was unofficially being played under protest. Two calls by BOP were being disrespected (a flag guard call by Daveo and PI call by Ice Man) had the Dawgs uproarious. Meanwhile, they had the lead with 15 minutes left. But the lead was squandered as the clock ticked down. After multiple holding calls by Legs as BOP knocked on the door of a game tying TD, Pray eventually slipped one in to Ice Man and the score was tied.  Everyone was exhausted from the arguing, spirits were low, and players had/wanted to go – so it was decided to go 1 and 1 full possession with Dachs and Dawgs getting ball first. You could kind of tell that Dawgs were going to lose this game based on the way things had gone. Right or wrong, the calls and the turn of events had them unfocused and resigned to a bitter fate. They went 3 and out. Pray and BOP were confident and played with their chins up. O had to run so the Dawgs were down a big defensive weapon, especially on the pass rush and slowing the QB run. Pray used this to his advantage and marched down the field with a few runs mixed in. On the final play of the game, Pray connects with Feit once again in the endzone and as the saying goes, Feit got hands. He makes the catch and closes this one out. BOP (2-0) 18 and Dawgs (1-1) 12. Jewball goes to a man who hasn’t played much football with us this season. In fact, this was his first regular season game. He had a very disappointing season last year, and a disappointing League season the year before that….but Jewballers never say die. Feit told us he couldn’t commit to playing this season. Couldn’t commit to Leagues. But he entered the draft and was chosen in the very late rounds by Pray. And last Sunday he was a game winning hero. Jewball to Feit for all the reasons we give out this award.
The last game is the one I know the least about. I know that it was scheduled to be played at HHS, but was rerouted to WMS and thankfully that worked. I know that Yaron was without Fox, who was the real scoring difference-maker for him in League Game 1. MVP and the Crocs were also short a few players, but what a blessing to have Jesus come back and play some Jewball with us. Jesus does it right (as does Zez). It’s okay to leave Jewball if you must, but if you are around – get a game in. Keep the tradition going. Stay with the family. Jesus is a Golden Age player who has made sure to catch a game whenever he can. If you ever find yourself away from Jewball, but have an opportunity to come back for a game, ask yourself: What would Jesus do? Jesus ended up needing to play for both teams as Rabin had some tightness which gave him scare enough to pull himself from the game. If I’m not mistaken, Crocs never trailed. They either had the lead or were tied from the beginning. I asked Zinn after the game, what he thought of Crocs. His quietly confident take: “We are working on some things.” I interpret that as, we have a good team, and we can win this whole thing….but we need to stay hungry and have the mentality of improve every game. It’s a very likeable and talented team. Well, Zinn lead by example last Sunday with 3 scores and a pick – Jewball to him. Jesus told me on the sideline about Zinn, we’ve had great athletes, but no one ever as smooth as that kid. Can’t argue. Zinn’s 3 TDs plus 1 by BK were enough to beat a subdued Lionhearts offense. Snow’s Crocs (1-1) just had too much firepower and Lionhearts (1-1) felt the absence of Fox.

One day, someone might read this recap and wonder why it has so few details considering it was written between Week 6 and Week 7, as is the tradition. Not just tradition, but more or less the practice for almost 20 years. But, as an excuse as well as an indictment, this recapper must admit that it is being drafted on the eve of Week 9. I will catch up, but it won’t be pretty.
Week 6 was played 6 days after the surgery that has me on the sidelines for another month. I made some notes so I wouldn’t forget the games entirely. There were 3 games played. I have a note saying, “the week Pray screwed everyone.” Presuming my memory serves and Woodmere Middle School did not turn into Yaron’s favorite beach club, this was the week we thought perhaps Yopray was making his earthly debut. So, it went from a really hot Pray v. Dachs matchup. A one for the ages battle of brothers as the Dachs boys clashed with the K Bros. It had the makings of a Jewball inferno. Instead, Pray goes ahead and has a staring contest with his wife for 5 hours, waiting for her to flinch and clear him for departure. With each contraction, the quality of our games contracted. Not only did she ultimately not have the baby until two weeks later, but Pray couldn’t make the call early enough, so a Pray lead team became a Rahmani lead team – and not even the Vet….it was the undrafted rookie, Akiva Rahmani. Truth be told, he wasn’t that bad. He has his dad’s confidence and determination, and he threw some true passes. Put up 2 scores with Legs and 2 with the Rook, but too little too late as this was a revenge game for Dachs who had been starved of his prized weapon for weeks. No one can say Dachs isn’t talented on his own (Recap of Week 7 will allow for this discussion), but give him Dax and one can call the force unstoppable. With Daxxy on their side as well – and Pray out – well, very few things in Jewball are inevitable, but math is math. And 3 Dachs > 3 Ks + 2 Rahmanis. Dax goes off for 5 TDS in a Dachs over Rahmani win 6-4. Jewballs to Dachs and Dax, proving once again that there is no better tandem in Jewball.
One benefit of writing the recap embarrassingly late is that I can epilogue here and report with the nachas of a grandfather that we were zocheh to see the aforementioned Prayby born between Week 7 and Week 8, which caused much light and joy in the Jewball world. Beginning with the collection for the Jewball gift (thank you, as always, big O), which I am told was the most participated in gift we have had. And I’m not surprised. Many people contribute to things. Many do so consistently. A bunch do it every time. But, I can say this unequivocally about Pray – he is as zealous and generous when it come to giving to Jewball as it gets. And he’s being doing it since day 1. In other words – he doesn’t just deserve it, he’s creating his own reality. You INDEED reap what you sow. As I told him after the shoyloym zoychoyur that Jewball descended on a week ago Friday night, thank you for being the guy we want to walk to in the pouring rain for. There was no question. No doubt. It’s a Pray simcha. We’re there. Was capped off by the bris, which I did forget about (so there goes the speech above), but thankfully Daveo messaged a dig at BD (who probably hates this paragraph so much), which got me there in a flash – just in time to catch the pic and learn that Kut likes his eggs runny af. I was also able to botch a Harachaman (thank you, Pray – means more to me than you can know) and hear Pray speak and call Jewball his other family. Well, he didn’t lie – we are. May Yonah grow l’tackles, catches, and mvp seasons.
Across the field on a stunning football Sunday, Yaron and MVP were locked in perhaps the best game of our young but rapidly aging Jewball season. Do I remember much about it? Of course not. But I do recall it being a good one. I believe it was the Solo Jewball season debut and he made it a real good one. The kind of game you get Jewballs for with 5 sacks and getting his team on the board with a dump and run TD. Was great to see him doing his rhythmic breathing exercises on the field once again. If I recall – and I don’t – Yaron jumped out to a lead in this one by maybe two scores. He was giving Snow a licking while the only thing Snow was licking was his fingers. Despite all that moisture – or maybe because of it – Snow threw 3 picks (Dobs, Bron, and The Kid). And what if I told you that Yaron put up 3 scores in the game? Sounds like Le’Bron got himself off the matt and went home with a W. But, no. Despite throwing zero picks…I guess the defense just locked down on him and prevented further damage, while Snow threw 3 TDs to the Mighty one and one to the Wizard….and – let’s just say in OT since I think it was – Snow defeats Yaron 4-3! Jewball to Mighty once again. It’s getting stupid.
In the 945 Game, Yaron, coming off a tough loss, had a very tough task. A hungry Pray was released and showed up ready to ball. It was clear that all his frustrations with his wife, marriage, life choices, and religion were about to be unleashed on the field. And then the randomizer went full crackhead and handed him Solo, Legs, Spira, Ice Man, Salem, and Beast. It’s like the Suicide Squad version of Jewball and I don’t mean the softball version, emphasis on the soft. Although Yaron had the power of 4 Katzes (and btw – just thought of a great name for an all Katz team – ThunderKatz), it wasn’t remotely enough to prevent the murder death kills that greeted him that Sunday morning. Pray threw 5 TDS. Two to the Ice Man, 2 to Legs, and 1 to my boy Spira. Pray gets the Jewball for risking his marriage once again for Jewball. Not sure that’s a good thing, but he should at least get something for his questionable decision making. 
TURKEY BOWL
I’m not gonna recap these games because I filmed them, but I must certainly once again commend Rabin for bringing The Oracle down. How cool is that? The guy was the first Jewballer! I’ve never met him until a few weeks ago and he was able to watch our game and the guys were able to give him respect and express gratitude. We will pick this concept up at the Chanukah Party, but miracles are no coincidence.
Dachs beats Snow in the early one. Dom came out to set up and ref, which was also a Jewball first. My ice cream cake melted into oblivion and I believe is now a permanent fixture to the LHS track. I got to finally drink beers with Ernie. Kut made juicy wings.
Every year on Thanksgiving we ask for a miracle and that Rabin will put it all together and throw a game of winning football. Until 120 we hope to continue. But, such miracles are happening much less frequently in recent years. We will always have that incredible Turkey Bowl Tourney win….that was top 3 Jewball moments. But, alas, you were struggling in this one and Gronk took over about half way through. Was an excellent game. Feit was back and…y’know….he just looked really sharp. He looked like the Feit that caught on at the end of the Miracle Season and was immediately handed a League Team. He looked like the guy who had IT. Less pump fakes and more pumped up. He did end up losing as Gronk stages a sweet comeback with Rabin as receiver playing hero – making a wild catch behind his head even though he was facing the QB….so…yeah. But Feit had this game. Dropped TD by Pray, and Irv didn’t come down with a game winner. But Thanksgiving isn’t about results or stats. I mean, results matter – Ws never die, but – again – these recaps are coming in late and we have the ability to take the long view of everything. I am thankful for Dom, and Feit, and The Oracle, and Shuey Offman who came out to watch some Jewball, and the memories of that epic tournament with Rabin, and the fact that we celebrate all things together – because we take nothing for granted.

Coming Soon

Much to recap. Since the surgery, it feels like I have a built-in excuse, and I guess I’ve been using it. And thank you for not getting on me too badly about it. But Jewball is about pushing through and putting aside the excuses. What our forefathers did is an exemplar to us descendants. Well, we are all the descendants of one Alan Milchman aka The Oracle of Jewball. The man who started it all. Who started a football game in Flushing Meadows Park, Queens thirty years ago. A game that was played in all weather with no excuses. Whether a two on two or a three on three. It wasn’t a game with tremendously skilled players – they weren’t. Or a game on a great field – it wasn’t. Or a game that was extremely popular. None of that. So why did it survive? How can we possibly explain the fact that Alan – whom I had never met before – came down with his daughter, Aliza, to watch 30 supremely talented Jewballers play our double header Turkey Bowl on a turf field over two decades after he handed the game to Rabin and hung up his cleats? Where he was recognized and welcomed as our founder? I actually think I know. I was telling some of the guys about the legend which Alan was able to confirm in person. When Jewball began, before Zada’s docs, and Whatsapp Ins, and email Ins, and phone calls, and simply showing up, there was The Oracle’s answering machine. Every Saturday night the tape started blank. And a player would call and say “Bradley in.” And Alan would re-record the tape to count Bradley and himself. And Mike would call and say “Mike In” and Alan would erase the tape and re-record to count Bradley, Alan, and Mike. And Rabin would call…Each player would then know how many were in and the hope was that eventually the count would reach 8, maybe 10 and there was enough for a decent game. I think about that answering machine. The hishtadlus that it represents. I think about all the other pick-up games of the time and of all time, and I cannot imagine that there was another Commissioner with that kind of dedication and vision. I picture him erasing the tape and re-recording each time, saying the names. I imagine Alan waiting for the phone to ring and being filled with hope and joy and possibility each time it was a Jewballer on the line saying In. What would have been a stupefying chore to others was an instinctual obligation to him. An obligation. A mitzvah. Taken upon himself with complete faith. What he was doing was exceptional. And maybe he didn’t know why at the time. But I believe that his extreme hishtadlus on those Saturday nights is what merited us our longevity and success. Without that answering machine, the game dies in utero. Rabin is never brought down. Spira is playing somewhere else. I never play the game at all. So, how could I not get to work on these recaps with that kind of inspiration staring me in the face…
eek 5 began with a premature League game to accommodate a former MVP’s return from the wilds of Florida. Prime was back in the fold under the wing of Pray’s Birds. But Prime was not the only MVP coming back to Jewball this season after an absence. The man named MVP and with the trophy to prove it is back from the wilds of Illinois and returns to lead his Crocs in a League campaign. It was Crocs v. BOP to kick off the 2023 League Season. A week after losing both the field and my bicep tendon mid-game, we were blessed to have WMS all to ourselves and the sun was shining. It turned out to be a great day for Jewball.
In the first hour of the game, though I was at Hewlett scoping the field just in case, Yaron was reporting that BOP v. Crocs was shaping up to be a brilliant show. Early on it featured a deep reception by Dobs and a Dobs TD, as well as a mind-bending one handed catch by Zinn. Crocs had the lead and were competing. But of course I show up and Crocs went the way of all my teams. Underdogs can’t win when I’m around. And so Pray began throwing TDs to everyone not named Prime and Snow began throwing passes to everyone not on the Crocs and after 5 picks by BOP and 5 TDs thrown by Pray, the game was out of hand. Snow and the Crocs have a ton of talent and are expected to compete, but they start the League Season 0-1. BOP begin 1-0 and the Jewball goes to Pray for the 5 TDs thrown, plus his 3 picks (2 of which he ran back for scores).
The 945 Games that followed the League Game were not short on epic storylines themselves. Returning from the wilds of Ramat Bet Shemesh, Zez mad his annual return to Jewball – always straight from the airport. I will always maintain that our greatest virtue is that we are always a home for our Vets. If you give enough to this game, and earn Vet status, we will always welcome you back as a conquering hero. No matter how long. No matter how far. And Zez is a Jewball hero and a real life hero. An absolute honor and privilege to have our gunslinger back on the field and firing.
And firing he did. His first TD was a classic Zez rushing TD from the QB slot and his second TD was bullet to Legs in the back in the endzone. The returning warrior was poised to get the W and the Jewball. But (and I feel like I’ve written this a few times already) tis’ the season of Mighty and the Vet goes off for 2 scores in regulation and the score is tied. Zez could have won it in regulation but Logan dropped a sure TD. After Mighty went for hat trick and gave Yaron the lead in OT, it was Zezzy with a drive to at least end in a tie, but his team betrayed him again. Beast couldn’t haul one in that may have gone for a TD, and Zez leaves with nothing but an immeasurable store of love, respect, and admiration – and while Zez is always intent in the W, I have feeling what we provided will do. Jewball to Mighty for all the points (plus a pick).
On the other side of the field was Perla v. Pray in a game where the Randomizer tried to make it hard on Pray. Though he had the number 1 draft pick in Zinn and a cavalcade of Jewball stars, Perla was given Kut, BK, Storm, Dax, Daxxy, Tom and Dobs. As formidable a team as ever assembled. I got into it a little bit with Perla from the sideline when I though the offense was stalling. Here’s my take. No one should be embarrassed on the field. At the same time, no one should be immune from being embarrassed on the field. It’s kind of what we do. Just ask the longest tenured Jewballer, Dr. Duckball Assman. Maybe then….I need to be more careful about the level of it and to who. Regardless, I apologized to White and he has to know it comes from only one place: I want him to be great. I want him to kick Pray’s ass. And Yaron’s ass. And especially Dachs’ ass. I’m an underdog guy. My favorite team this season not named Cronies is of course Purple Cobras. I love a great story. At the same time, we here at Jewball need competitive, quality, fun football – week in and out. And when it comes to QBS, if X isn’t going to do it, Y will. Pray ended up winning the game. Perlas was down 5-2 and mounted a heroic comeback, but dropped the contest 5-4. Perla holds the ball too long, but we still need to recognize the line play of Spira and Salem, going for 8 sacks in total (4 apiece). Jewballs to that dynamic duo.
Week 6 and Turkey Bowl….(and I guess Week 7) to follow….onward! No excuses!