The Golden Age (5T 2004-2007)

JEWBALL EMAILS

rarahman@aecom.yu.edu

To:mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.com,charles.harary@dpw.com,djesselson@gt.com,Soked49@aol.com,eds333@aol.com,ECohen@triallaw1.com,RISU20@aol.com,Jtrick1@aol.com,judah.m.miller@aexp.com,khf22@drexel.edu,MKirschn@alliance-mortgage.com,mgrushko@aecom.yu.edu,mike@google.com,noahwas@aol.com,rarahman@aecom.yu.edu,henstu@aol.com,rfro@aol.com,david.katzoff@citicorp.com,Deion21104@aol.com,lisg26@aol.com,Stuchs@aol.com,mcoronel@aecom.yu.edu,jeremyk@adelsberg.com,Lanfried@aol.com,bekritsk@hotmail.com,shalom.mintz@ravel.informatics.sunysb.edu,haber2@hotmail.com,JAB94@aol.com,Dost15@aol.com,JudahCpa@aol.com,etan@etanwalls.comHide

Fri, Jan 9, 2004 at 1:37 PM

so far:

1. jordan
2. berg
3. yakir
4. azriel
5. jk
6. ostreicher
7. minsk

if anyone is bringing friends let me know. i havent heard from sokal and j yet.

i’ll send out a final email tomorrow night

shabbat shalom

PS: i probably wont be able to make it this week, so if anyone from the above

list has a usable football let me know

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Sat, Jan 10, 2004 at 8:44 PM

due to the lack of interest (7 guys) there will not be a game tomorrow

maybe next week

rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

To:mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.com,charles.harary@dpw.comand 29 more…

Wed, Jan 14, 2004 at 5:16 PM

COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, WE WILL BE PLAYING FOOTBALL THIS SUNDAY. THANKFULLY, IT LOOKS LIKE IT WILL BE NEITHER. IT’S SUPPOSED TOBE 35 AND SUNNY.

WE ALREADY HAVE SIX EVEN BEFORE I SENT OUT AN EMAIL, SO REPOND FAST IF YOU’RE IN OR OUT

RABIN

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Cohen, Eric <ecohen@triallaw1.com>

To:rarahman@aecom.yu.edu,mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.com,charles.harary@dpw.com,djesselson@gt.com,Soked49@aol.com,eds333@aol.com,ECohen@triallaw1.com,RISU20@aol.com,Jtrick1@aol.com,judah.m.miller@aexp.com,khf22@drexel.edu,MKirschn@alliance-mortgage.com,mgrushko@aecom.yu.edu,mike@google.com,noahwas@aol.com,henstu@aol.com,rfro@aol.com,david.katzoff@citicorp.com,Deion21104@aol.com,lisg26@aol.com,Stuchs@aol.com,mcoronel@aecom.yu.edu,jeremyk@adelsberg.com,Lanfried@aol.com,bekritsk@hotmail.com,shalom.mintz@ravel.informatics.sunysb.edu,haber2@hotmail.com,JAB94@aol.com,Dost15@aol.com,JudahCpa@aol.com,etan@etanwalls.comHide

Wed, Jan 14, 2004 at 5:38 PM

i think our commissioner might be a bit too intense about this game, i.e. “Come Hell or High Water.” I’m certain Hiller will disagree b/c he’s equally as intense, a.k.a. insane.

I hear Hiller is bringing his family down to prove that he’s not a stereotypical movie critic and actually lives for the gridiron. Best of luck with that.

See you all on Sunday

—–Original Message—–
From: rabin [mailto:rarahman@aecom.yu.edu]
Sent: January 14, 2004 5:14 PM
To: mirawachstock@aol.com; B-sh; avinewmark@aol.com; rauz15@aol.com; charles.harary@dpw.com; djesselson@gt.com; Soked49@aol.com; eds333@aol.com; Cohen, Eric; RISU20@aol.com; Jtrick1@aol.com; judah.m.miller@aexp.com; khf22@drexel.edu; MKirschn@alliance-mortgage.com; Michael Grushko; mike@google.com; noahwas@aol.com; Rabin; henstu@aol.com; rfro@aol.com; david.katzoff@citicorp.com; Deion21104@aol.com; lisg26@aol.com; Stuchs@aol.com; mcoronel@aecom.yu.edu; Jeremy Kirschner; Lanfried@aol.com; bekritsk@hotmail.com; shalom.mintz@ravel.informatics.sunysb.edu; haber2@hotmail.com; JAB94@aol.com; Dost15@aol.com; JudahCpa@aol.com; etan@etanwalls.com

Subject: FOOTBALL SUNDAY

COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, WE WILL BE PLAYING FOOTBALL THIS SUNDAY. THANKFULLY, IT LOOKS LIKE IT WILL BE NEITHER. IT’S SUPPOSED TOBE 35 AND SUNNY.

WE ALREADY HAVE SIX EVEN BEFORE I SENT OUT AN EMAIL, SO REPOND FAST IF YOU’RE IN OR OUT

RABIN

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Thu, Jan 15, 2004 at 10:17 PM

G-d willing of course:

the list:

1. me
2. gams
3. yakir
4. sokes
5. JK
6. cohen
7. joey aron
9. jordan
10. his cousin ( now this kid, is only 15, but based on his athletic prowess, you would think that he is at least 16. according to Jordan, he is the best Jewish athlete since jay fiedler and best Jewish QB since j katzenstein, even if you guys dont play, you should come stand in the snow with your cameras in hand to witness a piece of history anyway
11. etan

and i’m sure we’ll get one more

Directions; a little complicated if you’ve never been there before:

we play at terrace on the park.(next to the wedding hall)

1.its off the LIE exit for 108 st.

2.once u get off at the exit, make the first possible right, another right, and go down to the intersection and make a left towards the park.

3.make your first right into the parking lot.

i’ m sure you can get more clear directions on the internet.

I’ll see you guys on sunday

Rabin

___________________________________________________________________________________

jtrick1@aol.com

To:rarahman@aecom.yu.edu,mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.comand 28 more…

Sat, Jan 17, 2004 at 8:45 PM

this should go without saying, but I’ll say it just so no one shows up by accident – if it’s raining hard tomorrow at nine thirty (weather reports have changed from flurries to rain b/c of the high temps tomorrow)….so if raining hard – the game will be called due to weather – we can play in a drizzle….but…you’ll figure it out. hope to see you all tomorrow.

Jordan

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Fri, Jan 23, 2004 at 1:45 PM

jordan, his cousin, joey, sokes, j, kirshner, another j, jk, yakir, ostreicher.

Enjoy

have a good shabbos

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jtrick1@aol.com

To:rarahman@aecom.yu.edu,mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.com,charles.harary@dpw.com,djesselson@gt.com,Soked49@aol.com,eds333@aol.com,ECohen@triallaw1.com,RISU20@aol.com,judah.m.miller@aexp.com,khf22@drexel.edu,MKirschn@alliance-mortgage.com,mgrushko@aecom.yu.edu,mike@google.com,noahwas@aol.com,henstu@aol.com,rfro@aol.com,david.katzoff@citicorp.com,Deion21104@aol.com,lisg26@aol.com,Stuchs@aol.com,mcoronel@aecom.yu.edu,jeremyk@adelsberg.com,Lanfried@aol.com,bekritsk@hotmail.com,shalom.mintz@ravel.informatics.sunysb.edu,haber2@hotmail.com,JAB94@aol.com,Dost15@aol.com,JudahCpa@aol.com,etan@etanwalls.com,RMH003@aol.comHide

Fri, Jan 23, 2004 at 1:58 PM

someone needs to grab one more – we got 11.

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Sat, Feb 7, 2004 at 6:50 PM

so far:

jordan
his cousin
j
sokes
yakir
mintz

I have only gotten a few negative responses. as usual most people just didn’t respond. if you guys could scrape up another 3 people, I may be able to play and we’ll have ten. I suspect a lot more people than usual didn’t respond because of the weather doubts. i think it should be fine in that respect.( unless jordan minds his feet getting a little cold, That’s from sokes) It’s test time around here so i cant get anymore Einstein people. so let me know if you guys know other people that want in or if you’re one of the people that haven’t yet responded and want to play. We’ll figure it out g-d willing for sure by 12:00 PM the latest. hopefully earlier.

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Wed, Jan 7, 2004 at 7:49 PM

hey guys, let me know if you’re in or out

rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Thu, Feb 5, 2004 at 6:58 PM

hey everyone, hope you have all enjoyed your two week hiatus. We’re going to try our best to have a game this week. I know its later than usual, but I wanted to see if weather conditions would be semi-descent before sending an email out. please let me know as soon as possible if you’re in or not. lets get in as many games as possible before the softball people start taking all the fields

RABIN

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Thu, Feb 12, 2004 at 9:11 PM

please let me know if you want in on sunday

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Wed, Feb 25, 2004 at 12:15 AM

hey everyone,

we are going to resume this week g-d willing in a big way. now, for the astute among you(or those who just have no life), you may have noticed that there is a new addition to the list. everyone, welcome yoni paritzky to our qb starved league. yes boys, this is the same yoni paritzky of ATFI fame and he has been drafted. finally, after all these weeks, we have a second legit qb(and JK, he tells me that he is a lot more legit than you, as you may recall from your Miami days). no more watching me make homes for the moles, watching turtles run by sokal, sahlom mintz complaining to no one in particular, kirshner throwing more passes to the other team than his, cohen faking ankle injuries to justify his errant passes, jordan convincing us that his cousin really is a great quarterback and shalom mintz talking some more to no one in particular. Showtime is here boys, and I’ll see you all there.

Please let me know as soon as possible if you’re in, it’s supposed to be beautiful on Sunday.

PS: I am sure you are not too hurt, but I would like to ask mechilah in advance to all those who have been insulted above. I tried to be as non discriminatory as possible. I apologize to all the would be quarterbacks who have been left out inadvertently.

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Fri, Feb 27, 2004 at 1:04 PM

all right everyone, the ballots have been cast and the polls are officially closed. Here is the count:

me
jordan
kirshner
azriel
ostreicher
b-sh
Ryan
yakir
mintz
joey aron
jk
paritsky.

I will see you all there, please be there by 9:20 so we can start on time and play for a good while.

Have a good shabbos

Rabin

PS: yoni, jordan, call me(516)445-1796

___________________________________________________________________________________

rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

To:mirawachstock@aol.com,B-sh@b-sh.tzo.com,Avinewmark@aol.com,rauz15@aol.com,charles.harary@dpw.com,djesselson@gt.com,Soked49@aol.com,eds333@aol.com,ECohen@triallaw1.com,RISU20@aol.com,Jtrick1@aol.com,judah.m.miller@aexp.com,khf22@drexel.edu,MKirschn@alliance-mortgage.com,mgrushko@aecom.yu.edu,mike@google.com,noahwas@aol.com,rarahman@aecom.yu.edu,henstu@aol.com,rfro@aol.com,david.katzoff@citicorp.com,Deion21104@aol.com,lisg26@aol.com,Stuchs@aol.com,mcoronel@aecom.yu.edu,jeremyk@adelsberg.com,Lanfried@aol.com,bekritsk@hotmail.com,shalom.mintz@ravel.informatics.sunysb.edu,haber2@hotmail.com,JAB94@aol.com,Dost15@aol.com,JudahCpa@aol.com,etan@etanwalls.com,RMH003@aol.com,Yoni@Rosetti.comHide

Thu, Mar 11, 2004 at 12:26 AM

hey guys, for the first time this season, two people have booked their spots even before the email has been sent. let me know if you want in. it should be another beautiful day, and I hear jk thinks he can beat marino this time. that remains to be seen.

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Sat, Mar 13, 2004 at 9:40 PM

if anybody has more people let me know, otherwise we have eight so we can play a small game. Jordan, i wont be there so you make the decision. let me know

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Thu, Mar 18, 2004 at 6:31 PM

hey everyone,

given the recent weather we have had, it seems abundantly clear that Jordan is not the only one that does not want people to play softball. The question now becomes: are you going to ignore G-d’s message? well, i sure hope not.

So let me know if you’re in. i want 12 by tomorrow @ 3.

see you guys on sunday

Rabin

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rabin <rarahman@aecom.yu.edu>

Thu, Mar 25, 2004 at 5:52 PM

hey guys,

as you guys know, we have gone two beautiful Sundays without a game. i hope that it will not be three. This will probably be the last week this year that we can play. Last time we played, we had a great game. let’s try to do it again. please let me know ASAP if you’re coming, The forecast calls for 50’s and sunny.

and sokes and j, you guys could play too, don’t worry, we’ll put you on yoni’s team & make sure he throws you the ball every other time.

there will be a game (G-d willing), but we need everyone’s help

Rabin

10/30/05

Rabin, Dog, Yakir, Bash: You remember those days out in Queens playing three on threes with that giant hollow globe looming off to the left. You remember the two on twos with official QB. Yes, you remember. For those of you who might not know about our game it goes back six years to when Rabin “The Rock” Rahmani was merely known as Brian Sigman’s bitc$. Well, our game has a long and proud history and likely has seen over a hundred players ranging from Ari Leiber, Arik Freidlander, Avi Spira, and Jason Katsenstein to Charlie Harary, Barton Gertsen, and Kenny Feldhammer. We have seen talent come and go. We have had Hatzalah come to the field. We lost Jeremy Fine to eggs and toast. We’ve played in the rain, snow, and ice (and with Jeff and Adam Eis). We played while dodging baseballs and once even got in our cars and drove out to Riverdale b/c (surprise) we didn’t have enough guys. But NEVER have we had seventeen (17!) guys come down on a Sunday Morning. Not on Thanksgiving or New Years or Martin Luther King Day. Never.

So for all those yesterday who came out, thanks for being a part of history. And I think I speak for the four guys whose names begin this email – it means something that our game is growing as opposed to dying out. But lets see who shows up on the cold windy January games. I would also like to apologize – and Yoni please forward this to you friend – to the 17th man who went home early. Please tell him we apologize and explain that it could not be helped due to the numbers. He gets a free game anytime he wants. I will sit if there are too many again…just let me know when.

As for the massive, three man line, eight on eight game, it was a battle again with some embarrassing offense that did pick up in crunch time. To make things brief from here on out, Jewball Award winner Yoni Paritzky (4 TDs thrown, two picks) beat Doggy by a score of 4 to 1. Doggy had the lead most of the game but 4 quick scores maximizing on three late turnovers sunk Doggy’s solid game even worse than his team’s dropped passes. Honorable mention to Elliot Gluck who looks like a lawyer but plays like Jeremy Shockey for a surprising performance including a TD and a sweet diving grab for a first down.

Highlights: Me waking my team up from its slumber with 2 wicked TD hook-ups with Marino. Scott Rothenberg hearing the call for a hero and stepping up with the game ending TD. The comedy of Doggy’s team dropping nearly every nice pass thrown and also kudos to Doggy for keeping a smile on his face and still encouraging his troops despite his obvious frustration. That’s about it for highlights…kinda of sloppy game now that I think about it.

Next week same deal and I would like to institute two new rules if I might to keep the attendance fair and keep the games competitive and to avoid what almost happened last week (although Yoni, who ALWAYS comes late, already accidentally violated it). Rule one is please do not sign up for anyone else – don’t sign up for your friend, or brother, or cousin. Let them send me an email taking responsibility for their own attendance. Also, please no “maybe” emails. I know plans change and that happens, but it does us no good to RSVP that you will “try to make it” or you “might be able to come”.

Thanks and see you Sunday,

Jordan

11/7/05

On any given Sunday there are limitless possibilities. When you strap on the cleats Sunday morning, yes you are preparing. When you take a few warm up catches and stretch out by imitating the positions you saw on Hard Knocks, yes you are preparing. When you line up against your assignment before the first snap and talk a little trash or maybe just stare him down, that gets you ready too. But once that ball is snapped, there are limitless possibilities. But not yesterday.

For all those on my team and on the downside of a 6 to 1 shelacking where we were held to not a single first down the entire game, I take SOME of the responsibility by putting together the teams. Yoni’s team was better, faster, more inspired, and had more heart than our team. period. And we had B-sh so you can imagine how good they were and how they played as a team and created and attacked us like the mice we turned out to be.

I’m kind of lucky that our award is not the MVP award. If it were most valuable player it would got to Yoni every week because he truly is the most valuable player to his team. Our award, rather, is the Jewball, which goes to a player who exhibits skills beyond the mortal Jew. Who takes all the stereotypes about what type of athlete a Jewish kid should be, and proves otherwise. This week it goes to Joey for his two touchdown performance after sitting out last week with shoulder injuries that would surely have ended the season for a player with less spirit. Honorable mention to his entire WR core with Zev and Friedan having two TDs apiece.

As for my team, I think we are all embarrassed. Doggy did not throw for a first down and our only TD came from Mo off a pick. Doggy has a calling in this game and it is defensive line. He goes after QBs like they are snossages, but the INTs are killer…KILLER!! Props to Mo for getting angry…kind of counter-productive but you gotta respect someone caring.

TOP PLAYS: The possibility of Yirmi playing QB against his brother next week, Well executed flea flicker by the brothers paritsky, Phil’s catch while horizontal to extend a meaningless drive, Zev’s over the wrong shoulder grab at the 2, Mo’s pick and TD, The overall play of Friedan including two TDs and a pick, Klink for staying positive despite no passes and a depressing day for our team.

Finally, need to give a shout out to Shalom Yona who told Yoni he wants to learn from now on as opposed to play. Enjoy getting fat and slow. Also say adios to Phil from Switzerland who returns to Israel this week. Hopefully he will take word of our game across the globe and make it an international phenomenon.

Yesterday was Game 4, which is the end of 1/5 of our season so here are the current TD rankings ( we will do Win/Loss rankings at the half).

Yakir: 6
Jordan: 6
Joey: 4
Mo: 3
Bashist: 2
Dog: 2
Friedan: 2
Zev: 2
Scott: 1
Gluck: 1
Rabin’s bro – 1

If you have a TD that I somehow missed, let me know.

Total Players: 26

Jewball

Yoni – 2
Phil – 1
Joey – 1

Jordan

11/13/05

On the field yesterday the sun was at times blinding, and on two over the hill quarterbacks looking to make a statement, the football gods shined down some miracles.

The score, 6 (yes, I’m taking credit for that last TD!) to 3 doesn’t tell you enough about the game. It fails to describe the momentum shifts and the unpredictability of the outcome. It fails to illuminate the comeback from Brian’s team being down a quick 5, refusing to quit, and to make it a tense 5 to 3 (and driving to come even closer) before collapsing in the end. The score doesn’t let you envision Joey’s huge TD grab over two defensemen in the endzone or energize you like Ikey’s diving interception would. In a losing effort, 3 touchdowns doesn’t seem like much, but how could you not enjoy watching a washed up quarterback like Rabin leading his team to the doorstep of greatness?

And speaking of greatness, we went into yesterday with a quarterback problem. The problem was our league only had one and he would win every game….but those days are over. We have a new player in the league…and he can throw. He can throw like a young, Jewish Peyton Manning. He can throw like his arm is a wand casting spells on a ball made of not crystal, but leather. No, I am not talking about welcome addition Meir Stein who plays football like it is meant to be played. No, I am not referring to Brian who seemed rusty and in a league with no patience had to be pulled early. I am talking about none other than the man known as Doggy. Eric Scott Cohen threw and play called like a genius yesterday and if he can keep it up…the games should get real good, real quick. He is hands down Jewball winner with a 5 TD performance. Despite the fact that he asked for it, Rabin gets the honorable mention for confidently using all his receivers and making things very interesting in the last ten minutes of the game.

TOP PLAYS: Joeys big money grab to give his team the hope they built on down to the final play, Props to Meir for throwing the gutsy pass which Joey hauled in, Klink for catching his first TD on a monstrous bomb from Doggy (and for running in circles when the play was not to him), Ari for chasing down Joey to avoid a TD (and for talking trash even when Joey “Mr. Glass” Aharon was crumbled on the floor in agony) – we wish Joey a refuah shelamah – he may not be back after injuring his ankle but we hope he does – Gluck concentrating to keep Rabin’s soft touch TD in his hands to make it 5-3, Yirmi, opening our game with two nice TD grabs and for his general enthusiasm, to Max and B-sh who are establishing a legendary rivalry on the O/D line, Yirmi’s pass to me that took into account that I was going to fall on the floor so that the bill hit me square in the chest while I was lying on the ground.

There will be a huge showdown next Sunday between the new Doggy and Yoni so sign up early to reserve your spot.

Jordan

11/20/05

Quick Recap because there is much to discuss for Thursday/Sunday.

Yoni’s kid must have been really proud….of his uncles! Yoni suffers his first loss thanks to a stunning effort in the second half by the D-line of Dog and Max. Yoni rode out to a quick 3-0 lead,

but once ineffective QB Doggy was pulled for little bro Yirmi, and the D-line suffocated our pass offense, Yirmi tied it up until Friedan, a gamer, closed it out with a big catch and run to win it.

Jewball goes to Yirmi for coming in down three and winning the game. Very close and huge honorable mention to Eli Friedan for nice aggressive playing and for his two TD 2 pick performance (who had the other TD besides Yakir..Brian?).

Game was well played. No specific top plays but basically a good effort all around on both sides of the ball.

As for the coming week:

Thursday: The idea right now is cancel Sunday’s game and play from 9:00 to 12:00 on Thanksgiving, tournament style. We will take up to 28 players and divide up into 4 teams of 7. Show up between 8:30 and 9:00 if you want in. DO NOT COME AT OR AFTER 9:00. We have both fields Thursday but we need a second set of cones and a second football.

Except for Yakir and Kenny F., everyone else needs to sign up for Thursday’s tournament. I am only making it a tournament because I know we will get more than 16 and I want everyone to be able to get in. At this point just respond with your thoughts on the idea and if you want in. I will work out the rest.

As for Sunday, there can be a game and I will organize it, but if tournament works out, I’m skipping Sunday. Let me know about that too.

Also, in general for Sundays, I always appreciate recruiting and helping the game grow, but we are at max capacity now so please DO NOT tell anyone else to come down until further notice. My list is closed because I feel bad when Akiva, and Eli Guttman, and Mo get lost and expect to play and can’t. A second game is possible on another field but we would need a volunteer to take that game up because I am good working this game. Also, there can’t be a scenario where old timers get knocked out. Tadir v’sheeno Tadir, Tadir Kodem…that applies to our game too.

Let me know about Thursday and Sunday. You can let me know you are bringing people (unlike on a regular week when I need an email from the dude)…but I am trusting you. Bring the amount you say you are.

Peace. Get pumped for Thursday….it wil be big time,

11/27/05

Jordan

The long weekend started off weak with an 11 man showing for our Pilgrim Bowl (thanks to Philly native and incidental contact expert Scott for playing both sides of O). The game itself was a bit out of hand with the old Doggy going up against the same Yoni and getting crushed (in two games) by a total of 7 to 3 (yes, doggy I pulled up on that TD pass, my bad). The game’s most defining feature was that we only had 11 and yet four players were participating in their first game.

Jewball goes to my best competition for league TD leader Yakir “Kicking Kenny The Washing Machine” Wachstock for an astounding and infuriating five touchdowns on the day. Talk about an unstoppable force. Honorable mention goes to Kenny “Flatbush Jacket” Feldhammer for showing up “out of shape” and “out of practice”, yet somehow managing to score 1 TD and throw for a couple more in a winning effort.

On to yesterday’s big time game which gets my vote for game of the year. It had everything: a tight score, tough play, a comeback, and a TD catch at the buzzer to give Yirmi/Dog a narow 5 to 4 win over Yoni. This is the second Yoni loss in two Sundays but Yoni was plagued by poor hands from his receivers and ran into some interception trouble toward the end. The normally sure-handed tandem of receivers couldn’t catch a ball for him when the game was on the line on a stunning November morning. The great quarterback from Miami was heard uttering to himself at times, “I don’t know what more I need to do” and “I give up”. Witnesses did not know if he was talking about throwing or Judaism.

Yesterday’s game also saw three new faces and all welcome additions. It was great seeing Barry Zeltzer come down for a game. He hasn’t looked that good since Niveh v. BMT.

An unassuming Jewball goes to Yirmi (his second in two weeks putting him one behind Yoni). The quick man in the yellow hat threw a TD and scored three more (1 off a pick and running the length of the field). This makes him the obvious winner but honorable mention goes to Kenny Feldhammer again, however this time in a losing effort for his playing his first two games of the year within four days of each other. He likely was running on stone pillars instead of legs yet he made a game of it and had another TD to get him in a respectable position in the 2005/2006 record books. Honorable mention also to Ari D. who showed the true meaning of Jewball after showing up a half hour late and being forced to the sideline due to a packed house, and then waiting and waiting – helping with the line and finally getting in the game 50 minutes later with a bad shoulder to help us out for the last half hour of the game.

TOP PLAYS: Yakir diving first down grab off a virtual jump ball. Yirmi to Shragi for a first down on the final drive. Uri huge pick falling backwards. Doggy to Yirmi knocking him back in the endzone. Doggy getting knocked on his ass by an unknown aggressive lineman. Yoni to Yitzi TD bomb. Jordan climbing on Klink’s back to make a grab. Rabin for the phantom tag. Meir’s big first down catch on our final drive. Yirmi to Yakir (over me) for the game winner.

LEAGUE STATS AFTER 8 GAMES (Stay Tuned for Week 10 for Wins and Losses)

Total Players: 36

TDs

Yakir: 13
Jordan: 13
Yirmi: 5
Joey: 5
Friedan: 4
Eliot: 3
Mo: 3
Feldhammer: 2
Dog: 2
Scott: 2
Bashist: 2
Zev: 2
Etan R.: 1
Meir: 1
D Klink: 1
Brain S.: 1
Brian G. : 1
Uri: 1
Yitzi: 1
J. Meyer: 1

Jewball

Yoni: 3
Yirmi: 2
Phil: 1
Dog: 1
Yakir: 1

Not that this matters but I am out Sunday. B-sh has the cones and football and Rabin will be keeping the stats (preferably which will include 0 TDs for Yakir). Send me the emails as usual and I’ll do all the leg work. For those of you who brought down those new faces over the weekend (Klink, yer brother and Yoni/Yirmi the three kids from yesterday), just send me their email and I’ll put them on the list. They can’t beat out guys who have been playing but I think since we lost a few over the past few weeks we should be okay with new additions…but they need to get on the email list. We are not signing up for others. Last week someone signed up for themselves “and a friend” and then neither showed. We can’t have that. Everyone is accountable for themselves. Just send me email addresses. Although Tadir applies unconditionally.

Jordan

12/4/05

First line of business: Rabin, I know you are busy and you are a grandfather of the league, but you are an absolute disaster. You start by corrupting the league with your cancerous email and then, when I give you an opportunity to fix it…nothing.

Let me begin by saying, despite what Rabin’s email may have you thinking, there was a game last week and 10 players showed up. If Rabin and B-sh hadn’t fled home (or hadn’t

listened to the heretic who said go home) there would have been twelve. Pretty good for the first truly cold/snow day and a day where, as you may have heard, we were thrown off the field for snow-clearing purposes. Since I don’t know enough about the game to do highlights and awards (thanks Yoni) I will give honorable mention to everyone, especially Yakir and Joey who resourcefully moved the game to Cedarhurst Park and kept the streak alive.

Although I was told that Joey was the faithless coward who called the game at 9:45 despite six players present, I have to give him credit for being the only one to report at least some stats to me regarding the game. Here is what I know (feel free to correct me and get your stats in). The first game was dominated by Yoni in a 6-1 rout over Meir. Then the teams were switched up and Yoni won again 2-1. I’ll give TD credit to those who scored, but that second game won’t be considered an official win or loss for either team (thankfully these stats mean jack s). I hear Yakir had 2 TDs which puts him at touchdown leader with 15. Joey had three. I don’t know what anyone else had but using my mathematical powers I can tell there are 5 touchdowns not accounted for. Let me know if you scored em. There will be awards at a year end BBQ.

No Jewball due to lack of info. Honorable mention also to everyone who played and did not let the man keep us down. Klan award to anyone who didn’t show because of the snow. I’m not gonna find out who you are but please don’t sign up anymore unless you get over your fear of white fluffy crystalized water.

Jordan

test

12/11/05

Not only did I leave the game yesterday with a broken body, but with a broken spirit. It wasn’t enough to get emabrresingly shut out on the field, but we had to get shut out from the field as well. As you may know, we are having a bit of a field crisis and until further notice we are not returning to Hewlett Woodmere Middle School where apparently a wet field makes the security guard wet his pants. Nor will we be playing on the second field we tried yesterday where the size was perfect..if we were in sixth grade (also Ari, who has a prior felony pending would violate his probation if he was caught trespassing again).

This is not an excuse for the loss as Yirmi/Rabin did get spanked by Doggy to the tune of 4 zip, but my team just didn’t want it as much as the juggernaut that was Joey, Meir, Yakir, Doggy, Ari, and Klink. If they wanted a sack they sacked. If they wanted a big first down they did it. My team, for whatever reason, lacked heart and it showed. Doggy’s team played like winners and even being up 1 for most of the game made us feel like losers the whole time. One of the best team performances I have seen…so congratulations. That one hurt.

Jewball goes to Doggy, earning his second, for throwing sharply (4 TDS) and making game changing sacks time after time…for those of you who think line is a sucker’s position – watch Doggy play it and you’ll understand how a lineman can alter the course of a game. Honorable mention goes to Yakir for putting up two more TDs increasing his league leading status by 4 scores. Also a nod to Elliot Gluck who was on call to play and was willing to come down when it looked like we had odd numbers. Also props to Scott for coming down sick…Jewballesque move.

Top Plays: none for my team i’ll tell you that much (although my sack of Doggy forcing the pick was as close as we came to scoring), joey making a big catch for a first down (and declining the penalty for pass interference because I was draped all over him before the catch).

Next week, like I said, is up in the air…I’m open to ideas. Send me your best idea for a new field and I hope we can regroup and make the second half of this season as good as the first.

As promised, here are our half-way point Win/Loss stats (for those who played in 3 or more games out of a possible ten):

WIN LOSS

Yoni – 4 2

Joey – 5 1

Mo 1 2

Max – 6 1

Ike- 2 2

Scott 4 1

Yakir 5 4

B-sh 2 6

Dog 4 5

Rabin 1 5

Bashist 1 3

Elliot 3 3

Klink 4 3

Yirmi 4 1

Ari 4 2

Meir 1 4

and the biggest loser of all……

Jordan 2 7

12/18/05

So much to talk about. I guess first would be hoping that every one is healing okay after the game yesterday which will be known to Doggy fans around the world as The Miracle on Ice. I also want to apologize for being so obnoxious in the win yesterday but, in my defense, it was my first win since Game 5 and only 3rd over all…so you can understand my giddiness.

Although I don’t think we will be returning to Bays(frozen)water Park this season, I really liked the change of scenery and it kicked off the second half of the season with some new flavor. I want to give big credit to the thirteen warriors who bravely came out to Far Rock and overcame some troubling directions to make it a good day overall. Special thanks to Ari for making calls and securing the field for us and to Klink for manning the phones and getting everyone there in one piece.

To the game: I can imagine, as I am usually on the losing end of these affairs, that Yoni and Joey are miserable while I, and my crew are elated. Yes, the rumors are true. Doggy whips Yoni into submission 7 to 2. Yoni slips to 5 and 3 as a starter and Doggy gets himself up to .500 in a game where Yoni’s arm was clearly aggravating him. Doggy’s arm must have been aggravating Yoni too because it was releasing dead on footballs being caught by his sure handed receivers (4 of 5 receivers put up a score).

While Doggy was doing what he pleased on offense, Yoni could not get anything going with the rarely seen Allstar tandem of Yakir and Joey. Could it be that Yoni suffers the Marino curse and will not take his game to the promised land? Or is he just setting himself up for a huge victory and his league leading fourth Jewball award….tune in next week.

This week’s Jewball goes to Yakir (his second) for coming to play and putting up a TD (to my dismay) when he was evidently sick like a dog. Speaking of Dog, the QB from Queens played an MVP game…but Jewball goes to the player who overcame the most, and though Dog overcame a streak of losing head to head with Yoni, Yakir looked like he needed to be in bed yesterday, and seeing him on that desolate wasteland of a field was inspirational. Honorable mention to the mystery man from Canada named Danny who scored 3 yesterday. In his two games this season he has 5. Nice playing mr. serious.

Top Plays: Danny’s slip and slide run for extra yardage, Klink’s catch for a first down, B-sh catch/drop with the face, Yirmi wrestles Joey for the pick, Doggy Mike Cameron pick, Doggy swats the ball at the line, Yirmi tip pass to Danny. Menachem Stein’s speed and pom-pom hat, Doggy refering to our top receiver to his face as “this guy”, Yakir nearly breaking his leg, Scott getting no love from Doggy.

Next week: Our annual Jesus Bowl is one of the biggest games of the year. It is our time to say, Jesus was jewish! He is one of our boys! And we will play a football game while the rest of the world corrupts our religeon….

I think if it does not rain this week it is safe to go back to our old field. There is no rain on the forecast yet. But we shall see…either way there will be a game on some field. Sign up to get in.

Jordan

12/25/05

I’d love to make a Chanukkah reference and say someone got “lit up” on Sunday, but that wouldn’t be true. Our annual Jesus Bowl was cool from start to finish. It began clouded in mystery and fog (literally) as Jason Sky Kayson returned to the game with red pants pulled up in a yeshivish manner and no one knew what to expect from the legend with the golden arm. By the day’s muddy end, everyone bore witness to the truth that Jay has been prophesing since 1992: He’s the best.

The game was tight but J (0 INT, 6 TD) was in control of his offense the entire way, zipping balls through tight coverage and launching pin point rockets with ease. Doggy, on an off day, kept it close but there was really no contest. Doggy threw four picks and was not hooking up with his open receivers enough to defeat a near perfect opponent. Jay gets the decision 6 to 4.

Although Max played a ridiculous line, sometimes holding off B-sh for a good 90 seconds, he can only get as far as honorable mention this week. He played tough and represents himself very well by bringing down some great players, but the guy leads the league in wins with 7 so I can’t give him the Jewball just because his QB requested it. Jewball goes to Jay for not missing a beat after not having played in a year. I know our Klan recipients, The Paritsky brothers (although Yoni had a legit excuse for not showing), would disagree, but I think Jay throws as well as his Miami rivals even without the practice. We NEED to have a match up before the season ends.

TOP PLAYS: Jay inexplicably nicknaming Klink, Cleaning Lady, and refusing to back away from it, Uri TD off the tip, Jordan wrestles ball from Yakir pushes Uri for no reason, B-sh Sack, Jay and Meir looking like Montana to Rice, Doggy and his receivers looking like Hedberg to Hagins (Bucs 1977), Asher chasing down darting recievers like a puma tracking a gazelle, Klink playing official O, scoring a TD, and making 26 recpetions, Danny for wearing gloves the entire game but for taking them off the second to last play on defense.

Next game is the 2006 Bowl to be played on New Years Day. We wil play at the Middle School because it will likely be deserted again.

Let me know if you want in.

1/1/06

What a bizarre way to start the new year. Here’s a riddle: What do you call someone who throws for a touchdown and catches two more in a 6-5 win and yet still gets the Klan Award? You call him commisioner. Maybe for the 8 of you who played (and the 1 who watched) that might be an inside joke, and for those of you who didn’t show I will soon explain…but for Ari and Meir, who left the parking lot about forty seconds before the moshiach mobile pulled in, I feel terrible. You know how compulsive I am about this game…and I know how you guys are also…and for sending you home and not having your numbers…that is unforgivable as someone who claims to be “organizing” this game. So Ari and Meir, public apology to you both. Ari, hope your wife appreciated you coming home early and Meir, I orchestrated a Jet win later in the day to make it up to you.

Either way, we did play Sunday despite the game being called when only six guys were present at 9:45. Out of nowhere big Dave shows up with 5 in the car. Only two were dressed to play but everyone was a gamer and we had a nice, fast paced competitive game that went back and forth and allowed myself to earn the Klan both as commisioner and receiver – After tying Yakir for TD leader with a quick 2, Yakir put up three unanswered points up, culminating with my dropping an open, short pass on the final play of the day. Doggy still beats Moishe 6-5 No Jewball or defining performance, but props to Dave for creating something out of nothing. Try and get email addresses for Alter, Moishe, and Yehudah so we can have them on the list.

Top Plays: Doggy to Alter deep like Manning to Harrison, Jordan one handed lefty reaching grab at the goal, Yakir losing every jump ball until he decided it was time for that to stop, Uri with terrific hands all day (3 TDs, 5 in last two weeks), Doggy to Jordan to Uri for hook and ladder near the first down, Dave setting the screen for a Yakir TD, Yehudah representing B-sh by wearing the shorts, Yehudah TD off batted ball, Moishes longball to Yakir for TD.

Next week, we are going to try that new field again: Called Barret Park – Take peninsula and pass where we play now – go about a block and make a left onto Mill at the light. Go about three blocks and make right onto Jadwin. Park is at end of Jadwin. This park is literally three minutes from where we play now. By the way, the lateness to the games is getting out of hand – 9:30 really means come at 9:30 so we can get the game started…and also so we don’t send people home thinking there is no game.

Let me know if you are in,

Jordan

1/8/06

When I pulled up to our new and glorious field at 9:20, only Joey was sitting in his car waiting. The park was actually open so that was half the battle, now all we needed were players. On my cell were calls from Doggy and Yakir saying they likely wouldn’t make it due to kid issues, and we only had about nine signed up, so as a cold wind whipped through Barret Park, my hopes were dim. As the sun rose a bit more and the field was covered in a yellow glow, the cars began to pull up, and like roaches surving a nuclear holocaust, a ragtag group of weekend warriors presented themselves, ready for war – some coming from hockey at dawn, some on their second game of football of the morning – but all ready to play. Over the course of a weekend in January and with a short cell phone campaign, the game grew to a solid seven on seven as we paid homage to our new and hopefully permanent home.

But then the game started and it became a contest of who wanted to lose more. Watching the game and playing and contributing to it made me feel as though we were being filmed for a blooper segement to be played between innings at a Mets game. Passes were batted up in the air for interceptions or third effort catches, balls were caught and spiked at the goal line (before actually going in the endzone), and everything else was pretty much dropped. How appropriate was it then that the game ended in our first tie of the year, Yoni/Doggy and Yirmi each putting up four scores.

Here is how strange the game was: Our Jewball winner is undoubtedly Rabin, with a 3 TD effort in his SECOND game of the day. If that is not Jewball worthy, I don’t know what is. Playing two games a day exemplifies a Jewball candidate, but dominating the games gives him a hands down award. Honorable mention just for being the only player to really perfom more than well (although players like Dave, Yoni, Doggy, B-sh, and Yirmi, did their jobs) was Uri, who can be counted on to make the catch when the ball is catchable. He also had some sweet, heads up runs. Not to make excuses for the pitiful offense in the game, but I have to give an Honorable mention to the rising sun which blinded anyone trying to catch a ball going downfield. Balls were bounding off players chests and shoulders all day and usually the phrase heard before the drop was “where is it?”.

Top Plays: Doggy doggedly closes in on Danny to save an inevitable TD, Yirmi to Jordan deep for TD, Jordan bats to Uri for the turnover, Yirmi zips one in to Dave for the score, Yoni proves the arm has much life, Yakir not showing up to give me free reign to gain on him, and I only come away with one!

Next week I am out…but that means nothing..I can make sure the cones will get to the field if there is a game. Send your email here if you want in..and I will remember this week to send a confirmation on Thursday to guarantee the game…sorry bout that last week..good save Rabin.

Jordan

1/15/06

When Rabin Rahmani created the Jewball award sometime in 2004, I don’t think he knew he would one day win one…and I think his heart would have exploded from pride if he got to see what I saw last Sunday. What a kiddush Hashem it was to see twelve men, some professionals in their lates 20’s, climbing nimbly (except for Joey) over a six foot fence to trespass in a closed park to play football on a wickedly cold day with gusting winds kicking up snow in blinding waves. The dedication to this game has just gone beyond anyone’s expectations and I can now say, based on Sunday’s battle on the frozen tundra, we are so for real it is scary.

I would like to give anyone who showed up a Jewball award but that would be unfair to our real winner, Yirmi (no hat or gloves!) who threw 4 TDs and scored two himself in a 6-4 win over Yoni. There was no real game changing plays outside of Yirmi’s ability to run. Yoni threw well enough to win, but his receivers (myself included) let him down….Honorable mention to Joey for making some great catches trying to rally our team.

Top plays: Yirmi and Baltimore dude’s flee flicker, Ike TD off tip.

Next week: Same time and place…

1/24/06

There is nothing like the sports story about the group of older, wiser veterans teaching the arrogant kids a lesson by proving that cunning, experience, and heart can overcome youth. So it was exciting to see veterans Yoni, Yakir, Doggy, and Joey (combined age 111) competing against the new school. Unfortunately, the old man team played like they were each 111 getting TROUNCED 9-1 by a combined effort from Yirmi, Dar, and our resident teenager Meir.

I can’t even compliment Yirmi’s team for doing anything right besides catching the perfect passes thrown to them (and that included the perfect passes thrown by Doggy and Yoni). We made our catches and scored our points. Yoni, who has got to be the most hard luck QB the league has seen, threw well overall, but his receivers apparently had bet against him before the game. Easy interceptions for TDs were dropped, easy touchdowns were squandered. Joey and Big “I’m bringing the F#$*ing pressure” Dave put in a nice effort in a mortifying loss.

Jewball this week is more in an honorary award. B-sh gets it for selflessly volunteering to play official O line and playing with the same tenacity he always plays with despite not having a real team to represent. Honorable mention to myself and Ike for putting up 3 TDs apeice. And do I need to even mention Yirmi anymore with his 7-1 record and 7 TDs thrown…its getting boring watching this guy dominate.

Top Plays: Joey diving first down grab, Joey pick and willing his team to their only TD, Jordan bouncing off Doggy “Line Master” Cohen as if he hit a brick wall, Ike dash to the endzone leaping Joey, Meir bomb ot Jordan, Uri’s timley picks, Jordan 85 yard scamper to pay dirt, Dave’s creative analogy regarding being open, our first winter game ever with three in shorts – congrats yirmi, yehudah, b-sh.

3rd Quarter Stats (4 games or more):

Wins and Losses

Yoni – 5-5

Joey – 5-4

Max – 7-2

Ike – 3-3

Scott – 5-1

Yakir – 6-8

B-sh – 3-7

Dog – 6 -7

Rabin – 1-5

Bashist – 1-3

Gluck – 3-3

Klink – 4-6

Yirmi – 7-1

Ari – 5-2

Meir – 4-4

Uri – 5-1

Jordan 6-8

TOUCHDOWNS (Current Regular Players)

Jordan – 23

Yakir – 23

Joey – 10

Yirmi – 9

Uri – 8

Danny – 5

Meir – 5

Ike – 5

Klink – 4

Dog – 3

Gluck – 3

Ari – 3

Rabin – 3

Yehudah – 2

Scott – 2

Yoni – 1

Dave – 1

There are only a few games left until the softballers starts so let us all prepare ourselves mentally for the close of our best season ever. I’d like to get a few high concept (“HC”) games in before the season is out, including some kind of Pro-Bowl once the “official” season is over…but the rules for that game are still up in the air.

I was inspired by last week’s game to try the first of our HC games this Sunday. How bout we play 25 and over against 24 and down. Veterans v. Rookies. So if you want in send me your name and age. We are filling up games again it appears so the Tadir rule, which never left, is back in full force.

Later,

1/29/06

Is Veteran just another word for old? It felt like it Sunday morning in Barret Park?and it feels like it even more after my hot tub and mineral ice treatment last night did nothing to cure my back and neck (thanks Max). Both sides fought hard, and although it felt like Yirmi and his young guns dominated throughout, the end score was only 4-2, as Yoni succumbed once again to the aging arm that once threw lighting and now throws snowballs ? big, heavy, snowballs. Despite, the loss, there is much competition to ring out of this match-up and we plan to do it again in two weeks.

While Yoni?s team appeared to literally be giving it away on Sunday, there is something to be said for the ferocity of the rookies who showed up to play Sunday morning. The team coalesced beautifully on both offense and defense starting with a brutal line anchored by Max and Dave. Yirmi, who wins at will, did not have his best day throwing, but Yoni (and Doggy) had an even worse day turning the ball over at some crucial moments. The Jewball goes to a player who could give anyone a clinic in the safety position. Uri shut us down. Period. And his surprising offensive prowess and big catches for big yardage shattered our hopes time and again. Honorable mention to x-factor Yehudah for going from hapless butterfingers to a one man team. For someone who couldn?t catch the ball since day one to tear us apart with 8 catches, two TDs, and some heartbreaking interceptions, he is an obvious Jewball candidate if it didn?t seem that he planned the whole thing out just to get a Jewball. Also our first ever Midos Tovos award to Klink for his selfless play and never complaining despite playing a blocking TE and D line for most of the game and his team not recognizing what an offensive threat he is. This is an example of a person we should all strive to be. Someone should really find him a boyfriend.

Top Plays: Yoni to Doggy at the back of the endzone, The concept of Defense with both teams making picks and batting balls, Yirmi to Yehudah like Roethelisberger to Ward, Jordan diving trip up of Yirmi, Uri for moving like a demon without cleats!, Joey for leaving it on the field again, Vets for not suffering a single heart attack the whole game, Meir for throwing the ball with confidence and earning some respect as a QB in the process, Yirmi for defensively stopping one of the greatest player ever, Yakir for not scoring any touchdowns.

Next week is Super Bowl Sunday. I am out and a number of you said the same. This does not mean there won?t be a game?it just means I?m not playing. You can still sign up through me and we?ll make it happen if there is interest. In two weeks we are playing what is hopefully a rematch of yesterday?so, if you played on 1/29/06 you are playing 2/12/06. If you played yesterday and cannot make 2/12/06 ? let me know?otherwise, just show up. I will not be around the week of 2/6 to handle emails. Tell me this week about 2/12 ? only those who can?t make it.

Also, can everyone please send an email to Joey at jroberts@pspsports.com. He is thinking about hanging it up for the season after yesterday?s rough loss. Send him three sentences why its important to finish the 20 game season and not to quit?ever.

2/19/06

18 degrees. 18 players. 18 new ways to play wearing tight jeans with a smoke in your mouth and hang-over. Welcome to our second to last game of the season where we outdid ourselves in providing an unpredictable close to the most successful season in league history.

First of all – I know everyone out there – especially Max with his phat record is smarter than me, but can you give me a break and let me know if you are bringing down people (or sending people) so that we can avoid the chaos that fell upon a frozen, sun soaked Barret Park last Sunday. In that regard let me give credit once again to true blue leaguer Klink for giving me a phone call Saturday night to see if he could bring one more. That is called being responsible. Just because on Thursday I say we have twelve signed up that does not mean that you can just wake up Sunday morning and bring along the guy you slept with last night. I know he wants to cuddle and its hard for the two of you to part, but for the love of Barton Gersten, leave the man at home….and leave his cousin at home too. (unless they are signed up of course)..but more about the attendance later…for now to the game.

Kind of messy due to a number of factors, mostly the pure unfamiliarity by everyone with each other, the field, the rules, and, for some, the relationship between their hands, legs, brain, and an oblong ball with laces on it. For that I give much credit to our field generals Azriel and Doggy for maintaining composure and for exercising what seemed to be an endless supply of patience. If you want the numbers, here they are: In a game that spent most of its time in huddles (even the huddles had huddles), we ended in a 2 to 2 tie, with, in my opinion, Doggy throwing the passes that should have won the game. Azriel, always a warrior on the gridiron, made the throws (and picks) to keep his team in the game, but Doggy had the right stuff, threw the ball precisely over all, and some perfect passes in the final possession were just plain dropped.

Jewball is tough this week, namely because there was no winning team, and because we have two extraordinary inspirational stories. It must be a rare week where Zev, a viscously good player, who was picked up from the airport by three time Jewball winner Yoni, and driven directly to the game, where he stuck around and played hard for both sides as an alternate (and line judge), does not get the award for such an unreal commitment to the game. The award instead goes to sentimental favorite Harlan for driving in from beyond Newark (1.5 hours) to score a TD, knock a couple people to the floor, and to shut down speed freak Ike, who is ten years younger than him.

Top Plays: Doggy to Meir to Uri for a brilliant first down grab, Azriel to Ike perfect timing pattern for a TD, Yakir scampers to the end zone from mid field (and goes up three TDs in the race for TD leader), Doggy to Zev – a bullet for the first down, Jordan runs 95 yards to pay dirt, J.C. plays while on cocaine, Doggy + D line = sack, Dave for refusing to stay after we sent his brother home (but then he stayed), Meir for stiff arming someone from Canada in the face for adding to his legend as our favorite psychotic, Danny from Canada for putting up with us annoying Americans, and finally to….

Far Rockaway. I know some of you purists were bothered by the situation on Sunday with “outsiders” crashing our party (as we may view it), but, listen, without Meir, Ike, Yoni, Yirmi, Klink, and the guys they have bringing down all season (from FR)…we have no game. Without these Far Rock kids we don’t have a game, so although it was just slightly out of hand Sunday (but, as Doggy called it, fun), I give these guys muchos credit for bringing people down every week who play and play hard (while stoned). I would appreciate though if you ran it by me first by calling my cell – 516-603-2502 – because I HATE sending someone home. It is a really bad feeling. By the way, whoever knows Dave’s brother who went home, please tell him we really feel bad and I’ll find a spot for him this week if he wants.

But for the rest of you, Game 20 is upon us. Last game to make history. I expect a full house so sign up early but their will be very strict Tadir rules in effect, so don’t plan on bringing any brothers or friends.

Talk you all later,

Jordan

2/26/06

This gonna be short because I am out of words to describe the season. It was just great playing football this fall/winter with the guys who came down and committed themselves. I hope we can all keep meeting every September- March until we get too old to move. Amen.

Doggy Loses. Joey comes out of retirment to pick up a win and a Jewball award for throwing two, scoring one, and having a key pick in a 3-2 victory over the Dog. Yakir gets a well deserved scoring title with 27 touchdowns in 19 appearances. That’s pretty damn good. Yoni and Yirmi split Jewball honors by picking up three each.

As for the game and its future – Klink has the cones and ball. I am done till next season so hope to see many of you at softball in the summer. If anyone wants to keep on footballing…make it happen – use the email list and make it happen…but I am out. sorry.

I am man enough to say much love to you all and by far this was the most succesful season of football I have played in since I started 5 years ago in Queens.

Peace,

Jordan

Season 2

10/22/06

Good start to the season. To me it felt more like an easy transition from last season as opposed to starting anew and that is a good thing. It was good to get in the new blood, and see some faces from the Flushing Meadows days, but overall the core of last year was there and I’m pleased to report Yoni can still throw, Doggy can still throw and everyone remembers how to catch.

The game itself was uneventful (I guess event enough was that it was Game 1 – a fresh chance to become an MVP). Yoni/Joey maintained a lead for most of the game and Doggy only threatened late, but some lockdown defense on the final play ruined Doggy’s chance to go home with the tie. Yoni/Joey win 5 to 4. Joey and Yoni spread the ball well giving 4 players on the team a TD. Doggy also spread the ball well, to both teams. Yoni looked as good as ever throwing precision passes with a strong arm. Joey looked better at receiver and especially as a viciously aggressive safety than at QB so the controversy might end quickly.

Doggy came out the gate firing, hooking up with Essess four times to start the game and for drove for a QB rushing score. But after that, the picks began on the second possession and Joey took full advantage running the inter back for a TD. Doggy put some nice passes in his receiver’s hands, but two diving catches were not made and the drives were killed. It appeared that most of Doggy’s errant passes were thrown because he was not wearing the same color shirt as the rest of team. There is a lot to be said about being a team player. There is no I in Team Doggy, but there are two I’s in interception, and one I in pick

Jewball goes to Joey for not only playing with a eye wound caused by me on Friday night, but also due to his two picks, one TD scored, and two thrown. His deep coverage will not show up in the stats but he saved a few big yard gains for his team. Hands down best stats of the day.

TOP PLAYS: Stryker one-handing the ball and gaining control to grab a crucial first down for Doggy (Queens connection), Joey getting his hand in on a ball at the last second to rob Doggy and Akiva of a sick hookup, Yoni for throwing well and bringing family down, Asher racing for a TD in unmatchable speed, Ike for trying to catch him, Joey to Shraggi for the first thrown TD of the season, Doggy for running hard every time whether at the QB or as the QB.

Next week: Regulars who were listed in the first email can sign up by Thursday and are automatically in. Eytan, if you want in, let me know and I’ll put you at the top of the new guy list.

I mentioned this last week, I think there will only be about 5 spots weekly for guys who didn’t play with us last year. If you want to play football every week….I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe we will have enough spill over to allow people to start a second game (but you might need to find QBs). Otherwise I am going to do my best to be fair and let the new players rotate in when spots open up.

Let me know about this Sunday,

Jordan

10/29/06

First the Mets and now this. How many football games do I have left? There is no time for games like yesterday. I hate yesterday…I really do. All of you can have your nice week of whatever you do and move on…but yesterday will haunt me like a Carlos Beltran called third strike. Since I dish it out weekly both on the field and in these reports, I need to take my own wrath. I did not step up in the slightest for my team. Klan award goes to Jordan. 3 drops (one a tip for a pick), 3 blown coverages (two for touchdowns), jammed my finger on a ball that I should have picked, and basically couldn’t take Joey all day. The score was close at the end but it didn’t feel like it. Without Uri and Rabin giving us about five extra tries on offense, we would have been demolished.

Yoni beats Doggu 4 to 2. Yoni and Doggy played Indian chief turn the ball over but Yoni built a nice lead early that eneded up being insurmountable. Doggy always has his moments (like wicked thread the needle bullet to Klink for TD, terrific pass on the run to myself that I flat our dropped), but Yoni is a touch more consistant and with that goes the win. Maybe Rabin can take a crack at QB next week to see what can happen (who said that?).

Hard played game on both sides, better team one. end of story.

Jewball is going to go to Avi Esses. Just felt like he was everywhere. Making multiple big catches on offense (and a TD) and must have had at least five picks including the game icer. Also points for bringing his kid and that kid kept time and that kid had magic watch that allowed it to take an hour between 10:45 and 11:00. Joey comes in a very close second even though he had three TDs and also played a huge game. 3 TDs is impressive enough on its own, but everytime I looked up Esses broke my heart with a pick. I can get over a TD when you are playing tight D and Yoni manages to slip it in there, but breaking up a nice drive just knocks you out mentally.

Top Plays: Uri and Esses trading interceptions all game. Joey burning me and Yoni finding him. Stryker tip to Shalom Yonah for a few yards. Esses to Yoni to Joey to the one yard line. Yakir keeping the drive alive with big catch over the middle. Doggy to Klink in motion, beautiful. The wind on D. The brother in law dude that showed up in the Yankee cap nice and casual like, but came in played hard, Uri dragging the feet on the pick, Big Dave for always saying “Tell me where to play, I don’t care, I’m here to win”, Doggy running and diving despite leg injuries, Jordan tracks down Shalom Yonah from the line.

Here are two quick issues to respond to in addition to whether you are in or not this week. As you know, firstly, we have more than 16 guys interested in playing every week. Of course that is not really a bad thing…but personally, I think 7 on 7 is the best possible game. I know some of these guys who want in are friends or friends of friends, but really…we have a good game going with a core group…and I think that is all we need.

(To the guys who want to play and are finding themsleves locked out weekly or every other week- FYI: We play on a big field and the grass is free…you buy a football and some cones…guess what? You are allowed to play football…you don’t need me…just get friends and play football…I can put you in touch with each other if you want or you can coordinate it through these emails. All you need is ten guys. How bout one of you step up and take over the responsibility and start a game. There is no reason guys who want to play can’t just because someone like me sends out ridiculous emails like this saying a game is full).

My basic point is to those of you have never played before this season: If you want to play football every week…you need to join another game. Don’t complain or be surprised or upset or depressed when you play only once every month. This game is essentially full and, sure, we like to have guys in reserve for the cold months, but the basic players who will play every week and seem to be die hard guys who show up week in and out are set. Just know that.

So first line of business – asking the regulars and people who have played at any point before this year – should we go back to 7 on 7 which means one line and one TE. I think two on line gets people who don’t want to play line a little anxious and frustrated. (I guess also if new guys want to come down and volunteer to play line full time and not complaint…that is also a solution).

Second on the agenda, someone suggested we try out flags instead of two hand touch to create more use for short passes (and I think because he wants to hurt someone). Let me know how that sounds to you (anyone can answer this).

Finally, let me know if you are in this week. Regulars can sign up until Thursday morning – before noon (no special invitations this week guys). I will take either 2 or 4 new guys depending on whether we decide to play 14 or 16 next week. The new guys will be taken in response order. Labe is automatic if he wants…but he needs to let me know before Thursday.

Jordan

11/5/06

Yes. Yes. That was it. For all who missed it (and I have one person in mind and I also have his paiyes in mind)- you missed it. Despite some things going wrong, some “regulars” proving me wrong and cutting out…this young season had its definitive best game yesterday. What makes a 5-4 win by Joey over Rabin so great? Well…I’ll start with the field and I’ll start with our Jewball winner and touch down leader. I’ll start with a man who contemplated retirement in the off season and now has stats that are hall of fame caliber. A man who went from vowing he was either at QB or out for the season to someone who now has 5 TDs scored in three games and 2 MVPs and has said he doesn’t plan on losing a game this season (and he might be right if he keeps playing shut down safety and continues to be a receiving and QB threat). Joey calls me at 9:00 on game day – that is a half hour before the game. Where is he? On the field! He reports that we have problem. Softballers. Because of that call and him sticking around to send everyone to the Middle School we end up being able to start on time and on thee most beautiful field we have ever played on, and a stunning day.

So if you can’t tell by my more than homosexual raving above, Jewball goes to Klink for that one interception and for keeping up with the best player on the field all day. He wishes. Joey picks up his second. For guiding us to the right field and then calmly guiding his team to victory. He is a receiver at heart. He is a safety by trade. He is a competitor by nature. And he imitates a quarterback pretty damn well and he suited up as a passer yesterday and executed. Threw three, scored one, and picked two on D. Doggy, who gets the runner up had a ridiculous stat line as well, throwing 2 and scoring 4 TDs! (tying him with Joey for the overall season lead – where is Yakir, last year’s leader?). Doggy played official O making him ineligible for the award (though I’m sure I’ve given to an official player some time in the past).

Klan goes to the Paritsky trio who didn’t make it – some with legit excuses. I’ll leave it at that and by saying there will be a penalty for not showing up without a good excuse (which Yoni and Esses provided).

And it was a day where the past came up as you saw by Yakir’s Mea Culpa email. We forgive you Heinz Ward – but you went from the most credible player on the field by a mile to…..the most credible player on the field by three quarters of a mile (though Klink apparently holds by Yehudah). The rest of are too crazy competitive to tell the truth all the time.

TOP PLAYS: Big D’s jersey and backing up the name Lewis with a nasty pass rush, Doggy playing official fairly with the bad legs, B-sh not allowing a sack, Joey to Doggy like Manning to Shockey for a couple of end zone hookups. Nox Stryker tearing the ball from Yehudah at the 1. Doggy to Jordan, lateral to Rabin for a TD. Doggy to Jordan, lateral to Doggy, pass to Rabin for a first down. Rabin two picks plus all those pretty rainbow passes that float in the air – they are so pretty to watch and there is so much time to watch them. Jordan rushes qb and sacks qb, Jordan catches bomb from Doggy changing direction, Jordan picks Joey and Yakir flips him like he’s Mr. Miyagi (you see why I liked the game), Yehudah with a nice stat line of two scores and a pick, Klink blocking for a patented Joey scamper, Joey for backing up Ike into the endzone with some stutter steps (though I don’t know what the hell Ike was thinking – it may have been a Maurice Clarretesque lapse of judgment).

This week, we have another issue to discuss. First, I was wrong. The list of 14 who I thought could be counted on, is not 100% apparently. We have had three games so far with 16 signed up for each and are yet to have 16 actually show up. So, I know people have lives and things come up, but I think we should start signing up two extra players a week as back ups. Basically, a back up comes down and sees if there is an opening. If not, they can go home, watch, ref, or rotate in.

Also, at least Doggy and I have things Sunday morning that would prevent us from playing at the regular time. Game is on regardless, but wondering if enough guys want to/wouldn’t mind going from 8:15 to 10:00. That is just a selfish suggestion but since it applies to at least me and Doggy, I throw it out there. Otherwise, game is at 9:30 – I will be there setting up the field, and will be there until 10:15 just watching – maybe even taking some action shots for next week’s email.

We are looking for 14 spots this week. I will let you know Thursday who is in and from the guys locked out we will take two replacements and two full time line volunteers (if anybody wants it).

Let me know,

Jordan

11/12/06

Yes, I did take the later train today. Playing in two games makes you just a bit more soar than usual, but that didn’t stop 10 players from going back to back yesterday on a mild muddy day behind the Middle School in Hewlett. That didn’t stop Gluck who was covered in goose def from playing in the 8:20 game and then deciding he wanted more. That didn’t stop B-sh from waking up at 7:00 in the morning in New Jersey to drive in with his wife and kids (one newborn) to make both games. That didn’t stop Yakir with his family obligations, or Rabin from lying to his wife. Or Ike from playing at 8:20 after I asked him to play at that game as a personal favor just 8 hours before kick off. And he says to me after I basically woke him up at home, if you need me I’m in. If you need me, I’m in. Let me say it again. If you need me, I’m in. What more do we need to know about this game. We have about seventeen die hard high skill players with the attitude of : if you need me, I’m in. Darwin proposed survival of the fittest and the fittest are left. All the whiny soft girly men of the past are gone…no more begging for the 4 on 4. We play two games and we get 14 in each. Bring on the cold.

So we had two games which means double the stats and double the MVP and double the top plays and double the ways I can $%&@ the whole thing up by not remembering things right.

Let’s break it down:

8:20 Game

Score makes the game sound tighter than it was. Doggy has a monster game through the air and beats a hapless Rabin 4 to 2. Although I only caught and played in the tail end of the game, Doggy had a vintage brilliant performance with deep (and pretty) pin point strikes using all his weapons. He also ran one in. Doggy takes his first Jewball of the season and ties Joey for TD leader at 5 (last time I said Doggy had 5 was a mistake – he had 4, now he has five). Rabin is the Kaz Matsui of the league – no matter what he does well, at the slightest sign of weakness he gets hammered by his team and chokes. Last year he came in and won a Jewball late in the season in Game 14 proving that he has the skills, but the poise and confidence has been drained and he will need to think things over before stepping back behind center. Though I ldo ove his determination and his love of the game. And he is a happy man today regardless because of Chad and the boys in green.

Top Plays: A Klink TD always makes Top Plays. Doggy to Big Dave for a score, with the point. Yakir picks Doggy deep to force the issue, Doggy to Gluck like Palmer to Johnson, B-sh for starting a long day in the trenches, Rabin getting the ball to Klink to avoid rush and Klink…drops it, Jordan sliding grab for a firstdown, Asher catching a wicked bomb deep and burning me in the process.

9:40 Game

Surprise! Rabin wins against the better QB. In a frustrating loss for last year’s co-MVP, Yoni takes his first loss in a rout. Rabin beats Yoni 5 to 2. Yoni and his man Esses hooked up for some magical plays, but it wasn’t enough to stop Jordan and his Jose Reyes jersey and the aggressiveness that went along with it. Rabin throws two TDs and only throws one pick in the win. The game however, belonged to number 7, Reyes. Reyes scores 3 TDs, throws one to Yakir as a replacement QB, calls everyone on the field a liar, and Jordan walks away with his first Jewball ever in the five year history of this league (granted he is giving it to himself right now…but come on – it was damn obvious).

Top Plays: Jordan running the same pattern as Yakir and pointing at Yakir to let Rabin know where to throw (perfect pass followed), Esses with one hand is better than anyone else with two, Yakir raping Esses for the ball, Simcha who plays hard and has that mensch quality that we should emulate, Dave for being as sure a handed receiver as you could want, Klink for spinning, reacting, jumping the pattern, and picking Yoni right by our endzone for a game changing turnover, Jordan makes em’ miss, twice for scores, Jordan to Yakir for a TD like…Marvin Harrison to Reggie Wayne, Uno Tres for being so damn disgruntled, Uri with two picks to seal it.

Do me a favor when you get a chance, send me your stats from yesterday so I can update the list properly. I have most of them but kind of hazy on some picks and I can’t account for two TDs.

As for the coming week, we have spots, we have games, and we should be able to find something for everyone. I think the double header worked out well but I don’t know or can’t tell if will be good and happening each week. But what the hell – lets try and see what happens. The normal “regulars” game will be at 9:40. There will also be a game if ten guys sign up and some can QB at 8:30.

So everyone let me know: 8:30, 9:40, or both. The 8:30 is not a guaranteed game as it was last week – it may not happen but let’s see….

Before we go let me officially congratulate Yakir, Rabin, B-sh, Klink, Uri, Dave, Simcha, Asher, and Ike for playing two games yesterday,

Peace,

Jordan

11/19/06

Twenty different bodies played football yesterday from 8:20 to 11:10 on a slippery, well-worn field just off Penisula Blvd. We even had some guy who looked like Shaft watching the game from the side lines (made sense since we were playing with a guy who looked like he was from CHIPS). Anyway, it is going to be a short recap this week because…to be honest…these games (now two games a week) are just jam packed with people and things going on, and I just can’t remember half of them. On that front, do me a favor and send me your stats – some of them I know, but just in case I missed any from the first game.

The 8:20 game was a 6 on 6 and was essentially saved by D Jess, an old time Queens player bringing two guys down (one of them Steve “Force Capital” Fuchs, also an old school player). Also thanks to Uri for bringing Yishi down as a possible QB. Anyway, I caught some of that game and really not much was going on. Yehudah Koenig (sp?) was throwing and he kind of looked like Roy Oswalt lining up over center. Doggy beats him 1 zip on a TD hook up to Jess, hopefully the first of many. There was a nice late drive by Oswalt including a nice perfectly placed throw to Big Dave that settled in right over the defender’s head and hands, but the drive died. I must also note two big time sacks by number fiddy two – don’t let his size fool you, the guy can move. Doggy takes the Jewball because in games where no one steps up, it just makes sense to give it to the winning QB.

Game 2 had a bit more action, but with another frightening Marino performance (3 picks), Doggy may have taken over as the most dangerous offensive weapon on the field (sorry Ike). Doggy threw some beautiful balls out there, but the day belonged to Yehudah. After not signing up, Yehudah was off to a bad start when he showed up late for game 2, but after saying F you to me and my rules about email and showing up on time, he said F you to my ability to play defense and scored 3 TDs (one off a pick). If there’s one thing I hate about a player, it is someone with skill and arrogance. Yehudah seems to have both and he gets his first Jewball by calmly dominating the game. Doggy destroys Yoni 5 to 2 handing Yoni his second loss of the season and giving Doggy his first 2006 win over last year’s co-MVP.

Top Plays: Stryker puts up a TD (on the third try), Simcha is getting his hands back with 1st down grab and TD (as he claims he was drafted in 1992 by the Lions), Josh Gross takes over at QB and mounts a solid drive, Yoni deep to Labe, deep to Jordan – pretty stuff. Uno Tres, a TD and some non-disgruntled behavior, B-sh plays line for three hours (nuff said), Doggy on D swatting fly balls, Doggy’s team picks up blitzes.

This week is Thanksgiving and this week also has a Sunday (i checked the calendar). In theory we can have four games, two on each day…but let us see. I understand people have families and they may not want you to play six hours of football over the four day weekend (I certainly won’t be). Just let me know what you prefer as far as the games and I will email on Wednesday letting you all know what the final plan is for each day.

So everyone must respond to Thursday – 8:30 or 10:00 or both, and then for Sunday – 8:20 or 9:40 or both. Please make sure you let me know EXACTLY what you are up for so we can see what kind of games we need to organize.

Later,

11/23/06

An epic day deserves an epic email. For those of you who hate these overly dramatic, long winded recaps….prepare to hate.

At 6:00 am on Thanksgving morning I was woken up by the sound of rain pounding my roof. My first semi-concious thought was of course…the game. At around 8:00 the heavy tapping calmed and it was quiet, a break in the storm. But would the field be be able to hold the games? As a wise man once told me, “if there’s grass on the field, play ball.” That man is now in prison, but I knew there would be grass on the field…could we play ball?

Was I surprised to find 14 of our players in the middle of a game when I arrived at 9:00? A bit. Was I proud of our game? Hell yes. In the end 20 hardcore players partcipated between two messy games where being tackled into a puddle filled with ice cold water and mud was pretty much a guarantee. In the scheme of things what does it matter that you played football on Thanksgiving in horrendous weather when likely hundreds of games around the tri-state were cancelled? I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But I believe it shows something – something truly important – something that can be applied to every aspect of life. It shows you overcome obstacles. It shows you don’t throw in the towel when things don’t go smoothly. It shows (and this is the one that means the most and will get you the farthest in life) that you have loyalty to other people and to the concept of team. It shows you can be counted on. These are crucial life lessons. Maybe to some it looks like a bunch of adults acting like kids, running around trying to drown each other in muddy water and prove they can still play some ball. That might be enough of a reason to be out there, but I see something much more and thats why it really does matter that we got together this morning and made a statement about commitment and dedication…plus getting out of the house for some guy stuff has to be healthy for the psyche.

Anyway, to the games. Obviously these sort of games are not the ideal typical skill set games, but we play em and they count just as much as the others. Despite any excuses you could think of based on field conditions and unfair teams, I don’t care. There is no excuse for the way Konig destroyed Chips 8 to nothing. Just a disaster of an offensive effort by the other Miami bred QB. Looked like every other ball was picked (yes, he had help from the old Rabin (“old Rabin” did you say? I did – keep reading) . There may not have been a first down made the entire game. Combine that with the cold and the puddles, it must have been a miserable experience being out there for his rag tag crew.

On the other side we had Konig in his second game proving to be quite the able passer with some very nice decision making and accuracy. His tandem of receivers were virtually unstoppable. Veterans Klink, Stryker, Force, and DJess, made all the plays on both offense and defense. Though Konig was a sure Jewball candidate (and likely soon to be winner) based on the 6 TDs thrown (to 4 different receivers), I hate to admit it but DJess had a ridiculous stat line of 4 picks, 4 TDs and just an impressive gamer attitude. He gets his first MVP in over two years and in only his second game back he ties Doggy for second place in TDs (5). Of course he is still trailing my lead (8). The Klan award goes to myself for choosing up the teams and understimating the tandem of Jess and Fuchs – may need to split those two kids up next time, and a special Klan award to the grounds crew. You guys really need to take your job a bit more seriously.

Top Plays: Steve “Force Capital” Fuchs makes a phenomenal catch of high throw right near the endzone. Stryker 2 picks, 2 TDs scored (becoming Wayne Chrebetesque green lantern offensive threat), Uri “Barret Park” Hertis 2 picks, Big D continuing to at least provide a sack a game, Klink nice cut and TD score, Elk sticking around despite something going on with his kid needing to go to the doctor (wait, maybe thats not a good thing), Josh’s team choosing to stick around and play until the end as a team – and not start again – to win or lose with their unit. That’s a lgreat esson right there. Maybe the lesson of the day.

Second game was an even muddier, rainier, deeper puddled 6 on 6. I only played in the second game and fell in a puddle twice – it is not a good thing – and its hard to keep playing dripping in cold, wet, sweat pants. For those of you who played two in those conditions (CHiPs, Uri, Ike, Dave, Sklar, B-sh) – I have much respect for you, much concern about your sanity (though B-sh is just straight up crazy), and hope you don’t get sick (I’d keep an eye on the other Clarrett this week – he may need to go to the hospital b’a). Uno Tres, sorry about what went down with the second game – I remain a fan as you know.

I have to also give big props to Yoni and Dan F. from Cali who flew in from 80 degree weather, geared up and played. I know you guys are sons of warm weather and its extra tough to deal with these condition, physically and mentally – and you showed up. We don’t forget stuff like that. Yoni, also went down with a bad back so we wish him an RS.

This pains me to write (though not as much as complimenting DJess), but Rabin had an off the hook big time beauty of a game. In game one he showed no signs of being able to throw any sort of pass – short, long, ltwo foot ateral. But in game 2 something clicked and he called the right plays every time, had excellent field vision, hit people deep, hit people short, cutting, slanting, used the run game. Dare I say it, he looked like a quarterback. Now, he does this every year and its this once a year event that keeps him coming back for more every game – because he knows it is in there somewhere. Here is his line – prepare yourself. In a 5 to 1 win over CHiPS, Rabin threw 4, picked 2, and scored 1 – with zero interceptions. A no doubt Jewball winner and hopefully a resurection of career of sorts. Vinny lives another day.

Top Plays: Show Time running the most perfect routes cauing me to say “Oh S$%!” every play, Dave huge first down grab fighting Yakir for the ball, Edell coming down even on Thanksgiving (oh wait, he’s Canadien – its a regular day), B-sh for being B-sh (three hours of football, driving rain, shorts and a T-shirt – can someone get this man a lifetime achievment award), Rabin strike to Uri, Uri, a defensive specialist making some big offensive plays including a TD, Sklar diving catch a the back of the endzone (called off), Jordan tap to himself on the slant, Show Time tracking a ball beautifully and coming up with a big first down catch. Jordan diving swat of sure TD and hydroplaning, Dan F. big TD catch from JG to keep hope alive.

There will be two games Sunday I believe. We now have 10 signed up for the 8:20 and a locked out game at 9:45.

These are the names I have below. Teams will be posted tomorrow (or if not, just choose up on the field).

8:20 – Dave, Simcha, Rabin, Uri, Uno Tres, Klink, Gluck, Emwits, Uri M., Sokes (yes, thee Sokes) – As you can see, Rabin is the only QB signed up. We need one more. Guys in this game, use the Reply All feature to talk this one out – decide if you want to play it because without a second QB it won’t be much of a game.

9:40 – this one is a beast and should be a great game – Big Dave, M Stryker, Green Lantern, Elk, Labe, Sim, Yoni (I guess if the back is better), Dog, Rabin, Uri, Uno, Klink, Yakir, Sokes

Yes, as you can see I am not signed up. Means nothing. Games are on. If I find a way, I find a way. Either way, I’ll come down to check out the action.

See you on the field,

11/26/06

**** READ ABOUT NEXT WEEK’S GAMES AT THE BOTTOM – NEITHER****

GAME NEXT WEEK WILL BE TWO-HAND TOUCH

There is another thing I like about playing Sunday mornings. How great is it watching football after playing it…it is a completely different experience. You watch the game differently. You watch coverages differently and routes, and catches and drops. Unless you play, the game on TV is just something to watch like your watching American Gladiators (Nitro!, Zap!)) – when you play, you compare yourself and your ability to everyone in the NFL. So when someone – say, me – drops a beautifully thrown game breaking pass from Klink on the final play of the game, it hurts. But then watching the Giants – supposed professionals – blow a 21 point lead with 10 minutes left – you realize, its part of the game. At every level there are blown plays – it’s kind of like therapy.

One thing that doesn’t happen in the NFL is the changing of QBs every set and Sunday, a day where we saw a record 22 players come down, we had a record 8 different players throw a pass. Some fared better than others. The best of the new class is Konig, a talented rookie with good leadership abilities. Also showing potential was longtime receiver Klink, who has the right ideas at QB – and that is half the battle.

Game 1 also saw the return of Sokes and that is a good thing for obvious historical reasons. If we get Feldhammer, Sigman, and Avi Spira to come down again, we can officially play with the 2000 rules (1 foot in, no fumbles, JK wins, Jay Stern goes to the hospital).

In the game itself, nothing interesting happened at all. Exceptionally pareve 1-1 tie split between Rabin and Konig. No Jewball here, though Uri had the play of the game picking Konig at the 1 to keep us in the game. Ike puts one up. I don’t know who scored for Konig so let me know please. Klink dropped a few, I dropped one. The Force stayed in there despite an injury so props for that. Konig threw well and had some nice hook ups with Pride.

The following is a recap of Game 2 as told to me by a number of spies – thanks to those who contributed.

A sloppy game I hear. Doggy builds an early 2-0 lead on a couple of long pass plays then hit Stryker in the back of the end zone. Second score on a deep ball to Klink with a nice adjustment by Klink to make the catch. Uri then started picking Dog apart and Rabin capitalizes with a hook up to Show to make it 2-1 After a M Stryker pick, Yehudah – the most arrogant and dangerous player in the league – got picked on the first pass but eventually threw a TD to Dog. Also, he supposedly threw the deepest pass of the season to Klink. Sim “Dorothy” Sklar hit Uri for a second score. Doggy takes the MVP, his third, for throwing 2 and scoring one.

Top Plays: Uri owning the Safety position, Big Dave coming on as a serious and consistent offensive threat, Rabin tapping the ball to himself for the first down, Pride tapping the ball to himself for the first down, Pride deep bomb to Klink on third and long and Klink with sweet grab, Labe provides his one 50 yard reception per game, Sokes for the return to the game he semi-founded and calling offensive pass interference on fellow grandfather Rabin, Show running 100 yards side to side to pick up 2, Dog monster sack of Dorothy, Elk 2 sacks, Here is a first: Stryker for a great catch when the ball was thrown in after the play was over (thanks for that one Klink).

Next weeks is going to be a novelty week. The game has not changed we are just taking one week to do something different. If you have a problem with the change for next week, just take the week off and come back the following week. We took a vote a few weeks ago and a significant amount of regulars were interested in getting away from two hand touch once in a while. So here is what we have for next week:

Game 1 at 8:20 is going to be a modified tackle game. It is not flag. It is tackle. A man with the ball will be down when his knees (or most of the body) hit the ground. There will be fumbles in this game. What is “modified” tackle”? It means we don’t want people getting seriously injured. If you want to make yourself into a projectile and fly at someone’s legs or chest – this is not the place. There will be two ways to tackle someone in the 8:20 game next week: 1.) Push them with two outstretched hands to the ground or 2.) Wrap them up and either drag or throw them down. Should be good. I’m up for it.

Game 2 at 9:45 is Flag. I guess normal flag rules, but I’ve never played it before.

Just a note about signing up. Everyone still needs to sign by responding to this email only. Don’t tell me at the game or write me an email on Sunday. Also, the doubleheader idea was done so that more people could play. For the regulars, I may not be able to get everyone a spot in two games every week so just because you sign up for both, doesn’t mean it will always work out. On that end, regulars, when you sign up for two, tell me a preference of game.

Let me know,

With a 3rd of the season over, here are the stats through WEEK 7 (out of 20) – Stats below are only for those who appeared in at least 5 games (Stats are compiled for all 34 players though I will only report on those who have appeared in approximately half the games played).

GP-GAMES PLAYED,W-WINS,TD-TOUCHDOWNS-S-SACKS,P-PICKS,MVP-JEWBALL AWARDS

YONI – 5GP,2W,0TD,0S,0P,0MVP

JORDAN – 7GP, 3W, 8TD,1S,1P,1MVP

KLINK – 8GP,5W,4TD,1S,1P,0MVP

DOG – 7GP, 4W,6TD,2S,3MVP

SIMCHA – 8GP, 4W, 2TD,0S,0P,0MVP

URI – 10GP,4W,5TD,0S,13P,0MVP

STRYKER – 6GP,4W,5TD,0S,0P,0MVP

IKE – 9GP,2W,3TD,0S,0P,0MVP

YEHUDAH – 6GP,5W (1 TIE), 5TD, 0S,2P,1MVP

DAVE – 10GP,3W,2TD,6S,0P,0MVP

YAKIR – 6GP,3W,2TD,0S,1P,0MVP

RABIN – 8GP,2W,1TD,0S,4P,1MVP

12/3/06

Yesterday was an anomaly. The same day where an observer might say the offensive prowess of the league is severely lacking, we also see likely the greatest comeback since Rabin staged a similar upset two seasons ago. While scores were made yesterday (14 between the two games), the amount of just straight up dropped passes is giving our QBs a crisis of confidence. I think its time to tell the wife, girlfriend, father, brother, son, daughter, or person you are stalking, to take a few minutes and throw around the ball during the week. Or at least look at a football during the week and become comfortable with the thought of catching it. This is coming from a guy who has dropped two in a row, did no catch a pass yesterday, and has not put one in the end-zone since week 6.

Amazingly, even without my legendary scoring ability, points were put up. The understatement of the year came from Yehudah when he emailed me late Saturday night and mentioned that he could QB if we needed someone. I guess he could…if you call throwing 6 TDs quartering. To the games:

Before I talk about Game 1, just a quick note to guys who volunteer to play both. I know you have two games of football to play and about 3 hours to do it – but there are guys who only have that one game. So for them, the hour and twenty minute game is the game for the week. So just because you don’t mind starting a little late – the guys who only have that game, need to max it out. Don’t sign up for both if you can’t be there at 8:20.

I’d say the game was decent to good. Can’t say I’m happy the way it turned out. Anytime my mortal enemy David “Don’t Embarrass Me in Public Because I Want to Wear a Giants T-shirt Well Wearing a Giants T-Shirt is a Public Embarrassment ” Jesselson scores two and wins the game, that is something I loathe. Jesselson in three games has seven touchdowns which is one behind my lead. Hate to compliment Dave again, but he is a good example of receiver who catches the ball when it’s thrown to him. If we all just made the simple catches and nixed the bonehead drops, we’d be Jesselson, ands we’d have seven touchdowns in 3 games.

Konig lead his team beautifully again – this guy is a real find for the 8:20 game. He beats Yehudah/Dorothy 3 to 2. Yehudah and Labe had a nice pair of TD hook ups but it looked like Yehudah woke up to his true QB abilities somewhere about 11:10 in the morning. Too bad I was watching from the sidelines by then. Konig opened the game with a strike to Simcha and never looked back. Yehudah made it close, but Konig’s trickery and Jesselson’s infallibility were too much to overcome for the boys in white. With no excuse drops by Jordan, Klink, and a one on the final drive by El Qulinko, the game was iced. MVP to Konig – well earned and deserved for coming out strong and pure team leadership.

TOP PLAYS: Yehudah finds Labe – back of the end-zone, penalties, arguments about calls, Jordan sack Yehudah floored, Jess and Elk creating havoc at the line, Uri early confidence destroying pick.

Game 2 was kind of epic – or about as epic as we see. The final score is Yehudah 5, Yoni 4. But how bout if I told Yoni was winning 4 to 1 at 11:02. At that point Yehudah bombed one to CHiPS which knocked the man over but he held on to put the dark squad down two. Yoni’s offense was quickly stopped and Yehudah took the ball. On third down a desperate deep jump ball is tore down by Labe (3 scores on the day) and a twenty yard scamper put the score at 4 -3. The clock now say 11:17, but they play on. By 11:24, Yehudah had the ball again, and on first down he finds the Uno Tres blazing down the sidelines. Touch Down. The score is tied. About six minutes later Yehudah runs fifteen yards to cap the win with a score. I’m sure there are things I can mention about Yoni’s team and their efforts, and Klink’s frustration, and dropped passes, but I’m not going to mention any specifics about the losing team this week. I’m sure they want to forget it – though Rabin did call for the Klan award in recognition of his less than stellar performance. Yehudah gets his second MVP for an unprecedented effort. And I’m giving a second Jewball to CHiPS who made the tough catch that started it all AND AND was wearing a powder blue San Diego Chargers Jersey that had the name CHIPS on the back. I can’t compete with that commitment. That is as hardcore as I know. Jewball for you sir.

TOP PLAYS: Uno makes wicked diving block on Klink on a run by the QB. B-sh sacks two. Yoni to DW in the end-zone in a seemingly game icing score. Yoni’s team for allowing the game to go on despite the time, in the name of good competition. Show with vicious grab and holding to a ball thrown in tight. Dorothy, diving swat of sure TD. Rabin, for coming straight from work and playing in scrubs (and with anal lubrication cream still on his wrists…and elbows), Maya for picking up the cones.

Next week is flag. Morning game may have additional rules to increase the aggressiveness. May not need it though…we’ll see.

Let me know,

12/10/06

Flag was a nice experiment for a few reasons. It bumped up the aggressiveness of the game, it created some welcomed havoc after the catch, and it gave some of us a good excuse to molest Ike (though we could have done without a few uncomfortable moments by refraining from saying “you know you like it” as flags were being grabbed)

As another testament to our greatness as a league, despite the on the fly rule making, the fights were there but minimal. We fought and tumbled for meaningless fumbles like it was roll from the rebbe’s shirayim. We decided a questionable “no football move” call without Labe going to his car, getting his gat, and capping our white asses. We even called off a rare Yakir defensive pass interference call because Klink was “playing the ball”. We have come a long way. Though I don’t know how Uri’s “ball crossing the plane” TD counted. I thought we played two feet in the end zone. Anyway, I think it went very well and wouldn’t mind playing it every other week or so….but for now…we’ll take three weeks off and strap on the yellow and blue in four weeks.

Usually I get a few emails about the action in the first game, but yesterday it looks like no one is talking. I did get one email by request and here is the gruesome play by play.

Very good game as both teams went up and down the field matching each other virtually score for score. Reigning MVP Yehudah took a 1-0 lead on a nice QB run of about 25 yards. Konig, the king of the 8:20 game, marched methodicaly down the field through a series of completions and runs by the fleet footed QB, and capped it off with a 10 yard strike to Klink. Konig then got the ball back lead his team in a series that had all receivers chipping in, cappped by a strike to Labe. Yehudah then scored on a long pass to Big Dave off a deflected pass where Dave did a nice job staying with it. Dorothy then became the Wizard of Scoring by catching one in the end zone. yehuda, not to be outdone, scored on a pass to the back of the end zone to Uri in very nice play right on the end line. Konig drove with completions to Uno, Klink, Dorothy, Gluck, and Labe – including a nice sliding grab by Ike, but the drive was killed by a BD pick at the goal line. Konig won the game 4-3 converting a crucial 4th and 5, and scoring on a second strike to Dorothy.

MVP honor go to B-sh for giving Konig all day to throw and keeping the pressure on from 8:30 until 11:15 (4 sacks on the day).

The second game I know a bit about. Yoni returned to form and was on fire. Crisp passes were slung with pin point accuracy to his sure handed crew of veteran receivers. The old guard taught the new school a lesson yesterday. Yoni beats Yehudah 7 to 4. Yehudah, who just a week ago reeled in a second MVP, drops two ugly losses and hands the crown over to Yoni. Marino throws for 643 yards and seven touch downs (2 more if you count the ones to Yehudah’s players).

Top Plays: Yoni to Jordan times four, like Marino to Chris Chambers (I know they probably didn’t play together but I have no clue who was a receiver in Marino’s day), Ike early sliding pick of Doggy, Elk with the Doggy tefillin comment, Dave and Rabin finger tip grabs for TD, Rabin pick at the goal line, Ike running into B-sh, B-sh eating 4 sack lunches on the day and making Yehudah miserable, Klink catch and run, Ike TD off the slant, Uri pick and scramble for the score, Joey and Mikey Barber manning the side lines, Big Dave able to finally show his wife he is good at something, Jordan slaps a TD away from Ike on the opening drive, Yakir flawless D.

Let me know about next week, 8:20, 9:45, or both.

12/17/06

Although Yakir said it may have been a little too nice for football yesterday, I’ll take a 55 degree sunny day in December. Even better than good weather is a good hit and I must begin with Show and his huge week which included playing injured with a healing broken finger, getting pulled over with M “PBA” Stryker on the way to the game, and last but not least, putting the nastiest hit on B-sh this league has ever seen. Helmet to helmet without a helmet. As B-sh’s giant bloody lip bore witness, Show cracked him good. That said, they were on the same team and the hit came courtesy of Yakir doing his usual mischief.

A lot of things were great about yesterday besides the injuries. It was great to see Joey back bringing his serious and professional game to the field. It was damn cool to have Asher and Dorothy come in to take over for the fallen (which included Ike in game 2 leaving after a leg injury. He was treated on the field though by the “worst doctor ever”). We wish him and B-sh a speedy recovery. To the games:

Games 1 was predictable in a sense but also different. In a surprise twist, Konig gets the 8:20 loss. He was beaten by the slightest of margins by Rabin and TD machine David “Jesus” Jesselson with another savior (get it!) of a performance. For those of you keeping track, Jess has 9 scores (2 yesterday) in 4 games. Tied with Yehudah’s 9 for second place behind my 13. Pretty impressive. Rabin, despite a number of intentional grounding calls, pulls out the win 2 to 1. Unless I hear otherwise, Jewball honors to Jess – he makes sure his team wins (4 and 0, with 9 TDs and 2 MVPs – Booyakasha and respect).

Top Plays: Dorothy getting his team back in it with a pick and 70 yard dash to pay dirt, Uri numerous picks (just give the man defensive player of the year award already), Dave another sack, B-sh digging in….his nail to Rabin’s hand, E Klink consecutive games dropping passes to end the game for his team (D Klink, take your bro out for some drills or something). More highlights to come if Konig or Rabin send me a recap.

Game 2 was ugly. Doggy was off – Yehudah was off. Dorothy was on for one set and it made the difference. While Doggy and Yehudah each had some sweet timely throws to put up two scores apiece, their throwing was not consistent enough to put a stamp on a win. Instead, after numerous tries by an array of ineffective QBs, Dorothy stepped in on the final drive and completed three to Jordan to ice a 3-2 victory, beating Doggy and Joey in his return. MVP and MVC (Most Valuable Complainer) to Uri – great game as usual. 2 scores, 2 great timely and needed picks, play calling down the stretch. He led his team yesterday.

Top Plays: Dorothy making Big Dave look like Tom Brady by catching every pass thrown, Joey playing perfect football (1 TD) after the injury, Doggy to Klink for a score, Show and Joey picks in the end zone, Big D with 2 monster crucial sacks, Yakir rushing the line and getting a piece, Ike showing off his skin tight wet suit, B-sh coming back in after the injury and continuing to being a beast at line (Elk, no sacks!).

Next week we have a few options because we are all off Sunday and Monday. Let me know whether you like A.) Regular double-header both days, B.) Double Header only on Sunday, or C.) One game from 8:30 to 10:45 on Sunday where we will play a 10 on 10 with all players and rotations (kind of an achdus thing).

Let me know,

Jordan

PS – For those who like history and are students of the history of our league, I came across Brian Sigman on the train the other week. Brian was the QB of this game when it was in Queens and when I arrived with my 8 or so players in 2001. Our two struggling games merged. Brian left soon after and Rabin took over for a while and then I took over. Anyway, I took the opportunity to ask Brian about the true origin of the league. Who started it anyway? He didn’t remember names (“a bunch of older guys”) but asked me to ask Sokes because Sokes (who played once with us this year) was also there from the beginning. I emailed Sokes hoping for some good info and here is the response:

THE FIRST GUY WAS THIS GUY ALAN MILCHMEN. HE IS THE ORIGINAL GUY WHO STARTED THE LEAUGE. THERE WAS SOME OTHERS – DAVID SAVIT. JAY STERN, URI COHEN BRAD BERFIS AND THIS GUY DAVID WHO WORE REAL PANTS AND A RED 49ERS HAT EVERY WEEK, I THINK YOU PLAYED WITH HIM. DONT WANT TO FOREGET THE SECOND GENERATION: SIGMAN, MICHAEL LEWIS, SPIRA AND HIS ALASKAN FRIEND CHUCK,KENNY AND RABIN, THATS ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE I REMEMBER NOW IF I THINK OF ANYONE ELSE I WILL LET YOU KNOW. BUT ALAN MILCHMEN IS DEFINITLY TH ABNER DOUBLEDAY OF JEWBALL.

Hopefully one day, five years from now when I am retired and BD or Yehudah, or Klink or whoever is running this game is asked by some twnety two year old rookie the history of the game – there will be answer. Whoever finds Milchmen and gets him to play even one game with us gets two tickets to the game of their choice.

Historical recap:

Since we’re talking about history, let me shed a little more light on the subject matter:

One Saturday night in December of 1994, Sokes call me and tells me that his older brothers play in this game every Sunday in queens, and sometimes, if he does enough “favors” for them they let him play. It happened to be that week that they needed one more and i could go along, and of course I did. it was quite a sight to behold, there was Alan who was the Jordan of today except a lot more polite, some guy named Gary who looked like the Jewish coming of Urkel but caught anything thrown remotely near him, some guy named Uri who kept getting into fights with everyone (no, not that Uri, it must be s/t in the name though), and a lefty named Kevin who threw the prettiest spiral I’ve seen in a while. I guess they must have liked us b/c sokes and I started to become regulars. except in those days (i know, too barefoot through snow sounding) there was no email, so what this guy Alan did so he wouldn’t have to stay home the entire sat. night was to leave a message on his answering machine with the time of the game, and how many p/p had registered up to that point. You would just leave your name and he would update his outgoing message every hour till the game was locked out. Now that’s commitment!! a little while later Brian started to come down to solve our problem of having only one QB (Maaseh Avot Siman Lebanim) and the games got awesome for a while. anyways, sokes and I went off to Israel and a year and a half later when we came back Alan was there and he tried to keep the game going but we definitely needed fresh blood, so we started recruiting guys like Spira, and Lewis and yakir and Barton and feldhammer and spira’s alaskan friend chuck (who is still the only non-tribe member of our game’s history) and his “Persian” friend (who later on turned out to be the second pilot of the wtc bombing) and the game took on a new life. Then one Sunday, The kew garden hills guys decided to forgo of their two on twos and join our game, there was some guy named jordan,a mean lefty w/an attitude who called himself jk and i think one other guy. soon enough more KGH and FH p/p started to file in and the game started to flourish, except for some reason we always had an odd number of p/p.Little while later spira suggested we go on email and the rest as they say is history. Spira retired the following year to molest little kids in Great Neck( he is the youth director somewhere) and I took over the commissioner duties and created the now famous Jewball award. Medical school hardship then kicked in and That kid named jordan stepped up and created the “Klan” award and we all know the rest.

so there’s your history lesson for this week. When you step onto that field my friends, there are many generations of our ancestors beaming with pride (too gay?)

12/25/06

Christmas is about peace on earth and good will toward men. That didn’t stop two wild dog attacks on Monday at our annual Jesus Bowl. The first wild dog was Rabin, who, high on the Jets’ prospects, came out ready to rumble. The second wild dog was Klink, who, high on dental meds and with cheeks apuffing, attacked an actual dog named Baxter (who would later jack up Maya Jane Hiller, number 45).

Though I sent out an emergency email late Saturday night making it look like our game was in dire straits (yes Doggy, that is the “Money for Nothing” opening riffs playing in your head), we still managed at least a 5 on 5 in each game. We actually basically had 11 in each (almost had 12 in game 2, but Show Time got stuck at a bris despite his best efforts to circumvent the cicumcision).

The games were good and hard played though each was a bit one sided which is always tough to get through. If the Dorothy of Game 2 would have played against the Konig of Game 1, we would have had something. Each QB played great football in their winning effort but could not sustain the greatness over the course of the day.

In Game 1, Konig was on fire most of the time and hitting all his recievers with percision. Dorothy, who owns one of them arm cannons doesn’t need to step into the pass to throw the ball a mile, but just imagine if he didn’t sling his passes side arm while leaning backward – he’d be unbeatable. – Konig won 4-1 throwing pretty much un-defendable TD passes to Simcha, Rabin, Gluck and Dorothy (Dorothy played both sides). He picks up another Jewball. On the other side, Dorothy hit BD 52 in the end zone where BD tapped it once to slow it down and then made the catch with Gluck all over him. Game ended with Rabin’s TD which was caught in the front of the end zone and then Rabin held on despite being incidentally HAMMERED by Klink. You all know the rest: Rabin throws the ball at Klink’s face, trash talk with Uri, personal insults, shoving etc.

Here is my take: During a game – in the heat of the game – anything in the spirit of competition goes. I am not Yakir or BD – I don’t respect certain things and I don’t care if everyone is treated with decency. I kind of like unsportsmanlike conduct. I like Rabin thinking that he got crushed purposely and holding on and then flipping the ball at the guy who crushed him to say “Nice try” (if he atcually threw it in Klink’s face…that is idiotic – I didn’t see). I even like Rabin and Uri being in game enemies and Rabin putting a nsaty hit on Uri during the game (and I know Uri loves that too).

Point is, I don’t mind trash talk or an on the field attitude. On Sunday, Joey is my enemy and I am his. On Sunday, I hate no one more than D Jess. On Sunday, I will try and make Klink look as stupid as possible. That is on Sunday from 8:20 to 11:15. From 8:20 to 11:15 you can get your agression out in the context of the game.

The problem is when someone actually takes things outside of the game. When someone says don’t put me on his team. Whatever problem you have with a guy in the game, keep it in the game. If you make things personal – if you are actually sad enough to dislike someone personally because of what goes on in the game…I don’t know…you have real social problems. We play with an great group of people and hopefully we can keep slugging it out every Winter until our body’s fold, but to do that, make sure you are smart enough to draw the line between in game rivalry and actual animosity toward someone.

Special thanks to Klink (a.k.a The Cabbage Patch Kid) for coming down despite the wisdom teeth being pulled.

Game 2 was all Dorothy. I caught most of the game from the sideline. The red cleated wonder completed 86% of his passes and hit Rabin twice, Cabbage Patch Klink twice, and Yakir “Kicking Kenny the Washing Machine” Wachstock once to dominate Koning in a 5 to 1 win. Dorothy picks up his first of many MVP honors. Somebody better have this kid in training camp early next season so he can become the next Yirmi (combo pass, run threat).

There were big picks by Klink (on fourth and long) and Rabin. Konig was also hurt by his receivers dropping two sure TD passes. It was also the debut of Nokie (a.k.a Nick) and his dog. The man in blue jeans played admirably – guarantee he is feeling the burn this week.

I beleive Konig’s 1 TD was to Akiva Dov (a.k.a Seattle). I may have to pull a CHiPs style second Jewball dissemination for hardcoreness. Seattle not only took a cab to the game, but played official O like a monster!! I was actually jealous watching him play. I have rarely seen more intensity and effort on every single snap on offense for both teams. He also made some great grabs. Good on ya mate (that is the way people talk in Seattle).

Props of course to B-sh for playing tough line all day, and for coming back quick after the busted lip injury. Ike, give us an update when you get a chance. You too M. Stryker.

Finally, speaking of CHiPs (who I know we call CHiPs that because of his CHiPs sunglasses, but I still think of hims like chips, like potato chips or nacho chips). But anyway, as a fan favorite, he gets the email of the year award (so far) for this gem in response to this week’s question regarding who wants to play in the 2007 BOWL:

“I’m in as always , where there is injustice you will find me, where ever there is suffering you will find me, wherever liberty is theatened you will find the three amigos.”

The guy might be a genius. He also had a TD on Sunday. And even though it was the easiest catch in the world and he couldn’t have been more open, he proceeded to slam dunk the ball over the goal post.

As for Monday’s Supersize Me 2007 BOWL, here is what I have so far – there msut be more of you out there, right? (Strykers, Jess, Show, Esses, Fuchs, Yehudah, Dorothy), Lets make sure we have 14 on the field for the full two hours.

8:40 – 10:00 – Gluck

9:20 -10:40 – Joey

All in – CHiPs, Uri, BD, Rabin, Yoni, B-sh, Yakir, Sim, Jordan, Klink

Let me know,

Jordan

1/7/07

There is a quantifiable reason why week in and out the games are quality, becoming rabidly contentious and going down to the wire. Much like the NFL, our league is developing parity. As our players grow in confidence and improve, we basically are fielding between 12 to 16 players a game that are skilled at their positions. There really is no straight up weak link. There are no more guarantees where the better QB simply dominates because 50% of his passes are completed (i.e caught and not dropped) as opposed to the 25% by the other QB. Now, in our game, passes are caught, plays are made, defense is for real. We have become a league of any given Sunday…and that makes the difference. I only played in Game 2 yesterday but more about that battle later….first to Game 1.

The game was flag as Konig’s Blue Devils went up against Yehudah’s Yellow Jackets. Blue won 6-3 in a game where the fleet footed, run first QB Konig had 2 rushing TDs (one, a back breaker for the length of the field) and Uri had a banner day with 3 scores (Asher rounded out the win with a score at the buzzer). The game was tight, despite the final score. It was 2-1 when Konig drove his squad down the field and hit Uri in the back of the end zone to stretch the lead. Yehudah then found Dorothy for a second score to make it 3-2. On first down Konig took off and could not be stopped to make it 4-2. Yehudah then through up a prayer that Dorothy hauled in and the drive was capped by score from Yehuda to Gluck (looking like Shockey as usual). Yehuda ran effectively to keep drives alive, but his Yellow Jackets never scored again and Konig sealed things from there. Though Uri had three scores and a pick, Konig puts up the better line – 4 thrown, 2 scored, 1 pick and steals the MVP from his erstwhile teamate.

TOP PLAYS: Dorothy 2 receiving TD (one on a nice trick play where, off a blitz, Dorothy as QB flips to Yehudah then a sweet throw across the field back to Dorothy – play call by Vinny), Konig taunting BD with the high step ball extension move as he nears the endzone. Dorothy with a catch on his back after the ball got deflected. BD slamming Konig and taking advanatge of our no-penalty for rouging the passer. CHiPs getting rocked by Sim and later calling pass interference on a catchable ball. Uri with a nice diving grab past gluck for a TD. Rabin good hands on 90 yard catch. Simcha and Gluck big plays on defense saving big gains. Dorothy juggling the ball but keeping focus for the TD catch with Asher all over him. BD clocks in another sack.

Now to the real game (ouch):

Game 2 yesterday – sorry to those who were not a part – was about as good as it gets. For those who won and for those who lost it was likely as satisfying a football experience…but to win it….to win it! damn. Well, Yellow went down again yesterday in Game 2 as Yoni’s Big Blue defeated Doggy’s Yellers. Talk about any given Sunday, this game was won on a hail mary on 4th and twenty on the final play of the game as Yoni threw a bullet which was caught by a virtually unstoppable Joey. Yehudah had his hands full yesterday defending this machine. Remember the Terminator ? Joey could teach him a thing or two about focusing on a mission. Yoni had one of his “on” days – the kind of days where you wonder where he played his college ball. Joey scored for him early on a tipped up a ball that landed in Joey’s hands (it was that kind of day for Plax and Marino). After that it was basically a slugfest between Doggy, who was money as well, and Yoni, using all their recievers and just going back and forth with completions and scores. As the game went on, the injuries mounted and both teams were slowing down. Yoni had a core of terrific receivers to work with including Esses, Joey, Yakir, BD, and Sim and he found a way to get everyone involved. In the end with the score knotted at 4 and each team granted a final possession, Yoni made his first major mistake. He threw a pick to Labe from the 5 yard line giving the underDoggy team the ball at the ten and the chance for the major upset. On 2nd down Doggy tried to hit Labe in the back of the endzone and……Yakir picks it off, runs it back to midfield. Three plays later the hail mary which (who else) Joey comes down with and Game Over.

Joey gets the Jewball for heart and skill. Seemed like he caught everything and his chemistry with Yoni was impeccable. Joey was taken well, but between Joey’s sure hands and Yoni’s placement of the ball….there was nothing to do but watch. Joey had 4 scores in a 5 to 4 win (plus the injuries, plus the agressiveness of his O and D) gets him the nod over Yoni’s superb play as well.

TOP PLAYS: BD and Yoni using the middle of the field to move the ball. Yaki had a rennaisannce day yesterday with huge first down catches and that most killer pick. Uri, a pick when we needed it as usual. Doggy cross the body throw with zip. Doggy tackling Yakir to save the game (for now). Doggy to Jordan like Bledsoe to Price. Yoni on a beautiful timing pattern 35 yard TD pass to Esses. Asher for playing hurt and playing well (though Doggy could not have planted one better in his chest). Labe showing that he is trustworthy reciever. Jordan fighting off Yakir to get the endzone.

Let me know about next week,

Jordan

1/14/07

I wasn’t there so this is all hearsay. Feel free to reply and contribute and discuss.

Game 1: Doggy beats Dorothy 3-2.

Dorothy gets off to a great start with a TD drive capped off with a short TD to Gluck. Dorothy’s ego – which sets him up to be the next Jy Sky Kayson gets the better of him and believes himself to be invincible…but that becomes his downfall – no points put up until the last drive where he throws a hail mary on 4th and forever and hits Simcha’s brother – according to Doggy, a phenom type talent – for a 95 yard TD. But Doggy answers with a long first down to an open Duke and then caps off the winning drive with a 1 yard TD to Nuke Em’ gain.

Top Plays: Hail mary TD to Simcha’s Bro (anyone catch a name or email address for this kid). Doggy 80 yard INT return for a TD. EKlink INT and then falling flat on face after running into the open field. Duke puts up 2, Doggy 2 INTs.

Since I wasn’t there I have to rely on spies….and based on my information, looks like we have a draw – Doggy and Duke split the Jewball – Half an MVP for each.

Game 2: Yoni beats Yoni 6-4

With Esses pulling out again (Yoni, you got to stop signing up for this guy) Yoni officials and throws great for both teams to the tune of 9 total TDs and only 1 INT (Unfortunately stats as official don’t count but Yoni did step in when his boy did not show and that is much appreciated – thank you Dan Marino – now go ice that cannon). Yoni should have had 13 TDs, but the drops were coming down like the Chargers’ Superbowl hopes. Yoni and team Dorothy, Uri, BD, Bosh and EKlink got off to a 5-1 lead only to see team Joey, Klink, Elk, Duke, and Rabin bring it to 5-4 with a chance to tie on a 4th and 20 – I would love to have seen Rabin all pumped for the comeback – but not succeed. Team Dorothy then went down field to clinch the 6-4 win.

Top Plays: Yoni deep right down the middle of the field to Joey for 100 yard TD. Yoni to Dorothy to Uri for the 100 yard TD. Klink with a great sliding catch while getting tackled by Uri. Yoni with a ridiculous 20 yard TD throw to Dorothy after rolling all the way to his left and throwing back to his right and leading Dorothy perfectly on the run in the back of the end zone. Yoni with the 15 yard pass to Rabin and BD letting him go for the 100 yard TD while watching and laughing at EKlink chasing after him. Joey 3 TDs, Rabin 1 TD. Uri 3 TDs, Dorothy 2 TDs (and 1 pass), BD 1 TD. Uri 1 INT.

I’ll give Uri the MVP for a number of reasons but mostly because with his 3rd TD of the day he wrestled away the scoring title with 17 on the season to my 16 (Joey is right there with 14). Klan award goes to all you guys who dropped TD passes. We got six weeks of football left – let’s finsih strong. Check Thursday for updated TD and Win Loss stats (Defensive stats available upon request).

Let me know about next week,

Jordan

1/21/07

As the year progresses and we see our first “cold” day, the excuses mount and the men are separated from the boys. We have gone from a few weeks ago when we had two games of 8 on 8, to one game of 6 on 6. And guess what yesterday proved? Its better to have 12 hardcore players taking it to each other than any double header.

With 5 games left, the battles for league leaders took center stage in a grudge match between Yoni and….Rabin. That’s right. Konig drops out last minute for a family emergency and Rabin steps in and…knocks the opportunity out of the park. Along with Konig, we lost Show, E Klink, and Jack to leave the field with a spare gutsy 6 on 6 braving the cold (which didn’t stay cold for long).

The game was surprising to say the least with players insisting that Yoni’s team was beyond dominant consisting of the perennial MVP along with record shatterer Joey, and mad gamers Klink, Sim, B-sh, and BD. With hot and cold (mostly cold) Rabin throwing on the other side to veterans Yakir and Jordan, complimented by the mercenary Uri, and the brothers Far Rock (Duke and Elk) the deck was stacked in Marino’s favor….but as I said a few weeks ago, any given Sunday.

Rabin breaks the stereotype of his inaccurate weak arm early by hitting his receivers on the run, both short and long to pop out to an early 2 zip lead after throwing strikes to Jordan and Yakir. Yoni, not one to let things get out of hand, finds Joey, Klink, and then Joey again to put Rabin in the hole. Joey and Yoni again creating inexplicable magic on the field by hooking up with some impossible completions. But after Joey hauled in a prayer to the end zone and yelled “just throw me the damn ball”, Yoni was done. Rabin on the other hand continued his dominance and tacked on three more. Rabin hooked up with each of his receivers at least once to beat Marino 5 to 3.

It is tough to give out an MVP to Rabin’s team because it was a full team effort. From Elk giving up only one sack to B-sh and giving Rabin all the time in the world to Yakir making a key pick on the first drive to Uri explosive safety play and holding onto the ball for a TD despite a hit to Duke confusing the opposition by saying “4th down” no matter what down it was to Jordan holding Joey to human numbers the entire team was truly MVP caliber. But how often can we watch Rabin summon the magic and prove that he is still a relevant passer. For always believing in his ability and proving it with authority, Rabin picks up his second Jewball of the year.

Top Plays: B-sh sack lunch, Yoni to Joey like Manning to Harrison all day, Yakir and Uri with the cerebral and aggressive defense, Jordan left hand reach out grab, Uri overcoming injury. Joey nice hard played defense, Rabin two picks…followed by hand-offs to the other team, Yoni with another precise day but not much love from his receivers, Joey retiring after the loss (again a la Michael Jordan).

Let me know about next week,

1/28/07

Thank you for all the encouraging emails after the perceived coup by BD. Have no fear, I have just been signed by the owner of the league, Alan Milchman, to continue my duties as commisioner through the 2009-2010 season. Do not judge BD for his actions as he realizes that commisioner of Jewball is the ultimate prize…and difficult to resist. Where else can you get a $1 check from Yakir in 2003 and then a $2 check in 2007? Although BD was “joking” when he wrote his recap and gave out MVP honors and confused the $%&* out of everyone, he has proven that his recaps are beyond weak, and we may need to send him to creative writing classes before the 2010-2011 season.

You may also notice that the email group I am sending this to is about 30 names shorter than usual. Why? Because over the weekend AOL shut me down as a SPAM suspect. Basically they lock on to people who send frequent emails to a list of more than 40 people. We had 65 on our list. So I easily knocked off 30 people who haven’t been around in years and likely aren’t even at the addresses I have been using. If you hear of or know of anyone who I cut that should not have been, let me know.

To the game. A crisp Sunday morning whispers of promise, but this past Sunday, the game played by our band of 14 misfit warriors was anything but crisp. So messy and unimpressive was the football this Sunday that we started a second game at 10:50 because the first game was so ugly and one-sided. In the first 9:40 game played by 8:20 All-Star Konig and in a game that pitted the league’s two MVP leaders (Konig and Doggy) head to head, neither QB shined, but one was disgraced. Once again, the team with the most youth and talent failed to make plays as Doggy and his core of receivers (Klink, Sim, Uri, Seattle, and BD : Elk at the line) could not find any chemistry. Either the pass was perfect and the receiver was not, or the receiver was open and the pass sailed into the cold grey air and out of reach. Either BD was dropping a pass with the end zone steps away or Klink was dropping a pick with end zone even closer. The MVP of the league puts up zero points in a devastating 5 to 0 loss.

On the other side of the ball was Konig and a group of hungry vets (Rabin, B-sh, Yakir and Jordan) combined with rookies with something to prove (E Klink and Duke), and the result was a win but an unsatisfying one. Was it unsatisfying because we too dropped passes and had passes under and overthrown? Maybe. But more likely because beating a team that beats itself is not a great victory. The 0 from Doggy’s team was not a testament to our defense. It was due to bonehead, unfocused football by the men with the blue flags sailing in the wind behind them.

As a result it is diffcult to give out an MVP. Konig did win another game and did throw 4 TDs to 4 receivers (and scored one with his legs though he should have been stopped at the 50). Jordan scores one and throws one. B-sh gives Konig a day and a half to throw. After some consideration and deliberation, I can’t give it to Konig. He does get the old type of Jewball award which was when we gave it to the most hardcore player who defied the Jewish stereotype and overcame the odds. He would get that award, ironically enough, hands down after being diagnosed with a thumb fracture on Friday and playing with it wrapped (you hear that Joey!). So he really should get it – but he was picked off twice and it should have been three, and he seemed again to wait for the man to be open as opposed to throwing at a spot as the great QBs do. Instead Rabin will take it for the second week in a row. He scored a touch down so right there he is in the running. But more importantly, at safety, he picked off two on the one yard line to stop Doggy’s drives. I figure, if Doggy’s team did what they were supposed to do – catch passes, hit open men, and not let Konig run 75 yards right through them – this is a tie game…..and in that case, Rabin’s picks win it for us. Also, what is more degrading and heartwrenching to a team than being picked off at the end zone? It is killer and in this game a moral victory is all we have to speak of.

TOP PLAYS: Hmmmmm. Doggy’s opening drive was impressive. Konig deep to Yakir, tracked down by Uri. Klink throws his first TD – unofficially -in Game 2, Konig to Jordan to Duke for the score. BD raping E Klink of both flags. E Klink makes up for another brutal drop by putting up the game sealing TD. Doggy a couple beauties to Klink deep with no nachas.

Next week, if my information is correct, will involve Yirmi – last year’s season MVP. Also, although Ike reinjured himself skiing, he decided that next week is a good time to come back (here that Joey!) Perfect week to play our annual Vets v. Rookies game. I have not decided yet whether it will be age based or based on newness to the league (i.e. less than two full seasons = rookie regardless of age). we’ll see. I hope we can get two in next week or play our Vets v. Rookies game at 9:15. I need to book out at 10:50 on Sunday. But forget about me (though the vets don’t stand a chance with out me…and you can print that). Last year the Vets lost 4 to 2, with Yehudah and Yirmi producing for the Rookies. But the Vets may have a chance because….this time…we’re older and more out of shape!!!!

Anyway, send me your info (even Ike and whoever else thinks they signed up already by responding to BD’s email – another bad reason to do it BD) – Let me know your age and how long you have been playing with us (even you Doggy you arrogant schiester). And also whether you can play in one or both and also how you feel about the big vets v. rookies game at 9:15 (Paristky’s won’t show up till 10:00 regardless, but lets try.)

Let me know,

Jordan

2/14/07

Before we get into this game I’d like to apologize to Jordan for writing a recap. I know BD’s was not taken well last week (I certainly thought it sucked) but we were discussing the recap at the end of the game and I guess some one’s got to write it. Sorry man- you snooze, you lose, but this is by no means an attempt to usurp you ultimate authority; you are still our omnipotent and beloved dictator- you just don’t have testicles- next week, get out and play.

Here goes nothin’:

Well, if hypothermia and windburn are the ways you’ve always dreamed of ending it all, then Sunday’s game was right up your alley. 9 Strong communists graced the grid-iron on one of the coldest and windiest days of the decade. I call these brass-balled men commies because only a true member of the old-school (and currently dead) proletariat can withstand the frozen tundra that was our field on a day when Green Bay’s “Ice Bowl” seemed like an August game at the Eden Rock.

Comrade Dog, Comrade Dorothy, Comrade Simcha, Comrade D. Klink, Comrade Elk, Comrade B-sh (who needs to be institutionalized- he actually wore shorts and a t-shirt in a negative 50 degree wind-tunnel), Comrade BD & Comrade Yakir all deserve honorable mentions for even showing up and playing on Sunday. They’ve shown that even though their balls may be frozen to their taints for the next 3 weeks, at least they’ve got something other than a deep, dark, cavernous void lingering between their legs. The rest of you pansy-ass stupid Americans should just know that even Klink- whose Mommy dropped him off at school so that he can play with his friends- is still more of a man than you guys. Anyways, this weather doesn’t look like it’s going to let up too soon, so if any of you ladies are interested in growing a pair and joining the revolution, we welcome you to join the ranks this weekend.

Onto the game!

“‘Twas the best of times, ’twas the worst of times”, this game was as erratic as they come, filled with hope and dejection, courage and cower. Dog started off the game at official QB and to say he stunk would be like saying that Hitler may have hurt a few people back in the 40’s. After about four sets of Dog inching both teams closer and closer to their prospective end-zones, we realized that the goal-lines we were so rapidly approaching were to our backs. Finally Dorothy decided to take the reigns of a team made up of himself, Simcha, Yakir, and some dude who likes to beat the crap out of Tight Ends on inside slants. Dorothy wasted no time lighting a much needed fire under the frozen asses of his sheeple, completing huge passes to Simcha, Yakir and Dog. On a day where wind was rejecting the Dog’s screen passes, Dorothy was calling for hot routes in the cold and launching 50 and 60 yard TD passes to his receivers, quickly jumping to a 4-0 lead.

After being offered to restart an ostensible massacre, the bd-unoelklinks may have been ephemerally demoralized but in no way were we despondent. I figured it a good time to give it a go at QB but after a quick sack and a knuckleball into the waiting arms of Yakir for the INT it was clear that I would not be our Joseph Stalin- leadership simply wasn’t written in the cards for me yesterday- the D-O-G would have to spell his name backwards to bring us a Super-Bowl Sunday miracle.

Turns out we didn’t need G-O-D yet, because Dorothy the “Little Red Riding Jew” decided that if he only had a brain he might not throw 2 pick-sixes in a row to BD and then Klink- lucky for us he didn’t have a brain, and so the score was 4-2. After that Dog caught fire, throwing perfect passes to BD for a TD, the Uno for a Drop, the Uno for a drop, and finally- that’s right- the “Uno” for drop numero “Tres”. The game came within 4-3 before Dorothy and Co. pulled away again. I’m a little hazy on the details of the touchdowns because my balls were cold and I didn’t know I’d be writing this recap (so frankly I didn’t care at the time), but I believe the final score was 6-4 in a surprisingly non-onesided victory in what turned out to be a pretty good game. (Yakir, I don’t know how you got your teams TD #s so if you can tally them up you can give all the credit where credit is due.)

Jewball goes to Dog- the only reason he didn’t make the greatest come-back since the Red Sox ripped my heart out in 04′ was because I can’t catch. Many accolades to BD as well- the man had good hands, big yard catches, 2TDs, a nice “Asante Samuel-like” Pick 6 and played solid throughout (except for that one anemic defensive effort). Sorry Dorothy but despite the great effort- 2 returned INT’s (4 total) and some scary, fundamentally-retarded, floaters will lose it for you. Klan award’s got a clear cut winner- I drape myself in white and join the ranks of David Duke (It’s an honor to accept the first KKK award of our league for black history month- what a crock of shit). If not for 3 dropped TD passes we actually would have completed the come back and Dog would be on the brink of immortallity. Sorry man, but when you die you can thank me- life sucks, who’d want to be around this shithole forever anyways.

Top Plays: Dorothy over the shoulder to Yakir; Simcha puts it on the line and blocks the way for Dorothy to take his pig skin back to the promise land. “Yek Shmek Dorothy! you’ve made the motherland proud- Uncle Joe smiles down on you”; Klink picks the ball out of a defender’s hands and makes one of the nicest catches I’ve ver seen for the TD; BD reworks the Boise State “Statue of Liberty” play by literally becoming a statue, leading to Dog making the wide open catch uncovered on the other side of the end-zone- “good hustle big guy”; B-sh Sack Lunch- but it didn’t hurt as much as the damn TE crossing pattern; Dorothy floats one that the wind takes up 50 ft before dropping it into Simcha’s hands; Dog’s manifold screen passes to his imaginary friends watching from the invisible stands; Dog tips the ball to himself on the sidelines; Uno pushes Yakir to the ground, Uno pushes Yakir to the ground, Uno pushes Yakir to the ground, Yakir gets his revenge; Klink and BD connect to start the downfall of some deuche-nugget that thinks wearing stoner shirts is the coolest thing since tie-dye; Klink makes a grandiose entrance and shows us all how much his mommy loves him; and finally watching a bird literally fly backwards after the game- that was one craaaazy wind.

Thanks for coming to play and playing hard. We’ve got the heart, we’ve proven that we’re better than those lazy-ass Americans who need their wives and their porn (if they’re single) to pamper them in the cold on the biggest football Sunday of the year, and in due time comrades, we will stick it to dead Ron and WE WILL REBUILD OUR WALL!!

Don’t forget to sign up for Ice Bowl 2 this Sunday. Congratulations to Peyton Manning and the Colts (except Dungy- I’m a Klan member now I’m not mekabel the whole black coach thing, Tom Moore is the man)

Peace,.

The One and Uno

P.S. Sorry for not getting into more detail. Like I said, I wasn’t planning on doing this so I did the best I can to remember everything. There was also only one game, so I guess that shortens the recap- sorry to those of you with boring jobs.

2/11/07

After a week of talking and barking and posturing and whatever CHiPs was doing, the inevitable happened – the better team won an uneventful football game. Kind of makes sense when you think about it. The only thing the Rookies had on their side was being a few years closer to the womb, but not enough really to matter since the Vets max out at 29 (not exactly AARP material). Play this game in three years and we have a different story I’m sure. Basically, today, the game played was a young fast team against an older fast team, the older team though with some superior physical ability (at this point) and the edge of not being out the night before, no buddha in the system, and a certain desperation to beat on some kids. A twenty three year old may be able to run for a longer period than, say, Doggy, but Doggy has the strength of a 28 year old that allows him to rush through a line and chase down a panicked QB. In game experience is also a factor. Just from the four plus years playing together, I know Doggy, Joey and Yakir have seen every pass and have run every route possible and a ball thrown is a ball thrown – find it and catch – no big deal – because of this most simple mentality the ball will probably be caught. The Rookies are still thinking about catching passes, wondering if it will be caught – the Vets are in automatic mode – and there is a huge difference – and it shows on the field.

Beyond the age and experience factor, on paper this one was trouble for the Rookies from the start. With no real linemen to counter a one two punch like B-sh and Doggy, their QB would surely be pressured all day and that is what happened. No offense to Ike and Dorothy, but you guys are receivers – you have no business lining up to protect a QB – ever. I don’t care about shifting and rotating and everyone gets a chance. If the Rookies wanted to win the game, they needed a better game plan – the two strongest bodies needed to stay on line. If you wanted to just have fun, well…then…I hope you had fun. I know the Rookies are thinking about the extra man today (really two but more about that later), but it wouldn’t have mattered. The extra man was Yehudah and he ended up being your best QB. It just didn’t seem like the Rooks were on the same page as far as a pure team effort was concerned. A lot of griping about line and rotating out and all that (yes Klink, I know you stepped up). That is another advantage of a Vet team – patience and team concept. Finally, I admit you were thrown off by Sim’s brother who we all know should not have been brought. Sim does apologize and I did find a message on my phone from him after the game…but there really was no excuse Sim, because you saw that the team was locked out and your team had 8 players named to it…what did you think we were going to do with him? And to his team, you are far better men than me. There is no way I would have let someone who did not sign up play on my team. To the game.

On a brisk football Sunday, Yoni and his brother Yirmi took the field hoping to continue a once legendary rivalry. Yirmi, arriving just moments before the game from Miami to regain his title as MVP of Jewball, was prepared to play a sport he had not participated in since the final game last February. We all knew that even Yirmi on a bad day is similar to the rest of us after completing the LL Cool J Platinum Body Workout (HI NT!) Did Yirmi still have the mastery over the sport? Could he rise from the ashes to reveal why he is revered by defenses everywhere? No. Needless to say he was pulled about halfway through the game. he was rusty and the step that he lost was just enough for the Vets to feast. The final -Vets 5 and Rooks 2 – does not fully convey the dominating effort by the Vets. Yoni, after a few sets where neither team moved the ball, was spot on magic with the most obscenely perfect rockets and lofts to jump out to a 2 zip lead. The lead was cut in half when Yirmi found Uri on a 20 yard pass on 4th down to make it 2 to 1. Yoni answered with two quick scores before Yirmi was pulled for Yehudah and Yehudah then found his former QB in the endzone to make it 4 to 2. Yoni then ices it with a gorgeous thread the needle pass to Konig in the back of the endzone to complete the victory. Yoni is just a confident calming relaxed presence in the huddle and when he is healthy, his arm is as good as any sattelite missle guidance system. He was the MVP for the Vets today so Jewball to Marino. He moved us all day. It really never felt like the Rookies were in this one. Next year in Yerushalayim.

Top Plays: Show holds on after the hit (Seattle is a bruiser by the way), Joey emerges from retirement and proves that he is a one of a kind talent and force on the gridiron, Yehudah almost makes it a game with a one handed tip to himself, B-sh and Doggy eat QBs for breakfast…and of course for sack lunch, the ageless Yakir just open when he feels like it, Klink catches a ball and is a selfless team player, Uri proves that some Rooks play in automatic mode, Ike burns me all day, His QBs can’t find him all day, BD drops the pass after the Doggy drag and slap sack (sorry BD, but you did drop it), Konig with three scores. Doggy grabs one over the middle and “sees the ball.” BD “hears” the voices in his head. Dorothy nice snag of a high ball to save Yehudah on a nice cross the body opposite field pass, Vets defense was shutdown style, Yoni to Jordan over the shoulder for the score, Yoni to Joey and Joey asks Klink to explain it, Sim for keeping it real by asking us to stop contaminating his inbox and for being a good brother despite the fact that he knew we’d kill him for it.

Two weeks left of the “official” twenty game season. What goes on in March is up to you. So for all those who want to keep playing, go ahead. Who cares what I say…I’m nobody (i’m not joking). There are three storylines going down to the wire. Yakir and Doggy are battling it out for best winning percentage. Doggy and Konig are battling it out for MVP of the league (no Doggy, the one last week did not count as I explained because you were an Official but you still lead by a comfortable Jewball and a half). And Uri (18) and Jordan (20) are fighting for TD leader.

I am out next week (flying to Israel Thurday night). BD has all the stuff. Respond to this email regarding whether you want in and to which game. Teams will be posted Thursday before I leave. Anything after Thursday, email BD.

Let me know,

2/25/07

A very successful 2006-2007 season went out quietly with a one sided five on five on a sunny, crisp day, playing on a small scale field. Despite the lack of regular players available for the event, the game still provided some drama as Rabin came into the game unopposed by fellow MVP candidates Konig and Doggy, and had the ability – with a solid winning performance – to come away with the big trophy, MVP of the league. Another trophy relevant match up to watch was Jordan coming into the game with 20 TDs and Uri coming in with 18. TD leader was on the line. If not for these two races, Sunday would have been a disappointing finish to a long, thrilling 20 week campaign of Jewball. Alas, Rabin would not perform at a high level and fan favorite and transformed receiver to QB Doggy takes the league MVP by amassing 4.5 Jewball Awards. Rabin and Konig finish with 4 and Uri and Yoni, who we will get to shortly, walk away with a respectable 2.5. Would the tandem of Uri and Yoni be able to stop Jordan in his quest to avoid a consecutive second place finish in TD scoring…..to the game.

After Sim chiseled out the field, we began the momentous game with weighty possibility cutting through the clear cold air behind Hewlett Woodmere Middle School. With patches of ice limiting the field of play, it was actually fortuitous that our regulars were out. 5 on 5 was about all this field could take and stay competitive. Yoni, who has gotten better each game this season that it is shame the season is over, lead his squad of Uri, Sim, Sim’s bro, and B-sh. Rabin, with glory set before him, took the ball to guide Jordan, Yakir, Labe, and Elk. Soon after, things got out of hand. B-sh’s pass rush was ruthless, Rabin’s arm was inconsistent, and Labe was running patterns only a mother could love. In the end, Yoni and his crew dominated the game from sideline to sideline and boy did they do everything to make sure my ego stayed in check. Jordan “covered” Uri all day but it was pointless. Yoni and Uri hooked up at will and on the final play of the season, Uri scored his 21^st touchdown, snatching TD leader from Jordan, and sealing an appalling 6 to 0 victory for Yoni. Rabin’s team just could not move the ball and Yoni was picking the defense apart like it was a joke. MVP is split between Yoni and Uri ending both their seasons on a very high note.

TOP PLAYS: B-sh tripling up on the sack lunches, Yoni deep pattern to Sim’s bro for a score. Rabin to Yakir on crossing route for 1^st down. Rabin to Jordan taking advantage of the confusion for a 1^st down. Sim making cuts and running 90 yards for a score. Uri two picks. Yoni pick and rolls to the endzone for a back breaker. Sim, money defense all day preventing Jordan from even putting one up. Uri and Yoni battling to the very end and keeping the competitive spirit alive to get Uri a very well earned TD leader trophy.

My parting words are these: Say what you want about our overzealous love of this game and our immature emails and our schoolyard antics. The bottom line is it is a great game. In this lifetime, when you need to make your happiness, I can only speak for myself in saying this league is something special. When a new person joins our game, what I most commonly hear from them is two things. One, that it is just a good, serious football game. But more importantly, and what we should most be proud of is, I hear that we play with “a great group of guy.” Call me CHiPs. Call me Ike. I don’t care how it sounds. I am very proud of our game and I really feel like I am damn lucky to have met the guys we play with and that we each came from wherever we came from to carve out a little two hour paradise on a patch of grass behind a public school one day a week. Whether you all see it or not, it is a special thing and not to be taken for granted. Hope we have many more seasons to come. I shouldn’t even dare mention a BBQ again, but it might happen. See you all in September if not sooner

Player	Jewballs
Shalom Prager	2
Jason Schlessel	1
Yaron Markfeld	1
Srulie Dachs	1
Kuti Roberg	1

Pos	Club	W	L
1	Reapers	2	0
2	Gorillaz	1	0
2	Carnivores	1	1
4	Blunts of Prime	0	2
4	Duck Dynasty	0	1

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