2022-2023 SEASON INTRO
In Jewball, we care about our eras. When we say Silver Age it evokes images of Spira and Rabin and Kenny and Brian. In Queens. Cleating up in the parking lot off the 108th street exit, hoping guys show up to make it a solid 5 on 5. Choosing up teams. Arguing did he get me with two hands? The Golden Age conjures the ghosts of BD, Klink, Ike, and Uri as the game moved to a new land where commitment to football was only rivaled by commitment to hangovers. The Rennaisance is Mighty and Zez, PJs and Snow, where competition went to another level and quality and quantity melded delectably into a credible football experience. Jewball seemed to be at the height to its powers. But then the Dark Ages arrived. Croton spread its dark cloud grubbed tentacles across the world. Fields dried up. We wandered. With Kut, and Steveo and Daveo and Judah and Tom and O….we wandered. We gave up. We called it a TKO. We were on the mat, with a faint pulse. The Revolution came out of nowhere. Tabak and Gronk and Cronies, Yaron and the 197…..all at the same time! Singer is back. Hell, BD and Klink are back! WTF?! Spira is back?! From the light of dawn to the most brilliant sunshine. And where could we possibly go from there? Well, we go to here. We now begin the Age of the Enlightenment. What does that mean? See last year’s recap for the rundown. For now, just know you are in it. You are part of it. Bask in its incandescent glow. Soak it up and emit its aura. Radiate that ****. The Enlightenment is upon us. What does that mean to you? What do you need to do to be part of the era?
Easy. Be you. Be the best you. Play football like you mean it. Prep for football like Sunday matters. Like Bowl Games matter. Like Leagues matter. Like Jewballers matter. Like Recaps matter. Like TBI matters. It’s easy to be cynical. Everyone is cynical. Everyone has an excuse. F*ck easy. F*ck cynicism. F*ck excuses. We are enlightening beings. Let everyone else wander around in the dark scoffing at some guys who play football and take stupid risks for nothing. We can’t help those people! Let’s do us!
And we start doing us this Sunday. WEEK F***ING ONE!
Stats are live. TBI is live. Recaps are live. On Rosh HaShanah the Book will be opened and our fate sealed for the year by God. L’Havdil…..next Sunday, we open our book and we write our story. God has His book in the heavens and we can’t touch it. We have our book down here and it is on us. It is on YOU. Write. Your. Damn. Story.
Jewball loves new blood. We need new blood. Rooks are awesome. Our Rooks are especially awesome. However, when it comes to Sundays and sign ups, service time matters. I will try to get everyone a game every Sunday that they want a game. If that means 3 games on a Sunday for Jewball, it’ll be a first….but we are here for it. @Zada Football will open the sign up sheet. Link will be in description. We currently have 1 8 game. And 1 945 game. Each game is an hour and a half. One game is a right. Two is a privilege (and very rare nowadays). If you sign up, you better show up. Maybe is a meaningless word. No one cares. We all have things that could come up. In means you are in the whole game. We don’t need to know that you need to leave the last 15 minutes or can be there ten minutes late. If you can’t be there the entire time, don’t sign up. No exceptions. Having 3 games will be based on seeing if we have more than 28 interested on a weekly basis. Like I said, newer guys will have to take what we give them. Vets have preference in every way. Meaning, if all the Vets need the 8am game, Rooks will only have the 945 game Option. But Vets need to show Rooks the way. Show up on time, prepared. Vets will not be given preference if they prove unreliable.
Welcome to Jewball 2022-2023. See you on the field.
9/18/22
Week 1 – Recap
A busy week makes Week 1 feel like a fast-fading memory. By the time week 2 comes around, Week 1 will feel like it was from last season. So, let’s get to recapping.
We have had many monumental Week 1s. Days filled with sunshine and hope and the reuniting of friends who had not seen each other for over five months. They are always great. Symbolizing both rebirth and the continuing cycle. There is no Jewball without a chain of seasons. And there is no season without a beginning and an end. Kohelet says that ends are predicated on the beginning (though we have had plenty of seasons that started off slow and picked up steam). Well, steam has not been a problem in Jewball for a while. Nowadays – We start strong and finish strong.
This is my 21st full season. 21st opening day. I was brought to the game by Michael “Gish” Grushko in 2001. Became a regular in 2002. Commissioner in 2005. I’ve been playing Jewball almost half my life. So let’s talk about life for a second. It’s that time of year.
I could focus on the fact that we had 3 games on Opening Day; a staggeringly awesome first. That’s crazy enough. That’s a headline. But, when processing what went down, it struck me as fateful that we had 36 players participating in Week 1. Because 36 is not just any number. It’s two times chai (the Hebrew word Chai means life and the Hebrew letters that make up that word equal 18). And I am not a gematriah (numerology) guy or a superstitious guy. I am, however, an opportunist when it comes to manipulative symbolism. 18 is Chai. 18 is the number that equals life. 36 then is two times that. To venture a step further and take an additional recap writer’s liberty. 36 represents a second life.
One way to look at the concept of a second life in relation to Jewball is that it’s kind of like a shadow life. A life apart from the one we already lead. One that runs parallel, just below the surface of our “real” lives. I won’t call it a better life. But I will say it is an alternate life. Where we can be our alternate selves and achieve alternate goals. Develop connections that would never occur in our first lives.
Another way to look at it is that Jewball gives you a second dose of life. A second life force. I think both these concepts are worth considering. 36 players. A second life.
I think about this time of year with Rosh Hashanah and – I’ll be honest – as self pitying as it sounds – when I say Shma Koleinu nowadays, it hits different (as the kids say). Used to be it was all about the first two verses. Those were the ones that got all my attention and devotion. No, I’m not ancient, but when I was younger, I couldn’t relate to Al Tashlicheini L’Et Zikna, Kichlos Kocheinu al Ta’azveinu. Translated as our asking not to be abandoned in our old age and when our strength diminishes. It’s a cry to God, but I don’t think it’s talking about a spiritual abandonment. This is a plea rooted in the physical world. When I’m old here! When I’m physically weak here! So, it’s talking about something terrestrial. It’s talking about God not letting people abandon us when we are old and weak. No, I’m not there yet. Eddie is not there yet. None of us are there yet, thankfully. But there is something to Jewball being the remedy to this malady. We will all grow older and weaker (perhaps causing each other at times to be broken), but we do not abandon each other. We remain together on the field. This keeps us young. This keeps us healthy. This keeps us strong. And this keeps us together. We do not leave anyone behind. And I’ll close with this when I talk about the Draft and Leagues.
To the games:
Week 1 came in hot because Zez signed up for an appearance at QB. The Jewball legend who made Aliyah just before the Revolution and never got to fully enjoy these halcyon days, was going to be in town for a few hours before heading to Connecticut. So…obviously, he packed his gear, came to the field straight from the airport, and got a game in. Rooks….you want to be a legend? Watch and learn from the legends.
There were some insane storylines coming into Week 1. The Rookie class was in attendance (with the exception of Stats who is on the mend from Pre-Season – heal up). That meant Zinn, Dachs, Dax, and Oppen coming down and showing what they were made of. You had DK, the longtime Plus 1, attempting to show he’s a keeper -taking on Solo who has proven to be Round 1 talent. You had Ivry – the golden child from the past few seasons and reigning TD Leader pitted against Invader Zinn. Zinn looking to prove that the hype is not just hype. That Mighty is right. That he is not just flavor of the month, but someone who can light up the Jewball stage for a decade and beyond. We had the return of Whiskey, Waldo, and Sting. Battling back from injury. Then we had some of classic storylines. Would Feit bounce back? Yaron v. Pray for the first time since Red Sunday? Would MK know what time the game was? What does 3 games even look like?
It started off like any classic Jewball season. Scouting for a field and getting tossed before even being able to set up on a new one. Confusion on the chat. People being diverted and rerouted. Yaron and I at Greis watching some dude unlock a gate at 7:40am and spoil our plans of 2 fields (Sorry Daveo). All for the best. This just meant taking our chances that Old Dudes wouldn’t show up at Hewlett. And they didn’t. So – blessings and miracles do not cease – 28 Jewballers started the season at the same time with side by side games. On one field, Zez v. Feit, and on the other Yaron v. Pray.
While I did lookover a few times to see what was going on with Yaron and Pray, I was mostly focused on my game and trying not to get bulldozed by Zez. Well, he bulldozed me in 2009 and he bulldozed me in 2022. Ad meah v’esrim, brother. He started our Jewball season by going into his bag of trick (no typo) and taking off down the sideline. Despite Goldberg being charged with stopping him and Beast poised to stop him – no one got in his way – and I don’t blame them. Zez is a truck and he doesn’t give a rhymes with truck. Zez scores the first TD of the Jewball season and takes a 1-0 lead over Feit. With Solo coming after him, which would shake any mortal QB, Feit was impressively composed. He went through his progressions but got rid of the ball quick. I didn’t see the pump “fakes” which plagued him in year’s past. He moved the ball very well with Beast and Irv using the middle of the field. Beast put a hit on Zez that made me feel a lot better about all the bullying I took from Zez over the years. Not sure I’ve ever seen Zez get put on the ground. Feit soon found Irv on a cross in the endzone and zipped one in to a very tight window – Irv seeing the ball in to his grip expertly and the score was tied. Zez squandered a few opportunities to score using his tall receivers, Zinn and Waldo by putting just a bit too much air under the ball and sending the ball slightly beyond the endzone. And speaking of putting air under ball, Feit threw a bomb to Irv that stayed in the air forever. Luckily, its arc proved true and Irv tracked it down on the straightaway to score TD number 2 for him and for his team. Feit leads 2-1. Zez punched right back by driving with runs and Solo leaking out from the TE position. It was Zinn at the front of the endzone with Feit draped on his back. Zinn is on the board. We expect him and Irv competing for TD Leader the entire season (unless Zada keeps it up). A drive later, Beast made a hell of a catch running full speed and over the wrong shoulder to put Feit up 3-2. With time winding down, Zez went steamroller mode once again and created a TD purely by tucking the ball, running fast (for his age, of course) and punching people in the face along the way. Game knotted at 3. Feit had one last shot in regulation, but he missed a wide open Goldberg (or according to some Goldberg missed a wide open ball) and even with some College Rules OT….the game ended in a tie. No Jewball to be awarded.
Over in Game 1B, as we called it (and reminder to thank PJs for his phone on a swivel and getting us some footage) I caught a few glimpses and heard some cheering. I saw Zada put up a point – he had 2. I saw Pray running a fair amount but he did not have any rushing TDs. Storm caught one for Pray as well. Bottom line Pray beats Yaron 3-1 (MK being the one score for Yaron). Looks like Zada with the Jewball. Difference maker that he is.
Game 2 had some glitches. While it’s existence allowed 8 Jewballers to get a game when they otherwise would have been locked out, the quality needs to improve. As discussed on TBI, Boths are not a right. Yes, they are a privilege, but they are also an obligation. It’s an obligation to the players who are being joined by you in their one and only game. The fact is – both is easy to say and type (four letters, one syllable), hard to do. Maybe even impossible to do. And it certainly is not something most of us can do. Boths need to be reserved for players who can and will BRING IT both games. It requires conditioning, stamina, concentration and commitment. I felt for the players in Game 2. Guys jumping in and out. Guys leaving. Guys unable or unwilling to keep up. It was a shame because it was Dachs’ first game – and the players on his team were dropping everything. One guy who definitely seemed up for the challenges of Both was Pray. He gets the W, 4-2 over Dachs. Hitting Mighty, Zada (3 TDs on the day!) and Dax for scores – as well as running one in. Jewball to Pray for a dominant start to his season.
This has been long, but let’s talk Draft Party before we go. I have to start by owning up. I am never one to run around like a phony asking for mechila from everyone I meet in the days leading up to Rosh Hashana. As Dax might say, What a Scam! Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? Do you mochel me? That’s not right sticker. Of course we should be interested in forgiveness – generally. And this time of year highlights the interest. But step 1.) Know what you are asking forgiveness for, and 2.) Once you know – ask forgiveness for that thing from the person(s) who you wronged. Have the balls to be specific. Don’t be a “If did anything to offend you….” You know what you did! Express it. That’s just general advice.
The Draft Party was a good time – it was special. It was a celebration and it needs to grow and continue. But, it got ugly toward the end. After the first 4 rounds, there was a clear tension in the air. That only increased and became more painful and distressing as time went on. Listen, I’m not too cool to say it – I love every Jewballer. And I didn’t like see guys slighted, offended, insulted, and left out of the party as the rounds got late. So I’m sorry to all Jewballers for seeing that coming and still letting it happen. It was inevitable and I should have avoided it. I know it’s too little too late, but I’m being honest and not patronizing you, there was real real talent until the last round. Our problem is just that we couldn’t get a 5th QB (Offman!). And it’s a major problem. Because if we had a 5th QB, the party would have had no bad vibes. I know a lot of people felt bad about how it went down. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t necessary. And that’s on me. Jewball, I ask mechilah for the embarrassment I allowed Thursday night. I feel like shit about it. I know the Captains do as well. I failed them and you. Again, cuz we really love every player, and respect every player – and I didn’t do right by us. Also, it should have been a snake 🙂
But teshuvah is not just asking for mechilah…it’s doing something about it. So here goes: League Rule number 912: Although every team only brings down 8 players per game, the Captains must give every drafted player at least one start in the regular League Season. Start just means every player is brought down for one game. They can be the 8th man, but they are brought down. I just don’t want anyone completely excluded from the Leagues experience. We can’t make such a big deal about Leagues and then entirely exclude people – especially really good players. That’s not who we are. That’s not who we want to be. We have choices in life. Let’s strive to make the right ones, even if we can’t always get them right the first time.
Jewball! Wishing us and our families a year of health, stats, stickers, quality games, quality experiences, opportunities to come through for one another, great lines, great catches, pushing ourselves, grinding through, growth, good clean routes, no bad calls, and the continued ability to be our best Jewball selves.
10/2/22
Week 2 – Recap
With a League Week days away and Week 2 eons behind us, the Recap is a formality – but in Jewball we make sure to respect the formalities when possible. Not only it is a long time ago, but the one game I played in (of the three played) was apparently finished after I left – and my team got the W (I had left in a tie). So Week 2 feels like a stranger; a foreign entity. That said, here we go:
The big storyline was the Return of Gronk. While being sensitive to a sensitive situation, none of us knew what that would look like – or feel like. And I think our Jewballness prevailed in that it both felt right and the same. On the field, we can break things down into their rawest elements. On the field, we are just playing the game to the best of our ability. Trying to make a play. Trying not to get too badly hurt. Trying to get the W. Nothing more. And no one gets the W with more proficiency than Gronk. And writing this Recap late allows me to know that Gronk will be debuting for BOP this coming Sunday at QB, which allows me to talk about Pray. Pray got hurt – machlokes whether playing football or building a sukkah. Pray had surgery and needs rest and rehab. These are painful facts that we can’t change. It sucks for us. It’s devastating for him. Jewball without Pray is like Guns N Roses without Axl. Call it whatever you want – it’s not the same thing. So we need him back. And he will be back. No one is gonna fight to get back on the field more fiercely than Pray. Heal up, brother.
The consolation is that the Jewball Gods looked out for us, and on the day Pray went down, Perla got in touch with Yaron. Like a prayer answered. Hey, I moved to the 5 Towns……looking to get back into football. And so he did. He has played 3 times already, I believe. Definitely 2. And he’s looked good. Shaking some of the rust off, but commands a huddle and can get the ball to his open receivers. He also has the intangibles of a gamer. He cares about winning. So, welcome to Jewball, Brooklyn.
What do I remember from Week 2? Was that the one with the marching band? I don’t know….let me check the stats…
Okay, so I remember now. Oppen came late and we were killing him for it, but turned out he was in a car accident on the way to the game. He made it a bit late, but awesome that he made it. Game 1A was Pray v. Gronk and it was a good back and forth one. I remember Held (who calls himself Playmaka) getting revved up at the line. I remember Sting playing very well. Tough and fast. I remember Gronk finding Vegh open a lot. I think this was the game where Solo left in the middle to tape up his ankle. I think Munch subbed in for both teams…which reminds me now of what happened in Game 2 so we can get to that. I remember Rook making some nice grabs. I remember I sucked and felt like s— after the game. Probably Prime bullied me. I dropped a TD laser from Gronk that he managed to get off and it emerged from the chaos of the line like a missile launched from a fog. That ruined my day. When I left at the end of regulation and a College Rule set each….it was tied. I was told we won after that. Better than losing.
Game 1B was my second Bin/Zinn experiment but I think Bin QBed the whole time. It did not go well. Randomizer had some trouble in Week 2. I had a month to tweek it, so I expect better results from it in Week 4. Yaron trounces Rabin 5-1. Invader had only TD for Bin. Angry Mighty picked up 2 more scores.
Game 2 had some controversy. In a game where Dachs defeated Yaron 6-3, I was told the teams were one-sided. I was also told that Munch played defense for Dachs. I’ll just make 2 points. 1.) On Sign up weeks….if you want to play….sign up by Thursday night. I know, we all don’t know what our lives will be like Sunday morning. Anything can happen. We can take that for granted. But don’t let the unpredictability of life paralyze you. There are people who never make plans because they always want to “wait and see.” There are people who never do anything because they are always waiting to see if they can. If they time. If things will work out. Jewball is a few hours on a Sunday morning. Jump on in. Take the plunge and make it work. We have over 30 people committed each Sunday. We can’t wait on guys. We have no reason to. Sign up Tues—Thursday. Teams are posted Friday. Don’t put it on me to find you a spot or move people around after that. 2.) Once teams are posted, those are the teams. When you get to the field, even if people finished Game 1, even if people are standing on the sidelines who did not get in a game….it is not your place to make a rotation or give away your spot. If we have an injury, or someone leaves in an emergency….awesome that there are guys on the sidelines who can keep the game going with even numbers. But short of you being unable to play, if you are there….stay in the game. The teams have 7 players. Jewball is two ways. You play offense and defense. Even if you suck at both. There is no player option to sit for a set. And certainly not to sit for a side of the game. Jewball is not Croton. It is not Degel. It is Jewball and we play the Jewball way. Every player, plays both ways, for 90 minutes. We look down on breaks. If that’s not for you, that’s not for you. Decide if you want to make it for you. Which brings me to….teams are made to work based on the above. If you take someone like Munch and invite him to play for you – and you are not Munch – your team just got a lot better. And that’s not fair. The teams were randomly constructed to be random. Official Munch is not part of the formula.
Jewball to Gronk for Game 1A. To Mighty for Game 1B. To Rook for Game 2.
Leagues on Sunday! Hope to see everyone there. It’s a holiday! Even if you are not playing, come on out. Will be some great battles on the field.
10/23/22
Week 3 – Jewball League Game 1 RECAP
There is no quicker Recap drafted than after a tough loss where the Recap writer embarrassed himself. I’m lucky I get this form of catharsis. Write it up, get it out, turn the page. As a player, yesterday was a day I would like to forget. A humiliating costly drop being only the epitome of a rough day for my new team. We have what to fix. I’ll get to that more objectively in the recap of games below – and I’m sure TBI will give the topic a reasoned and thoughtful analysis. But, for this intro – I’ll speak as a Commissioner. For those who are new….The whole “In J We Trust” shtick is of recent vintage. Was made up a few years ago. I don’t know why. I believe it started when I said something stupid that made no sense. Or maybe when I said let’s try Lawrence High School and no one was there. Whatever the case, it’s not some ancient Jewball mantra. It’s just a shtick for the past few years. 95% sure it means the complete opposite of what it states. May it soon be buried and forgotten.
You absolutely don’t need to trust me. Or blindly listen to me. Or even respect me. I think you see that lack of trust, adherence, and respect on a weekly basis. And that’s fine. I’m always gonna be a Jewballer first. A commissioner is a necessary evil. At the same time, I’m trying to do right by….everyone. Literally, everyone. Of course we all are charmed by talent. Who wouldn’t want to keep a great player in the fold? But I would as soon tell a great player to F off as a weak one. I don’t care if you are rich or poor. Moving to North Woodmere or escaping it. I don’t care if you are a rabbi, or a monk, or get wasted every night. I just want good football. I have known and believed that good football is the only way to sustain Jewball. You can talk about the events and the feel-good stuff all you want. It’s important. It’s nice. But it’s emptiness if not backed by athletes committed to excelling at the game itself. The Dark Ages happened because our football got weak. It is my job primarily to make sure we have high quality football and only after that to keep everyone connected and happy and feeling good vibes.
And that’s not easy. Jewball is thriving today – not because of me – but because of mazal. Dumb luck that occurred here and there over the years. At every turn when the light might otherwise fade, a spark jumped from the dying embers and burned just long enough to ignite a torch and then the next torch, which would be carried by a future era of Jewball. And here we are – a blazing inferno. As massive a conflagration as we have ever seen. And it’s not perfect. But it’s undeniably and awesomely bright.
Why am I saying this? Because of Leagues. The very valid argument which is not lost on me is….This isn’t Jewball. Well, let me drop some enlightenment in our age of Enlightenment. Jewball has a vaguely construed definition. When we went from touch to flag, I was told that it’s not Jewball. Or from grass to turf. Or from one first down at the 50, to 2 first downs, then 3. I know what we are at our core. I know we are a tribe that shows up for the love of the game. There is no financial benefit or fame. There is a comradery, for sure, but so much of the journey is personal. It’s you getting out of bed when it’s cold and creeping out of the house in the dark holding cleats. It’s you in the gym, putting in the work, not wanting to let your team down on Sunday. It’s you running back to the toilet for the 3rd time and deciding whether to message the chat that you might be late. It’s you, coming home hurt and explaining to family and co-workers that you got injured playing football. And them wonder if you are twelve. Guys, we take real risks. We take real risks….for real rewards. That’s right. Real rewards. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Leagues is our best football. And if the aim of Jewball is to have great football, then Leagues has to be right. It fulfills the criteria of my Objective 1 beyond any doubt. It struggles somewhat with Objective 2. For now. For that, I can only apologize (again) and say….hang in there. We are going to get this even more right this year, and surely next.
Damn. Top Guns. Damn. My team came off the draft night with all the headlines and hype. The construction of a team featuring Mighty, Singer, Jack, and Munch proved that the draft order was flawed! I looked like a Draft snake by not conducting a snake draft. But Prime said it early and often – The games are played on the field. Chats, like the media, like commissioners, are a necessary evil. They serve a purpose, but the beauty of sports and our game of course….is…….you got to earn it. No one is crowned on draft night. Seasons are long. Plot twists proliferate. And expectations are havel havelim.
Top Guns sure looked good out the gate. First play of the season, Munch breaks free from the TE position and gets deep into the secondary. Feit unloads as perfect a pass as you will see, and Munch keeps the focus and makes a nice catch in full stride – TG is up 1 very quickly. Jack cashes in with an extra point and things just look very easy and breezy for Feit and company. The TG defense also came in as advertised. With Gronk in for Pray, BOP had a different look. A less mobile QB for sure. A QB who doesn’t kill you with the big play. But, man….Gronk….he can break you down like no one else. He moved the ball on TG but his first drive did not result in a score. Feit, on the other hand, looked unstoppable with his new arsenal of toys. Another deep ball for another score, this time to Jack. Although the extra point was not successful, TG was up 13-0 within the first 25 minutes of the game. It looked like a blow out in the making. What happened next was TG failed to score again for the rest of the game. What happened next was Gronk put up 4 scores. How? Why? Because these are some damn good teams. And these are some serious competitors. I can break down the plays and explain that if Jordan didn’t drop a TD, or Jack embraced contact a bit more, or Singer wasn’t hurt, or Munch wasn’t hurt, or Feit wasn’t at corner….sure…I could do that, but I’ll make it about two things: 1.) BOP wanted it more. It’s a cliché. Maybe some of you are rolling your eyes. But, if you don’t think a mental edge matters, in EVERYTHING – and certainly sports – good luck succeeding in life. TG came in expecting to win. That’s not the same as wanting to win. Top Gun is a quiet, introspective, somewhat aloof, somewhat cerebral, professional, veteran team. That will win you games. BOP were a bunch of hungry wolves let out the cage. And that can make up for a lot. 2.) Gronk also makes up for a lot. I’ve seen him to do it nearly every time he plays. Same play. Same play. Same play. We made it a joke, but it’s genius. It translates as…..I see the weakness in their defense….so why would I do anything else ever but exploit that weakness every single time. If the other teams adjusts, I’ll find the new weakness and exploit that. Did you watch PJ’s stream of that game? Gronk throws to anyone that is open. Every player is part of the offense. Tabak, Goldberg, Steveo, Prime, Solo…all making big plays. Impressive win, BOP. Jewball has to go to Gronk. He took his team back from the brink. TG is too talented a team to go the way of FCFT of last year, but they need to become a team. The two teams that won yesterday were the two that were most cohesive and most passionate about winning and winning together.
Although I did not stay until the very end of Game 2 – Lionhearts v. Roll Tide – I saw enough to know that it was the most well executed Jewball game I have ever seen. I’m not saying it was the best game, although it was an excellent watch. I wish I was less depressed and took out my phone to record. I know we pat ourselves on the back for having “stacked” games, loaded with talent – and we do and have….but to see it actually come together and the talent to shine under a spotlight…was remarkable. Let’s start with Yaron. Holy Trashbags! I mean, it’s safe to say he will completely fall apart when it matters most at the end of the season, but the guy was MASTERFUL yesterday. His offense being run was really like watching Lincoln Center choreography unfold under fireworks. Grace and speed and agility, blended and unified and synergized. Oh…and hard hitting…and brutal….and fu**ing vicious. Zada said to me before the game, “You talk about killers….watch these guys….” I said, “For real?” He just smiled. Lionhearts were worked up into a frenzy. I don’t know what kind of leadership that took. Or whether each players is self-motivated. Or whether Yaron injected them all with Monster Energy in the parking lot. I can go down the list. Zada, we know is a Beast. Beast is literally named Beast. Sting is a baaaaaad man. Irv is like a ballet dancer mack truck. DK and O were the hounds of hell. And Storm…..Storm was Flame On wire to wire with a some God of Thunder mixed in. If these guys can maintain that energy throughout the season, they are gonna be the team to beat. Of course, that’s the whole trick. Yankees, Mets, Dodgers, Braves….all bounced early from MLB playoffs. The lesson is obvious. It’s not who is the hottest for the longest, but who is there at the end. For our Leagues, it remains to be seen. Roll Tide got beat by a nearly flawless LH performance, but just barely. They were down 2 scores when I left, but they came back. They lost by 1 in the end. I mean, I’ve gone on and on about how dominant LH looked, but RT is scary as bricks. I talked before about the value of cohesion. These guys are coming in pre-assembled. Dachs, Dax, Zinn, Oppen…they’ve played together. Stats is on the way. Legs will be back and he can mesh with anyone as long as they allow him freedom to run recklessly into the fray. Dachs has also very quickly found a chemistry with Waldo, Whiskey, and Rook. As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of so many phenomenal throws and catches between the QBs in Game 2 and their receivers. Truly an electric game. Yaron, I’ve never seen you better, but Jewball to Sting. The grit and heart to come back from injury. To come back from being more forgotten than Salem. To come back from a game that hardly knew you and had no reason to believe in you – and show that you are as money as they come. That you want make an impact here, with us. I don’t know how many TDs you scored or if you scored any, but I saw some catches that were knock outs, man. Welcome back with a vengeance. Honorable mention to Storm. He definitely put up some points, but he can sleep well at night counting his stats.
I know not everyone is included in League Games, but the best of us – the real ones, as they say, get it. That great football is what makes Jewball go. And if you appreciate good football and love Jewball, you will support Leagues, even if it is forcing you to swallow some pride along with a bitter pill. To that end, PJs, Klink, E, and Daveo….you guys coming out to be a part of it – you are the real Jewballers. You have every right (and obligation!) to criticize me and call me out – but you guys showed up. And that’s why Jewball works and will survive. It’s not from the super talented guys who can leap in the air and spin and catch with one hand and land and race for TDs that Jewball is sustained. You never know. Someone like that can be here today and gone tomorrow. It’s from the guys that appreciate what we are and what we are trying to build. If they are super talented, all the better. But those types of Jewballers are the sparks that scream out of the fire. That’s how our torches are lit. That’s who carries them into our glowing future.
10/30/22
Week 4 Recap
I’m still high from Tuesday night. And not just because the sidelines became more and more clouded in weed with each passing minute. I’m high off the memories. The weather. The faces. The speed, agility, and skill of our players. The speed, agility, and skill of not-our-players. The intoxicating energy flowing between sideline and field. Between our guys – there to support each other…share in the high drama. The only thing better than a great play is a great play witnessed. A great play appreciated. To watch Irv turn in a dominant performance – so locked in. Legs making a hell of a catch in traffic. Jewballers forcing Yaron into a near pick. Solo, Oppen, and DK battling so fiercely – going to some deep, dark places to find the next gear and then the next. I’ve said it many times and I hope to say it for a few more years – it is such an honor to be part of this group. Special stuff.
Week 4 is a nice place to be. The season is still fresh and young, so there is no separation anxiety to speak of. We have our League Week done and all that controversy is behind us. The next League Week is 3 weeks away so no reason to think about it. It’s just a regular Week 4 of Jewball – granted that in the age of the enlightenment….nothing is regular anymore…and whatever crusty, cranky vets are allegedly complaining to PJs…..that’s okay! It’s okay…..It’s okay.
Although it looks like we will be back to 3 games for Week 5 (season quarter point –
……uh-oh….separation anxiety starts to whisper), Week 4 was our first Jewball week of only 2 games. People have obligations and some injuries have been mounting.
I’m going to try and go throwback with this recap and talk about the game. Enough of my pretentious bulls*** recaps! Let’s talk football.
On the last Sunday of the month of October, the car windshields, grass, and turf were coated in white frost at 7:45am. Fifteen minutes before Jewball would play Week 4. It was a reminder that seasons change and that leaving the house a little earlier to stretch and warm-up (both the body and the car) had become necessary. Of course, it being October in the age of climate change, temperatures would rise. The sun would emerge. Layers of clothing would be removed.
Upon arrival at the field, there was still a chill in the air and only the opposite field sideline was lit with a panel of sunshine. The field was covered in a ghostly pale layer of ice. A few minutes past 8am and it was clear we had a problem. There were two QBs on the field, but one of them was Pray, limping around, velcroed into his polyester prison. Yaron was there. Looking sharp and spry. Ready to continue his march of dimes. The QB on fire had messaged me Saturday night that we were gonna run wild on Sunday. (And so we did). But would the opposing QB – Zinn – run even wilder? Hard to say. He wasn’t there.
Before he can run, he needs to walk. And before he can walk, crawl. And before that, scoot. Although I’m not going to destroy him just yet (*because he did make the devil’s reception two days later), any Jewball Sunday that begins with Yaron calling your mom to see where you are and she says…. “I don’t know, he went to minyan”…..that’s a bad Sunday.
Lucky for us, Zinn makes up for in gamerness what he lacked in punctuality on Sunday. He arrived to boos at 817am and jumped right in. Yaron had started as official QB but it was a scoreless game when Zinn invaded.
Yaron in Colors with Jack, O, Held, Tom, Jordan, and Vegh, Zinn in dark with Daveo, E, Storm, Zada, Bert, and Goldberg – let’s go.
On Zinn’s first possession, he made the Colors defense look stupid. I believe Colors changed their defensive scheme three times during the game in an attempt to neutralize what Zinn can do. What can he do as a QB? Run as fast or faster than anyone. Cut as sharp or sharper than anyone. Throw as far or farther than anyone. And cross-body. If he has a weakness as a passer….it’s he can sometimes be in accurate. That’s where you need to get him. Otherwise, it’s just a matter of matching his offensive prowess. Week 4 was cool because Yaron and his squad were actually up to the task.
If I ever had it (and I don’t think I ever did), my ability to remember the exact game sequence is gone. Zinn did score first and right away. Again, he can run and pick up big yards at will – especially if not contained. Playmaka just could not beat Zinn to the sideline and time and again Zinn escaped the pocket and picked up critical yards for first downs. But he doesn’t rely entirely on his legs. He isn’t a run first QB with an arm like perhaps a Zez, Hood, or year one Pray. He looks for the pass. And with professional receivers like Storm, Zada, Goldberg, and Daveo…they were happy to oblige. I don’t recall drops. Like I said, Zinn can miss once in a while….and that’s your only hope. While I can’t say I recall who did what and when, I recall very clearly that it was a classic score for score game. Every time Zinn put a point, Yaron matched him.
Zada was responsible for the first two points of the game. He caught a TD and then tipped a TD to Jordan. 1-1.
Zinn ran one in, evading the entire Colors defense and going sideline to sideline. Tom cashed a stat before he exited and Kut replaced him. Just want to give a shout out to O before I forget him. He had a sack and he tipped at least one ball away. #stripbalzac
Although Vegh did not stat up in Game 1, he did make a ton of receptions that lead to scores. Most of the scoring for both teams was done in the red zone after big plays. Like the insane cross body bomb to Storm that I stupidly dared Zinn to throw. Storm catches it falling to the ground, giving Dark new life. Like the beauty Yaron threw to Jordan over Storm where Storm got the flag at the 1. Only long TD of the day was Yaron to Jordan in the back corner of the endzone on a perfectly choreographed gem.
With 7 minutes left, the score was tied 5-5. Dark with the ball and with last possession rights. The way it has been going, this would be the final drive, and Zinn would find a way to score, and win the game. His first as a Jewballer. Enter chaos.
Zinn throws a 20 yard pass that is plucked from the sky by Jack! Colors had been holding on for dear life all day and now has its first opportunity to take the lead with 5 minutes on the clock. Ball is at Dark’s 25. I’ll spare Yaron the….NO I WON’T!
Everyone knows this is the spot where Yaron plays hero ball and risks everything. But not this time! We make it clear. Work the clock. Keep it simple. Short yards. Move the ball. Score the easy way. The entire team is on the same page.
The ball is snapped. Yaron checks his receivers running slants and outs – and keeps the ball instead. Vegh is open deep. He can’t resist. Bron lofts one to Vegh that is destined for Vegh’s gloves and a score and the lead and vict- Scoot can swoop. Prime’s youngest leaps, twists, locates, invades, and steals from the sky the well-intentioned pass. It is his ball. His field. His time. Zinn with one last drive to win it.
I’m actually not sure how it happened exactly, but the defense did manage to lock down a bit. Yes, there was a
controversy on the Daveo pass, which we will get to, but in the end it was a 4th and long for the win. Zinn did his job. He put a perfect laser on Goldberg in a spot where it was Goldberg or no one and….you saw the film….like a blast of pure energy – the ball blasted through Goldberg’s hands at the back of the endzone. Would have been a sick ending for Dark. A sickening ending for Colors. Alas, a tie. No winner. No Jewball.
Let’s briefly talk about calls: Respect the call. That’s always Rule number 1. Sorry….Rule 1 is assume no one is lying….so, in that case, Rule 1 is don’t lie. That said, we respect ALL personal calls no matter how shitty because of Rule 1 (Don’t lie). However, a dropped ball is not a personal call but it is a call and it needs to be respected. Why? So we don’t have arguments. On a non-personal call, we tend to do a brief investigation because while we trust everyone…sometimes someone isn’t lying, but they are just objectively wrong/mistaken. First overrule goes to a teammate of the call-maker who contradicts the call. Meaning, if someone on the team that loses out based on the call being negated stands by the negation, we have to assume they are 100% sure. For example, Jordan catches a ball that is questionably out of bounds. If Jordan has any teammate that says it is out of bounds, it is out of bounds. And therefore Jordan saying I was in bounds! is moot. If we do not have the fellow-teammate contradicting the call, we would also look to sideline for neutral people watching. They can help. Again, because this is not a personal call. It’s a determination – like catch or no catch or our of bounds or first down. If sideline is unanimous, we go with that. If not, we have to respect the call. It sucks, we just have no other choice. In this case with Daveo where it was a controversy whether he caught it or not, and everyone was completely split on it, including the sideline, we had to go with respecting the call made, which was ball hit the ground.
Game 2 admittedly was a letdown. Battle of the Rookie QBs wound up being very one sided. Perla is learning the guys still….but…..so is Dachs. And Perla was given mad weapons. I see flashes of talent. He can throw a nice ball…but…..something has still not caught up just yet. Not using the weapons he has at his disposal to their full potential. Irv wasn’t used. Zinn made some phenomenal grabs 3 feet over his head. Perla will find that Jewball gear soon. We are hopeful yet.
I believe Dachs jumped out to a 3-0 lead and it really was never close. The only storyline was whether Perla could come back in the end and make the score respectable. Or whether the huddles would get any shorter. Partial success on both accounts. From the stats, looks like Prime had himself a game. 2 TDs and a P6. Jewball to the 2019 MVP.
I’m heading to Memphis tonight. Will post teams tomorrow.
11/6/22
Week 5 Recap
A PJ’s Perspective….
The new era of Jewball is upon us. We are a quarter of the way through this season. And besides for so many new names taking major spots on the draft board, many of these new names are also making impact on the field each week. While week 5 will be billed the “battle of line”, it also featured a matchup between the “present/past” and the “future”, with two very special players in Mighty and Zinn. Yes there were other players on the field. But these guys are highlight reel players. After watching Zinn haul in a catch Tuesday night, I realized the hype is real. On the other side you have Mighty who has been mighty special for nearly 13 years. With Pray on the shelf, Yaron in Mexico without a shirt but kept his phone, and Dachs needing a week off. We were left to find QB’s to play. This was an issue that plagued the Dark Ages of Jewball. We all know that good QB play makes for a great football. However, bad QB play makes for an awful game for everyone. Game 1 QB’s were decent enough but not great. You had the captain of the Top Guns in Feit vs Rabin, the godfather of Jewball and also an embattled QB of Jewball for many years. Yes, Rabin isn’t a team captain or weekly starter anymore, but you can’t forget that this guy throughout dark ages took the huddle week in an week out. Did his best to find receivers and spread the ball. Rabin knows his limits but cares so much about winning. Lining up with Rabin is an honor regardless of the results. Feits Team featured Solo, Mighty, Oppen, Beast, Tom, Maor, and Bert. Rabin’s roster had Zinn, DK, Munch. Kut, O, MK, and PJ’s( season debut).
Feit starts with the ball and immediately goes to Tom with Pj’s guarding him, slings a great pass and the YAC from Tom moves it down almost 50 yards to get great field position. 1st down on the 25, Feit finds Solo and Maor for some good yards. But Feit with a few over throws and ultimately stalls out. Rabin comes into the huddle with arm pocket plays and is ready to lead. Rabin sends DK deep down the sideline and throws one of his best passes of the day to be dropped. Rabin doesn’t do much after and Feit gets the ball back. And is able to move chains with throws to beast and Mighty. Feit in the red zone looks to target Tom with the returning PJ’s and it worked. Tom makes a short catch and PJ’s fails to push Tom out of bounds or grab the flag, Tom gets 3 balls in. 1-0 Feit. Rabin wants to win badly and get back into this game. Draws up some plays and starts hitting a few completions but an errant throw picked off by Mighty gets Feit the ball back in the red zone. On 3rd down Feit looks to take advantage of Tom’s size and PJ’s not being in great game shape. Throws it to Tom and Pj’s prevents the TD. On 4th down Feit looks to Mighty his league teammate and ultimately his best receiver on the field, even with Zinn playing man on him. Feit makes a great 5 yard throw to mighty who makes a great catch with Zinn all over him. 2-0 Feit. Rabin can’t take the losing. He knows he’s got talent around him so he allows Zinn to use some of his Magic to make something happen. Zinn gets the handoff and launched it deep to Mk only for the ball to be under thrown and picked off by Feit. Feit isn’t able to score and the Rabin gets the ball back. Down 2-0 and 40 minutes to play. Rabin throws a really bad ball up to Munch with mighty ready to pick it but munch makes an incredible catch and pulls it away and some how gets passed the defense for an 80 yard TD. Rabin is back In the game. Feit gets the ball back and wants to get mighty more touches but this time Zinn says no. Zinn gets a pick and Rabin is ready to tie this game. I should mention Beast started to blitz from the corner and got 3 sacks in the game which actually accounted for all of the sacks in the game. One of those sacks led to Rabin going for it on 4th and 15 and hitting Zinn for a miraculous 1st down. Rabin decides to target MK, and he has him deep but MK drops what was probably Rabins best pass of the game. Tough game for the Katz bros. Rabin still manages to lead his team down the field and on 4th and goal from 10 Rabin looks to Munch in the endzone and isn’t able to connect. Feit up 2-1 at 9:15 knew that another score ices the game away. Feit moved the ball down the field with ease. It’s now 3rd and goal in the red zone and Feit figures I’ve got Tom with Pj’s guarding him, why not try that again? Feit avoids the pressure and looks for Tom and PJ’s makes what was a game saving near int play that knocks the ball away. It’s 4th down, it’s Mighy time… Zinn is guarding him like they have all game. Zinn shouldn’t be offended when Mighty chirps all game I’m open. Just understand Mighty wants and needs that ball. Feit throws a slant to Mighty, Zinn is all all over him but Mighty does what he does. Scores the TD and iced the game. The battle of the line didn’t live up to hype as Solo was orchestrating a confusing Defense on Rabin and barely rushed in. The story of this game was Mighty came up with clutch TD’s all game and is the Jewball winner of game 1. Zinn is the future but mighty is still the present. Feit was solid and Rabin wasn’t bad but on this day it wasn’t good enough to get the win.
Game 2 featured Tom “White Goodman” Perla vs Waldo. Perla is still new to our game and while the scouting report in his first start were long huddles, he definitely seemed to have faster huddles this week. Perla lines up with Sting, Storm, Zada, Dobs, Salem, and Whiskey. Waldo has the debuting iceman, Prime, Rook, Ernie, Vegh, Klink, and Dave-O on defense. Let’s start with Yoni, yes he was late and he seemed frustrated with the game. Like J says we give him another shot. He is a baller. So we will not rip him! Perla’s first drive looked good. He hit Storm time after time for big yards. Dave-O did get a sack on him on the opening drive. Zada and Sting both had great jump ball TD’s from Perla. Rook had a near pick 6 gets his team to the 1 yard line. Bec ensuing play Salem picks off Waldo. All in all he hits Sting for 2 TD’s who also had a pick 6. Storm had 2 picks himself and Perla destroys Waldo 6-1. Rook made a QB appearance at one point but not enough to help. Waldo was bad but guys also dropped his passes. Tough game overall. Jewball goes to Sting. Next week we roll it back with our regular QB’s and we see what is in store for week #6… stay tuned for sign up, TBI, and power rankings!
11/13/22
Week 6 – Recap
Not that our Week 6 games were particularly forgettable, but the chronicles of Jewball and our collective memory will remember Week 6 as another game (and the first in the “modern” era) where we switched fields mid-game. It happened about fifteen minutes into Games 1 and the transition took about fifteen minutes. As both games were just getting started at LHS – which had received reports that the soccer guys were hibernating and would not be playing in Venmo Arena for the remainder of the season – a different kind of soccer guy approached. Turns out, at 9am there would be a permitted game – Inwood v. Glen Cove. I guess wasn’t meant to be. But two cool things happened as a result. The first was that Zada and PJs were proven right and your Commish was proven wrong. We should have started at HHS. No good reason to trust in J. The second bonus prize was the incredible synergy and electricity as we packed up quickly, rolled out, rolled over, rolled in, and set up quickly to get the games going again. It was an energy in Jewball that felt so authentic to our roots. Getting kicked off a field and remaining resilient – wandering and then surviving – is an important element of who we are and where we come from. It’s that fortitude which both keeps us hungry and humble. Obviously, I would prefer our games not to be moved mid-game generally, but once every few years – it’s not the worst thing.
For Game 1A – Yaron v. Dachs – we will gain a PJ’s perspective shortly. That game already had points on the board at LHS. Perla v. Zinn – Game 1B – was scoreless at 8:30 am when it restarted at HHS.
While over on field 1A it was a battle of the premiere QBs, 1B was a matchup of two QBs thrust into their roles due to unpredictable plot twists. With Gronk and Pray on the sidelines this season (so far), Jewball was desperate for QB help. The Jewball Gods send us Perla – and his evolution is being watched carefully. We are also sent Zinn….who – seems to be able to do it all. Now, he is not a QB. He doesn’t want to be one. He is a WR. But, he has an arm like no other and he probably can become a great QB if he made that his major.
The theme of the day for Zinn’s team was drops. Some were just stupid – like mine, but most were a result of his abilities. What I mean is…..he throws harder than any other Jewball QB ever has. His fastball is like we have never seen. Katzenstein and Yaron could sling and if they whipped it to you on a slant – they had no mercy. It requires above average hands to catch what they were throwing. Zinn’s ball gets on you quick and powerful, and if you aren’t ready for it – I mean both mentally and physically – it’s gonna sail through or bounce off you. He’s the kind of QB that will force you to raise your game.
Perla, is different. He throws a pretty light ball. Can’t bomb it, but has some range. While Ziinn shoots bullets, Perla often lofts water balloons. Zinn lined up with Mighty, Oppen, Jordan, Dobs, Steveo, Oppen, and Tom. Perla huddled with Solo, Rook, Waldo, Legs, Stella/Daveo, and Zada.
Perla’s reputation as someone who “can’t go deep” worked to his advantage a number of times throughout the game, but the first of which was on an early scoring drive. On 3rd and goal, with no one lined up on Jordan’s side, Jordan took the chance and blitzed along with the D line. Zinn was playing a short safety once again assuming that Perla could not go over the top. So what does he do? He evades Jordan (who should have had the sack) and he lofts one up to the vacated side….over Zinn…and into the waiting arm’s of Waldo. 1-0 Perla and Waldo begins to have himself a day.
Jordan’s sh**y day continued with the drop of a high fly ball that glanced off his fingertips behind the defense. Would have been good yards. A play later, a Zinn pass to Mighty over the middle gets tipped and goes up almost as high as the previous pass to Jordan and Waldo snags it from the sky. Although it did not result in a score, it was another stat for Waldo. From there, the game went back and forth. Although one could argue that a game full of drops, errant throws, and long huddles surely makes for a “bad” game, this in fact was a good one. Guys were locked in and playing to win. It never got out of hand and both teams felt that their fortunes could turn at any moment. It went back and forth – although at a glacial pace. Zinn, Mighty, and Oppen lead their squad. Zinn picking up every first down needed. Oppen pressuring Perla (3 sacks) and Mighty capping off the drives with scores. Angry Mighty made an appearance and immediately put up points. Angry Mighty is a great player. It was a good thing I got him angry by siding with Perla on a 1st down call. It was the classic situation where Mighty pulled the flag on one side of the 1st down and Perla was standing on the other. I know our rule is for 1st downs it is where the flag puller is standing. However, in this situation it was clear – at least to me – that the pull happened after the crossing. Mighty for sure did not move and was before the line, but Perla had already crossed. Regardless, Mighty went off afterward. After Tabak left and Daveo replaced him, Daveo made an impact. In a play, very similar to Waldo’s score…..the defense presumed Perla would throw shallow, and cheated up….Daveo went over the top, Perla got enough on it to throw beyond the safety….and Perla was up again. Using the same formula (Zinn runs and a Mighty catch and run) the game was tied. Steveo had two opportunities to score at the end to win the game for Zinn but Zinn’s missiles proved too potent to harness.
The game went into OT with a one and one chance for each team from the 20. Perla had first shot and from the 20 threw a rainbow to Waldo in the corner of the endzone. Zinn got over, leaped, with full extension….and the ball still arched over him. Jordan was the last line of defense. He too jumped and caused interference, but it was Waldo with the concentration and the up and the hands….he comes down with the ball and spikes it in celebration. With the chance to lose or tie, Zinn again finds Steveo in the endzone, but the pass is at the risk of Steveo’s life running directly into a goal post and he bails on the play. Zinn gets another chance this time locating Mighty in the back of the endzone…and the ball looks true and Mighty is no dropper. But Waldo want’s to be in on everything on this Week 6…so he gets in on the action and has his second pick of the day. And with that, Zinn’s losing streak continues and Perla gets a reprieve as he wins the game. Jewball to Waldo for being that guy on Sunday and – as I’m writing this post his TBI appearance – just a lot of love and appreciation your way, bro. Thanks for being here.
Now…I give you….PJs…
A PJ’s perspective…..
What a Sunday for football, a little rain and 2 games at the same time. Even at our old stomping grounds in Lawrence. And a game featuring Jewballs 2 best QB’s in Dachs and Yaron. Yaron is one of the reasons Jewball has aged like wine. He has helped the game evolve and brought in new talent like Dachs. Dachs doesn’t need a recap praising him, but his accuracy is something to appreciate. Dachs brings a Iittle I’m too cool for Jewball attitude, similar to Mighty but is slowly learning to appreciate what we do here. One other praise is that Dachs consistency spreads the ball around. Something that all QB’s have not learned yet. It’s what makes Gronk great and what has made Dachs look like an MVP candidate. Dachs lines up with Munch, Dax, Prime, MK, Beast, And Bert. Yaron lines up DK, Goldberg, Sting, Storm, Kut, and PJ’s.
The game begins with Prime arriving late because he forgot to change a diaper. Goldberg is like, I’m 2 weeks into this and I still have no clue. Mazal Tov to the new fathers who showed up to play football. The game begins with 6’s to accommodate Prime and PJ’s benched himself. Yarons first pass is nearly picked off by Beast. Actually was thrown right to him. Not a Leauge week. Yaron says ok, I will not throw to Beast again and of course this time he throws a perfect pass to Dachs. Who makes the INT and gets first down at 20. Hits Munch on TE screen who takes it in for the first score. Yaron blames it on the football and changes to his ball. And then a “Classic Jewball” moment, Jordan announced everyone off the field. Something about a permit….. legit soccer? Anyways Yaron is trailing Dachs 1-0 and now we will take a 15 minute break until we get to Hewlett.
New field, new football, less wind. Yaron can turn this around?? Unfortunately his next drive is a 3 and out. Munch gets a 3rd down sack and Yaron punts it. Dachs with a 3 and out and Colors is feeling maybe a the momentum is shifting. But Yaron on third down try’s to hit PJ’s but Prime knocks it down. Yaron claimed it was a throw away. PJ’s realizes that’s his only chance of getting a pass
. Dachs takes over and methodically drives down the field with passes to Prime, Beast and Dax. On first and goal Dachs throws an incredible ball over the defense to back of end zone to a wide open Dax. Perfect throw and play. Dachs is leading 2-0. Yaron with another three and out. On this Dachs drive he will try to gun one in to his brother but it will get deflected and picked off by Goldberg. Yaron is focused and he begins getting his team involved with throws to Storm And Sting for some yards. A dump off to DK for some yards. And Yaron is driving down the field. On second and goal Yaron looks for Goldberg who is wide open and makes a seemingly great pass that Goldberg can’t corral and Dachs is there for pick and a good return. This will setup another nice drive that leads to Munchs 2nd TD. 3-0 Dachs. Yaron doesn’t seem to have any answers for the line of Beast and Munch. Another punt. Dachs drives down the field and will get himself a rushing TD. Yaron finally makes a magical throw to Storm who bobbles and holds on to a catch and run for 80 yards to get colors their first TD. It’s 4-1 Dachs. But Dachs isn’t done. He will hit MK for TD and take a 5-1 lead. Goldberg will get a late TD. But Dachs was too much on the field. His team wins 5-2. On offense and Defense Dachs was the difference maker. While Munch had himself a great game. Dachs earns himself his first Jewball, 4 TD’s thrown and a rushing TD along with 2 picks. Welcome to Jewball Dachs!!
Game 2 was a rough one for Perla and a magical one for Yaron. Perla, coming off the big W, was hobbled. The man is making his comeback to football, and he was physically struggling in the Both. Same could be said for a few guys on his squad. Rook was visibly fighting through some stuff. Perla’s team featured Sting, Storm, and Jordan – already frustrated after losing Game 1. Rook had won with Yaron and Solo had won with Perla. And Logan was fresh. Yaron regrouped after his ugly loss – playing with Zada, Zinn, Klink, Daveo, Dobbs, and Beast. It was David v. Goliath from the beginning. Yaron was supremely on and Perla’s defense was supremely off. Jordan and Logan wrap up Zada but fail to pull his flag and he scores. Storm is beaten on a fly. Rook at safety was ineffective with the injuries. Add to this that brand of Yaron that sees the field like he’s bionic and it made for a frustrating day for Perla’s Game 2 team. I give credit to my teammates for battling until the end of a 6-1 loss, but it was just a severe beat down all around. Yaron gets the Jewball for the mastery, scoring with 5 different receivers and bouncing back very nicely. Daveo had 2 TDs making it 3 on the day which is worth noting. Zinn gets his first win. And now onto League Week 1.5.
Thanksgiving coming up, boys. Yeah, we had some drama today on chat – whatever. No one takes it too seriously. And if you do….you’re in the wrong cult. Just appreciate that we care about the league, and the guys, and the football being high quality. Everything else is TBI fodder. It’s a blessing to play this Sunday together. If you are healthy enough to play – it’s rare and a blessing! Don’t let Jewball ever be a source of distress in your life. When you get to play, awesome! When you don’t get to play, that sucks, but there will be another game. Stay positive. Work on your game. The pieces will fall into place. See you on the field.
11/20/22
Week 7 – Recap
First, there was League Week. Then, there was Weague Leek. And now there is League Weak. League Weak happens when all the anticipation and excitement of a Jewball League Sunday gets forcibly deflated – violently stamped from our spirits – by circumstances – both in and out of our control. The easy joke to make is that everyone hates Yaron. Bron, one of our true leaders, talents, competitors, and a QB on fire (not the dumpster kind) had nearly his entire team abandon ship by Sunday morning. You couldn’t make it up. O came down with a case of Sharmel’s Revenge. Zada made his wife make him a surprise birthday party (his birthday is in July). Beast got that thing where you don’t like Yaron and can’t get out of bed. Sting woke up in the middle of the night, realized he was on Yaron’s team, and started vomiting blood. DK woke up in the morning, realized he was on Yaron’s team, and chained himself to the radiator. Storm at least remembered he was on Yaron’s team the night before and wisely got wasted and threw his phone onto the mat at Wrestlemania so that Yaron could no longer contact him. And there went the cowardly Lion Hearts. No one showed to face the Top Guns. Except Yaron and Irv. So game was postponed. This was the part of the deflation that was out of our control. The part that was in our control was our reaction. Guys, you can call this moment in Jewball whatever you want – you can blame whoever you want – but one thing it has never been was bad energy. And this past week was bad energy (and editor’s note – I’m told continued on TBI). I’m not above it. I admit. I got sucked into the negative cycle as well. That’s on me to watch myself. And it’s on you to watch yourself. This is a brotherhood of volunteers. No one is paid to be here. No one has to be here. If you are here, love being here. Or like being here. Or quietly dislike being here. But there is no such thing as loud dislike of being here. That’s not a Jewball thing. We fall victim to it sometimes. We forget sometimes. Let’s try to remember. Jewball is the island in the chaos. It has to be.
Game 1 was a League Game! It was Roll Tide (0-1) v. BOP (1-0). Pray was still out and Solo was on a holiday in Spain (yeah, that’s right – I’m a Crows fan), so the surprise team from League Week 1 would need to have a few more tricks up their sleeve to beat the extremely dangerous squad of rooks. But before we get to the on-field action, let’s talk about the weather. This was a brutally cold Sunday morning. Not super windy as was threatened in the forecast, but nonetheless freeze your fingertips off cold. Decent amount of sun, which helps. Old dudes were out and doing there thing, which helps. But the extremities were in danger last week if you didn’t either keep moving or keep em in pockets. With that, I just remind everyone that we had about 30 players come out on Sunday for the love of football to sustain that type of pain and discomfort. I always say…Jewball is more than football. It’s that mental edge over everyone around you. All those who stayed home Sunday morning (non Jewballers and their kind). You own them.
Momentum is a thing and BOP had it coming off a big win against the previously top seeded Top Guns. With Gronk QB for Pray, the charmed signal caller looked to continue his run of winning. And he got his chance to put his mark on the game very early on. Dachs throws a pick to Tom in RT’s first possession and Tom runs it to RT’s 8. First and goal. Gronk looked cold, miserable, and like he didn’t want to be there. But he looks like that every game he plays so can’t read anything into that. What we could read into was his failure to find the open man. His inability to look comfortable. Without Solo protecting him, Oppen Legs gushed right through the line and you saw something you hardly see from Gronk – panic, desperation – sloppiness. He missed Goldberg on 1st and goal and didn’t come close on the next 3 attempts. Dachs took over and although it wasn’t mistake free the rest of the way (3 picks on the day), he breezed through his progressions. His cavalcade of horses were running wild on the BOP defense. Again, without Solo bringing the pressure – Dachs had the time – and we know he has the skill. He sees the field well. He knows his players well. He spreads the ball well. Unless a team is at full strength, RT will be tough to beat. And BOP was not at full strength. That said, they weren’t really out of the game until late. Prime was his usual League self. Locked in and ready to kill. Fatherhood has not softened this man. Could be if he got the ball on that first BOP possession we have a different outcome. He moved the ball for BOP on screens and outs that turned into big yards. But it wasn’t enough. Dachs and Dax is a wicked tandem. Fun to watch. Frustrating to play against. We all know what Steveo can do in coverage, but a perfect jump ball to Zinn in the back of the endzone will win 9 out of 10 times. Two TDs to Zinn and 1 to Dax was all RT needed. There was some controversy because…why not…Did Legs call sack? Did Ernie maintain possession? Did Gronk get sacked before throwing the ball? Probably. I don’t think so. Probably. But, these are quibbles. Was a decent game. The better team won. Next time they meet up it’ll be with Pray and Solo and fully loaded action. Let’s go. Shout out to Rook for replacing Stats late and making a game of it. Hard nosed player, that Rook. I can’t take anything away from BOP. This was a tough assignment. They needed to play perfectly and it wasn’t going to happen with the weather and the pressure Gronk was facing. They played hard wire to wire. They were just outgunned. Both RT and BOP go to 1-1. Hard to give a Jewball to someone who isn’t playing defense and threw 3 picks….but we all know that Dachs is the straw that stirs the RT drink. Jewball to Oppen/Legs for the pressure on Gronk. You guys made an unflappable QB look extremely flappable. Gronk is probably going to learn a few new tricks because of this game, because his old tricks were not at his disposal because of what you beasts brought. Congrats.
Game 2 was Yaron v. Feit as scheduled, but thankfully it didn’t count. The TGs were basically broken up into 2 teams along with RT refugees Whiskey and Waldo, and a game was played in the slightly warmer weather. Feit had game wreckers Munch and Solo on his side and it didn’t take long to figure out that the best thing to do was to let them wreck the game. Misdirection one way and Feit running with Singer and Munch out front yielded an early score for Colors. And although Yaron was extremely sharp on Sunday, the Colors defense was quite effective. The back and forth battle of Jordan v. Waldo on jump balls in the endzone continued – with Jordan stopping another one (though not atoning for last week’s game winner by Waldo). With Colors up 1-0, and Yaron’s third possession stalled at Colors’ 20 on 4th and goal, the defense forced him to throw up a bad pass to Mighty who was in the back of the endzone. The ball came down well short of the endzone and Tom and Singer were there. Behind them Jordan. Behind him Mighty. Tom tips the ball over Singer. And it lands between Jordan and Singer….into the diving arms of a rat. 1-1.
Feit scored two TDs for his team on Sunday, so he was far better than Zach Wilson, but nothing in the passing game was working. However, as mentioned, with Munch and Singer….you don’t need it to. Same play. Feit runs. The big boys lead block. Colors take back the lead. The rest of the game was tight and it was a bend don’t break affair for Colors. With the offense stagnant, it was a matter of whether they could make the 2 scores hold up. To my joy and dismay, Yaron lined up Mighty on Jordan for the entire second half. Joy because that’s the guy I want to go up against until the day I retire. Dismay because he make everyone look bad. One turn around after another after another after another. Chipping away. A Mighty catch, some extra yards with muscle and shiftiness. Salem did an incredible job coming over to help. Singer did an incredible job coming over the top to help. But Mighty is on that MVP trip this season. He’s never won it. He’s talking about retiring. Leave to the Rat to make it his mission and priority to go out on top. Combine Mighty’s success at picking up yards with a few near picks by Singer not being converted into turnovers…it started to feel like only a matter of time. Eventually, Yaron found himself at the goal line and Mighty busted from the slot to the middle – behind the defense….wide open score. Tie game. And with time expiring and Feit still unable to get anything going on offense, Yaron found Mighty deep and although Irv pushed him out at the 1….it was just delaying the inevitable. Yaron throws a bullet to Mighty on a bullet slant and the game is won in comeback fashion by Dark. Add a Jewball to the stat sheet for my TG teammate, Mighty. If Mighty does retire….and he won’t….this will be remembered as the one special season where Zinn and Mighty overlapped like shooting stars crossing in space.
I was going to save my feel good message for the pre-Thanksgiving Teams post, but….I’m hearing that TBI was a rough watch – and although I will check it out myself and judge – I might as well go there now:
5 years ago today, I was preparing Jewball for it’s Turkey Bowl. It was the darkest days of the Dark Age. And it was about to get abysmal. There was no Jewball. We had withered to nearly nothing and had resigned ourselves to the most wretched of fates – we had joined Croton. And it wasn’t even the best of us. It was the good of us. We were called Jewball. I know it was me, MK (when he was around), Press (who replaced Rabin as QB), Rabin of course, Kut of course, Horwitz, probably Steveo or Daveo….was basically that Dark Ages crew who were still hanging on…God bless them. Seriously. I remember we played Perla’s team and though I don’t remember him exactly – I do remember chasing someone who was like Mighty in his prime. I remember Zez played for us one week and got us our only W (though I was out at the time – soon to be explained). I remember Tom caught the game winning TD…..so he must have been with us : )
Anyway, the point was…..we could not get Sunday Jewball games….so we gave up. The prior few seasons were leading us in this direction. It did not come as surprise. So it was pathetic. Then it got worse.
I was 2 months away from 40 and was a perfectly good time to say….hey, it was a nice run. Football was a big part of my life for a bunch of years….now….its’ over. On Thanksgiving, Goldberg caught the ball and I grabbed his shirt to pull his flag or maybe just to stop him (what Dachs would call Holding) and he kept going. My index finger tendon ripped and I could no longer make a fist. Didn’t figure this out until after the game. Had surgery…rehab…the whole thing. Not only was Jewball dead, but I was on the sidelines of the godforsaken Croton games. Season ends. Jewball ends. THE END.
But no…
That’s not how it went.
A Revolution happened.
An Enlightenment happened.
I met so many of you. You met so many of you. Our lives got better. Our football got sooo much better. We made real changes in the world! We healed and grew and built and flourished. My message is only – I am extremely thankful for all of you. Appreciative, Grateful. Don’t take any of it for granted. All that. I feel it. We feel it. We live in a world that loves to talk about privilege. That’s just a word wielded like a weapon. It’s not a good word to use. This is Jewball. There is no privilege. There is blessing. We are blessed. For real. It’s so clear. Recognize and appreciate it. I’ll echo what I said up top. If you can’t appreciate it and show hakaras hatov for it – this isn’t the place for you. We ask for nothing here but positive energy. If you are feeling negative about Jewball, take a step back and ask yourself if this is where you want to be. But under no circumstances will we tolerate negative energy here. Life is too short.
11/27/22
Week 8 – RECAP
My very first week of Jewball, I didn’t get into the game. I stood on the sideline and watched. It was a club I was not a part of. They had enough guys and I wasn’t one of them…yet. The players were all familiar with each other and – in my eyes – playing football at a level I could not imagine competing with. I couldn’t really imagine being one of them. I had zero experience playing competitive football. These guys were serious. There were cones on the field! Some of them were wearing actual football jerseys! Like in the NFL! The guy standing to my right on the sideline, though – also not getting in – probably embarrassed to be grouped in with me – was a different story. Of all the things I wish for Jewball related, none do I wish for more acutely than to have you all playing with Jason Katzenstein.
I met the kid in camp sophomore summer. Huge attitude and ego – total abrasive punk. Electric athlete. Rough exterior, but sensitive as hell. I was not a sports guy at all, but we became close friends. Still in touch. He’s completely frummed out living in Passaic. JK was the QB for the BMT Cheesecake (can’t make this up) and (E can confirm) took them to the championships, where they lost. He was the MVP of the AFLI that year. I would sometimes walk through Jerusalem with JK as teenagers and Israeli kids would yell out his name. They read about him in the papers or watched the games. He was a star.
We had a few years in KGH together before he moved to NJ and me to LI. For two off those years, we played Jewball. Like I said, at first we didn’t get in. But it was a journey we were taking together. Soon enough, he and I (with guys like Spira, Yakir, and Rabin) were the foundation for each game.
Why do I bring up JK today? Besides that he is probably the only guy from the Golden Age who, if playing today like he did then, would be top 3 Power Ranking every week. He played in a time where the games were fun, but generally sparsely attended. 5 on 5 was the usual. He very often played official QB with 4 on 4s. Whatever – that’s the past. I brink up JK now because he was a dynamic passer who could throw laser beams, or heave it a mile – ultra serious and locked in during games – could take off with elusive speed and quickness if need be – and….was a lefty. I bring up JK because – although I don’t believe in reincarnation, especially when both people are alive – with Dachs, I now can see what modern Jewball would have looked like if JK was still around. And it’s beautiful.
Week 8 had great weather and two great games. Maybe not everyone had the best experience (someone always loses), but both games were close and competitive and guys made plays.
We started with Dachs v. Ernie in Ernie’s season debut as signal caller. How did it go? Well, it could not have started better. On his first possession (coming after a Zinn pick) and first pass, he rips off a bomb to Zinn streaking down the left sideline. On. The. Money. Catch and run. TD. Ernie up 1 right away. That one score stood up for a while because although Dachs was racking up completions, he was not putting up points. Shout out to Beast for being an early sparkplug for Dachs – catching balls out of the TE slot and motoring downfield. The offense for Ernie’s squad – and he had high caliber offensive weapons besides Zinn in Mighty and Prime as well as a really tough protection in DK, O, and PJs – but the ball was not moving well. Tom, Munch, and E are some big boys coming out you in the middle and it seemed that with all the size flashing up the gut, the middle of the field was taken away from Ernie. Combine that with a leg still healing – and despite his incredible toughness and underrated agility – Ernie could not make enough happen out of the pocket. At the end of the day…he put up 2 scores – both to Zinn. The second TD being a jump ball that only Zinn catches.
Meanwhile, Dachs is not going to be kept down forever. Between the Zinn scores, he moved the ball with every receiver. Strikes to Tom, MK, Singer – all executed with samurai precision. Tom picked up a huge 1st down by reaching out for a bullet on a cross over the middle in traffic and sticking with it. That lead to a score with Sting who caught the ball and made some people miss (who should not have). The tying TD was a gem to Beast who sat down in a nice empty space in the back of the endzone and reached up for a pass that floated just slightly high. The TD in OT was hauled in by Tom, who had himself a nice handsy day. Ernie could not tie the game in his final possession and Dachs gets the victory in a game that either team could have won. There was a push to give the Jewball to Tom from the fans, but….don’t u know that makes it less likely! Truth is….I looked at the tape. Tom made some catches and important ones. He and Beast had the same stat line and each dropped a pass they should have caught. Tom will get his Jewball in a snow game, I am sure. This one goes to Beast. He was buzzing and humming from the first play of the game to the last. Beast is on fire this season and is bringing it every single game, every single set. That’s what Jewballs are made of. Here ya go, brother.
Game 2 took place when Perla was just Perla. Just a White Goodman meme. I write this recap after he gets the W and becomes a TBI sensation. As I told Yaron, Sunday was very good for Jewball. And Tuesday was even better. We need Perla to – and I mean this in the most cultish was possible – JOIN US. This was more or less the subject of our friction mid-game. He was right that shit talking mid-game is counter productive….but…honestly…I was less worried about the game and more worried about the future. And it actually worked out. The arm band took a back seat. The colored dots became people. And Perla beat Yaron in a game that admittedly was stacked somewhat against Yaron….but he could have won it. Perla’s team was very motivated to get together for a W. Was trying to remember the order of what happened, but Steveo’s video posts made me even more confused. Is it so hard to record every single play from behind the QB and post in order with captions?? So while I don’t know exactly what happened in our game, I do know what happened in the 10th grade DRS game.
I saw Goldberg in the power rankings so I had to assume he had a big game. Confirmed. 2TDs and a pick. He even had the game winning TD, which was – like Game 1 – in OT. What happened before that? It was tied 3-3. I know Storm had a hot game and gave Yaron life a bunch of times when he was dead to rights. Caught one with Rook in his grill at the 10 to lead to a score. And punched in the game tying TD with time expiring by propelling past Goldberg. That sin was Goldberg’s only one of the game and his stat line is Jewball worthy. Jewball to you, Goldberg. But the story of the game and the week is Perla. He told us from the beginning it would take him a while to catch up and get it. It took longer than we expected (maybe longer that we are used to as we’ve been spoiled with rookies who seem to get it absurdly fast). But it seemed that at some point during Week 9 of the 2022 season, Mike White Goodman arrived. Welcome. JOIN US.
12/4/22
Week 9 – Recap
If it wasn’t for the fog of sickness which unexpectedly descended onto my week, this recap would have been posted asap. Because my team won and I played well. Those are the recaps that you can’t wait to get out there. And it’s actually not fair to some great players from Week 9 that I will discuss that I’m sneaking this in late on a Saturday night on the eve of a League Week. Moreover, I don’t think TBI made a big enough deal of the the storylines I will get to. Though I did watch TBI in prime fever dream sweat storm so I could have missed a lot. I mean….was I hallucinating or was Vegh the guest?
Week 9 was not exactly Red Sunday but I think it’s safe
to say at this point that the correlation between League games and injuries is no coincidence. No, I’m not saying Leagues are a mess….and I’ll be straight….the chorus of “Leagues are a mess” is so tired and lame and not true – and if you are part of that chorus….check yourself. Maybe the mess is not Leagues. Leagues are great. I’m extremely proud of last week and extremely excited for tomorrow.
First things first, I’m proud of the battles. I’m proud that my QB, Yehuda Feit, had a game he needed to have. He lead his team. He found his receivers. He spread the ball. He was poised. He was accurate. He put up points. He helped us win. I’m proud of Yaron who – we will get to the game – mounted a furious comeback that truly could have imploded the Top Guns if it had fully succeeded. I’m proud of the dudes who got hurt and played hurt like Singer, and Zada, and Storm. Guys who bleed for their teams and face the “realities” of going home with injuries and paying the price all week – only so that they can come back and risk it all again. For what? For the the goddam glory, that’s what! For Jewball. For themselves. Because everyone else walking into #*!%n Gourmet Glatt without a limp or stiff back or a throbbing wrist has no clue. Not a f****n clue. So I’m proud to be on this side of the equation.
Of course the king of Week 9 was Pray. We will get to him shortly, but it’s late and I don’t want to forget the essence of why Week 9 mattered. Hopefully I don’t lose patience with this recap and call it a day. The Benjys pizza might keep me up a while.
Game 1 was Leagues, making up fot the Week 7 League game between Top Guns and Lionhearts which was canceled when LH suffered every curse in the tochecha at the same time.
Yaron’s squad was still banged up and the LH had to go up against a (more or less) full strength TG. I’ve already spoiled the result. TG did what they were allegedly supposed to do on Draft Night. That’s win. But it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. Once Singer went down with an ankle in a scary scene that thankfully looks like a week to week instead of a season ender – things got a little too interesting. Feit had a ton of completions and scored twice early with Jack. Munch and Dobs kept Yaron in check, but Sting had a rough day letting multiple passes slip through his usually reliable hands. Even with all that, Storm had 2 late TDs and all of a sudden Yaron was driving to win the game. It was a terrifying moment for TG, but the result was a stalled drive..Jewball to Munch and Dobs for being the difference in the end.
Game 2s were compromised by the injuries from Game 1. For Dachs’ team, Zada and Storm became Jordan and Rabin and it was enough to make Pray have a very successful return to Jewball. So let’s talk about Pray for a second. As the guy says in every mussar schmooze…….I’m saying this for me. The week before Sukkos we hear Pray got hurt. Maybe playing football. Maybe building a sukkah. Maybe rescuing Logan and PJs from a fire in Daveo’s basement. No one is sure. How hurt? He’s done for the season. Major tear. He’s spending Yom Kippur in a wheelchair. Surgery to follow. Rehab. Maybe we see him February. Maybe. This is all real and possible. It’s a major blow to our season. We see the ramifications right away. Game quality struggles. Moral struggles. Leagues are mess (just kidding!). Much thanks to Perla for being sent by God to give us a fighting chance in the interim. We were not able to see Pray at QB and we didn’t know when we would see him again.
Here is what we did see. A smile always on his face. A constant positive demeanor. An unbreakable optimism. A relentless drive to be back on the field. A commitment to US. Did he miss a single game? Did he miss a single moment? Did he not film. And cheer. And support? And just allow us to feed off his Prayness so we don’t lose his QB skills AND him! Sure, he may have been there for himself…but tell me every game wasn’t better and didn’t feel more right because he was on the sidelines. Hobbling at first….but then walking…then walking and throwing…and finally on Thanksgiving….playing the game. And then in Week 9 – against all odds – playing Jewball….getting stats, getting a W, and of course getting a Jewball. Guys, everything Pray did since the moment of his injury is textbook role model heroics. He would not be denied. Pray, may you continue to heal and come back better than before. May this injury be the last of your career. May you continue to be an influence on all of us where we can strive to come close to the dedication and loyalty and commitment to our game and family that you showed over the past few months. Prime, I think we all finally get it. : )
Just to give the new Power Ranking leader some credit…..Pray wins on the back of Zinn who put up two scores. The second of which was completely on me. No mercy tomorrow. Want to thank the new blood that came down – they aren’t on the chat, but they definitely shared our vibe – so thank you to whoever brought them.
Game 2 Game 2 was Perla v Yaron and it ended in a tie. It’s almost as if it never happened.
12/11/22
Week 10 – Recap
Only because Jewball has mutated and spread its tentacles onto the edges of Tuesday nights did Week 10 of this season feel even remotely normal. Before we go further…..Week 10 : ( How are you here so fast? This season feels so new and truly as if its still trying to find its footing, and yet….we begin the 2nd half this week. Half our memories already in the books. Half our stats. Half our stories. The coolest thing about Jewball is that the games becomes blurs fairly quickly – it’s the people and the relationships that endure. Not only endure, but manage to become foundational anchors of our lives. So, while this season seems to (so far) be ill-defined, somewhat chaotic, and still needing its moments for the ages…..then think about the people. Was there Jewball before Zinn was scooting up to the field? Before Oppen Legs? Before Dachs to Dax? I don’t know…..those things feel as pre-destined as anything else And feel as epic as anything else. And they are certainly born only of this season. Something to think about.
Back to Week 10 itself. As I was saying, while we under-the-radar added a new field to our Jewball pantheon (we played in Greis before, but pre-season and on the grass), it felt like a home game for many of our players who either have been there Tuesday nights to play or to watch. So let’s not miss an opportunity to recognize our blessings. Shehecheyanu v’kimanu v’higiyanu l’zman ha’zeh. We have added a field to our bio. The means by which we got there left something to be desired. Yaron put in the work speaking to Dom. Dom put in the work speaking to Reginald Whitmore Greis III, RWG3 spoke to Kenny who was supposed to unlock the gates at 8am. The plan was perfect! Except Kenny had gone out the night before with Solo. They both had at least 5 drinks. And while Solo could not get up for work the next day, Kenny did get up – just with a fifteen minute delay. That delay had us delayed. Had Mighty doing donuts in the parking lot. And Kut eating donuts in the parking lot. Had a mass of Jewballers congregated and revved up to go for a League week, descending on the field together k’ish echad b’lev echad. That unity did not last long.
The League Week peaked before the game. Our sheer numbers walking onto the empty field on a perfect football Sunday. Guys proudly wearing their team colors. Stretching, catching up, catching, setting up. Mighty screaming “Let’s go” because he had to leave at 9 for a Chumash Play and it was 8:20. The clouds were pregnant with rain and the field was pregnant with possibilities. Could Top Guns minus Singer and Munch even slow the roll of the Roll Tide? Could Yaron not cheat and ruin the BOP v. Lionhearts game? The answer to both questions was a resounding NO.
Roll Tide is a great team. A great team. They remind me of the old MVP teams that played Jewball to practice for the League. Meaning, they were playing Jewball but they weren’t Jewballers. They were mercenaries undercover with us. Now, did some of them become die-hard Jewballers? Of course. You won’t find guys who bleed Jewball lavender more than Snow and Snowpup, but in their time – they were not committed to our game. Roll Tide is. Roll Tide are OUR GUYS! And how cool is that? We have the guys that can win in the League! And they would rather win a Jewball championship than a League championship! Again – let’s take a second here. Let’s take a second and process this. Let’s process this Rabin and Kut and Oren and Steveo and all the guys who very rightly felt second (or third) class for a decade plus….. Shehecheyanu v’kimanu v’higiyanu l’zman ha’zeh!
Before the very last play which Mighty stuck around for, it was 6-0 Roll Tide and Feit had the ball for TG. With Mighty, TG kept it close on defense. On that final play before Mighty ran off, Feit threw a P6 to Rook. The game went off the rails after that. We all knew it would. TG would have needed to have a healthy lead when Mighty left to have a chance. RT is too high octane to not score multiple TDs on an undermanned defense. And so they did. The final was an embarrassing 31-0. Dachs ran 2 in, Dax caught one leaping about 4 feet…I’m sure Zinn put up points…It was a blur of a beatdown. When I dropped off the cookies by Dachs a week ago…he smiled, took them, and said “we are gonna beat your butts.” He knew it. I kinda knew it. But you always hope your team steps up and pulls off the Any Given Sunday miracle. We are going into Chanukah. The weak can beat the strong. The few can beat the many. You just need a miracle. Well, there was no miracle for TG on Sunday. The TG defense could not keep up with the RT offense. But what of the TG offense? A few seasons ago we had a What’s Wrong with Pray era when the former MVP could not win a game. Feit is a fierce competitor and student of the game. There were weapons there for TG. Even with the short handed team, there is no excuse to put up zero points. Unless TG can figure out it’s offense, this is going to be a long, extremely disappointing season for the No. 1 team on draft night. But the season is far from over. We all remember 193 from season one. A winless team that went to the championship. And all it took was hard work, believing in yourself, and coming together as team when the chips were down and everything was on the line. Just kidding! All it took was Yaron cheating! So, let’s get to BOP v. LH.
There came a point in the RT TG game where – at least for me – I started peaking over at the other game. My game had become a $#**show and, despite my QB valiantly trying to motivate our squad to stay focused and in it (I love that trait, btw), my mind was wandering. The only thing that kept me focused on our game was the prospects of violence. Otherwise, I was trying to get a sense of the other game. My sense was – BOP and LH were locked in intense combat. You could just feel the waves of energy emanating from their half of the field. The intensity was palpable. It looked like a great game. I saw people doing great things. Steveo, Vegh, DK, Storm….I spotted some great football plays. I was jealous. But then my game mercifully ended and I got to wander over and speak to guys on the sidelines. I learned there was nothing to be a jealous of. The “better” game was ten times the $#**show of my game. E wanted out. Yaron’s team looked embarrassed to be there. Kut and Tabak were having seizures. People were making inexplicably bad calls….seemingly on purpose and out of spite…and were being encouraged to do so by their teammates. Yaron had the glazed over look of a man in freefall, resigned to a horrible fate, and having no idea how to turn that around. Pray was completely misya-aish as well. No one wanted to pull the plug. No one knew how to end their own misery. Everyone knew this was a game that needed to end and be fixed in the postmortem. And so…..that is where we are. The game ended in a tie. The game ended and the chat handled it’s business. Here is my commissioner’s take – even though I’ve written on this topic many times before – and it seems to change nada. It changes nada because the same people don’t change. And until people actually change – these are just words. It’s the same people who say “we need better rules,” “we need clearer rules,” “we need more rules,” or even “we need refs.” All not true. Arguers will argue no matter what. Complainers will complain no matter what. Conspiracy theorists will conspiracy theorize no matter what. Chronic victims will cry victimization no matter what. So….it’s not about anything….but….YOU! It’s what you do. How you react. How you behave. How much dignity and pride you do or do not have. How much you want to win and in what way you want to win. How you handle a call made by someone on you or a call you think you can make on someone.
The one thing that maybe got lost in the rhetoric above is this line: How much you want to win and in what way you want to win. This is really everything. If you win a game, but you know you lied about a call to get there….is that really something you feel good about? Or that you ruined the integrity of the game to get there…does it still feel like a win? I can’t enjoy wins where I played badly! I can’t imagine enjoying a win where I got there by either purposely committing a non-called penalty or by making a call that I didn’t really need to make or believe in….and then yelling and screaming about it like a spoiled child! Guys! Win in a way you can be proud of! Lose in a way you can be proud of! Leagues aren’t a mess. Jewball isn’t a mess. Some of us are a mess! As soon as we clean up our mess, the games and experience improves exponentially. Play the game the right way. If you got beat…..you got beat! If you missed a flag….you missed a flag! If you worked your ass off for an almost sack…..your worked your ass off for an almost sack! If you gave up a 1st down by an inch….you gave up a first down by an inch! And so on and so on and so on. No one will respect your calls if you don’t respect yourself.
Jewball on the week goes to Ernie. While everyone on Roll Tide played butt-beatingly well, from my perspective, it was Ernie snuffing out every single opportunity TG had to make it an interesting game. He seemed to have pulled every flag in a big spot. Guy can ball.
Half the season behind us. Half the season in front of us. Let’s finish strong and write some amazing stories together
12/18/22
Week 11 – Recap
The irony is that the Greeks represented enlightenment, which was very attractive to the Jews. It still is. Logic, reason, aesthetic beauty. Who could argue with that. The godliness in man is apparent. It’s seductive. It’s empowering. Faith is hard. Checking our ego is hard. Giving ourselves over to a higher power is hard. This was the battle of Chanukah beyond the battle on the field. Jewball faces that battle this weekend. With the back to back Maccabowl and Jesus Bowl in brutal conditions. Logic, reason, and the love of our physical bodies tells us to stay inside. But this is Jewball. We are built on faith. We believe that there is a higher calling. We do not do the sensible thing and give in to the pressures of an “enlightened” society. We do what’s difficult. What’s crazy. Because we know better.
Week 11 featured good classic non League football. Both games were one sided, but it was clean, argument-free football, with players just putting in the work. I arrived to a tie game just in time to see a Rook pick of Dachs followed by a smokin hot TD pass from Yaron to Goldberg. Smokin hot Yaron was the theme of that game. And smokin hot Goldberg was the theme of the day. I filmed much of the game and it was close for a while. Think Storm on offense defending a Stats pick (welcome back Stats!) then tipping it to himself for a TD made it 3-2….but that was the last score Dachs would put up. The Rookie QB had his least effective day as Jewball QB and Yaron had one of his supremely on days where he not only poses for the cameras but thrills the crowd. He piled on a bit with Zinn doing Zinn shit. Taking the ball behind the line with the run pass option and being extremely dangerous at both. Although Yaron could get the Jewball, you know it’s Goldberg.
Game 2 was White Goodman’s Purple Cobras v. Pray. This game took place before the Jets tanked their season, btw. What is interesting about Perla is that he backs up his talk. He says winning is all that matters. He plays like it. He rallies like it. And his team buys in. Pray jumped out to a lead, scoring two TDs with Goldberg and one with Jordan. It was 3-2 Pray and it really looked like Perla would not be able to compete due to his limited range. Not that Ernie was having his best game, but he went down with an injury early and the complexion of the game changed. Rook joined Pray. Perla stopped cheering his team on from the sidelines on defense and joined the fray. Almost immediately, DK tied up the game with a block that turned into a P6.
The game was then decided on the line. DK and Salem v. Sam and Whiskey. Yes, one line is better than other, BUT this is no place for excuses. This is a place to challenge yourself and push yourself to get better and better. Stronger and more agile and more of a threat. And if you aren’t doing that or trying to do that, you are failing yourself and failing Jewball. This is what Goldberg was rightly enraged about last Sunday. Pray’s team failed themselves in Week 11. We couldn’t stop the screens and runs and slants and the simple but reliable offense Perla was running. DK caught 2 TDs and Prime had a run for the ages. It was Prime’s run that put the dagger in his BFF Pray, but it was DK doing everything to assure his team the win. Jewball to DK for an incredible performance.
Want to once again express my awe and gratitude. Wednesday was a continuance of the miracles and light of recent years. We are blessed. See you all at the Maccabowl tomorrow. Dress warm. I’ll bring the coffee and donuts.
12/25/22
Week 12 – Recap
Week 12 Recap
Not all Bowl Games are created equal. I would argue that the Turkey and Jesus Bowls are here to reconnect us to the game’s purest essence. To bring us back to the schoolyards where we first fell in love with the sport. The upcoming 2023 Bowl is here to remind us of its inevitable mortality. Of it being bound to the calendar and the strictures of time. That no year lasts forever. No season lasts forever. No player. Everything advances. We are all barreling toward some expiration date. Whether we actively perceive it or not – we are always on the clock.
I say this not to depress us at this most festive time of the year. The complete opposite. I say this to inspire us. How fortunate we are to be here and now and together. Think always about what we have built. From the party in Oceanside to Week 12 to the Jesus Bowl to Wednesday Night Lights to 2 days of football this weekend. It’s a lot – and we’d all welcome more. Simple message: Appreciate it with your body, heart, and soul.
Before week 12, I sent out the teams and Rabin saw the teams – he wasn’t QBing – and he messaged me that he would sit out. He had a Chanukah party the night before – was gonna be absolutely frigid at 8am Sunday morning – and y’know….he’s 45 and was it worth it to come out to play WR? So I swapped him with Stats. Once that was done, I messaged him: Listen, we are at an age where we are not gonna be the first, second, or 3rd option. It’s crazy and annoying….but is where we are. If we think coming out is worth it only if we are the main attraction….we are never gonna come out. Our time has passed. Now we just enjoy hanging on when all the other guys our age are sleeping late after their holiday parties. Don’t give in to that voice. Always better to be on the field being ignored than not being on the field.
He wrote back: You’re right. Get me back in.
But it was too late.
Too late.
And that’s really what I’m getting at.
Living before it’s too late. Jewballing before it’s too late. Most importantly: Jewballing to the best of your ability before it’s too late.
This brings me to a big story from Week 12 – for me. I know we try to promote and celebrate and honor the history of our League and all that. I mean, I would guess for newer players – it’s a lot of talk. A lot of propaganda. Dachs is the QB now. He’s lighting up the field now. He doesn’t care that Marino was doing it ten years ago. Or Katzenstien 20 years ago. Zinn doesn’t care about what Yakir once did. Oppen doesn’t care about what B-sh once did. What matters is what is happening NOW. I get it. BUT Jewball is different. Because we don’t just talk about the past. The past is always present. That’s what I’ve seen. No one is more past than Rabin – and he was out there Wednesday night. Yakir played this year. B-sh hosted our party. Klink of the Golden Age got a baby gift as did Stella of the Dark Ages. BD hates Pray.
And in Week 12 of this 1st Year of the Enlightenment, after almost twenty years out of the Sunday game, Avi Spira played a real Jewball game. The past is the present. More to come, brother.
I’ve exhausted the appreciation angle. Let’s talk tachlis. It is a time of New Year’s resolutions and there is no resolution more abused than the resolution to get healthy and fit. But, let’s abuse it some more. Everything we want to do together here is premised on football. I admit, I’ve been a little grumpy lately on the chat. And if I dig down deep and find the root – it’s because – everything else is nice and cute – but when the chat and the extracurriculars start to feel primary and the football starts to feel secondary, it bothers me. When the injuries start piling up – it bothers me. When the football isn’t as good as it should be – it bothers me. And we can’t compensate for that with a party, a podcast, a chat storm, a baby gift, or wings. I get grumpy when it starts to feel like the football is taking a backseat. Maybe that’s just in my head. Just feels very noisy. I don’t want Jewball to become too noisy. This is my fault. I’m the commissioner. If the noise to football ratio is out of kilter – that’s on me. We either need more football or less noise. Because I feel like the noise is distracting us from the primary purpose of Jewball. To get our asses on the field and challenge ourselves in the game of football. So, as the Jewball year turns to 2023, I urge us all to look inward and work on our football selves. Work on our noise-levels. Work on our fitness goals so that we can be on the field for a long time. So the past can be the present and the present can be the future.
Week 12 began with a request to confirm. Are we really playing tomorrow? There was even a poll. The Dachs bros were looking at the temperature dropping to below freezing and were not having it. Are we really doing this? For once, the chat was stoic. Everyone knew the Daxes were embarrassing themselves and no one wanted to touch it. Goldberg knew from experience and told them to just show up and play. And everyone did. Granted, Stats was late. He does come in from Brooklyn though, so I’ll give him a p- No, I won’t. Stats, you need to come on time. They say that coming on time and warming up prevents drops. Pray once told me that. Not sure if it’s true. I did get you your donuts, though.
It was Pray v. Dachs in the early game and the parking lot gate was locked due to it being Christmas. Thank the Jewball Gods the field was still accessible. Not for us, but for the dudes in red and green playing on the grass blasting Bon Jovi alongside a folding table set with Jack Daniels and a grill. They were awesome. That’s pure.
Yeah, it was damn cold Sunday morning, but the sun eventually peeked over the horizon and bodies started moving – and it becomes about the football again. No one ever regrets coming out (except Kill on Monday) and the mental edge you have for the rest of the day and week is priceless. Turned out the aforementioned cold-weather-weary trio of Dachs, Dax, and Goldberg went OFF in Week 12. Dachs seemed completely unaffected by the weather and was throwing dazzling passes all over the place. This man is the best QB in Jewball right now. Dax mmay have reluctantly shown up to his Bar Mitzvah, but once he did he leined, I mean played so beautifully. The guy did exactly what needs to be done in the freezing games. That is…RADIATE ENERGY. BRING THE HEAT. He did that. And Goldberg. Fucking Goldberg! Fucking Evan Goldberg! The face you want to punch. The voice you want to punch. The personality you want to punch. He has no business being this good at football. Talk about someone who has challenged themselves and came out on the other side of that crucible, just better. The guy was OUT for rain. OUT for cold. And one day he said to himself – I don’t want that to be me anymore. And it’s not him anymore. I filmed some of his exploits. He had 3 TDs and a one handed, well defended, falling down sideline catch that was beyond belief. I mean, Zinn makes those catches. Shuie makes those catches. Goldberg is supposed to be complaining about pass interference when the throw was to the complete opposite side of the field and no one is even near him. How did this guy become a stiff-arming, play-making, power ranking behemoth! Thank you for exemplifying what we want from every Jewballer, Goldberg. Limited noise. Maximum football. Jewball to you.
I’m making it seem like it was a one-sided game. It wasn’t exactly. The final was 6-5, but Pray scored 2 very late (and I think one of them even after the game was over). Zinn put up 2 just by walking on the field. But in a game where even Zinn was dropping passes, it is safe to say that Pray has become Yaron. Guys just not catching his balls. His WRs left points on the field. That is except for my man, PJs. PJs who recently made the move from BOP to Lionhearts, showed why he and Pray are very often connected in the minds of Jewballers. PJs career as a receiver was in many ways resuscitated because of Pray. Pray finds PJs. Pray trusts PJs. And PJs does not let Pray down. When no one was doing Pray any favors last Sunday, PJS kept him in the game with catch and runs that defied reason. Extremely proud of the effort PJs put in on Sunday. Good hands. Good elusive speed after the catch. And he’s becoming a very effective pass rusher. PJs gets an L on Sunday, but I think it’s a game he’s been waiting for for a long time. Way to show us what a comeback looks like.
Game 2 deserves better than I’m about to give it because…..I’m hungry. It was an excellent battle between Yaron and Perla. The randomizer nailed this one. Rook, Storm, Jordan, MK, Kut, and Rabin with Yaron. Prime, DK, E, Ross, Pray, and Tom with Perla. I recall Yaron going up 2 early and perhaps a month ago Perla’s team would have sunk their heads and given in. But we are amidst full swing White Goodman Mania here in Jewball and his teams stick with him. As Perla told him team after the early deficit: I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude… and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman. Now, Let’s do it.
Right after Jack said that “there is no way he passes to me here,” Perla hit Jack for the first of his 3 TDs on the day. I feel like Perla is the guy that just lives to defy your expectations. If I wrote in the recap that Perla is a very good quarterback, but he has trouble flying, he would drop out of the sky and land on the field the next Sunday morning, look at me with a smirk, and say “He has trouble flying…” then casually take off his parka.
White did bring his team back. Taking advantage of some major confusion by Yaron’s defense – likely due to Yaron having a tendency to be confusing. No one should ever have to ask what a defensive jet sweep is. I’ll fast forward to the very end where we have a tie game and Yaron has final possession before OT. On 4th and 23 he throws cross the field to Jordan to pull out the desperately needed 1st down. MK picked up the next first down by lowering his shoulder into Prime. And eventually it was The Rook in the endzone. On this 1st Day of Christmas The Rook gave to me 3 TDs and a partridge in a pear tree. He gets a Jewball for that. Before we say to all a good night…..
NEW RULE!
The first team to have all seven players present on the field and ready to go will get to take ball last. There is always someone late or a little late. Well, that person now takes away last licks from his team. If every player is ready to go on time – the usual rule then…flip a coin or just decide all friendly. But there is now officially a penalty for the player who comes latest.
Happy New Year, Jewball.
1/1/2023
Week 13 – Jewball League Week 4 – Recap
2023 began with the kind of weather anomaly that no longer surprises us. I’ll admit it scares me. Like 50 degrees and sunshine for a League Week 4 at the dawn of the New Year. It was BOP v. Top Guns at 8am followed by Lionhearts v. Roll Tide. This was our first League week of rematches. In League Week 1, Top Guns were coming in high and mighty off the draft, with Feit appearing to have stolen first round talent in each of the first four rounds. They ended up losing to BOP, despite being fully loaded. BOP put up 4 scores to TG’s 2 and the shine was immediately off TG. The rematch was important to both teams. BOP was embracing the full return of Pray (he had played QB only in the prior League Game), but were without Goldberg and MK – each scoring threats and defensive stalwarts. It was certainly an opportunity for Prime, Steveo, Tabak, and Vegh, and especially the Playmaka to shine. Top Guns was looking to get back in the win column and back to .500, coming off a beatdown by the Roll Tide last time out. There was reason for hope. Munch was back in and Mighty was able to stick around for the whole game. However, the no. 1 overall pick was still sidelined with his ankle injury (Epilogue: Singer was back on the field Tuesday night and looked like he is officially back). It looked to be all Top Guns in the early going. The defense was holding, anchored by a Dobs/Salem rush and Munch in the middle. Pray, due to his rehabbing status, and good pressure, could not break off on his signature runs, and Top Guns was generally doing a good job swarming the receivers. Feit was moving the ball relatively well. As the team is constructed, he is loaded with weapons who can get open – the question is will he find and put the ball on them. And he was. He began the day with some chunk yard runs, but eventually returned to form as a throwing QB and found his guys. The middle of the field was his for the taking and Mighty, Jack, and Jordan were doing their jobs (sorry, Dobs). On their second possession of the game, a drive resulted in a score. A really pretty timing pattern to Jordan in the front of the endzone – the ball thrown on a dime to Jordan spinning to find it waiting for him. Stat hater Mighty secured the extra point and it was 7-0 Top Guns. More of the same ensued with BOP’’s drives ending pointless and TG finding ways to move the ball. Soon enough, Feit lofted one up to Jack who was blanketed by Steveo, but you can only do much against a major height and wingspan advantage. Perfect ball from Feit to take advantage of that, er, advantage and with a Mighty extra point…..it’s 14-0 Top Guns. All is right in the Top Gun world as the first half comes to a close.
I honestly don’t remember how he scored, but early in the second half, Birds of Prime made an appearance and Nova’s dad put up points. I’m assuming it was some sort of nasty catch and run with Prime stiff arming everyone into submission. With the extra point missed, BOP was back in the game, but Top Guns were still well in control. That is until things went out of control. As we have seen this week in the night League in games of even more significance to their team’s fate…..picks kill. Inexplicable picks hurt. Inexplicable picks that turn into P6’s are devastating.
Steve had been embarrassed by Jack earlier. Steveo has no ego, but a lot of pride. And in big spot, he came up huge. Feit did his job. He delivered the ball to Jack in the middle of the field. Right in the chest. Jack has very good hands, but has been taken to task before about his toughness. Just looked like Steveo out-toughed him on this pass. Steveo knocks a ball free that Jack was trying to secure and it floats up in the air. Pray had been racing in from safety because Pray is not one to stand around watching. And his aggressiveness was rewarded with a ball that floated directly into his hands. I don’t think he even broke stride. Just took it like he knew it was coming and never looked back. Like a bolt of lightning streaking across the sky carrying a football and his team’s dreams into the endzone. With an extra point missed, BOP was down 2, 14-12. Top Guns didn’t hand their heads exactly, but doubt had to be creeping in. Luckily, Feit did an excellent job of regrouping the team and orchestrated a very productive drive. Mighty fought for a first down by catching a ball in a ton of traffic. And Daveo, who had been having a hell of a day on defense, was brought in for offense and immediately made an impact. He picked up a lot of yards for TG on that critical drive and eventually capped it with a sweet TD pass from Feit. Top Guns was back in charge with ten minutes to go. Feit had put up three scores and 3 extra points. With the defense Top Guns has, that should have been enough. But then Tabak happened. Tabak started off a little slow. For his first trick he simply got behind Jordan who was fooled by the QB roll out and run. Pray does not run. He lofts it to Tabak, who was lead nicely and continued the route…..and there was a late TD for BOP. For his second trick, he streaked across the back of the endzone and caught a bullet of a pass over Jordan right in front of him with arms raised and tipping the ball, full extension reaching up and toe tapping to keep it in. That was the extra point. Holding on to a two point lead and five minutes left, Top Guns had an opportunity to ice the game on offense – as they were getting last possession. Solo and Kut (who was hobbled early on but gritting through it) went into attack mode and it was clear to BOP that something special was happening. The Top Guns offense sputtered to a standstill in their last two possessions. It was going to be up to the defense. With Pray needing to lead his team the full length of the field to take the extremely late lead, he went to work. On the first or second play of the possession, Pray rolled out to his right. Once again, the defense respects the sideline run and focuses on that. And once again…..Tabak is behind the defense. But unlike with his prior TD, which was a 30 yard lofted pass, Pray unloads a katyusha rocket to Stella – coming off the week his daughter was born – and he is tracking this missile in full sprint. The ball comes in. He lays out his hands and makes the connection. There is no one there to stop him. BOP takes the lead. For his final trick, Tabak cuts to the middle of the endzone and bodies everyone up to battle for a pass in the crease and lays down the full smack of dominance. It was the game winner. A tremendous game. Jewball obviously to Stella for the most memorable of New Year’s Day performances.
I will end this recap with the Mighty call stuff. The game was the game and it should not be effected by any controversy. It was heartbreaking loss for one team. A soaring win for another. But this was not a controversial game.
I was shellshocked after Game 1. I probably would have filmed. I probably would have drank more beer. I probably would have stayed. Instead, I did not film. I left early, covered in beer, sticky and stinking. What I did see through the haze of fumes rising from the fallout of Game 1, was Dachs absolutely kicking Yaron’s ass. As he kicked Top Gun’s ass the prior League Game. Now, what the last two games have in common are 1.) Roll Tide shows up and kicks ass. 2.) Their opponents have a lot of talent out. I say this: That’s called good drafting. Dachs drafted talent that stayed healthy and shows up. It’s part of sports. I believe they are the best team, but even if they were not – what always matters is who shows up. You can’t win games on paper. Welcome to my Top Guns world. That said, Roll Tide just might be unstoppable. I know Dax dropped a couple early, but that certainly never mattered. Yaron had nada. Dachs had Zinn. And Waldo making one hand catches (btw, shout out to Waldo who is always good for an old school post TD football spike – a Jewball rarity). And the box score says Dax put up 2 more. The defense is crazy. Oppen Legs is crazy. It’s just an excellent excellent team. If anyone beats them and gets to Doma, round of drinks on me. Dachs gets the Jewball for leading the charge.
Okay, although I feel like much of the steam is lost following the initial drama combined with TBI and some references on the chat…I’ll keep it succinct.
Mighty is Mighty because he is Mighty. Since the day he came to Jewball, he has shown me and us things that were never dreamed of. He was a superstar in a pedestrian game. He found a home with us and he really does love me and us. And that’s one hundred mutual. That will never change. I’d literally take a bullet for him. He is Mighty because he doesn’t listen to bureaucrats like me. He is Mighty because he has a problem with authority. He is Mighty because you aren’t gonna tell him what he can’t do. He is Mighty because Fuck the System. He is Mighty because he always open and just him the damn ball. So….that’s what I’m up against. I sent him a message once upon a time, trying to get across what I tried to get across grotesquely on the field last week and more eloquently in my statement to TBI. I re-sent that message on Sunday afternoon. But…again….if Mighty was gonna concede….he wouldn’t be Mighty. And we need him to be Mighty. So….again….that’s what I’m up against.
Everything I’m about to say is not a chiddush. It’s in long messages to the chat. It’s been discussed. I found them before I wrote this. So, this isn’t me manipulating the story. This is me reminding. This is me reiterating. This is me encouraging behavioral changes based on established rules.
If Mighty was pushed down by someone on route to get Pray on that throw to Tabak, there were only two viable options for him:
1.) Make sure everyone around you knows you have a call immediately, so the play is stopped dead in its tracks. Once upon a time, I made a rule (that no one cares about) regarding pulling your flag and waving it and all that. No one does that. Fine. But the point remains and the message is there for your review. It applies exactly to this situation. If anyone cares enough to review it, PM me and I will send it to you. We aren’t calling back long completed plays because someone claims they called something before or during the play. That doesn’t mean we are saying they are lying about making the call or lying about the penalty. We are saying that if you want a long completed play called back, you better have been screaming about it immediately. If screaming is not for you, great – don’t make the call. I know Mighty made a point about Tabak earlier in the game and his push off penalty call. That’s a much shorter play (time-frame-wise) than the bomb to Tabak, but it was my impression that Tabak was screaming right away. It seemed to me he knew a penalty happened but didn’t know the name of it, so he was just screaming that something happened. It was loud, clear, and toch k’day dibur. We respected it. Again, I respect Mighty and believe that he said something and that something happened, BUT….we can’t have these long impactful plays happen to completion and only then find out that someone made a call way back before the ball was thrown. It’s just bad for Jewball. It’s a bad look. And to Feit and Mighty…I say…I could be wrong… and perhaps respecting things such as this would make Jewball better. I just don’t agree with that. Give me 2 more seasons of my madness, and then the new regime can fix what I’ve broken.
But now….let’s get to the best option – for most of us, the only option – this is Option 2:
2.) Realize that the call is weak and inconsequential to the play itself and for the good of Jewball stay quiet, compliment Pray on the sick throw, Tabak on the crazy day, BOP for the crazy comeback, and get back in the huddle with determination to win the game on offense.
That’s it – those are the two options on a play like in a game like ours. I am not just speaking to Mighty here. I know the kind of guys we have. I know the above represents the Jewball sentiment. Join us.
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1/8/23
Week 14 – Recap
Score another one for the randomizer. Week 14 put on a show in the sunshine. Two close games and this recapper played in both. So, no excuse for any fuzzy details. Plus, no drama. So, no excuse for the histrionics. Let’s get to the football.
Prime was latest to pull up after 8, but no one is gonna criticize a man with a newborn at home for arriving late. It’s amazing these guys get out. By new rule: Prime is on Dark so Colors gets last licks.
Dark takes the ball with Pray calling the plays. He lines up with Oppen, Jordan, Prime, Bert, Stats, and….is that a Singer sighting? The No. 1 pick returns after an ankle injury that kept him out for over a month! He tested it the prior TNF game and was ready to kill in Week 14.
There was some symmetry in the game as it begins with Dachs trying to float one over Jordan and the ball just didn’t have enough air under it. Jordan reaches up and begin his day with a pick. Dark starts its day with a bonus possession. The possession did not turn into points. Pray was bit unsure of himself as he continues to grit his way to full speed football. Would that self-doubt translate into an L?
Dachs got himself right quickly. With weapons like Dax, Storm, Gronk, Beast, O, and the newly platinum Stella at his disposal, it was only a matter of time. With his patented mix of stop and go outs, Colors got on the board first with yet another Dachs to Dax TD. But Pray bounced right back. First with a P6 to knot things up and 1 and then mixing in QB runs with….QB runs, Pray made it to the red zone where he rolled right and threw left. A 20 yard strike to an open Oppen who made the first TD of his Jewball career look easy. Dark takes a slim lead.
At this point, the shadows had disappeared from the field and it was blindingly bright. The back and forth middle portion of the game began. It was a punch for punch affair. And by punch, I mean both TDs and picks. Was not the cleanest game for our esteemed QBs, with Dachs throwing 4 interceptions and Pray tossing 3. In the midst of the picks, Dachs went to Tabak like Purdy to Kittle in the left corner of the endzone. But, in the end, after a Storm TD – putting him one behind TD Leader Zinn who is out again tomorrow – it was 3-2 Colors with 10 minutes left and Dachs with the ball. As broken down on Praymakers, Dachs made his second underthrow of the day over Jordan and Jordan left the ground to get this one, giving Dark a pulse. On the next play, with Pray running 70 yards down the sideline and Singer turned into Miley Cyrus. Lead-blocking like a wrecking ball. This got Dark down to the 4. Screen out to Prime and Prime battles his way in. A bit of controversy on this one as Dax wound up with Primes flag as both of them were in the end zone, but it could not be determined if the flag was pulled before Prime had three balls in. There wasn’t enough evidence to overturn the non-call, so that was the game tie-er. With time expired we went college and it was Singer time once again. Pray to Singer gives Dark the lead for good as Dachs’ drive stalled. A strong game, but the win goes to the QB that made one fewer mistake. And that’s football sometimes. Jewball to Singer for the sparkling comeback. He does the big stat plays with the big plays that don’t show up on in the box score. Jump on his back and you will have a lot of Ws. Welcome back, brother.
Game 2 was equally tight, with a comeback in store as well. All aboard the Perla train! As White was given team Dark and MK, Rook, Tom, Spira, DK, and Jordan to help him get his much coveted Ws. But in his way is a man who may not be as celebrated or trendy, but brings it every time he is on the field. And by “It” I mean unpredictability. Will it be picks and drops or pure and precise magic. Daveo was Late Man Standing so Yaron “9 Yard Line” Markfeld took ball first and proceeded to start the game just as Dachs did – by throwing a pick to Jordan. But Jordan decided to decline the gift and handed the ball back to its intended recipient Waldo. With the drive kept alive, Jordan kept getting beat, biting on a Yaron run and getting beat over the top by Waldo. Rook started at safety and also got beat early. The result, a bullet to Yaron over the middle and a TD for the Godfather of Jewball. As he does quite well, Perla calmed the situation and began a methodical drive. White Goodman does everything methodical. Riding mostly Rook’s speed and shiftiness, Perla directed Rook to run along the sideline! The advice was sound and contributed to Rook having a 134 yard day and a score. Perla did not complete a pass over 12 yards the entire day. But it didn’t matter. A W is a W and Perla was doing enough to give his team that win. Including rising up along with Kut on a jump ball and coming down with a pick. In addition, he threw two TDs to Tom and a one to Jordan that Jordan slid for and brought in an inch off the turf. 4 scores is usually enough. But on this day it wasn’t. It’s a cliché, but Yaron’s Colors team just wanted it more. Waldo, Whiskey, Storm, Kut, Daveo, and Rabin wanted it more. They played with fire and aggression – blocking down field, pressuring Perla, and pulling flags. Dark was missing flags and getting pushed around. Dark had a second half 4-2 lead, but Yaron and Colors kept coming. TD to Daveo. Bam! TD to Whiskey! Smash! TD to Storm. Stat! It’s Yaron with the win and the Jewball, as he rallies his squad to victory -throwing 5 TDs to 5 different receivers. Very special day for our man in Panama.
1/15/23
Week 15 – Recap
The Jewish week runs Sunday to Saturday. This we know. The NFL week runs Thursday to Wednesday. This we also know. But when does a Jewball week start and end? I’m going to suggest that in this era of the Enlightenment, the first day of the Jewball week is Wednesday. Sign up closes out Thursday. Teams are posted Friday. The game is played Sunday. And the week ends with TBI and – hopefully coming soon – a football game at night to put close things put. Wednesday we start again.
If this is true, Week 15 began Wednesday morning when we gathered for the bris of Right Ted Fred. The week starts on fire. A table of Jewballers showing up like we do. Of course the usual suspects were there, but, like we said….Roy gonna Roy….and Zinn has show over the course of his short career that he doesn’t just get it – because all our rookies get it – but he wants to be an exceptional leader in our midst. Also shout out to Prime for being present on the Zoom.
Sign up was locked out Thursday night and we had 28 in plus a 2 person waiting list. We did not know what was in store…
Stella dropped first, late Thursday – even before teams could be posted. No problem. Oren jumps in. Stats remained on the waiting list. And he was needed. Because the plague struck Saturday night. Over the frosty hours from sundown to sun up, Vegh had contracted diphtheria and barely had enough strength to post a 6am SOS. Stats jumped in. Meanwhile, Dax was having such severe delusions from his 107 fever that he thought he played in the game. Just kidding. But he did think he told his wife to tell his cousin to tell my cousin (not Oren – the cool one – Ash) to tell Dachs’ wife to tell Dachs that he’d be out. Tom made it out to cover. Tom the man. And finally, we had Gronk suffering from a bad case of Cleatmidia. So he went GM and got Pray to show early and QB.
Bottom line….it was cold and we reverse engineered the shit out of Game 1 to make it happen in true Jewball fashion. And in a way it sucks and in a way there is nothing sweeted. As we will get to in the sentimental 3rd part of this recap, it was my birthday game – my last game at the overripe old age of 44. And as I stood out there with my team of Pray, Tom, O, Stats, PJs, ans Dob – a team that was inconceivable 24 hours earlier (hell, 1 hour earlier), it felt meant to be. And we had a real test. We had lost our number 1 receiver and a QB who has a win at will type of season last year. And we were stil facing Dachs with atomic weapons like Munch and Singer. Complimented with ballers – Steveo, Zada, Sam and Bert. Could the newborn team win? Could it even compete?? Find out! In the riveting second part of this recap! Reporting from Dallas. See you in Austin.
With the Alamo in the distance, I cannot in good conscience keep making excuses. It’s Week 15 Recap Part 2 time:
I know what everyone is thinking….did Sam get Jewball? Prime’s first and least favorite child made a really nice catch over the middle and racked up a sack, but it wasn’t enough to get him the coveted prize. But who would get it? Singer scored a TD and blocked everyone who needed blocking. In fact, Singer scored almost immediately. We started at 6s and before Tom showed up to bail out Dax, Dachs showed out. The Rookie QB hasn’t had a signature game in a while and this was the one he was waiting for – where he really put his mark on the game. He brought a lot of passion to this one. So Pray went from not playing to down 1 early on – and with a team that was assembled from good spare parts, but spare parts. Lucky for him, those spare parts were hungry. And stingy on defense. PJs, O and Dobs were relentless and combined for 5 sacks. Although Prays Colors did not pick off Dachs at all, the pressure kept Colors in the game. Before Dachs could score again, Pray found Jordan 45 yards downfield behind the defense and it gave Colors a first and goal. Pray handled business with a pass to Tom – a man who seems to be a QB favorite when the endzone is close. Dachs buckled down and came right back by using his speed and lead blockers to not only gain yards, but to actually evade the entire defense who failed to wrap him up. Dark goes up 2-1. Pray battles back again. Jordan nearly scored a TD after a 68 yard run, but Steveo did his thing and tracked him down like a puma stalking prey. Pulled his flags at 2 the yard loan and kept his team’s lead. Something that doesn’t show up in the box score. But Pray would not be denied. On his next possession, he threw a beautiful over the shoulder 37 yarder to Dobs who – QBs take note! – does not drop the ball. The dude with deflated ego who loves inflatables is a money receiver! Pass to this man! The score was tied late! Colors continued to play tight gritty defense and had opportunities to take the lead, but Munch and Bert were keeping Pray from scrambling and the defensive of Singer and Zada bottled up any attempts at screens and slants. On a day where Dachs was playing at a speed that was just a bit swifter than everyone else, it made sense that he would not be denied. With Singer lead blocking, Dachs sprung out to his left and slid past Colors’ defense. Flags were missed and more flags were missed…..and Dachs scored. The numbers and the effort gets him a Jewball. I think maybe Pray had ball last and Steveo picked a Hail Mary. And that was Game 1. Game 2 I missed, but I was hoping Rabin would beat Perla. It didn’t happen. Beast had 7 sacks! Chat made it sound like he was next level. Heard the offense was generally meh. Rook had 3 TDs in a win so sounds like a Jewball to me. Correct me if I’m wrong. Part 3 is just some birthday game hakaras hatov. Will report late from San Antonio along with the Week 16 teams.
1/29/23
Week 16 – Recap
A PJ’s perspective….
Week 16 was like none other. Jordan, our Commish, the glue to our Jewball family was away with kill on the greatest tour of Texas that any of us could’ve of dreamed of. IJWT isn’t just Jewball belief but seriously its a religious thing in Texas all day and night. J and Kill are Meeting World Series MVP’s, hanging with Jerry Jones, and meeting cowboys cheerleaders. Only thing that was missing was all of us with the cheerleaders! But I digress…. The show must go on and week 16 was going to be played. An old field in the Jewball lore is Lawrence High School. The place that the “resurgence” built. But it will also be the home of “Red Sunday”. A day that lives in infamy and of course a day I want to forget, have possibly forgotten, and will eventually forget. But, Hewlett has been a treasured home and now taken over… so we go back to old reliable and it was there for the taking. We had Dachs out this week, so Feit steps in to take on his old nemesis in Pray. Pray lines up with a returning Sting, Zada, Oppen, Beast, Tabak, and Ernie. Feit would get some of his TG teammates in Singer and Munch along with Dax, DK, Bert, and PJ’s. Both team were “stacked”, locked and loaded to make the last January football game a classic. Feit starts off quick getting the ball to DK for some yards, he will get Singer a pass as well. Ultimately drives his team down and finds Dax to take an early 1-0. Pray wanted to respond. He methodically leads his team down the field. Gets himself in a 3rd and goal at 8 but fails to connect with Ernie on this down and on fourth down with some solid D by PJ’s. Next offensive possession the curse of Lawrence High School Red Sunday looked to be peaking in. Singer and Sting knees collide and it looks scary. Singer our #1 pick, last years MVP, and honestly one of the best people in Jewball was really hurting. He’s been battling injuries all season and no one wants him to have setback. Sting who has his own injury story and setbacks was luckily ok and would play the rest of the game. Singer sits out the drive in hopes of returning. Feit still feeling confident rallies the team down the field and once again finds Dax for his second TD. Feit is up 2-0 and yells at his team that “there is plenty of time left and we can’t give up a score Becuase he’s seen Pray come back too many time”. Feit is quite prophetic. Singer tried to play D, but his knee wouldn’t have it. In comes Yaron to help out Jewball. Yaron instantly picks off Pray on a deep pass. Feit wouldnt do much on that drive. Pray gets the ball back and methodically drives down again and this time finds Ernie who beats PJ’s for the TD. 2-1 Feit. Dax is a true weapon and Feit started utilizing the blocking in front of him to get yards on screens to Dax and QB runs. Feits get himself a first and goal at the 48 and forgets that Oppen is across from him. Oppen would sack him twice knock him behind the 50 and ultimately end the drive. Pray would lead another long thought out drive that ends with a Zada TD. We are all tied up. Feit gets another shot at taking back the lead but he would once again March the team down only to get another first and goal and be knocked behind the 50 by Beast and Oppen. Beast to add insult to injury decided to rip Feits pants off and Feit is basically playing in his underwear. Top Guns may need to analyze this strategy. Feit would stall out and Pray would do the same. It’s 9:25 and the final drive of regulation. Feit is getting the ball in Dax’s hands and it’s working. Gets himself 1st and goal at the 35. Fists play is an incomplete. Second down he’s got Yaron wide open in the endzone and misses him for an incomplete. Then on 3rd down Feits got PJ’s running a wheel route only to lob it up for Ernie and he will pick it off and regulation is over. Pray gets the ball first and is unable complete any passes. Feit has a chance to win it and he does what was needed and finds Dax on a crossing route for the game winning TD to walk off the field with the “W”. Well done Feit to manage and come back. Dax was a beast all day and deserves the honor of the Jewball for week 16’s early game. Oppen with 3 sacks gets an honorable mention despite the loss but more on him later.
Game 2 had a much different storyline. We have the receiving TD leader Storm up against the second place receiving TD leader but best TD: Game ration in Jewball. How many TD’s would they each catch? Could Zinn overtake Storm? Or does Storm runaway with it? Here is thing, no matter who wins at the end. We are witnessing two players playing at a very high level. It’s enjoyable to watch the legacies they are creating. Yaron lines up with his LH teammate in Storm along with Waldo, Tom, Oppen, Rook, and Dobs. Pray looking to bounce back from the early loss lines up with his BOP teammate and brother Prime, returning Spira, Dave-O, DK, Beast, and Zinn. Pray gets the ball first and immediately finds Zinn for some good yards. A few plays later he finds Dave-O in the middle of the field for a big gain and some more getting past the whole D and scoring to take a 1-0 lead. Yaron gets the ball and his first drive gets to the red-zone and on 4th down Yaron throws a good pass to Waldo that was fingertipped by a beaten zinn who saved a td and turnover on downs. Pray drives down again pretty easily riding short game and hits daveo on a bullet for a td up 2-0. Yaron stalls out and here comes Pray shaking off the early loss and once agaun dives down the field and he gets to the redzone but it’s now 4th and goal from 25 he gets flushed and throws up a lobber to zinn flying in for a td to make it 3-0 with 45 min left. Now I don’t think Pray verbalized what Feit did in game one but clearly Yaron drank “Mike’s secret stuff” or Dave-O’s unlabeled stuff but either way he found his groove. He hits Waldo who makes a sick 1 handed catch and big yards. Finally he gets back to redzone and on first and goal hits storm on a curl take get back in the game. For those keeping score Zinn and Storm both have TD’s in this game. Pray drives AGAIN gets to redzone gaining big chunks w daveo and co. Runs an option pass with zinn who throws an interception to waldo giving Yarons team much more life. Yaron finds both rook and Waldo who both made contentious catches over zinn. Yaron is in the redzone and on 4th and goal, he will hit Tom in the back of the endzone to make it 3-2. Now we’ve got a game. Now oppen and dobs are taking over and oppen racking up sacks 4 on the day and turnover on downs. Yaron was game tying drive in his reach. There was a play that some call a game changer and other call a fair call. However you see it, this is what happens, Yaron throws a screen to Waldo who is stiff arming zinn to the floor and running with daylight and with lead blockers and basically a guaranteed td. But play called back on a flag guard. Now it’s hard for anyone to argue but Zinn felt like he was blocked and Waldo felt like it was a stiff arm. It’s a tough call to make but such a call was made. Yaron still had plenty of time to tie this game and will find Dobs over daveo for a 45 yard jump ball. Gets his team back to the redzone and almost hits storm in the middle of the endzone but a game saving poke out by prime, and it’s a turnover on downs. Prime making a timely defensive play like he is used to. Pray takes over and drives down with 10 min left. Pray finds daveo whi takes it into the redzone at the 5 yard line. It’s now 4th and 12. Pray with an option pass to zinn who is supposed to throw it back to Pray but sees Prime and Dave-O wide open and decided to let the two of them fight out who wants the TD more. Prime makes it very clear that he wants the stat and it’s prime for an open td. It’s now 4-2 and game seems out of reach for Yaron. Yaron still rallies the team with a few catch n runs by rook to get to redzone, and on second and goal prime baited a pass and jumped a route to storm to end the game with an int. 4-2 victory for Pray. Dave-O had an incredible offensive game and made big play after big play. He is this weeks Jewball with 2.5 TD’s but just being super reliable play after play. Prime gets honorable mention with his Defense on Storm and his own teammate Dave-O. Oppen racked up 7 sacks on the day and is now the sack leader. Storm and Zinn each finish with a TD each making the last few weeks quite interesting and entertaining. Can’t wait for Week 17 and the return of Texas J!
2/5/23
Week 17 – Recap
There was a short window during the summer of 2021 when travel to Israel was possible for vaccinated tourists. Probably lasted 3 weeks before another shut down. Just so happened that my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah took place during that window. It was the Covid family reunion we had been waiting for. I spoke at that time about all the family celebrations that were missed in the interim – where we couldn’t be together – or had to severely minimize – but it was this bar mitzvah boy who merited to finally bring us all together. It couldn’t be planned or coordinated. It’s just fate saying…I see you.
Well, Week 17 was the Jewball gods looking down on us and saying to one Jewballer in particular: I see you. I see what you’ve done for this group. I appreciate your commitment and sacrifices. Once upon a time, when Munch was a skinny high school kid in a big floppy knit hat, his big brother Meir brought him down to fill out a game. We played that game at Bay Park. I remember the big floppy hat. I remember the glass on the field. I actually vividly remember running to chase down someone and Munch was side by side with me trying to block – he wasn’t bigger than me then – and I looked into these wild eyes. I didn’t know if I’d ever see Munch again. He reappeared with Meir after each of them finished their Israel years. Meir was not a small guy, but his brother was then a truck. And he played with us but also a bit with Snow and Singer so it was hard to say whether he would be loyal to us or just using us as tackling dummies. But Munch stuck. Like I said…or tried to say at the draft party……we always had credibility in Jewball because we had Munch (and Zez and Mighty) standing with us. We don’t exist without the loyalty of those A caliber players who saw something in us and made us their home. On occasion, they went off to make their fortunes and conquer in the Leagues, but they always came home. Their stamp of approval deemed us worthy. We held our heads up. And….most importantly….we had every right to expect good players to join us. They did. Many of them. And last Sunday….40 excellent players – from all generations – joined Munch on the field. No one was zocheh to that. Ever. Except Munch.
Munch, I can’t think of a single true Jewballer who left our game and left for good. So I know u will be back. Wishing you health, success, and much mazal in finding the kind of family down in Florida that u found with us. You won’t, but good luck.
From one legend to another….
If it wasn’t for Munch, this recap would have to be all about Spira. In Game 1, Jordan, Rabin, and Spira (all having worn the Commissioner hat) stepped onto the field together to play in a regular season Jewball game. The first time the 3 were on a team together for a regular season game since 2003. In what other game do things like that happen? I’ll tell you. None. Not a one. That’s a Jewball exclusive.
Along with Munch in his final home game, the ancient veterans were joined by the treasure of the Dark Ages, Kut, HOF QB, Yaron, and MVP candidate, Storm. On the other side was Feit – always competitive and looking to get some Ws against the top tier of QBs. His team was complimented with the superstar rookie tandem of Zinn and Oppen, along with veterans PJs and Sam, and rounded out with playmakers Zada and Waldo.
First possession of the game Yaron goes deep to Jordan and although Jordan beats his man to the spot, he gets a hand on the ball and no more. It’s a catch a good receiver makes. Not a middling one. Opportunity wasted. But it did not factor much in the game. Yaron was on (at least in Game 1) and Feit struggled to put up points. Zinn was a little banged up from the prior week and he just wasn’t his dominant self. And he needed to be the way the teams were constructed. You know who was his dominant self? Spira. The old man whose references make Bert’s seem contemporary showed that great hands have no expiration date. He got the party started with a one handed pick from the safety position that lead to a one handed TD by Jordan. 1-0 Yaron. Feit’s timing with his receivers was a bit off and it resulted in fruitless possessions. But this was a game where it just felt like Yaron’s crew just wanted it a bit more – Munch had to go out with a W. No play showed that desire more than the Storm pick in a coverage battle with Zinn. Feit threw a routine comebacker to Zinn that Zinn catches 97% of the time and takes off. But Storm is an exceptional player having an exceptional season. He races to the spot and wrestles the ball from Zinn. There was also Kut making nice catches from the TE spot and turning on that meat board speed down the sideline. By the time Spira made a catch for the aged, sorry, ages – again with one hand – for 40 yards, it became clear that Munch would have his signature send off win. Oppen – becoming quite the offensive weapon – scored the lone TD for Feit and Storm tacked one on ton extend his TD Leader lead over Zinn. Yaron gets the W and Jewball to Spira for the electric day. Hope to see you out there a lot more next year.
After the game Jordan and Feit got into a little heated debate over whether Klecko deserves to be in the NFL Hall of Fame. He was right it turns out. Across the field, Mighty had replaced Justin which required a team swap. Of course Dax ended up with Dachs in the trade. In what was probably the best game of the day, Pray edged Dachs on the final play of the game. But of course since Mighty was involved, there had to be some controversy. With the score tied and Mighty having already put up 2 points for his team, Mighty darts over the middle and one of the best LB’s in Jewball history, Solo, tracks him the whole way, but is a step behind. Contact was made before the ball was caught, but the question remained whether contact was made after the ball was caught. Mighty makes the grab and falls forward. Dachs’ squad assumes down by contact, but Mighty assumes down by contact prior to the reception. He gets up and scurries his way into the end zone. Game over. Mighty had a great game with 3TDs and a pick….and if the final was 3-2 or 4-3, Jewball would be his….but Pray threw 6 TDs, scoring with 4 different receivers. That’s a Jewball for the comeback kid.
Yaron did not fare as well in his Game 2. Pray fared about the same and whipped Yaron 6-1, picking up his second Jewball of a massively successful day. Logan went down early, stacking the odds against Yaron, but rumor has it the drops plagues him once again and Sting stepping in for Logan was too little too late. I heard Rook had a pick the blew everyone’s mind. But the storyline is the full return of Pray (although on Tuesday night he said he paid a price with his leg not being full healed).
In the last game of the day, Rabin once again took on Perla and this time he really really really thought he could get the win. And he came close. Was a pretty pedestrian game for the first hour and fifteen minutes. Dobs was hurt. Zinn was hurt. Rabin took advantage of the offensive weapons he was comfortable with. Jordan and Rabin have had chemistry forever and there is a lot of trust there. Rabin scored with Jordan beating a hobbled Dobs right away. And shortly after that Zinn got over the top of Storm and it was quick 2-0. Looked like it was going to be a route. But Perla actualizes the Rabin mantra. He bends and doesn’t break. And it helps to have a relentless TD Leader on your team. Storm caught fire and tied things up very quickly, helped out by 2 picks by Dobs. All of a sudden a laugher became a game. Solo got serious at LB and starting sniffing everything out. Rabin’s offense went to sleep. And Perla kept being his methodical self – chipping away. And just like that – quicker than he reaches for the lube in the exam room – Rabin was down 3-2. Finding Jordan on the next possession over the middle and with a 58 yard run that ended with a Solo track and kill – Rabin punched it again with Jordan (he tried Oren first, but Oren was saving his skills for Tuesday night). With the score tied 3-3 and Rabin hoping to have a chance in OT, Perla was permitted to orchestrate one last drive in regulation. And the White Good Symphony was at perfect pitch. No big yard plays, but just first down after first down….and a game winner to Justin in the back left corner in the end zone. Perla wins. Rabin still looking for answers. Although it was a pure team win for Perla’s squad….it felt like everyone was rallying around Beast and Solo. Very hard to give out a Jewball for this one. In the end, I guess it’s Storm. Two TDs and he kept Zinn in check.
2/12/23
Week 18 – Recap
How is this the Week 18 Recap? What evil magic allowed Vets Rooks to be upon us already? Where is Gamora? Why are Leagues?
Seasons come and seasons go. Another one is slipping away just as we begin to clench our fists to grasp it. As you can tell, on this sacred Vets Rook Eve, coming off a Shabbos that featured a Shalom Zachor for the ages by Vegh and a bonding session with PJs in the whipping wind – it’s just moving. There is so much. The first year of the Age of the Enlightenment needs a good breakdown. But soon. Not just yet. For now, that closing fist continues its futile attempt to hold on and not let go. Never let go.
With last Sunday being the final League game and 5 of the 6 played….well….we all know Leagues need an adjustment. Not a cancellation. That’s crazy talk. In Jewball, we talk crazy, but we do sane. Sane is make the fixes. Add a team or two so everyone gets drafted in 9 or 10 rounds tops. Done. Problem solved. Draft night is great. League Weeks are great. Dachs says more Leagues in the TBI episode that for some reason started at minute 26 on my phone. Weird glitch. Leagues will continue for many years.
What flipped completely upside down was the hierarchy of Leagues. I was there in the pre-season. I saw Dachs and Dax and Zinn and Oppen. I knew Stats and Legs and Ernie and Rook and Waldo and Whiskey. I knew what that team was. I knew what happened on Draft Night. I believe my record has me calling them as a super scary team early on. I believed in them. They will probably win the whole thing. I’ve always said that I think only one team stands in their way. I still believe that. And that’s the team that got spanked by them for the second time last week. The high and Mighty team that was celebrating a championship on Draft Night. The team that Goldberg likes to mock from his room at Shady Pines. The team that Prime likes to check from his crib on Xandar. That’s right. Top Guns can beat Roll Tide. But everything with Top Guns this season has been an IF. The wheels came off League Game One and the car remains in the shop. We shall see if they can have their Fast and Furious moment in the post season. For now….it’s reality time.
With Singer still on the IR, Jack auditing Legs’ company, Munch grappling with alligators, Logan nursing his ankle and his son, and B-sh sleeping in his car with his spatula at the ready to come to the Super Bowl BBQ to help…..the Top Guns were once again shorthanded. But, hey, every team is this time of year. Well, except for Roll Tide. They seem to always be at full strength. Dax is out with a back. He can’t walk. He can’t move. He can’t find his turquoise cap. Nah, he’s there. Zipping around. Cutting nonstop like Kut on a Thursday night.
Legs brought his son, which was really a precious moment – so I proceeded to mercilessly curse Legs out in front of the youth. And that was after he bought us a bbq. But….Jewball always first. Violence always first.
Hard for me to write from a non Top Guns perspective. Roll Tide deserves better. They deserve credit. They are really friggin good. They are the best team with the best QB, perhaps bets line, certainly best WRs, and honestly – really likeable guys. It’s a team any sports fan would love to root for. But on Sunday, I was really proud to battle with the Top Guns. There is no reason to do the back and forth thing with this game. The final was 34-7. Top Guns lost in a big way. However, I look at it like this: Considering how many people were out…Top Guns gave them a game. At the half it was 21-7 and Top Guns had the ball to make it a one score game at mid field. Did they score? No. Does the offense need to figure out ways to move the ball? Yes. Dachs and Perla (and Gronk) do the one thing that every QB needs to prioritize better than any other in Jewball: Process the simplest way to move the ball down field. They see the defense. They know their weapons. And they do the math. The result is points and Ws. Dachs scored with the usual RT suspects. Zinn put up 2, Dax 1, and Ernie 1. Listen, you can’t beat that team scoring 1 TD. But…I’m here writing recaps and I get to shout out my team. Daveo was hurt and the guy is pure heart out there. Will battle with him until the chevra kadisha do my tahara on the field. Bert is getting more and more dangerous every week. Feit was a warrior on defense and threw an excellent ball Sunday. Just didn’t have the time or playbook to fully respond to the moment. Dob is my Jewball spirit animal. And Mighty is the GOAT. And I remember Salem! He was there! He came out to support. Anyway, bottom line: Love Top Guns. Hate everyone else. Lets win this bastard and shock Goldberg out of his coma.
I think Dachs threw a perfect game. The only incompletions were straight jobs. He was poised as hell. Ran one in and threw 4 TDs. Yeah…so that’s a Jewball.
As our game was ending, I think someone was trolling me saying that Yaron was blowing out Pray in the other League Game, BOP v. Lionhearts. In reality, it was a close one. Zada and Sting each had TDs for LH and Prime has one for BOP. Interesting to note that Storm went TDless so as Daveo tallied for us the other day, with 2 weeks left….Zinn is TD Leader with 25 and Storm is chasing him with 23. Incredible race and incredible season for two absolute studs from this season. All eyes on Rookies game tomorrow.
I caught the final Lionhearts drive, which was technically in overtime, but it was agreed to extend the game a bit. If Lionhearts scored it would seal their W. With Yaron throwing from the 14 he powers one to the back of the end zone where Sting is cutting across. Great pass and catch for the game winner. It looked like Sting caught it. Came down in bounds and was forced out, but Prime saw the ball moving even as Sting went out of bounds. So we ran it back (not sure if it was 4th down – meaning, was that Yaron’s final shot if we didn’t replay it?) But anyway…..if there is such thing as Jewball God’s showing us that a proper call was made…..it happened on the very next play. An even better pass catch from Yaron to Sting – this time at the back left corner of the endzone. Catch. Sting dragged his toes and his balls, and got all 5 in! Now…that’s a game winner. Let’s eat!!! Wait…Jewball first…..I mean….I didn’t see too much of the game but Sting had 2 TDs of the 3 and he made incredible catches in the final two plays of the game to prevent the collapse that we know Yaron wanted to complete. So…Sting….Jewball to you, my guy.
Now Let’s Eat! What a great Super Bowl BBQ that was! I gave all the thanks on the chat….but one more time: To Legs for donating our official Jewball BBQ – it will allow us to have so many great post game feasts! Bless you, brother. To Waldo for the jammed cooler and really good music. Daveo for the gourmet wings and sliders. O and Aliza for the Prime Kuts. Ernie and Salem for the drinks. Salem also for Qing. Klink for the plates, cups etc., PJs for the always delectable PJoppers. And….again….on this holy night of reflecting before Vets Rook 2023 – a night where we prepare to face each other in pitiless combat to secure the ultimate Jewball Prize – a night where we know that just beyond that veil of fierce competition is a brotherhood like no other. A history like no other. A story like no other. Something….as the rabbis say – meein olam haba (a taste of paradise on earth, a taste of the sweet eternal). That is Jewball. As amazing as tomorrow will be in its own isolated compartmentalized segment of time and place…..it is a living, breathing, changing, evolving organism with a vibrant unified soul and the heartbeat of hundreds who have traveled the path before us, with us, and will travel it in our name when we are gone.
2/19/23
WEEK 19 RECAP – VETS ROOKS PART 1
What got lost in the Zinnsurrection following Vets Rooks as we attempted to hold the line where free speech and settling down meet – was that no one said Vets Rooks isn’t important. In fact, it was Zinn – our Roy Wonder – who came off the field after VR and felt compelled to type that it was the greatest football game many of us have ever played in. Now, let’s not pretend VR is always a great game. They have been exceptional over the past bunch of years. It helps to have really talented Vets and really talented Rooks. Who care about what we are building here. Does the talent and the caring make VR special? Or does VR make the talent and caring special? You can argue either way. How often is a Super Bowl game, with all its preparation, hype, and hope – just a total boring dud? That’s the beauty of sport. When it works – it’s pure magic.
Vets Rooks 2023 worked. It was magic. But let’s get to the games in a minute. Let’s first re-establish what nobody questioned. Vets Rooks was first played in 2006. That’s ten years after Rabin joined Jewball. Five years after I arrived. Two years after we moved the game from Queens to the 5 Towns. One year after B-sh lost his virginity. So it wasn’t some institution from Jewball time immemorial. However, with the exception of Rabin, B-sh, and I who played on that first Vets team, and Klink and BD (and Ike) who played on that first Rooks team….for everyone else here, when they were born into Jewball…..Vets Rooks was there waiting for them. At the end of every season it was announced and played. When times were good, it was cause for much excitement. Icing on the Jewball cake. When times were bad, it was an excuse to get a game in as the weather started to get better, even though the season itself was spottily played at best. Like Singer always says….There is something about Vets Rooks. It is ingrained in our memories as some kind of pre-cognitive familiar. To paraphrase from the Song of Songs, it is stamped like an emblem on our hearts. It is our security blanket by way of tapestry. Klink and Prime said it quite simply and eloquently – it means something to us. Listen, we live in a time where there are myriad attempts to “make something happen.” A special month. A banner day. An epic event. The hope is always by the producers that it catches on. Goes viral. And then catches on to the point where it grows and proliferates and becomes something much bigger than the idea. Vets Rooks was originally just a way to spice up the end of a pretty spicy season. 2006 was prime time Golden Age. Woodmere Middle was ours. The soccer guys were still slithering in the primeval sludge. The sun was shining on us. And the BD Klink crew seemed to be a limitless fount of kids who loved football and vodka. So the game was played. Oldish vs. High. Vets got smoked. And the next year it was played again. And then again in 2008. To my shock and chagrin – Klink and BD got older. They were now Vets. And just like that me and those Golden Agers were were playing against Zez and PJs and O and the rest of the Renaissance. And I remember many of those games. They stand out. They pop. Why? Because it was working. Vets Rooks was becoming something more than the kernel of an idea. It was something that we tried to make happen….and it was in actuality happening. It was in fact expanding and taking on a life of its own. And it became a right of passage. And it become our holiday. It became a holy day. Took on minhagim and segulas and all sorts of mystical elements. Because in my mind….Klink is a Rook forever, like Zez, like Mighty, and Steveo, PJs, and Daveo and Kut etc. They just got here. They just came down all doofy and backwards and confused. And we are the Vets trying to crush them. But who is “we”? I look around in my daze of pride and content and it’s a blur. There is fog surrounding everyone on the field. Because the faces are for a moment unrecognizable. Is that Joey and Marino and Hands trying to figure out a way to slow down the newbies? Of course it is. But it can’t be. Because….they retired, right? No. Maybe. Wait. “We” is…..how is that possible….Klink, Zez, Mighty, Steveo, PJs…..These are not rookies? These are not some kids I just met with their young legs and big egos? These are my closest friends for a decade? And we are weathered. And relatively old. And we have injuries that kinda don’t go away. But we are still together. Because of Jewball. Because of Vet Rooks. And we look across the field and the faces metamorphose while at the same time coming into focus. What was once our faces are now all these new stunning, glowing faces…
They are the faces of our future but also somehow of our past. Dachs is a rookie, but there was no Jewball before Dachs. Solo is a sophomore, but there was no Jewball before Solo. Beast is a Junior but there was no Jewball before Beast. The seniors have seen it all happen right in front of their eyes and they understand exactly what I’m talking about; we feel a connection to something much much larger than ourselves – and we know there was Jewball well before us. This is Vets Rooks. It is bracha to be a Rook. It is a bigger bracha to be a Vet. It is the biggest bracha to be a Vet for a long long time. May we all stick with each other and this game and it all represents – for life.
As Sophomores v. Freshmen – presumably a game for the ages – is still without resolution, we will save that recap for another day.
The Seniors (aka the real Vets) were excited about this one. A chance to play together – guys who have been battling together for at least 10 years. So much history. So much love. Really, like brothers. You don’t last 10 years in any league without being really committed and picking up a lot of tricks. The Juniors (yes, our fellow Vets) were a formidable adversary, lead by Yaron at QB, and featuring Beast, MK, Zada, Tom, Prime, Sam and Gronk. Logan, Goldberg and Vegh were eligible, but could not make it. Tabak also bowed out to be a good friend to Vegh and make the bris (Mazal Tov, again). With Tabak’s exit – Gronk stepped in (not sure if he would have jumped in anyway), but by the old Vets and the new…..Gronk was a revelation that day. Combined with the non-trashy Yaron, the Seniors needed to really play a near perfect game. Rabin – the Vets of Vets – needed to be sharp. Instead, he wasn’t terrible. But not much more than that.
The game started really promisingly for the Vets. First play of the game is a trick play. Screen to Gronk who throws a dime back to Yaron. Daveo runs interference and Yaron bobbles the thing away into Steveo’s arms. Steveo – the hero of many Vets Rooks past – gets to the 1. Seniors are poised to stomp on the Juniors. And just fail, fail, fail, fail. An ominous sign. Does not bode well.
Prime scored first. A classic Prime score. Short out to the right side. A failure by 3 Vets to pull the flag….and there he is in end zone. 1-0 Juniors. The next score was Gronk on another silly Senior moment. Brilliant pass down the left hash with nice coverage by Steveo, BUT…the pass is completed and Steveo doesn’t know where the endzone is….so Gronk walks in. Ouch. 2-0 Juniors.
Seniors didn’t break. Jordan tips a ball to Mighty for the pick. Rabin to Jordan – an old reliable combination – was on display again to pick up some big yards and the scoring was capped by Mighty and Singer. The game was tied at the half. But the second half opened with a back breaker. An errant throw picked by Zada (3 on the day – Rabin threw 4 of em over all) turned into a P6. The Seniors would ever grab a lead. Worse….Yaron topped his earlier throw to Gronk by firing another heat-seeker into the Matt Stafford doppelganger for a TD and the lead was stretched to 2.
With 15 minutes left, Rabin and Jordan hooked up for their 1,672nd TD together, with Singer lead blocking and Jordan continuing his Teflon day. 4-3 with 10 minutes left. The defense locked in and Rabin had a final chance to put the game into OT. From the 1. That’s called symmetry. And it would prove true. Yaron leaps and bats down a pass meant for Singer. Seniors fail. Juniors move on to represent the Vets in the championship. Go Juniors!!!
Yaron was excellent, but without Gronk the Seniors win that game. No one intimidates Rabin like Gronk Gronk does to Rabin’s head what Rabin does to other people’s asses. He gets deep in there. Rabin was just scared all day. Plus the two scores. Now show up for the championship and show these Rooks how we do.
Here ends Week 19 Recap part 1.
2/26/23
Week 20 – Recap
A PJ’s perspective….
It’s hard to write the week 20 recap. To be honest I tried avoided doing this for many reasons. Time, TBI, work, and life. But the real reason is that another season is in the books. Jordan will cover postseason and end of the year cap. But week 20 marks the end of football that is played as a brotherhood. Stats might count but battling with your Jewball brothers without leagues is what counts the most. It’s like the Marvin Gaye song lyrics
“Whats happening brother?”Can’t find no work, can’t find no job, my friend
Money is tighter than it’s ever been
Say, man, I just don’t understand
What’s going on across this land
Ah, what’s happening, brother?
Ay, what’s happening? What’s happening my man? Woo
Are they still gettin’ down where we used to go and dance?
Will our ball club win the pennant?
Do you think they have a chance?
And tell me, friend, how in the world have you been?
Tell me what’s out and I want to know what’s in
What’s the deal man, what’s happening
What’s happening, brother?
No matter what our lives look like and no matter what is happening in our lives… we know what’s happening on Sunday mornings….we are battling with our brothers…
Week 20 game 1 featured Yaron vs Dachs. This was more of a Vets vs Rooks tuneup than a playoff tuneup to be honest for both QB’s. The other big headline was TD leader, could Storm catch Zinn. Yaron lines up with The Rook, Dax, Storm, Dobs, Steve-O, and Bert. On the other side Dachs lines up with Pray, Zinn, Prime, Zada, Tom, and PJ’s. This was a back and forth game. The Rook had a deep TD to get Yaron on board early. Dachs responded by hitting Zada for a TD. Zinn had an uncharacteristically off game by dropping what would’ve been a TD but Zada bailed him out. Zinn and Storm would both get a TD in this one as well. Both QB’s would trade TD’s and picks but with the game in reach Dachs down by a score but had a chance to tie by hitting a wide open PJ’s but completely missed him and The Rook gets the pick. Yaron would end up hitting Dobs to take a 5-3 win and ice the game. The Rook had 2 TD’s and big time pick to win the Jewball for game 1. Zinn more than likely wrapped up his TD leader title but did allow Storm a very small window to get back in it by dropping out of game 2.
Game 2 would feature Pray vs Perla. Pray lines up with Prime, Spira, Tom, Oppen, Dobs, and PJ’s against Perla, Yaron, Dave-O, Storm, KUT, Sting, and The Rook. This matchup headline was all about the sack leader title. Could Kut catch Oppen. The game starts the not way Perla designed it, quick slant over the middle and Pray picks it off and returns it for a TD. 1-0 to start the game. Perla would respond by hitting The Rook for a TD. Pray would March down the field by hitting a wide open Spira for a big reception and go right back to him for a TD. 2-1 Pray. Perla would answer everytime by hitting Sting to tie it up at 2. Pray would kill the middle of the defense by hitting Tom and PJ’s for like 10 reception each. Drive down and hit prime for a score. Perla throws one to Storm and we’re tied at 3. Pray decided to go back to Spira for another long TD. It’s 4-3. Perla would keep responding hitting Dave-O for a nice TD catch and run. After more back and forth. It’s finally 6-6. Pray last possession and it’s 4th and goal for the game. Pray throws it to the back corner of the endzone over Sting to hit Prime, 3 balls in and the game winner. Miraculous catch and awesome game. Oppen would best Kut 2-1 in the sack matchup. Oppen wins the sack leader. Storm had a solid game but his 2 TD’s on the day were not enough. Zinn is the TD leader. But most importantly Prime, our bother won the Jewball for the final game of the 2022-23 season. Jordan will get us mushy for the end of the year cap. But I wanted to say that I love you all and enjoy every minute of this stuff. Let’s do this again next year and the year after. Get some rest and get inspired for more football.
3/12/23
Vets – Rooks PART 2 / Finals
Whether one game was better than another is a matter of opinion. Some people like violence. Others prefer laughs. Many swear by the back and forth contest, while a contingent live for the rout. However, there are games that preeminently stand out. The details may blur over time, but you won’t find anyone who questions the impact and intensity of the game. The Rooks semi-finals of 2023 – aka Sophomores v. Freshmen – aka Smores Freshies – was such a game. It was objectively – as in factually – as in not a matter of opinion – the greatest assemblage of Jewball players facing off in a meaningful game EH-VER. Sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes the finest ingredients thrown into the blazing fire of an on-field cauldron does not yield the gourmet dish the patrons expected. In this case, the dish was worthy of 3 Michelin stars. Not only did it deliver a heavyweight match with evenly distributed haymakers. Not only did it go down to the wire. It went beyond the wire. It expanded and reached the very edges of Jewball reality. It stretched our formative material and fabric to the breaking point. It caused friction and fraying and the bursting of twine and cables resulting in an eruption of rubber pellets. It burned the motherf-ing house down.
While the Vets were doing their Vets slog across the way to see who (spoiler alert) would get their creaky, sprained, and strained butts whipped by the Rooks in the finals, the Rookie game had an electricity that you don’t even attempt to explain or describe. You just say thank you. You look at it from a distance (or perhaps even from within the twirling grandiosity of its midst) and – with a twinge of jealousy if you are on the outside – behold its sheer reverberating magnitude. You reaffirm all your mantras, codes, and principles. You realize with transcendent clarity that THIS is why we do it. You don’t dare speak its name. You just hope to incidentally harness its energy. Carry it forth in a form that manages to fuel and spark something….something unknown and unexpected that is to come – of equal or greater magnitude.
Before we get to the game itself, a warranted ode to the Smores who arrived with the freshest of looks. An ensemble so clean and dapper that perhaps it fulfilled The Oracle’s tafkid in this life (someone check on him):
Verily, how glorious was the appearancee of the Smores, when they came forth from the parking lot, and donned their crimson garments.
Even as the expanded canopy of Salem’s backyard man-cave, was the countenance of Pray.
As the lightning that proceeds from the splendor of Storm, was the countenance of Pray.
As the beautiful blue stripes which adorn the garment of Dobs, was the countenance of Pray.
As the appearance of the flashing red eyes in the cybernetic skull of Legs, was the countenance of Pray.
As the majesty with which Solo stealthily stalked the Rooks, was the countenance of Pray.
As the gleaming amber in the midst of Whiskey’s bottle, was the countenance of Pray.
As the gang green diadem put on the forehead of Feit, was the countenance of Pray.
As the amiable tenderness depicted on the face of Irv, was the countenance of Pray.
As the smoothness of Jack leaping for the rock, was the countenance of Pray.
As E who sat in concealment, to supplicate the presence of the Boz, was the countenance of Pray.
As the archangel DK glowers on the plane of the goal, was the countenance of Pray.
It was this adversary which the brazen Freshies faced. None of them counted amongst us for more than two seasons. None of them having known of Jewball before a Draft, a Chanukah Party, or TBI. All of them loaded with confidence and a resolve to vociferously announce their arrival. To proclaim that the era of the Rookies has begun. The age of Dachs who throws left but is always right. The age of Dax, who hugs you like a chiller but cuts you like a killer. The age of Zinn, who scintillates like none before him and is prepared to rewrite all the record books. The age of Oppen, who rushes forth with a fierceness that emanates from the very depths of his being. Add to this those who joined mid-season like Stats and Perla. Add to this our phenomenal 2021 Class (guys who I feel like I’ve known forever) and it’s hard not to think it’s a Rookie’s world and we are just living in it. For now. Things change.
I wish I could give you a blow for blow account of this game (relax, Logan). From across the way I spied Pray and Dach just stone-cold slinging it. Like I said, it was a title fight between titans. I can’t tell you the order, but I can tell you the stats. 1 rushing TD for each QB. 3 Scores for Zinn. 1 score apiece for Storm, DK, and Solo. I know there was some controversial calls. What else is new? I know it was a tie when the clock ran out and it was too late for college OT. What else is new? I’m proud that we didn’t keep playing. Didn’t force people to stay. Didn’t bring in replacements from other teams. Didn’t have anyone leave in an ambulance. The teams walked off the field and regrouped for another day.
That day came three weeks later. Last Sunday – after Week 20 and the League semis – Week 19 was completed. It was the same drag out grudge match that was left incomplete in the regular season. Back and forth stops. Just a pure clash of talent and passion. The Sophomores did score first with about 10 minutes left in the OT. Pray to Legs crossing over the middle. But it was called back by Dax who thought he had the sack. Call was respected. On the next drive – on a 4th and goal from the 20, Dachs finds Rook in the back corner of the endzone. Beautiful catch by Rook. Magnificent throw by Dachs. Freshies take the lead. And they held it. Pray had a chance to tie, but his receivers were not up to the challenge. I’m going on and on here with the superlatives but Zinn said it best on Week 19 Sunday. It was (perhaps) the best football game anyone has ever played in under the Jewball banner. I have one more Recap to write in the coming weeks, but I’ll allow myself to reflect quickly how proud I am to call both the Sophomores and the Freshmen Jewball Rookies. We are doing something so right. BH. Captain of the Freshies….3 scores and being a 21 year old leader and believer in what we are trying to do here. Shows up to everything. Brings positive energy to everything. We – all of us – are so happy you are here, Roy. Jewball to you.
And this is the point I will end with. I know the Sophomores felt robbed. Rightly so. They worked their asses off and they looked really good doing it. I would argue they were the better team (which is a compliment to the Freshmen for beating them). It always sucks to lose. I’m sure they wanted one more game and to be given the chance to wipe the floor with Yaron and his (modified) Juniors. BUT – as we discussed when Zinn questioned the need to continue the Week 19 game – we have our traditions. Each year – for 17 years – as often as we can – we crown a team winner of Vets Rooks (last year we had a tie and a Rook win…so Rooks get the edge). The Rooks won this year. The Rooks destroyed this year. It’s kind of hard to digest what I’m about to say – but it didn’t really matter which Rook team beat the Vets. The Sophomores and Freshmen (in this moment in time – and it is very much subject to change) are one. This is our greatest virtue. I see on the chat sometimes we forget it. Yes, we have Leagues. Yes, we have Vets Rooks. Competition is great. And for good competition, you need division. You need tribalism. But permeating through that division and tribalism – as paradoxical as this will sound – is a oneness. Tapping into that delicate nuance lies our secret.
Which brings me finally to what was actually the best game of the season. It was last Thursday night at Greis Park. Jewball v. Gumbas. Personally, I think Gumbas are an awesome football team. I respect the hell out of the way they play, the way they carry themselves. They play super hard. They are super nice and friendly. I just think they are excellent. And I’ve watched our teams struggle mightily against them over the past few years. Last Thursday night, with Rook and Zada hanging with me on the sidelines, I watched a Jewball spectacle that was truly like nothing I’ve ever witnessed. Yes, we won. Yes, Yaron did that thing where he plays like a virtuoso and doesn’t flush it all away with confounding decisions. Yes, Prime battled through pain like a warrior. And Zinn went full superstar. Stats tracked guys down who were blazing fast. Oppen pulled flags like a man possessed. O. Pray. Daveo….all did incredible, clutch things. I almost wish it was a game of ours because it is recap-worthy. BUT…I bring it up because I watched it less than 3 days before the Vets Rooks Championship. I watched a team playing together against a superior opponent, and just shocking them with an otherworldly chemistry and an almost tangible commitment to team. I got you. I will pick you up. I will not let you down. They were one. Two Seniors, Two Juniors, a Sophomore, and two Freshies. One.
2022-2023 SEASON RECAP
Jewball 2023 Season Recap
Although one particular route has always been at our quarterbacks’ disposal, it was never consistently used (and certainly not executed to such exquisite perfection) – until this season. It took brothers – Dachs to Dax – to show us the full potential and devastating effectiveness of the comeback route. To work, the maneuver mandates a lot of things go right. It requires a sequence of conditions met relating to speed and distance and timing. More than any of that – it requires faith. That the receiver stops at the agreed upon moment and deceptively returns to a previously tread spot. That the QB will release the ball at the split second his target slams the breaks so the defender is unable to react. Perhaps this unquantifiable element of faith (above all the technical criteria) is why it remains an unpopular play call. But – as we saw – when handled properly and with precision, it is nearly unstoppable.
Jewball, I’m done talking about our miracles and magic with a golly-gee naivete. Yes, we are supremely blessed and over the past five years built an absolute behemoth. Yes, it was built on the backs of dedicated Vets and Dark Age Rookies who loved Jewball even when we had far less (or even nothing) to love. It was built particularly on the wings of Yaron, our guardian angel of the Revolution. But we’ve graduated from being dumbstruck by the phenomenon. It happened. No question we capitalized on it. We stared our good fortune in the face and boldly declared that fate could do even better. And even better then. So here we are. Enlightened AF. A bunch of lucky bastards with a fierce, greedy conviction to keep our luck going. We’ve freed ourselves up to talk about something else.
As I pondered this past season and made my notes – a recurring theme became impossible to ignore. In the midst of our overwhelming success and spoils accrued on a global level, there were too many stories of individual struggles and hardship. Too damn many.
I know he will be uncomfortable that I’m talking about this first, but how could I not? PJs literally left his last game of last season in an ambulance after getting knocked unconscious. Did we laugh about it? Of course! But, I mean, it’s not a joke. Everything about his well-being and future was at risk. He was said to be done for good (take note, Singer). Doctors’ orders. Wife’s orders. How could he dare continue to play football (and do all the other incredible things he does for us) when the stakes were so high? The answer: I don’t know how he dared. I just know he did. I know he came back.
I know he will hate that I’m talking about him at all (and the cold sweat breaks out as I type), but if this isn’t a safe space then I’m doing that thing in Donnie Brasco where Al Pacino holds a gun to his head in the car. Gronk had about as bad an off-season as someone could have. Fact. He’s our Jewball brother. Fact. Deal with those two converging facts however you like. But I know that we needed (and will need) him – and vice versa. And I know we can hold our heads up high on judgment day. But, for him, being truly in the depths of (and he will admit it, self-inflicted) hell: How could he show up on Sundays, look us in the eyes, and manage his trademark smirk? The answer is I don’t know how he found the courage. But I know he found it. I know he came back.
If I have the time as this polemic unspools, I will get to our injured players who returned against all odds. I can get to Spira who returned against all logic and precedent. But you see the direction I am heading in to establish this year’s unifying epicenter: 2022-2023 was – more than anything else – more than the year of the Rookie takeover (but, we will most assuredly get to that – as it factors in with serendipitous exactitude) – this was the Year of the Comeback.
We needed a comeback almost immediately. With last year’s League Champion quarterback being MIA, we were in full scouting mode. You ask me if I remember the QB who beat our team last year at Greis, relishing every second of the beatdown, yelling Let’s Fucking Gooooo with an obnoxious finger pointed in the air as he chased down the receiver who just caught a bomb TD? Yeah, I can picture him. He was the enemy. He was not a Jewballer. He was pure Croton. The anti-Jewballer. But we needed a QB and Yaron thought we could get him and his talented brother. Yaron targeted a bunch of guys as Daveo targets everyone. I was (and still am) cautious. My job is to protect Jewball for the Jewballers. To keep it closeknit and grounded. Yaron and Daveo one thousand percent would never do anything to hurt Jewball consciously, but I do know they see (or saw) it’s future differently than I did.
So it turned out the diminutive assassin who radiates competitiveness had a name – Sruli Dachs. The brother was Mordy. I was told things about them by the always optimistic Yaron – that their joining us was possible – but I would believe it when it happened. I also didn’t know if I wanted it to happen. That’s the thing about rookies. Bringing them in is scary. It feels like messing with perfection. More than that – it always feels like jeopardizing perfection.
I saw Mordy – who seemed a lot more human/personable than his bro – at a volleyball game. Turned out he knew Zez and was the son in law of Jonas, who I’d been playing volleyball with for five years. Good signs. I saw Mordy again at softball and Pray was there and we brought up Jewball and his brother. This is where I learned about the infamous Yaron messages to Sruli. Two thousand words explaining that Jewball is not a cult. Mordy – with his surfer bro laugh and smile – assured me that Sruli was out (and disturbed) and that Mordy might check us out (which sounded like him just being polite). If you would have asked me to bet money at that moment whether Sruli would be rocking an I LOVE JEWBALL sweatshirt on Chanukah, drinking a l’chaim with me and Mordy in my house on Purim, then dancing with us in Daveo’s dungeon, and finally winning both Vets Rooks for the Rooks and a Jewball League Championship – I’d probably be broke right now. I would have bet every dime I had against that. As would any of you.
I’m not going to go through every rookie storyline. I will say I was hesitant about each one except Stats since I knew he was Jewball material. The second you meet Oppen, it’s game over. You’re melted. Even if he wasn’t a remarkable talent, the positive energy alone makes him a keeper.
Now, to be Rookie of the Year, in this class – how special do you have to be? Think about it. I mean….think about who came in….and then think about what it would take to be undisputed Rookie of the Year.
And I’ll tell you why it’s Zinn. Because it has nothing to do with football. He’s a mesmerizing athlete. That is not up for debate. You watch him in any game he plays and he will do one or two things that prove his talent massive. But, for me, I’m more impressed by his showing up to Munch’s house before the draft. I’m more impressed that he craves football and wants to wring every drop of it from our offerings. I’m more impressed that he was at Theo’s bris. I’m more impressed that he looks to organize and steps up to lead. I’m more impressed that he doesn’t complain when I randomized the hell out of him in the early going so his wins and good targets were few. That he plays in Bowl Games with the same vigor that he does regular weeks and league weeks. That he scoots to the game after minyan. He is our Rookie of the Year because he gets what we are trying to do here beyond football – and if he doesn’t fully get it (at 20/21 years old!), he fully ventures to get it. That – plus all the talent and competitive spirit in the world – is what makes Zinn the spotlight player of – and it’s not even remotely a question – the greatest infusion of rookie talent our almost 30 year game has even known.
——
We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.
The above is a quote from Orson Welles, who was a genius, but potentially insane as well. It’s a cynical take on existence. I don’t buy into it, but we have to admit that in many ways – although we are together with others – as we are currently “together” reading this – we are trapped in a fortress of solitude.
I bring it up because when I think about the comebacks that manifested over the course of this past season, though I take pride in the love and friendship that motivated them, I also realize that comebacks are very much a personal and lonely road.
I think about Irv and his accursed nagging back. I think about Waldo in agony rehabbing his broken collarbone. I think about Singer and his season from hell. And of course I think about Pray being wheeled to shul on Yom Kippur.
These are just a few examples of physical injuries and the aloneness they surely engendered within the player. I think of other Jewballers as well going through difficulties in life – God should bless us all. And there is no question that a comeback demands an internal fortitude and mental toughness that relies entirely on the individual. Where I would argue with Welles is that love and friendship is a mere illusion.
When Dax runs his route hard down the sideline, he does so alone. It is him pushing himself using only his brain, heart, lungs, and muscle. But the instant he turns to come back, it becomes a mutual endeavor. He relies on his brother to be there for him. To convert faith into real world action. To deliver on the promise and potential of that faith. To supplant the illusion of his going it alone with a predestined team effort.
That’s a comeback route in football. A comeback in life (as in Jewball) is equally a team effort. It requires many things from the collective, but among them are patience, compassion, and sympathy. Sometimes forgiveness. Both parties must be willing to see beyond the temporary “reality” and take the long view. To maintain perspective. The Year of the Comeback is the year where we proved that love and friendship is no illusion.
A comeback also needs inspiration. Some light at the end of the tunnel to make the fight worth fighting. To get one through those bleak moments of isolation.
It is no coincidence that the Year of the Comeback coincided with the year of birth and rebirth. The year of youthful exuberance on the field and the year of flourishing families off it. When perhaps many of us were this close to giving in to the weakness, we couldn’t help but see the teeming, thriving life pouring in from Jewball – and it acted the Muse. It carried us back like a providential current.
I needed a comeback. I needed your patience, sympathy and forgiveness. As beautiful as Draft Night was, it was marred by poor decisions that fall on me. It tainted the entire season. I imagine at some point we overcame and replaced the bad Draft Night vibes, but that was a team effort.
I don’t want to get too sentimental here, but – when you get older you get to observe life more often than participate in it. And I observed that we are all trying to overcome something. Some more obvious than others – but I see in many ways we are each constantly in the middle of a Jewball comeback. For me it is age, but for others it might be an awkwardness or emptiness. A trauma, a loss, a troubled relationship, youth, or mistakes made and regretted. Many of us arrive here as damaged goods to no fault of our own. This reminds of an unforgettable and cherished conversation I had with PJs on a windy night coming home from Vegh’s shalom zachor.
Sometimes life feels like a Bowl Game. It just keeps going and going and you have all the time in the world to figure your shit out. And just like that it can become TNF where half time came and went in a flash and Dom is yelling, “2 minutes! Clock is running!”
I want us to always be a place for great football. I’m so proud of our being right now a place for great football. I’m even more proud of our being a place for great stories. For great redemption. For great second and third and fourth chances. For resilient comebacks.
Let’s talk about some of these stories and some of these comebacks. As they are the building blocks of this season.
At the 2021 Draft Party, a kid showed up who seemed to place himself in constant shadow. He was there of his own free will so there was no doubting his choice to be present. Yet he seemed at the same time as if trying to fold himself into nothingness. To disappear. I say this not to embarrass The Rook, but to cite him as the ultimate example of someone who had blind faith in us – who we had blind faith in – and – how did that turn out? He is our brother for life. He is my brother for life. And he’s one hell of a football player. After coming out of his shell/car seat last season and only showing flashes of brilliance, his 2022 season cemented him as top of the draft talent. The Rook is on The Rise. Special shout out to Beast and the X-Factor.
I don’t know Perla well yet. He’s guarded. All good. Respect that. I do know he was out of the game for a while. I know Yaron kept tabs on him as a possible QB for us. I know he reached out to give us a try and of course we said yes. There is no greater commodity in Jewball than a competitive QB. He came down in his parka with the hood up, the wristband and stuck in his ways. He came down with whatever baggage he carried, like we all do, but without being open yet to us carrying any of it for him – with him. So it felt like a challenge. Perhaps not the best fit. But then he went on TBI. An act of faith. And so began the comeback. So began the legend. Culminating in perhaps the most joyous moment of the Jewball season. Perla, wrapped in a White Goodman cape, pumping his fist, which clenched a purple -shirt, as the crowd chanted “SAY-LEM! SAY-LEM! SAY-LEM!” Right there – a snapshot of what separates us. A room of men and women proving Welles got it wrong.
I’ve told the story in a prior recap, but just so it gets the bold and underlined treatment – Spira’s comeback to Jewball is a wonderment of biblical proportions. It’s incomprehensible. And yet….it’s just one of our many incomprehensible comebacks. Let that sink in. I’m not going to say Jewball is a place where miracles happen, but – I will say – that Jewball is a place where some miracles have happened. And speaking of miracles….
Pray won MVP two seasons ago and the sentiment that I come back to often with him from that Season Recap is that if the Vets commissioned a team of geneticists to create the perfect Jewball Rookie in a lab – so as to assure us a future of success and longevity – the result would be Pray. What is the man lacking in? When I think of one incredible quality as being his premiere endearing feature, it is immediately replaced by another. Generosity. Kindness. Passion. Leadership. Competitiveness. Wisdom. Humility. See what I mean? Everyone is nodding their heads. Because it does keep going. We knew all these things about Pray before this season and took them for granted. What we did not know about him was that he was superhuman. What no one could know was how he would respond to extreme physical adversity. We had no stick with which to measure his capacity to come back.
I don’t need to remind you of his grueling journey from surgery through the League Championship Game. A game in which he threw a TD to Goldberg, who was mounting a comeback of his own. We can all picture Pray on the sidelines in his cast, and boot, and brace, and whatever other contraptions he needed to wear as he spectated with envy. The man always came out. Always made sure to bring to Jewball whatever he could – even if it was not on the field of play. He brings dignity, gravitas, and a magnetic aura wherever he goes. And if that was all he could contribute to Jewball this season – it would have sucked for him and us – but it would have been enough. It would have been the best he could do and much appreciated.
What we learned about Pray this past season is that there is depth to him that no one can possibly fathom. You don’t come back from his injury in the same season and perform at the level he performed at unless you have the filthiest of determinations. Essentially, Pray, you are on the inside someone the rest of us mere mortals cannot fully understand.
In the year of one fantastical comeback story after another, Pray won Comeback Player of the Year. And, yet, he was not our best comeback story.
Our best comeback story belongs to our 2022-2023 Jewball MVP.
There’s a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend
He refuses to crawl
He’s always at home with his back to the wall
And he’s proud of his scars and the battles he’s lost
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
Billy Joel wrote these lyrics even before I was born, so surely before Storm was born. But there is a certain type, and the great songwriter nailed it. He goes on:
Give a moment or two to the angry young man
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand
He’s been stabbed in the back
He’s been misunderstood
It’s a comfort to know his intentions are good
And he sits in a room with a lock on the door
With his maps and his medals laid out on the floor
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
As distressed as I was on draft night, Storm was fuming. My Assmen teammate saw every selection prior to his as disrespect – and there were five infuriating rounds of disrespect. Storm came to us four seasons ago mid-season. An angry young man. It was a very memorable game at Woodmere Middle School where he battled with Mighty, maybe almost got into fight, roared after he made a reception, and maintained an audible inner-dialogue the entire time. Yaron called him John. I called him Storm because you couldn’t watch him on the field and not perceive the bolts of lightning or hear the thunder rumbling just below his surface. After the bunch of games he played that season, it was hard to tell if Jewball and Storm would forever clash or find common ground.
One thing that became eminently apparent about Storm was the brilliance of his game. The other thing was his style. He is someone who could show up to game and takeover, but – whether he played well or played in a fog – he made sure he had the right gear, the right cleats, the right attitude. There is a reason he is Kill’s favorite player. His bravado never feels arrogant, though. It’s a personal reflection. It’s often as if he is celebrating his accomplishments to prove something only to himself and we just happen to be witnesses. Whether it be “Stat! Count It,” “Why don’t you come over for dinner,” or “Mama Storm didn’t raise no bitch,” his lines are instant classics. And not because he is trying to make anything happen. He’s a natural showman. He is as real as they come. His realness flows from him in every interaction. On the sidelines, he’s the best guy you will ever meet and it’s all love and laughs. In the game, he’s going to another place. A place where he doesn’t know any of us. A place where there are his teammates and those trying to stop his teammates and him from winning. And the latter must be dealt with accordingly. He plays like football is the word of God. Like nothing matters more. It’s a level that very few of us are even capable of conceptualizing. His devotion to the craft of football – it doesn’t get higher in our group.
The problem for Storm has been that he was never able to fully put all that brilliance and style and passion on display. We saw it in bursts. We knew it was in there. But it never came together in a stream of sustained excellence – until this season. From wire to wire he brought his signature fire and intensity and did not relent. Zinn came in set to torch the record books and Storm stuck with him stride for stride. And while Zinn had an MVP caliber season in terms of pure numbers, he will have to settle for being the latest golden child of Jewball. This is the Year of the Comeback and to be Jewball Season MVP, you have had to have gone through the ringer.
Listen, I don’t know everything Storm has been through. What he’s had to overcome. I’m not going to pretend I do. But I know he has had his struggles and hardships. More than his fair share. And instead of wallowing in them or giving in to them – he suffused them into his spectacular performances on Sunday mornings. No one does more with a chip on his shoulder. No one here is real enough to convert that chip into an actual tactical advantage. We say it. He does it. He did it. Because of Draft Night, the comeback was on. He brought a razor-blade-sharp edginess to the field every week. But – somehow – and this is Storm’s distinction – he plays ice cold, but it’s the farthest thing from who he is. He’s all heart. A tough exterior masking a vulnerable soul. Storm, you are our 2022 Season MVP because you brought a passion for football to Jewball that we had not previously known. You put your faith in us to give you the quality of football that you demanded of yourself. You showed us that before we worry about the expectations of others, we need to set the highest bar for the expectations we have of ourselves. It was always clear to us the level of game you expected of yourself – and this past season – you finally showed everyone what you are capable of. And I’m sure you are still hungry. I’m sure the chip is still on your shoulder as you prepare for Draft Night 2023.
And speaking of Draft Night 2023, let us count the comeback stories waiting to be written. Beast, Feit, Goldberg, Irv, Singer, Rabin, Snow, Maor, Daveo, Sting, to name just a few. Like I said, we are all in the middle of our own personal comeback. Just gotta dig deep and write it. But….like I also said….it’s a team effort. And Jewball is here for you.
We are a place where miracles have happened. Believe that. You’ve seen it. You don’t need to talk about it or promote it. Just acknowledge it and be grateful.
It used to break my heart to write this last paragraph of the Season Recap. There was such a finality to it. I sometimes cried because it was like a moment of mourning. A gaping hole in my life was about to open and be filled by nothing. Those days are no more. In the Age of the Enlightenment, the good times keep going. The family sticks together in some form or another through the off season. I think we have a game Tuesday night. If I’m overloaded with emotion right now, it’s just because there is good reason to be overloaded with emotion. But the emotion is not sadness at all. It’s pure unfiltered awe. That I get to be the Commissioner of Jewball now for 18 years. To tie up my cleats with you all on Sunday mornings. To share in your simchas. I don’t know….It makes no sense. Guys, I’m just very thankful. I am under no delusions, here. Jewball accentuates and improves every aspect of our lives and I know my role and task is to keep it going and keep us together. I’m on it.
With that, you know the drill. Kick your own ass over the next six months. Set high expectations for yourself and – whether it’s on a journey of self-motivation or through the comradery of Jewball – come back next season better. Come back stronger. Come back quicker. Come back leaner. But – above all – just make sure to come back
JEWBALL 2023-2024 SEASON
10/29/23
RECAP WEEKS 1-3
Jewball is the island. We don’t let the outside in. We don’t let the drudgery of the real world permeate the white (or yellow) borders of our turf paradise. But, for as long as most of us can remember, we have called ourselves Jewball. A lot of voices out there might have us question the integrity of our name. Without minimizing how difficult it is and has been to be a member of other tribes and backgrounds, it’s not easy right now to be a Jew. I guess then – since we are all one under this banner – it’s not easy right now to be a Jewballer. I have opinions and thoughts and philosophies about what is going and where it might go, but I’m smart enough to know to keep them to myself and to not listen to those of others. Let’s just stay strong. Stay together. Get through this abysmal era one game at a time. It’s interesting that the Jewball season mirrors the season of this war. We are in Week 4 of the war. We are in Week 4 of Jewball. I pray that very soon it will just be some week of Jewball with no anchors attached and our hostages are home and the rockets stop falling and the missiles stop falling and the sky stops falling and there is lasting peace and security for all.
Because of all this madness, we missed our Draft Party (although the TBI version was superb), and I missed my chance to post a season opening monologue. It’s too late for it now. It would normally be an effusive welcome back in the form of praise for all that is Jewball. An ode to our history and traditions – and generally just expressing appreciation for the moment. You know what? Everything may be going to hell, but my money is on civilization pulling through (call me a psychotic delusional optimist), so let’s go ahead and put the blinders on and appreciate. A Jewball season is a sacred thing. The start of it is a holiday. We celebrate the reunification of the world we have built over the decades that this league has existed. Built over decades but flourished beyond even the Oracle’s prophecies over the past five years. We emerged from a Dark Age where Jewball found itself in exile, playing in Croton, to outlasting Croton, and enter the Revolution. And just when we thought we could not achieve a higher plane of existence – because the football was so damn good and we had ourselves a turf field and no one to interfere – we realized that Jewball was not a season, but that….Jewball was life. And I say that in as un-cult like a way as possible. We ascended to our current incarnation. We are in the age of Enlightenment. Where Jewball is a universe without (many) boundaries. It’s on the field, it’s off the field, it’s on days of joy, and days of heartbreak. With too many permutations to name, but they are all awesome. So, if you just got here – you missed a lot, but you came in at a really good time. Thank you for being here. Not just the Rookies, but all of you. In times like these, you sometimes need to remind yourself why life is so precious and so worth living. So worth sticking around for. So worth wading through the muck of it all. I’m sure we all have different individual answers. But, I know that for me Jewball is right up there.
As of this writing, I did not watch TBI yet. Week 1 seems like a long time ago. I didn’t write a recap for my game. It was the only game I followed that week – Dachs v. Gronk. I left the game and headed for the airport. Dachs wasn’t himself. He wasn’t with his choice receivers and nothing was clicking. Daxxy got hurt and the gameplan changed. Gronk was just fine after basically a year off. With Goldberg dominating in the clutch and putting up 3 scores, he gets a Jewball and an extremely strong start to his season. He made some great plays this past Sunday as well.
Week 3 started off in classic Jewball fashion. Love changing fields on the spot. It’s an ugly situation, but always handled with grace, and elegance, and faith. It’s so much easier now with smart phone and whatsapp. Imagine pulling it off in the olden days. That was handled by leaving Klink or B-sh or BD by the field to redirect everyone to some location…where we also didn’t know if it would be open. The best was when you go to that new location and Jesus or Rabin or Ike were standing there to send you on to the 3rd location. I’ll tell you something….we always found a field. Always. Even if it was pathetic…we lay the cones down somewhere and played. This past Sunday was not so bad. Hewlett had lacrosse, we were told. Re-rout to Woodmere, and by the great gods of Jewball it was empty and nary a security guard in site. We are subject to the fates for the next 3 weeks, and then permit season begins.
The games were actually very good – in terms of competitiveness. Unfortunately, for those who love Jewballs and Ws, neither game had one. Both ended in ties. The only thing less fun than recapping a tie is recapping a blow-out.
Game 1 looked like it was going to be a blow-out. Dachs, reunited with Dax, and finding nice chemistry with Ross and Vegh, went up 3-0 early. Pray had a really good team and Pray is really good so it was tough to watch the lack of fight that was being put up. He was joined by Beast, Steveo, Daveo, Blitz, Goldberg, and Mighty. Honestly, I don’t remember exactly where things turned. I know there was a sequence where Pray scored (gonna guess to Mighty) and on the next drive Dachs threw an ill-advised cross body pass that fell short and Pray picked it, flipped to Daveo, and a few plays later Goldberg caught a fireball from Pray in the back of the endzone (after having dropped a similar pass a play earlier). All of a sudden, Pray was back in the game. Offense prowess let to defensive dominance and after another TD to Mighty and a Daveo P6, Pray was leading 4-3! Dachs got back to using his bro at will to gain yards, but even more-so – unwilling to take chances – began running for huge chunks of yards. The game went back and forth in the final half hour and was knotted at 9:30. People had to go. The chippiness was getting chippier, calls were being made and not respected, respected was being called but not made, made was being respected but not called – it was just a mess. So, after Dobbs ran one in with Steveo maybe getting him at the 1, and Mighty scoring a TD after a flag guard call by Ernie (who had a sparkling comeback game – good on ya, mate!), Dax saw the arguing proliferate and he had enough. He’s not hear for the bad vibes. He assessed and said he was done. And he was right. We gotta fight that urge, people. I gotta fight that urge. Bad vibes have always been a part of Jewball, but at the same time they have no place in it. People tell me that it’s about the rules. Better rules. Clearer rules. Are you joking? You’re not, but I wish you were. This isn’t about rules. Callers are gonna call. Arguers are gonna argue. Protesters are gonna protest. Chumash players are gonna chumash play. All we can do is remind and ask and beg…(each other and ourselves)…don’t make bad calls. And if you made one, take it back quickly. Don’t make calls for people. Don’t make calls from the sideline. Don’t make calls from the field if you aren’t playing and just filming (Jordan!). And if a call is made and stuck to – even a horrendous one – for the good of Jewball and so that Dax doesn’t feel dirty when he goes home – respect the horrendous call as if it was a good one. Don’t argue. Don’t even say, Coooooomeee Onnnnn.
Game 2 was less exciting than Game 1, but still well played and ended with neither side claiming victory. Perla proved himself once again resilient. Coming back from a 2-0 deficit. Yaron was on fire in the early going, slinging majestic needle threading passes to the Ice Man and Jack. But Perla is a never say die type and he surrounded himself with gamers like the Sherrif, BK, Tom, Storm, Rook, and Legs. None of those dudes are folding. And so they battled. Perla hit BK deep over Jordan for a score. Hit Tom deep to get close to endzone and punched it in. Game was tied. Perla almost took the lead but floated one to Legs in the endzone and Jordan managed to pick it. Yaron and the Ice Man scored again, but so did Perla and BK. So there you have it. A recap. May they continue. God should bless us. Our families. Our great Jewball family. God should see what we have done here at Jewball and are doing and how we conduct ourselves and operate with pure love and respect and humanity and in that merit bless this world of His, which is currently on fire.
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11/5/23
WEEK 4 – RECAP
It’s hard to look back on this past Sunday. I don’t want to look back. Not yet. Just forward. First to Monday, when I get this bicep reattached. Then to the 6 weeks of healing. Then to the 4-6 weeks of rehabbing. Then to the day I can return to the field with you all and finish the game I started. Because the game I started went like this….
No one was on the field at Woodmere Middle School when 28 of us Jewballers descended. Prime was back. The sun was shining. Was probably almost 60 degrees. I was feeling light, and fast, and healthy. Pray was my QB. If you didn’t look at your phone to see how effed up the world was, you’d think….what could be better than right now?
I’ll tell you. Three completions with Pray in the early going and a defense locking down Dachs and his very talented core of receivers including Strom and Zinn. The last of these completions a gorgeously designed play with Stella setting the pick and Jordan crossing behind him from the slot to the out and up…and Pray lofts one just far enough to make it worth the sprint toward the ball. There is nothing like that feeling of seeing a pass in the air and knowing that it’s a good pass – a perfect pass – but it only works if you – the receiver – makes the effort to get there. And it was in fact worth the effort. A TD. Stat, count it. I look over to the other field and I see Yaron and Mighty putting up points. Me and Mighty scoring TDs on WMS turf. It’s 2009 again. Pray to Jordan almost put up a second score, but a slightly underthrown fade to the right corner of the endzone was picked by Dachs, and the score remained Pray 1, Dachs 0. On the next play, with Dachs taking over from the 5, a quick pass to Ernie on Dach’s right on the outside and it’s mano a mano with Jordan. Ernie trying to get as many yards as possible. Jordan trying to limit the damage. I did something I’ve done a thousand times before. Grabbed him with the left arm, pulled the flag with the right. But, just as it happened with Goldberg on Thanksgiving about 6 years ago….the strength of my adversary overcame the biological limits of my physical body. Tendon snaps, arm is done, game is done. People are sympathetic, but I know how it goes – it just sucks for the players on the field. One person has to rotate. The flow is thrown off. The game is tainted. But, wait, it gets worse.
I look over and see Fox on the sideline as well. He’s hurt. He’s out for the game. When it rains…
Right about then, a very nice guy walks on the field. He is the soccer coach for WMS. He still owes me a video of Mighty racing some kids (though we got it later from Zada). He tells they have permit for 9:30. He says we can stay till 9am. When it rains it pours.
There are few things more important in life to get you through a travail than a productive goal. So, in a way it was a blessing. Instead of watching from the sidelines wondering and worrying how bad the injury was, I had a field to build on the grass. I built it. It was awesome but sucked at the same time. I knew Spira would eventually find a flaw, which he did. But the dimensions were perfect. It was trial and error and wound up in the only spot you could build a field on a patch of grass of that size an shape and with the obstacles it presented. The problem was it was diagonal to every reference point around it. So it was a mind eff of a field. Which isn’t good. Also, there was only one of it. So, at 9am, when Yaron v. Gronk and Pray v. Dachs needed to finish their games, they had to share. 15 minutes each on the grass. It was that kind of day for Jewball. But….Jewball is a long story. You take the good with the not as good.
I believe both games entered their 15 minutes of “overtime” with tie scores. Gronk had thrown 2 TDs to Stats, 1 to Ross, and 1 to Dax. And he had 4 picks. Jewball was his with the W. But Yaron was intent on fixing his early season losing streak. He has been throwing the ball well, but just not doing enough to get Ws. That’s why God created Mighty. To get men Ws. The Mighty one catches 2 scores and adds a third via P6 (along with a bonus pick for good measure). Dude was feeling himself! Yelling at soccer kids, challenging them to races, challenging them to leave the field at the end of their game 8 minutes early. Yaron and Mighty (along with DK, Bert, Rook, Zada and injured Fox) take a close game from Gronk 5-4. Jewball to Mighty for the show he put on.
Pray and Dachs came in to the 15 minutes knotted at 1s. As Pray described it, the wait between games and the switch to grass killed his team’s momentum. Well, may be true, but why didn’t it kill Dachs’? One team has to want it more. One team has to execute better to wrestle the W from the jaws of L. And Dachs did that. Dobs and Beast performed at the line with 5 sacks between them. Zinn had 2 picks and 2 TDs, the final picking icing the already iced game, which was a one handed bit of insanity streaking across the endzone to steal a TD. That’s some dark magic. But, the game was surely turned with Dachs up 2-1 and Pray beginning a drive with ten minutes left from Dachs’ five yard line. A screen to Prime that went the way of the duck and bounced off Prime’s cleats….into Storm’s arms in the endzone. It more or less put the game away in stupefying fashion. Absolutely brutal.
Game 2 was all Yaron and Gronk and not enough Perla magic. This is the game where BK doesn’t factor in the stats, but it’s really all about him. BK takes himself out, The Rook gets his spot, but the The Rook has cleat issues, so The Kid jumps in for The Rook for BK….and the game will forever be remembered as the one where Gronk humbles The Kid. There will be no bragging or big talk after this one. It wasn’t even so much Gronk toying with our young rook, but more like pretending he wasn’t there. It’s crazy that we have Gronk as a QB when he’s probably a top 3 receiver in the League. But, anyway, enough about Crony problems.
Perla always battles. He hasn’t won in a bit, but he’s always right there. His teams (both day and night) just need to take one more step forward to start being a real threat. Right now, they are performing like high grade speed bumps. They slow you down for a bit, but in the end you get past them anyway. The game was close for a while, with a deep ball to Jack for a score and a sliding grab in the corner of the endzone to Prime, but Yaron and Gronk just kept pouring it on. Perla’s team basically had no answer for Gronk and that was the difference. Gronk loaded up the stats line with 3 scores, a pick, a P6, and a sack. That’s Jewball material. He gets it.
As for me, I’m out for 10-12 weeks. But in the age of the Enlightenment, there are many ways to contribute to Jewball. And I will do what I can to stick around the game. I pray and I Pray. Will be back on the field as soon as possible. Gotta work hard. Gotta Ern it. No pun intendoned.
11/12/23
Week 5 Recap
Much to recap. Since the surgery, it feels like I have a built-in excuse, and I guess I’ve been using it. And thank you for not getting on me too badly about it. But Jewball is about pushing through and putting aside the excuses. What our forefathers did is an exemplar to us descendants. Well, we are all the descendants of one Alan Milchman aka The Oracle of Jewball. The man who started it all. Who started a football game in Flushing Meadows Park, Queens thirty years ago. A game that was played in all weather with no excuses. Whether a two on two or a three on three. It wasn’t a game with tremendously skilled players – they weren’t. Or a game on a great field – it wasn’t. Or a game that was extremely popular. None of that. So why did it survive? How can we possibly explain the fact that Alan – whom I had never met before – came down with his daughter, Aliza, to watch 30 supremely talented Jewballers play our double header Turkey Bowl on a turf field over two decades after he handed the game to Rabin and hung up his cleats? Where he was recognized and welcomed as our founder? I actually think I know. I was telling some of the guys about the legend which Alan was able to confirm in person. When Jewball began, before Zada’s docs, and Whatsapp Ins, and email Ins, and phone calls, and simply showing up, there was The Oracle’s answering machine. Every Saturday night the tape started blank. And a player would call and say “Bradley in.” And Alan would re-record the tape to count Bradley and himself. And Mike would call and say “Mike In” and Alan would erase the tape and re-record to count Bradley, Alan, and Mike. And Rabin would call…Each player would then know how many were in and the hope was that eventually the count would reach 8, maybe 10 and there was enough for a decent game. I think about that answering machine. The hishtadlus that it represents. I think about all the other pick-up games of the time and of all time, and I cannot imagine that there was another Commissioner with that kind of dedication and vision. I picture him erasing the tape and re-recording each time, saying the names. I imagine Alan waiting for the phone to ring and being filled with hope and joy and possibility each time it was a Jewballer on the line saying In. What would have been a stupefying chore to others was an instinctual obligation to him. An obligation. A mitzvah. Taken upon himself with complete faith. What he was doing was exceptional. And maybe he didn’t know why at the time. But I believe that his extreme hishtadlus on those Saturday nights is what merited us our longevity and success. Without that answering machine, the game dies in utero. Rabin is never brought down. Spira is playing somewhere else. I never play the game at all. So, how could I not get to work on these recaps with that kind of inspiration staring me in the face…
Week 5 began with a premature League game to accommodate a former MVP’s return from the wilds of Florida. Prime was back in the fold under the wing of Pray’s Birds. But Prime was not the only MVP coming back to Jewball this season after an absence. The man named MVP and with the trophy to prove it is back from the wilds of Illinois and returns to lead his Crocs in a League campaign. It was Crocs v. BOP to kick off the 2023 League Season. A week after losing both the field and my bicep tendon mid-game, we were blessed to have WMS all to ourselves and the sun was shining. It turned out to be a great day for Jewball.
In the first hour of the game, though I was at Hewlett scoping the field just in case, Yaron was reporting that BOP v. Crocs was shaping up to be a brilliant show. Early on it featured a deep reception by Dobs and a Dobs TD, as well as a mind-bending one handed catch by Zinn. Crocs had the lead and were competing. But of course I show up and Crocs went the way of all my teams. Underdogs can’t win when I’m around. And so Pray began throwing TDs to everyone not named Prime and Snow began throwing passes to everyone not on the Crocs and after 5 picks by BOP and 5 TDs thrown by Pray, the game was out of hand. Snow and the Crocs have a ton of talent and are expected to compete, but they start the League Season 0-1. BOP begin 1-0 and the Jewball goes to Pray for the 5 TDs thrown, plus his 3 picks (2 of which he ran back for scores).
The 945 Games that followed the League Game were not short on epic storylines themselves. Returning from the wilds of Ramat Bet Shemesh, Zez mad his annual return to Jewball – always straight from the airport. I will always maintain that our greatest virtue is that we are always a home for our Vets. If you give enough to this game, and earn Vet status, we will always welcome you back as a conquering hero. No matter how long. No matter how far. And Zez is a Jewball hero and a real life hero. An absolute honor and privilege to have our gunslinger back on the field and firing.
And firing he did. His first TD was a classic Zez rushing TD from the QB slot and his second TD was bullet to Legs in the back in the endzone. The returning warrior was poised to get the W and the Jewball. But (and I feel like I’ve written this a few times already) tis’ the season of Mighty and the Vet goes off for 2 scores in regulation and the score is tied. Zez could have won it in regulation but Logan dropped a sure TD. After Mighty went for hat trick and gave Yaron the lead in OT, it was Zezzy with a drive to at least end in a tie, but his team betrayed him again. Beast couldn’t haul one in that may have gone for a TD, and Zez leaves with nothing but an immeasurable store of love, respect, and admiration – and while Zez is always intent in the W, I have feeling what we provided will do. Jewball to Mighty for all the points (plus a pick).
On the other side of the field was Perla v. Pray in a game where the Randomizer tried to make it hard on Pray. Though he had the number 1 draft pick in Zinn and a cavalcade of Jewball stars, Perla was given Kut, BK, Storm, Dax, Daxxy, Tom and Dobs. As formidable a team as ever assembled. I got into it a little bit with Perla from the sideline when I though the offense was stalling. Here’s my take. No one should be embarrassed on the field. At the same time, no one should be immune from being embarrassed on the field. It’s kind of what we do. Just ask the longest tenured Jewballer, Dr. Duckball Assman. Maybe then….I need to be more careful about the level of it and to who. Regardless, I apologized to White and he has to know it comes from only one place: I want him to be great. I want him to kick Pray’s ass. And Yaron’s ass. And especially Dachs’ ass. I’m an underdog guy. My favorite team this season not named Cronies is of course Purple Cobras. I love a great story. At the same time, we here at Jewball need competitive, quality, fun football – week in and out. And when it comes to QBS, if X isn’t going to do it, Y will. Pray ended up winning the game. Perlas was down 5-2 and mounted a heroic comeback, but dropped the contest 5-4. Perla holds the ball too long, but we still need to recognize the line play of Spira and Salem, going for 8 sacks in total (4 apiece). Jewballs to that dynamic duo.
Week 6 and Turkey Bowl….(and I guess Week 7) to follow….onward! No excuses!
11/19/23
Week 6 – RECAP
One day, someone might read this recap and wonder why it has so few details considering it was written between Week 6 and Week 7, as is the tradition. Not just tradition, but more or less the practice for almost 20 years. But, as an excuse as well as an indictment, this recapper must admit that it is being drafted on the eve of Week 9. I will catch up, but it won’t be pretty.
Week 6 was played 6 days after the surgery that has me on the sidelines for another month. I made some notes so I wouldn’t forget the games entirely. There were 3 games played. I have a note saying, “the week Pray screwed everyone.” Presuming my memory serves and Woodmere Middle School did not turn into Yaron’s favorite beach club, this was the week we thought perhaps Yopray was making his earthly debut. So, it went from a really hot Pray v. Dachs matchup. A one for the ages battle of brothers as the Dachs boys clashed with the K Bros. It had the makings of a Jewball inferno. Instead, Pray goes ahead and has a staring contest with his wife for 5 hours, waiting for her to flinch and clear him for departure. With each contraction, the quality of our games contracted. Not only did she ultimately not have the baby until two weeks later, but Pray couldn’t make the call early enough, so a Pray lead team became a Rahmani lead team – and not even the Vet….it was the undrafted rookie, Akiva Rahmani. Truth be told, he wasn’t that bad. He has his dad’s confidence and determination, and he threw some true passes. Put up 2 scores with Legs and 2 with the Rook, but too little too late as this was a revenge game for Dachs who had been starved of his prized weapon for weeks. No one can say Dachs isn’t talented on his own (Recap of Week 7 will allow for this discussion), but give him Dax and one can call the force unstoppable. With Daxxy on their side as well – and Pray out – well, very few things in Jewball are inevitable, but math is math. And 3 Dachs > 3 Ks + 2 Rahmanis. Dax goes off for 5 TDS in a Dachs over Rahmani win 6-4. Jewballs to Dachs and Dax, proving once again that there is no better tandem in Jewball.
One benefit of writing the recap embarrassingly late is that I can epilogue here and report with the nachas of a grandfather that we were zocheh to see the aforementioned Prayby born between Week 7 and Week 8, which caused much light and joy in the Jewball world. Beginning with the collection for the Jewball gift (thank you, as always, big O), which I am told was the most participated in gift we have had. And I’m not surprised. Many people contribute to things. Many do so consistently. A bunch do it every time. But, I can say this unequivocally about Pray – he is as zealous and generous when it come to giving to Jewball as it gets. And he’s being doing it since day 1. In other words – he doesn’t just deserve it, he’s creating his own reality. You INDEED reap what you sow. As I told him after the shoyloym zoychoyur that Jewball descended on a week ago Friday night, thank you for being the guy we want to walk to in the pouring rain for. There was no question. No doubt. It’s a Pray simcha. We’re there. Was capped off by the bris, which I did forget about (so there goes the speech above), but thankfully Daveo messaged a dig at BD (who probably hates this paragraph so much), which got me there in a flash – just in time to catch the pic and learn that Kut likes his eggs runny af. I was also able to botch a Harachaman (thank you, Pray – means more to me than you can know) and hear Pray speak and call Jewball his other family. Well, he didn’t lie – we are. May Yonah grow l’tackles, catches, and mvp seasons.
Across the field on a stunning football Sunday, Yaron and MVP were locked in perhaps the best game of our young but rapidly aging Jewball season. Do I remember much about it? Of course not. But I do recall it being a good one. I believe it was the Solo Jewball season debut and he made it a real good one. The kind of game you get Jewballs for with 5 sacks and getting his team on the board with a dump and run TD. Was great to see him doing his rhythmic breathing exercises on the field once again. If I recall – and I don’t – Yaron jumped out to a lead in this one by maybe two scores. He was giving Snow a licking while the only thing Snow was licking was his fingers. Despite all that moisture – or maybe because of it – Snow threw 3 picks (Dobs, Bron, and The Kid). And what if I told you that Yaron put up 3 scores in the game? Sounds like Le’Bron got himself off the matt and went home with a W. But, no. Despite throwing zero picks…I guess the defense just locked down on him and prevented further damage, while Snow threw 3 TDs to the Mighty one and one to the Wizard….and – let’s just say in OT since I think it was – Snow defeats Yaron 4-3! Jewball to Mighty once again. It’s getting stupid.
In the 945 Game, Yaron, coming off a tough loss, had a very tough task. A hungry Pray was released and showed up ready to ball. It was clear that all his frustrations with his wife, marriage, life choices, and religion were about to be unleashed on the field. And then the randomizer went full crackhead and handed him Solo, Legs, Spira, Ice Man, Salem, and Beast. It’s like the Suicide Squad version of Jewball and I don’t mean the softball version, emphasis on the soft. Although Yaron had the power of 4 Katzes (and btw – just thought of a great name for an all Katz team – ThunderKatz), it wasn’t remotely enough to prevent the murder death kills that greeted him that Sunday morning. Pray threw 5 TDS. Two to the Ice Man, 2 to Legs, and 1 to my boy Spira. Pray gets the Jewball for risking his marriage once again for Jewball. Not sure that’s a good thing, but he should at least get something for his questionable decision making.
TURKEY BOWL
I’m not gonna recap these games because I filmed them, but I must certainly once again commend Rabin for bringing The Oracle down. How cool is that? The guy was the first Jewballer! I’ve never met him until a few weeks ago and he was able to watch our game and the guys were able to give him respect and express gratitude. We will pick this concept up at the Chanukah Party, but miracles are no coincidence.
Dachs beats Snow in the early one. Dom came out to set up and ref, which was also a Jewball first. My ice cream cake melted into oblivion and I believe is now a permanent fixture to the LHS track. I got to finally drink beers with Ernie. Kut made juicy wings.
Every year on Thanksgiving we ask for a miracle and that Rabin will put it all together and throw a game of winning football. Until 120 we hope to continue. But, such miracles are happening much less frequently in recent years. We will always have that incredible Turkey Bowl Tourney win….that was top 3 Jewball moments. But, alas, you were struggling in this one and Gronk took over about half way through. Was an excellent game. Feit was back and…y’know….he just looked really sharp. He looked like the Feit that caught on at the end of the Miracle Season and was immediately handed a League Team. He looked like the guy who had IT. Less pump fakes and more pumped up. He did end up losing as Gronk stages a sweet comeback with Rabin as receiver playing hero – making a wild catch behind his head even though he was facing the QB….so…yeah. But Feit had this game. Dropped TD by Pray, and Irv didn’t come down with a game winner. But Thanksgiving isn’t about results or stats. I mean, results matter – Ws never die, but – again – these recaps are coming in late and we have the ability to take the long view of everything. I am thankful for Dom, and Feit, and The Oracle, and Shuey Offman who came out to watch some Jewball, and the memories of that epic tournament with Rabin, and the fact that we celebrate all things together – because we take nothing for granted.
11/26/23 , 12/10/23
WEEK 7 & 9 RECAP
League Weeks 1 and 2 Recap
Although we played one League game Primeaturely, Week 7 of Jewball marked the official start of League Weeks. The hype for Leagues this season was somewhat muted by the reconfigured Draft Party and the long wait for the games to begin, but Jewball Leagues are Jewball Leagues, and there is really nothing quite like it in our history. We’ve had big games, whether against non Jewball teams or – most similarly – Vets Rooks, but there is something about Leagues. The jerseys. The team names. The bonding. The knowledge that only one crew will remain standing, and DOMA sits at the end of the crucible. I like to think that Jewballers bring it every week – and for the most part, they do. No one takes a play off. Except for Snow accidentally saying in the huddle once, “Let’s have some fun,” and Zinn accidentally saying on the chat once that Vets Rooks doesn’t matter, Jewballers generally show up ready to rumble. But you can’t deny the sizzle in the air on League Weeks. So, despite the drama, it was a great idea, it remains a great idea – and – with some tweaks – we are continuing to make it a core element of the Jewball season.
Week 7 featured two games, Cronies v. Dawgs and Lionhearts v. Cobras. The Crocs (0-1) and Birds (1-0) had the week off and a bunch of their players came down to watch. First up was Cronies v. Dawgs. Gotta hand it to the Dawgs. They have shown up for both League Games so far with their full rosters available. That’s always a great sign. Cronies have 3 players on the IR (Sting, Jordan, and Samet), with possibly only Jordan poised to come back this season. And PJs was on assignment. So it was formed Crony (and Championship MVP) Maor to the rescue. That gave the team 6. Daxxy recruited a kid from high school with a good reputation to round out the squad – nice, kid, but the result was less than nice.
Gronk came out leading his Cronies with that Gronk swagger. Quick long strike, perfectly placed to Storm, and it was Cronies on the board first. 6-0. But all that potential and hype disappeared as the game progressed. Daxxy’s Plus 1 had a brutal game of drops. And we know Gronk – he gives up on no one who is open. Player was open. The ball hit him in the hands. The ball hit the ground. Time and time again. The good news for the Cronies was, Dawgs were going drop for drop with them. Think even Mighty dropped one. For sure Ross did. Dachs and Gronk were handling their business and being let down. However, Dawgs has Mighty and Legs – two players that have shown this season that they will not be held down. Mighty caught 2 TDs, and had a P6. Legs erupts for 6 sacks. Jewball to each of those monsters. This is also the game where Beast reffed, and I think it went relatively well with someone making calls. Less fights. Even though some of the calls were made under the influence. I think. Your final is 26-6 Dawgs (1-0) over Cronies (0-1).
In a game that felt like it would be even more one-sided than the early game, Lionhearts v. Cobras had some juice at the end. Once again, it was the team that had its roster show up looking a lot better than the team trying to plug holes. Listen, I give Perla a ton of credit. He is the ultimate gamer. He abides by the philosophy of…..you do your best with what you have and you fight to the whistle. But Cobras need MK, Solo, Goldberg, and Sherrif at every game to compete. And so far they have not had a game with those 4 in attendance. They played a fully stocked Lionhearts and it wasn’t close for most of the game. Yaron jumped out to a 3 score lead, looking really comfortable with his new toys. While his usual go-to, Jack, did have a rushing TD, it was Fox having the statement game hauling in 3 TDs. With all hope seeming lost, Perla did his usual furious comeback bit. Riding the elusive speed and sure-handedness of Sherrif, and the rage of Big E Walls (3 sacks), Cobras made it interesting in the end. Whiskey caught at TD pass which brought the Cobras to within a score to tie the game. But Yaron pumped two late TDs in (1 to Stats and 1 to Fox) and put it out of reach. Jewball to Yaron for the 5 TDs thrown and 2 sacks as his Lionhearts (1-0) defeat the Cobras (0-1).
After a rain checked Week 8, League Week 2 was played – all 3 games at 8 am. We will begin with the 2 played at Lawrence High School on an unseasonably warm and calm December morning – though the clouds were pregnant with a brewing storm. And speaking of storms a brewing, our very own Johnny Storm had himself a game for the Cronies. This time it was Cobras with MK and Goldberg, but without Perla’s main weapon, Sherrif. Regardless, there is no real good excuse for what happened. Cobras need to figure out something that works. They have too many talented players to not be competitive. This one is not worth analyzing much more than saying Gronk gets Jewball for throwing 6 TDS to 4 different receivers (3 to Storm). The Kids scores the only TD for Cobras. PJS had a TD and an epic sack which we just learned will sideline Perla for a bit (welcome to the club). And Tommy looks like a keeper. Cronies (1-1) right the ship and Cobras (0-2) are still looking for answers.
Across the way, a heavyweight battle was underway. BOP v. Dawgs faced each other in a game that many think will be replicated in the finals. Once again, Dawgs were fully loaded, while BOP was missing Prime, and for most of the game it was Dawgs on top. The game was scoreless for the first quarter, but as the 2nd quarter began, Dachs found Waldo streaking across the back of the endzone and took the lead. The lead was held until 2 minutes before the half, when Pray found former FCFT and Top Guns captain, Feit, a step off the sideline in the endzone and the QB did his best WR impression, making the catch and getting 3 balls in. Game tied. At this point, I ventured to WMS to scope our 3rd game of the day, but when I returned 45 minutes later, it was clear that Dawgs had been victimized. They were wronged in some way and the game was unofficially being played under protest. Two calls by BOP were being disrespected (a flag guard call by Daveo and PI call by Ice Man) had the Dawgs uproarious. Meanwhile, they had the lead with 15 minutes left. But the lead was squandered as the clock ticked down. After multiple holding calls by Legs as BOP knocked on the door of a game tying TD, Pray eventually slipped one in to Ice Man and the score was tied. Everyone was exhausted from the arguing, spirits were low, and players had/wanted to go – so it was decided to go 1 and 1 full possession with Dachs and Dawgs getting ball first. You could kind of tell that Dawgs were going to lose this game based on the way things had gone. Right or wrong, the calls and the turn of events had them unfocused and resigned to a bitter fate. They went 3 and out. Pray and BOP were confident and played with their chins up. O had to run so the Dawgs were down a big defensive weapon, especially on the pass rush and slowing the QB run. Pray used this to his advantage and marched down the field with a few runs mixed in. On the final play of the game, Pray connects with Feit once again in the endzone and as the saying goes, Feit got hands. He makes the catch and closes this one out. BOP (2-0) 18 and Dawgs (1-1) 12. Jewball goes to a man who hasn’t played much football with us this season. In fact, this was his first regular season game. He had a very disappointing season last year, and a disappointing League season the year before that….but Jewballers never say die. Feit told us he couldn’t commit to playing this season. Couldn’t commit to Leagues. But he entered the draft and was chosen in the very late rounds by Pray. And last Sunday he was a game winning hero. Jewball to Feit for all the reasons we give out this award.
The last game is the one I know the least about. I know that it was scheduled to be played at HHS, but was rerouted to WMS and thankfully that worked. I know that Yaron was without Fox, who was the real scoring difference-maker for him in League Game 1. MVP and the Crocs were also short a few players, but what a blessing to have Jesus come back and play some Jewball with us. Jesus does it right (as does Zez). It’s okay to leave Jewball if you must, but if you are around – get a game in. Keep the tradition going. Stay with the family. Jesus is a Golden Age player who has made sure to catch a game whenever he can. If you ever find yourself away from Jewball, but have an opportunity to come back for a game, ask yourself: What would Jesus do? Jesus ended up needing to play for both teams as Rabin had some tightness which gave him scare enough to pull himself from the game. If I’m not mistaken, Crocs never trailed. They either had the lead or were tied from the beginning. I asked Zinn after the game, what he thought of Crocs. His quietly confident take: “We are working on some things.” I interpret that as, we have a good team, and we can win this whole thing….but we need to stay hungry and have the mentality of improve every game. It’s a very likeable and talented team. Well, Zinn lead by example last Sunday with 3 scores and a pick – Jewball to him. Jesus told me on the sideline about Zinn, we’ve had great athletes, but no one ever as smooth as that kid. Can’t argue. Zinn’s 3 TDs plus 1 by BK were enough to beat a subdued Lionhearts offense. Snow’s Crocs (1-1) just had too much firepower and Lionhearts (1-1) felt the absence of Fox.
12/17/23
WEEK 10 RECAP
Week 10 Recap
It’s a cliché, but Jewball has become the gift that keeps on giving. With every season, we add something new that immediately becomes an integral part of the tradition. As if we’ve always done it. As if the innovation had just been waiting for us to incorporate it into our ever expanding schedule. And so it has been with our Chanukah Party – now a mere three years old, but feeling like a well worn pair of jeans. Just comfortable and reliable and always a good look. Legs was just a precocious newbie when he stated with the authority of a Vet that Jewball shall have a Chanukah Party. And the wives shall be invited. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. Year one was a pool hall in Island Park. Year two was a brewery in Oceanside. Year Three was a music hall in West Hempstead. Three different flavors, but each one absolutely spot-on for the moment in time. My only regret is that not everyone could be at every one. But to those who came out, thank you. It’s a major source of a chizuk for me personally and for all those who appreciate the world we have built and continue to. Thank you to Legs once again for starting this up and buying us all drinks. To Rabin for sponsoring the games. To Yaron for handling the food (and to all those who sent him $). To Daveo, Steveo and Ice Man for the donuts (support Alans!). To the big O for thinking about our wives and getting them extremely thoughtful gifts. To Weague Leek (Kut, Ernie, Dax, Daveo, and Steveo) for entertaining the hell out of us. And most of all to DK for giving Ernie a permanent complex.
The party preceded Week 10, and although there wasn’t mass intoxication at the party, there seemed to be a group hangover Sunday morning by anyone playing against Yaron.
It was our second week in a row of pending rain storms. So cold and gloomy, but the Jewball gods once again kept the downpour in check so the games could be played.
Let’s start with the blow out loss. We can blame one of two things for such an uneven game – if we are looking for excuses. One is Brody’s big comeback was delayed at the last minute by none other than Brody. I believe he wholeheartedly intends to return, but I think I speak for all of us when I say – I’ll believe it when I see it. So Spira – a very good player – takes the place of Brody. The issue is just they are different kinds of players. It took a speed receiver away from Pray. The other excuse is Pray who was getting over a flu-like symptomy week. He just wasn’t himself. The other possibility – and it should not be brushed aside – is that Gronk is back to the dominant Gronk that beat up on every QB we threw at him. A week after leading a team that put up a whopping 8 scores, he leads a team that puts up….a whopping 8 scores. Although this will be remembered as the Tom game, where the big fella galloped his way to two awe-inspiring touchdowns, it’s really about what Gonk is doing right now. As Tom himself said later in the day while chasing his kids around Ohr Torah, “Gronk uses me.” And that’s what makes the Mat Stafford doppelganger so effective. He has gift for processing the field and finding the open man. He firmly believes that the open man gets the ball – no matter what the power rankings or the mock drafts say. Faith breeds confidence and confidence breeds catches. Well, Gronk ran away with this one. Literally. He ran, sashayed, shook, and shimmied for 3 scores himself while throwing 5 more to 3 different receivers. Pray could only put up half that many points in his diminished state. The Rat got his stats with a TD and a pick. Mike made a really sweet deep catch for a score, starting to show the skills that he’s been promoting on the chat. And the quiet hero of Jewball, Josh Scott Dobs, not only inflated the menorah, but inflated his stat line with 2 TDs. Although I’d love to give the Jewball to Tom because he’s a majestic beast of a man, it’s got to be Gronk for laying the smackdown two weeks in a row.
On the other side of the cones, Yaron was doing his best Gronk impression – he himself rushing for 3 TDs, but would it be enough? His opposing QB, the great recent girl dad Dachs, is known for putting up points and running up a score. But to do this, your receivers needs to catch the ball. And his have been suffering from a chronic case of the dropsies. A malady that plagued many of Yaron’s receivers in the past.
Now what if I told you that Yaron’s top receiver, Ice Man, would go down early with ankle, attempt to tough through it, but eventually limp off the field not to return. What if I told you that his replacement, Legs, would not show up until garbage time. What if I told you the Sheriff would score two for Yaron, but they would each be canceled by calls (Goldberg PI, and Beast that the line moved – poetic combo). What if I told you, two of Yaron’s players, Goldberg and Ross, would each have multiple easy almost picks which they bumbled. And then what if I told you Yaron won by 3 scores over Dachs, 5-2. It’s hard to say what was wrong with Dachs, but I guess I’ll just say Mazal Tov. He had a lot on his mind and his receivers were making his life miserable with some unforced errors. Either way, the W by Yaron was inexplicable. But that’s why we play the games. Two very hot QBs going head to head in Week 11 in a League Game (in less than 10 hours actually). Jewball to Yaron for winning this one with smoke, mirrors, scotch tape, and other scraps of the trash his game is made of.
The late game was better. While Pray’s fever had still not broken, at least this time Spira was actually supposed to be on his team. I have to admit, I spent most of the game talking life, hashkafa, and shidduchim with Irv, I was cognizant of the game for fleeting moments. One of them allowed me to witness a spectacular, stunning, and stupendous touch down pass from Pray to BK like Lock to Smith-Njigba. BK getting to the ball in full stride and hauling it in with his fingertips down the right sideline. At another instant of paying attention, I saw Legs looking more and more like the T-1000 version of Christian McCaffrey. But this terminator wears tiny pink shorts. Brad had 2 sacks, a TD, came early to help Jewball, and wore his shorts. I was going to give Yaron two Jewballs on the day, but he’ll gladly take his 2 wins and the momentum into tomorrow. Instead, it’lll go to Legs since TBI and the general consensus of Jewball is that Legs is the man right now. Or at least the cybernetic organism right now. Come with me if you want to win.
12/24/23
WEEK 11- RECAP
League Week 3 gamesmanship started days in advance, as two of our teams were scrambling to replace QBs. The QB for the 1-1 Dawgs and 0-2 Cobras were out of commission for pivotal matchups in this very short 6 game season. Dachs was trying to keep the shalom bayis and stayed back (with the exception of a short appearance, leaving the kids in the car in the parking lot like many great men before him), and Perla is down with a bone chip suffered during a PJS flackle (flag grab disguised as tackle). Let the battle for Weider begin. While the potential/hopeful future Jewballer had agreed to come out, the question was who he would play for. It looked at first that he would be throwing for Cobras as his absence was assured, but once Dachs made his decision to sit official, Legs played both the he’s my friend card and the confused card, and Weider was all set to run the offense for the Dawgs. We will get to the Cobras in a bit.
The Dawgs, coming off a loss to BOP, were taking on the 1-1 Crocs, who had beaten the Lionhearts a few weeks earlier at Woodmere Middle. An impressive win, but one they viewed as merely a stepping stone. The Dawgs would be a tough test, with the combined talents of Legs, Mighty, Steveo, O, Blitz, Salem, and Ross. Even without their leader and signal caller – this is a stacked team. But would Weider be able to catch up to Jewball speed after many years away from the game and scrape off the rust in time to deliver his team a victory? To the game:
The answer to the rust question was answered immediately. It was there and needed some scraping. Passes were not reaching their intended targets and Weider’s scrambles were one gear too slow. It was surely a frustrating first few sets for the Dawgs. But it was clear that Weider was a winner and confident and knew that his football faculties would return – the only question was when and would it be too late?
The Crocs were lined up with their formidable squad; MVP under center and a powerhouse of talent lead by Zinn and rounded out by BK, Dobbs, Rook, Sam, Kut, Vegh, and Tom. On their first possession, a well contested ball and drop by the normally sure-handed Dobbs kept both teams off the board early. But after another shaky set with Weider’s timing off, Snow got the ball back and went to the most reliable weapon in Jewball – the jump ball to Zinn. Left sideline 40 yard no doubter – keeping it simple and moving the chains. From the red zone, Ross – who had a big game – made a nice play batting down a TD intended for Zinn, but a play later Snow found BK and the Crocs were on the board.
If Weider wasn’t going to figure things out, it was possible that Crocs could win even with one score. But just then the defense did him a huge favor. It was the Big O with a deflection of a Snow pass and a beautiful diving recovery of the ball before it hit the ground – setting up the Dawgs at their 5 yard line. With that kind of down and distance, Weider came back fully charged and found Ross zipping across the endzone left to right and tied things up.
The celebration was short lived. With Dachs watching from the sideline, the Dawgs’ defense broke down and a blown coverage resulted in a wide open BK who easily took the 25 yard pass to the house as Legs screamed “Who has him?!” Crocs up 2-1 as the first half came to a close.
The second half was about as exciting as Jewball gets. Weider transformed right before our eyes into a QB, and though still not what he soon will be, the passes were crisper – some brilliant – and the QB runs were up to speed. And it helped that Ross was having his best game as a Jewballer. The rookie picked Snow for 6 and tied the game up early in the 2nd half. The second half made it look like Snow was trying to blow the game. The first half momentum was flushed away in a flurry of picks. The MVP was intercepted 5 times on the day and the last one resulted in a drive for the invigorated Weider and Dawgs. A sweet sliding grab running right to left in the corner of the endzone by Blitz to give the Dawgs a 3-2 lead with only minutes left in the game. Dawgs were assured ball last so the odds were stacked against the Crocs to pull this one out. I wish I could say I remember everything about the drive Snow orchestrated. For some reason I think it was catches by Vegh and Dobs. Either way, the drive was capped by a game tying TD by the Rook! Dawgs now with the ball and a chance to win it in regulation. Weider marched his team down the field confidently. Everything had gone their way in the second half and it was now time to indelibly stamp this game as an all time great comeback. Straight out of a TBI dream sequence, the game would end on an out to Mighty on the right side. He would make one man miss and skitter his way in to the endzone to seal the game and his legend. The Year of the Rat would continue. But what happened was…Mighty runs into a brick wall at the 1. And you can’t spell brick without BK. BK stands Mighty up at the 1 and the game goes on. It goes on to the tune of another TD for the Rook in nearly the same spot as his game tying TD five minutes earlier. Dawgs get another chance to win the thing, but after some positive yards, Weider fires a gorgeous 26 yard pass at a crossing Blitz, who proceeds to do what Storm calls the dart board and the ball bounces off his chest and into the air. And then into the waiting arms of Rook. Game over. Crocs win! Jewball in a game like this is a tough win. Because it’s an important game and there were so many huge plays. In the end, none were bigger than the one that actually prevented the loss. That is BK stopping Mighty at the 1. That’s the ball game, right there. Mighty scores there nine out of ten times. Rook comes very close with the late game heroics, but in the end – it’s BK with the 2 early scores to give Crocs the cushion they desperately needed, and making the play of the game to keep his team alive.
Our other games I did not watch. Klink was manning the Cronies v. Lionhearts game and Samet was handling Cobras v. BOP. Thank you, gentlemen, both. Much appreciated. Brief recaps of those two affairs:
At LHS, it was the 1-1 Cronies against the 1-1 Lionhearts, and Lionhearts jumped out first with a bomb TD to Jack. My heart sunk as I saw that from across the way, thinking my team would be having a rough day. But they didn’t. A few minutes later I see a bomb TD to storm and a few minutes after that a bomb TD to Tommy. I see the Cronies celebrating and barking. We bark. You can shut them up by beating them. Good luck. Every time I look up I see Oppen smacking down a pass. I see Daxxy with a huge smile. Cronies are fine. Yaron put up some points in Yaron time, but it was all Cronies day. My QB throws 3 TDs (Tommy, PJs, and Storm), has 3 picks (2 of em for 6), and racks up another Jewball.
Brady did not make it to Jewball. The man most excited about Bardy did not make it out Sunday morning. Solo was late Sherrif was later. Cobras still made it a game, but in a losing effort. BOP have not lost. Cobras have not won. On to the next. Every game is its own unique story and possibility. Jewball to Prime for coming in and scoring a TD. The guy is an inspiration.
The next morning we regrouped for some Jesus Bowl football. Was great to see All Man play some ball. Was astonishing to see Brody come out (for all the well earned shtick about his chronic canceling – he can ball). Was beautiful to see all the friends and Jewball family on the sideline. Our Bowl Games are our holidays and we know how to celebrate. We know what’s important. We have another one in a few days. See you on the field.
12/31/23
WEEK 12 – RECAP
WEEK 12 RECAP
As I slowly but surely run out of ways to describe football games in words, I like to believe that by filming, I save myself the requirement to recap. Week 12 was another 3 game affair and I dutifully filmed much of it. And as much as I’d love to refer you to the clips posted for some of the details of these games, this is a recap that needs writing. The Chronicles need to mark this week because we will one day ask ourselves when the Gronk comeback began. And the answer will be that it occurred on the same week that the Feit comeback began.
Game 1A looked really good on paper. Two QBs on a roll going head to head. Gronk v. Pray. At the same time two MVP candidates on the same team – Mighty and Pray – trying to win the game while limiting the stats of the other. And also the biggest challenge of all…PJs trying to avoid a concussion. I’d love to say that things started falling apart for Team Colors the moment Gronk got injured, but in reality – he had thrown three picks and no TDs before tragedy struck. I believe the score was 0-0 when all of a sudden, Gronk was on the floor, eyes closed, holding his leg. He knew. “I feel like I got shot in the ankle” He was doing something he had done a thousand times before. Moving around, buying some times before finding the open receiver. And bang. Shot. Down he goes. There are so many reasons to lament the end of Gronk’s season. After basically missing the entire last season, he came back with just a tad of rust on the field and a lot more centered off of it. The guy was a force to be reckoned with on the chat the past few seasons. Firing missives and provocations with abandon. But, now, he is Oraclesque in his discretion – weighing his words and thoughts. Then the football part of him kicked in. Athletes gonna athlete. He started intimidating QBs, catching Yaron bombs on Tuesday nights, taunting the Kid, and dropping dimes on every single WR at his disposal. He was having a season that could only be described as Gronkian. But sports is a cruel master and there are no free passes. No one is above a season ender. We are all out here dodging bullets. As is the Jewball way, Gronk hobbles over to a bench and spends the rest of the game contemplating his miserable fate. With a torn achilles, the denial stage does not last long. Depression sets in almost immediately. Acceptance soon after. The game goes on, but it was not much of a challenge. A one armed Jordan steps in to replace a QB. Kut tries to throw. Throws a pick. Goldberg tried to throw. Throws 2 picks. Mighty is the beneficiary of all this. Scores 2 and picks 3. PJs catches a TD as well as knee to the head. He nearly had a P6, but was foggy post hit. Pray walks away with the Jewball in the accursed game with 3 thrown, 2 picks, and 1 of em for 6. Gronk….fight!
Gronk had a great excuse for taking the L. Don’t know what Yaron will tell you. He loses to the upstart Invader 2-1 in a game that all who witnessed it dubbed The Daxxy Game. The rookie crooner had 2 sacks and a majestic leaping P6. I missed the fireworks of that play, but every time I looked up to check on that game, I saw E making catches all over the place and DK taking out his sack lunch (birthday boy had 4). But DK and E’s heroics were not enough to get Yaron a W. Who can possibly get a Jewball for the Daxxy Game? Hmmmm….
On a day where a QB goes down, a QB is resurrected. Feit has been having a lowkey strong season. Walked to Pray SZ in the rain. Played sharp in 2 Bowl Games. Got a Jewball in a BOP win. And now, a regular season win over Yaron. JaBron graciously gave Storm a start on the fiery one’s birthday and it went pretty well. Both Feit and Storm went 3 and out to start the game, but on take two, Storm matriculated down the field and fired one in to Yaron at the back of the endzone and took a 1-0 lead. At that point Yaron took over the offense and the team would fail to score for the remainder of the game. And although Feit ran anemic offenses for his League Teams in prior years, he has been a potent offensive force this season. The Determined Dermo has been showing up with the Stat That swagger of old, and dividends are being paid. He throws the TDs (Sherrif, Kut, and Pray), runs one in for a score, and add a pick for extra flavor. Jewball to him? Yes. Is a League Team next?
1/7/24
WEEK 13-14 – RECAP
As we barrel toward another Jewball season finale, we steadily begin to tighten the bow on a season that somehow is three quarters complete. The extraordinary beauty of the Jewball season is that it’s become all beauty. From the rookies added to the chat as if thrown into a pool of unlabeled, to the pre-season sunshine and shorts, all the way to the devastating final recap and the naming of our 2023-2024 MVP. It’s all just so damn beautiful – you can hardly stand it, like the stalker mused in American Beauty while watching a Gourmet Glatt bag rise and tumble in the whirlwind. All that taken for granted, there is something uniquely special about how our seasons wind down. I wouldn’t say we save the best for last, but I would say that much of our best times arrive with the culmination of our calendar. Whether it be the Vets Rookies match up (now a tourney), the climax of Leagues (now heightened as 2 of 4 teams will be eliminated from playoff contention), or the legendary Super Bowl BBQ, there is a concentrated awesomeness permeating our final quarter. And it has arrived. Hold on tight.
But it was more than that – for me – for us – as I sit here trying (struggling, I admit) to get this recap out. It feels both like tying up a loose end and connect the pieces of a fraying moment. A moment where we are reeling from a lack of football. If Jewball is life, then the football itself is chayenu v’orech yamainu (our essence and the length of our days). Without it, we gasp for air, stretching our arms from beneath the suffocating waves hoping someone pulls us from the barrens. We unravel. We clamor for a lifeline. And I’m hoping this recap serves. And of course, I relish that opportunity. Mighty is wrong in stating that the recaps used to be better. I think what he subconsciously means is that the recaps used to be more meaningful. Not because of their content or erudition, but because they once upon a time literally meant more to Jewball. They were the thing that separated us. They bridged the gap between Sundays. Told our stories as if we were worthy of the myths crafted by the bards of yore. And maybe….just maybe….we were. Our story is currently in its infancy. Believe that. But the recaps were no better. Thank God they are just needed far less in the Enlightenment as the gap has been bridged by so many phenomenal developments.
The above being the case, I am particularly well positioned to write for this moment – as few have been starved of football more than this recapper. I think I went down in Week 4. That’s 12 weeks ago (which is 900 weeks in Jewball years). Haven’t played a single game with my League team. Shout out to my QB. Gronk, always thinking of you and your comeback. Let me tell you (Gronk, and all of you) how you get through an injury, a surgery, and a rehab at the age of 45/46. Easy. Be a part of something as indisputably enchanted as Jewball. Waldo knows. Sting knows. Pray knows. Salem (I remembered!) knows. A lot of guys know. Talk about motivation, Jewball. As creepy as this sounds, the last thought you have before the anesthesia washes over you is Jewball, the first thought coming out of it is Jewball. It’s the thought in the early stages of PT when you can hardly move. It’s the thought on the treadmill as you progress from slow walk to sprint, on the mat stretching and working to resurrect muscle and bone and connective tissue, and in the weightroom as you shift into the gear of violence. It’s your faces, Jewballers. Your faces. Your spirits. The Jewball aura which has a power and force so massive that it has generated a gravitational pull. We cannot deny what our eyes see. Dare I say what our hearts know.
Since we are going to be here for a while, I will take this opportunity to thank you for making my 46th birthday so un-46. Jewball is timeless in that it allows us to stand out of time. Time is of this earth. Jewball is composed of the ethereal stuff that God sprinkled here and there into creation to make life tolerable (survivable). It seems to me we’ve commandeered much of it. However, we are slowly but surely spreading it as well. Which I think is part of the reason for our good fortune. We do not horde our treasures.
So, again – the theme being my personal hakarat hatov toward all of you as I finally join you back on the field this Sunday – thank you for getting me through this rough season, but also through half my life.
Which brings me to this coming Sunday and the holiday we call Vets Rooks. It is our v’higgadata l’vincha (the commandment to tell the story of the exodus to your children). Every year, the same story told, but with new and fresh insight and innovations. I’ve been talking about Vets Rooks now for 18 years. It is a celebration of our game – all those who played before and those who have just joined. If recaps are meant to tie Jewball games week to week, season to season, Vets Rooks is symbolic of the grand tapestry we have been weaving for a quarter century. It’s the interconnection of strands representing stories, personalities, talent, heroics, cowardice, success, failure, victory, and defeat. But more than that – a tapestry – though quite overused in the metaphor department – is equal parts art, decoration, and chronicle. Vets Rooks is art because of the creative energies we inject into it. Just think of Sophomores becoming Smores and treating the field like a fashion runway last season. Vets Rooks is decoration because for so long it was the game that players came back for even amid failed or spotty seasons. It has always had the IT factor. It’s the game Singer flies in for. It’s the showcase for our league. And, most critically, it’s a chronicle. Because the Freshies become the Smores and the Smores become the Juniors and the Juniors became the Seniors. It’s a trackable narrative. An inscrutable progression of marvels and wonders and blessing beyond comprehension. To see the Freshies come in. For them to graduate. And graduate again. And finally reach a milestone that allows one to look down from the hilltop. To reach a status of Senior Veteran that never expires. A decade of Jewball time served. Ashreinu! How lucky we are! How fortunate are we to have spent such a significant portion of our lives as part of something so exceptional. How few things in life reward like Jewball in terms of the efforts put in being reciprocated in equal or greater measure. But, like I said – and this is where Vets Rooks “matters” – it’s the efforts put in. You gotta earn it. You also need good mazal. Really good mazal. Sticking around a game for ten years is something that few merit. When I take the field this Sunday with Snow, and Mighty….Steveo, Kut, Daveo, PJs, Tom… friends, teammates, truly brothers – my heart will be overflowing with gratitude and amazement. As all your hearts should be. The zechus to be a Freshie! To be a Sophomore! To be a Junior! To be a Jewballer! In your time. In this time. Whatever stage you are currently in, striving to merit the next stage. To play well and be healthy and be connected to our game and brotherhood. To be named even as a footnote in the chronicle. To be placed on the pedestal of these recaps. To account for a mere strand in the tapestry made of a thousand strands and counting. Do not take a single football Sunday for granted. But surely not Vets Rooks. It’s our only chag. The only mitzvah is to play like you mean it. The only kavanah is to be both laser focused on winning and competing while at the same time eternally grateful just to be there.
Let us now scroll up on the tapestry as we must tell the tales of how we got here. Working backwards before we work forwards. Week 8, which was postponed due to weather was cancelled when Yaron made sure that no game would be played without him. Pray put in a valiant effort to get a group together on the first Sunday of winter break, but Goldberg dropped, and then the dominoes started to fall. Sherrif said the field would be frozen. Kut bailed to support his hometown of Motown. So there went Week 8 and I believe this will officially be our shortest season since the Revolution. I’m fairly sure we’ve gone 20 up and 20 down the past 5 season. So, a shame. But it’s part of Jewball. As are Leagues, right now. And although we’ve been on a break from Leagues and will continue to break from them for another week, this recap will get us up to date with the high drama and Purim level topsy-turviness that was Game 4 of Leagues.
We begin with a drenching grey morning in Woodmere. The middle school was ours for the taking with no soccer or lacrosse being played in these foul conditions. And no 3rd game either. The Dawgs were shorthanded with some of their top, er, dogs unavailable – and it was decided to move that game to a later date. So Week 13 became a double feature: Cronies v. BOP and Crocs v. Cobras – side by side.
The Purple Cobras came into the game winless and left for dead. The Crocs came in with a winning record after two rousing victories in a row over both the Lionhearts and Dawgs. But call this one Jesus Bowl II as there was a resurrection afoot. The Purple Cobras came out for the first time with their full compliment of snakes ready to spit venom, and Perla was St. Patrick driving them out of Loserville. The Crocs looked like a team that didn’t want to be there. MVP was there on time with his Nerf Juniors football, waiting for his team and they rolled in sleepy-eyed. They seemed bothered by the weather and temperature and their body language suggested they believed a win would be handed to them just for showing up. Say what you want about a Perla constructed team, but they never stop fighting. And on this day, they were gonna fight. They were gonna make the Crocs a skidmark on the underpants of society. With the rain falling, they were about to pour it on. Even Goldberg showed up! The game itself was just what the doctor ordered for Cobras. It was the antidote. It was the medicine for what ailed them. Not just because the elements played into their strengths, but just because they had maintained a faith that if they showed up good things would happen. And they finally showed up. Perla would make a good lab tech because he loves him some chemistry. The Cobras experiment went into the game with a formula unproven and left it with a relative theory of how to make the postseason. I really wish I could recap the game itself in some compelling way, but once Cobras got off to the races they lapped Crocs numerous times. This one wasn’t close. Before you knew it, Cobras were up multiple scores, Perla was ecstatic on the sidelines and Sherrif (1 TD, 1 pick) was doing backflips in the endzone to celebrate TDs. Whiskey and Spira were relentless on the line. Talk about two under the radar unassuming pass rushers who don’t have the flashiness of an Oppen or the pedigree of a Kut, but who get after it. These dudes don’t stop. Watching Spira is a clinic. A classic lineman move is to give the sack a valiant effort – a burst – and see how that goes. If it fails, so be it. Spira does not stop. Tomax and Xamot sacked Snow 3 times. Solo was pressing Zinn all game, doing a great job neutralizing Crocs’ heretofore unstoppable weapon. And, finally, amid all the giddiness and revelry was an MK performance for the ages. For Cobras to continue their march to relevance, their stars need to show up. Not just to the games, but during the games. And MK brought his cape to Week 13. A man who once but lights in his beard lit up the Jewball stage with a 4 score day. 2 TDs caught, 1 rushed, and a P6. That’s what we call Jewball worthy. Good on ya, MK. The postscript for this team is unwritten. Will the Cobras be satisfied with this one day in the sun and slither back into their burrows, or will Perla continue to channel Joe Burows? They have a real playoff shot now and – for one – I hope they get it. Few games stand out in my Jewball memories, but I will remember this one. The rain. The joy. The backflips. And best of all – the potential realized and the possibilities born. It’s why we play the game.
Because the entire Woodmere Middle School shares the same climate, the 2-1 Cronies played the 3-0 BOP in equally wet conditions. The Cronies limped into Game 4. A team wracked by injuries, and reliant on back-ups. But what do you do when a back-up doesn’t show? What happens is that Yaron inevitably plays, and Brody – God bless ya, with your willingness and wristband of plays – shifts back to WR (albeit needing some breathers). And Waldo – who is probably on a different team – is in town so he jumps in. And Jordan tries to get some reps in while his tendon screams please don’t tear me again. With all these issues and adjustments, Cronies are still a core of Daxxy, Oppen (his daughter waiting a few more days to be born – good kid), Zada and Storm. And that’s formidable any way you slice it. So they will always have a puncher’s chance. Brody – antics and call – can ball. And Yaron is always better when he’s not consumed by the prospects of what can go wrong. He always competes, but playing in a game he didn’t come into overthinking and conflicted by what result to the game would benefit him most personally, he played loose. He played chill. And it was great to see. He and Storm brought it back to the 193 days with two TD hookups. The game was close for most of it, but someone must have stuck the orange voodoo Ernie head onto a Justin Jefferson voodoo body. Listen, Ernie and I had our chat issues this week. I just don’t like a certain kind of BS. I think we cleared it up – more or less (Ernie in his mind: NEVER!), but let’s talk actual facts: Ernie is the best of us when it comes to caring about others and a generosity of spirit. The guy isn’t faking. He feels. He is sensitive to the traumas of this life – and that’s a hard thing to be. People like him either guard themselves from everything for fear of being mortally wounded by the tragic nature of life, OR they feel an achrayus (moral obligation) to make things better. Ernie always chooses the latter. So, let’s not break him, Jordan. Even though he broke my tendon in Week 4 and broke my team in Week 13. He made MK’s game across the gridiron look pedestrian. Pray to Ernie for 4 TDs (Go Smores!). Every time the Cronies carved out a path to victory, Ernie settled them down. Roadblocks established. He went full Gandolf. Thou shalt not pass! He added a pick to the flurry of scoring. Jewball to the lead singer of Weague Leek. The only other thing to say about this game is that DK apparently had the sexiest flag-pull hydroplane of all time. No Jewball for it, but…a bracha – DK, may them game always bring out of you that kind of youthful passion. Amen.
A week later (WEEK 14) the Lionhearts and Dawgs faced off in a game that surely felt like a must win for both. Mighty was out for the Dawgs and the younger Brody stepped in. Good fire that kids brings. But you know who brings the most fire to big games. The Wizard. On this very special episode of Jewball, Yaron and his Lionhearts visited Steveo Island – and the result was a nightmare for them. Like the torment of a recurring Bertfumble, over and again, Yaron flashed to his right when in the redzone and searched for points. Points that never came. Steveo had his wand at the ready and went Avada Kedavra on Yaron’s ass. While Yaron did find success moving the ball as he always does with Jack, and he even is establishing a Dachslike timing with Dax on the curls – he has lost his way when it comes to sealing the deal. Dachs had no problem sealing deals that day. On the very first snap, he launches a heatseeker to Brody up the gut of the field and Brody scores. It would be the only score the Dawgs would need. Steveo made sure of that. Sorting hat says Jewball to Steveo. Lionhearts now have the same record as Cobras. Crocs are trying to find their identity. Dawgs are digging themselves out of a hole. Cronies are trying to hold it together. And BOP just needs to keep their foot on the gas.
For the record, there was a game 2 played on Week 14, but it ended in a tie so I’ll just pretend it never happened. Weel 15 was washed out – hence my introduction about our being in the football diaspora.
All good exiles come to an end. And ours ends in but a few days. With sound and fury, it ends. It ends in the redemptive waters of Vets Rooks. The game that ties everything together.
I’ll end with this thought. A thought for Sunday. A thought for the future in general. As Jewballers, we care about the ties that bind. The ties being each other in the present. And our ties to the past and future of games. Games that are really stories. Players that are really brothers. But sometimes we forget to appreciate that we ourselves our bound by these ties. That we at first were roped in – perhaps by a twist of fate or pure dumb luck, but now – by choice – we are strapped in – buckled up – always ready to ride. Holding on, tight.
2/25/24
VETS – ROOKS RECAP
I have previously waxed effusively on the virtues of Vets Rooks. So this recap will be mostly about the plays made or missed on the field. And speaking of missing, let me begin by shouting out those I missed on VR Sunday. Besides my Vets who are long gone from the game and all but forgotten, I wish O was there. I wish Singer showed up. I wish Munch was there. And Prime, and Goldberg, and Gronk. My Jewball heart belongs to the Vets. Not because they are better people or better friends than the Rooks. But because by definition they have been on this island with me the longest. And the more time on the island, the better. As I told them before we lost…we already won.
(I wrote the above about three weeks ago. Now, I write after Week 20, as I pitifully try to recap the ancient past. And I do so out of a sense of obligation. To all you fine people who bring it every week in so many ways. But, I cannot pretend I did not see the post VR Championship episode of TBI, which astutely pointed out that VR has lost its luster. It likely has. I think recaps have also fallen from their once lofty pedestal. Neither because of diminished quality of the product (in my opinion). Both, I believe, because they no longer serve their initial need. VR was instituted to bring electricity and freshness to a long season that was starting to stale. Recaps were meant to make sure that Jewball felt unified and lend it a dignity and import. To make it matter. Well, twenty years later – freshness and electricity are not the issue. In fact, some might argue that VR is starting to BE the end of season staleness. It could be it needs a reboot. Perhaps in All Star Game form. Not sure. Not next year though. Think next year will have juice. Seismic realignment of the classes. Plus we are tied at 3-3 over the VR winners since the Revolution. We need a tie breaker. After that….we can think about changing it up. As for recaps, I’ll keep at it – but – with the chat, TBI, and video, recaps are like waiting for your local TV news at 8pm to break major stories. But, I will persist – if for no other reason, but not have Yaron and Kut bombarding me with guilt-inducing stickers)
The Vets game – Juniors v. Seniors came down to a returning Vet who both showed up and missed the game. Way before I knew how last week would go, I am on the record (aka TBI) as stating that the player I am most impressed with this season is Snow – the MVP. And subsequent to VR Sunday, Snow’s Crocs beat my Cronies – so this may be coming off as bitter. It isn’t. It’s a recap. It’s what happened. I really wanted the Seniors to win. We had a great shot. Even with Singer opting out (though – for the record – he came out and DID PLAY ONE SNAP! ), the Seniors has enough to beat a Junior team that was without much of their marquee talent. Yet, minutes before the game, the Seniors lost their QB. Snow had a rough night and couldn’t make it. Tabak pulled the same vanishing act for the Juniors, but was replaced by Storm. And he’s not his team’s QB. Rabin’s gonna beat me up for constantly beating him up, but the addition of Snow as QB was supposed to be the big change the Seniors needed. A QB with championship pedigree, who can move the ball with both long and short passes – accuracy, a game plan, and a Veteran’s savviness. But, he couldn’t make it. So Tom stepped in. And immediately did himself a huge favor with a P6 on the first play of the game. Yaron doing Rabin things. Sorry, Bin. But the good times for the Seniors did not last. Tom threw 2 picks in his only 2 sets at QB. The 2nd of which gave Yaron and the Juniors the ball on the Senior 12 yard line. In Jordan’s first official game back from injury, Yaron wisely tested his timing and agility and exposed a weakness. After throwing a screen to Storm, which Jordan managed to blow up, the following play was a fake screen to Storm with Zada over the top. Jordan got caught in the middle and Zada hauled in a pass for a score that tied it up. Around this time Snow showed up. The Seniors were saved! After he warmed up with Singer for a while, the MVP came in. And it just never clicked. The huddles weren’t crisp. The passing game never materialized. The hopes of the Seniors were slowly dashed. A late TD pass to Daveo was not enough. Yaron and the Juniors fashioned more of a stable offense. Every time it seemed like Yaron was in trouble, Spira bailed him out at TE. The Vet of all Vets, playing for the Juniors due to his newbie status in the modern era of Jewball, has proven himself time and again this season as sure handed as ever. Anyone ever see this guy drop a catchable ball? I have memories of this guy going back 25 years. Always the same thing. Easy passes, tough passes, bombs, screens, slants, crosses – if it’s catchable, Spira catches it. He had 2 sacks and the go ahead TD for the Juniors. He picked a bunch of first downs as well and key yards when the Seniors were looking for a crack to sneak through and get back in the game. It never came. Juniors win and Spira gets himself a Jewball.
To begin with, say what you want about VR not being the hottest ticket in 2024, but the hype of Smores Freshies remained. And then seeing Rook and Ernie in Smores Crimson gave this Vet chills. Of course seeing the newly minted Freshies play in their first VR was equally powerful. Sherrif, Ice Man, Mike, Blitz, Daxxy, Fox, BK – damn….thank you God….we are living in an era of Jewball wonderments.
The game started in my favorite way possible. Pray to Dobs and the n Dobs with a juke for the ages and a Smore TD. Let’s Go!! Unfortunately for the Smores, that was the highlight of the day. Dachs doesn’t get the love that Pray gets or the hate that Yaron gets. He sort of just exists in the Jewball solar system as a dark star. A star, but obfuscated in some way. I was able to watch him in the Smores Freshies game and then again this past Sunday in the Dawgs BOP matchup. He is so talented. He does astounding things on a football field. Especially when he’s with his brother, Dax. After the Smores went up 1-0, Dachs threw 3 TD passes – one prettier than the next. The poise and accuracy he displays while avoiding the sack is like nothing Jewball has ever seen. Though he’s been prone to the bad pick this season, he, more often than not, makes up for it with masterful point scoring drives. His TD to Dax over Rook in the corner was a stunner. His game icer to Zinn over the middle – zipping it in to a tight, closing window was perfection. After all this praise, I’m giving the Jewball to Dax for scoring the 2 TDs that made the difference. That TD catch in the corner was so pretty. Hats off also to the Sherrif for making some “classic” Sherrif catches – the kind that look like they have no chance, but then he bumbles, stumbles, secures, and makes the crowd go wow. Think VR was Sherriff’s spotlight game. A lot of people finally saw what he is capable of. Played big in a big game. Smores lose in less heartbreaking fashion than last year, but lose nonetheless.
I was overseas for the VR Finals, but of course wanted the Vets to win. So proud of the Vets as they made this a game despite truly overwhelming odds. Even though the Rooks were without some major stars from their playoff game, including Sherrif, Fox, and Ice Man, they still had their big 4 of Dachs, Dax, Zinn, and Oppen (next year’s Smores!). And it was enough. If I recall from the updates Pray was providing, the game was tied in the early going. Beast scored for the Vets, Zinn for the Rooks. But, much like 3. in their prior game, the Freshies only gave up 1 and scored 3. Dachs, once again just so sneaky good, did his thing and scored with Stats and ran 1 in. This time, the QB with as much competitive grit and energy as any Jewballer ever, gets himself a Jewball and goes 2-2 as a Freshie – winning back to back VR Championships along with his unprecedentedly remarkable class. Rookies, I can’t stomach us Vets losing to you arrogant pieces of garbage, but….when I take a breather and a step back…and remove my player helmet and put on my Commish cap…I am completely dumbfounded by your presence. We Vets want to beat you and will beat you – that won’t stop – but we thank you so much for joining us. For making us feel that our commitment to Jewball was worth it. For letting us know why we kept this going for so long. It truly does seem like we everything we built was for this moment. To welcome you here. So welcome, and we’ll get you next year.
3/3/24
WEEK 20 – RECAP
As tomorrow is our final Jewball game of the season, my grace period for submitting regular season recaps – according to all opinions – expires. And so…..here it is:
Let’s start with my favorite game of the season – perhaps a bit biased. My only regret is that Zada wasn’t there. That dude for the Cronies. The guy who held our team together all season, couldn’t make it to the Cronies’ make or break final game with the playoffs on the line. Due to the tie breakers, the math was very much in the Cronies’ favor. They had to either win or tie or lose by 13 (and no more) to clinch the 4 seed. Anything but a complete implosion gave them a spot in the post season. But complete implosions happen. In fact, both teams on the field were well familiar with a season broken and irreparable. The Cronies had not won a game since their Captain, Gronk, went down with a season ending achilles injury. This was on top of Jordan being out and Sting being out. The team had been held together by scotch tape, glue, and the charisma of guys like Zada and Storm who refused to say die. By Daxxy and Oppen who are Round 1 talented. By PJs believing – picking them game after game on TBI. And super sub Tommy. But without Gronk they had simply lost and lost and lost. And speaking of not winning games, their opponent on the day was the 1 win Lionhearts. A team that on paper would strike fear into any adversary. Yaron leads the team and no one prepares more. No one cares more. No one want to win more. He’s got the pedigree, the arm strength, and the talent. But a great QB needs great receivers to throw to. And Lionhearts has them! Dax, Fox, Jack. A triple threat like no other in the League. No one drafts with more forethought and insight. Some Captains draft, Yaron builds a team. So you know he had a vision. But, sometimes, even the most brilliant visionaries face a reality that doesn’t match the master plan. So it was with the 2023 Lionhearts. A team that never found its chemistry. Why didn’t the formula work? I leave that to the psychologists and prognosticators of TBI. What we know is, it didn’t work. And yet, if they could beat the Cronies by 14 on the final game of the season, they would have breathed new life into their season. They would have been able to start fresh in the post season and all the troubles of the past would be forgotten.
The Week 20 games were played at Lawrence High School on a mild day. Cronies started with the ball and handed the reign to their QB….Storm. That’s right. In a win (tie or lose by 13) or go home game, the Cronies kept it in the family. No more experiments. If the Cronies were gonna collapse in totality, they were gonna do it with their guys. And their guys included Jordan, who had come by in Week 16, and now Sting playing in his first game of the season! Storm at QB would not provide the Cronies with a seasoned QB. Not even an experienced QB. But someone who would give his heart and soul to his team and will them if he needed to. His game plan seemed to be simple to start the game. Run behind the big boys. With Tommy, Sting, Oppen, and Daxxy clearing the path – take advantage of the toughness discrepancy. It worked. On the first play of the game – hand off to Jordan and Daxxy proceeded to erase Yaron from the universe. And the hits kept on coming. A few more screens and hand off and Storm found himself knocking on the door. And he kicked it right in with a bullet to Jordan in the back of the endzone streaking left to right. All of a sudden the Lionhearts are chasing 3 scores to make the playoffs. Chase it down they did. After the initial score by the Cronies, Yaron regrouped as you suspected he would and went back to back with Jack. All of a sudden, the Lionhearts were not only the lead, but with 40 minutes to go, they were a score away from making it very interesting. Thankfully, the redemption stories were not over for the Cronies. On the next possession, Jordan keeps running behind the blockers and picks up a big 1st down by a yard. A few plays later, Sting gets behind the defense and is wide open for a TD. Just like that, the Lionhearts went from feeling the win and the playoff ticket to feeling the pressure and time crunch. They now needed 3 scores in 30 minutes. And so they started pressing. The Cronies did the opposite. The Sting TD relaxed them and they started feeling the momentum which seemed to want to carry them into the playoffs. On a 4th and long, Yaron tried to be Dachs and nail a timing comebacker with Dax, but it turned into a Jordan pick and run back to the 10. Neither team scored again and the game ended in a tie, which would normally be a bummer, but instead it was an invigorating win for the Cronies. A team made up of a bunch of players that wanted it. And needed it.
Across the way, BOP was battling to remain undefeated and Dawgs were battling to…well….they really had no much to battle for. They were locked into the 3 seed. But it’s football and it’s the opportunity to get a W and show what you are made of. Forgetting the seeding as that was set, there were some individual contests up for grabs in Week 20. For the past 3 seasons, TD Leader has come down to the final game. 2 years ago Irv and Mighty tied. Last year Zinn and Storm tied. This year, Mighty and Zinn went into Week 20 tied for Jewball’s second most prestigious award (or at least one with second most history). How would Mighty do on this day? And how would Zinn do? Well, Zinn wasn’t playing and the only flavor at his disposal was salty. The Cobras had thrown in the towel after a miserable showing the game prior – and having been eliminate from playoff contention – took the week off. I’m sure it’s not the whole team’s fault, but there is no I in team. Every Cobra needs to look in the mirror and say, I need to be better next year. So Mighty could score and take TD leader all for his self. I didn’t watch the game so I don’t know the order of events. The game was high scoring. The Dawgs scored 4 times (twice by Dachs runs, and receiving TDs by Steve and the Sherriff who was picked up when the Cobra game was canceled) – meaning none by Mighty, which means TD leader ends in a tie once again. Congrats to Zinn and the immortal Mighty. Oh yeah, BOP refused to lose once again. Kut (picked up from the inactive Crocs) had a P6, as did Pray. Pray threw two to Ice Man and one to Ernie. BOP goes undefeated. Let’s give the whole damn team a Jewball for that incredible accomplishment. But none of it matters. None of it. If they aren’t champions in 11 hours and 15 minutes from now.
2023-2024 SEASON RECAP
My hope is that this season remains an outlier. Not because it was bad in any way. It wasn’t. This final recap will usher you through a strange, confounding, stirring, sometimes jarring, but ultimately redemptive Jewball 2023-2024 campaign. It’s a season that is hard to describe. It was like a Jewball delicacy comprised of all the usual ingredients, but the result when served had an unfamiliar taste. It was a flavor we had not experienced in the modern era. Not sour at all. But not entirely sweet. Too easy to call it salty. So I’ll just say it was different. And we all know why. Early on in the season, I wrote:
A lot of voices out there might have us question the integrity of our name. Without minimizing how difficult it is and has been to be a member of other tribes and backgrounds, it’s not easy right now to be a Jew. I guess then – since we are all one under this banner – it’s not easy right now to be a Jewballer. I have opinions and thoughts and philosophies about what is going and where it might go, but I’m smart enough to know to keep them to myself and to not listen to those of others. Let’s just stay strong. Stay together. Get through this abysmal era one game at a time.
All these months later, not much has changed. It’s still a hard time to be a Jewballer. And I really don’t want to go too far down that rabbit hole. In a way, this isn’t the place – even though in our final recap, liberties are taken. My problem is that how can I ignore it? A dark cloud hung over our season courtesy of Taylor Swift. It pains me that when Storm was doing his promo for the Patriots and he said next time he’s gonna shout out Jewball, my first thought was….best not to do that now. Our name has been tarnished and degraded. It’s an undeniable fact that we cannot rationalize our way around. In the meantime, we live on, we ball on, but it’s the stuff of tragedy. On this erev Pesach, as I write just a few blocks from where I watched the draft, the words and message of V’hi Sh’amda echo in my head and lead to where I wanted to go anyway. And that is to talk about our persistence.
“And this is what kept our fathers and what keeps us surviving. For, not only one arose and tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and God saves us from their hands.”
Or, as the Jewball Haggadah might have it:
And this is what kept the Vets and what keeps us on the field. For, not only have injuries, apathy, excuses, chumash plays, and brisses tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and our demented persistence saves us from their hands.
It’s a cheap literary and oratory device to quote the dictionary, but I’m going for it in this case:
To Persist: To go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition or warning. To continue to exist especially past a usual, expected, or normal time.
Well, damn. If that doesn’t just sum up Jewball as well as the people it was named after. But before we dig in on the nature of our persistence and perhaps even the basis for it, we need to contrast that with the comeback. Lest ye accuse this final recap of plagiarizing from its immediate predecessor. Simply put, a Comeback – as we discussed last year – involves the combining of a returner and a returnee – plus faith. One party separates (for internal or external reasons) from the other, and, with each side harnessing the unquantifiable force of faith, they reunite or reconnect. While persistence may factor in, it isn’t a necessary ingredient. It’s no coincidence that we argue each year about CPOY and who is worthy of it. And we all become Talmudic scholars, differentiating and distinguishing. That’s not really a comeback. He was injured. He was away. But, isn’t that Most Improved (like Legs
)? We struggle to define exactly what a Comeback is. I think this tension represents our inability to figure the difference between a comeback candidate and someone who has shown exceptional persistence.
I call the following storyline from this past season underrated only because it’s too massive to fathom or appreciate to the proper extent. That is when Rabin surprised us at the Turkey Bowl with a visit from the Oracle. It happened also to be the day Dom came down to set up and ref. Which – if you recall – was a few days after we rallied a bit to help Dom out with Thanksgiving expenses. We came down, we played football, we had a good time, Dom had a good time, we had photo ops with the Oracle, we appreciated, and we moved on. But it’s now a time for reflection. So let’s reflect.
I think these three separate coinciding events represent the transcendent state of Jewball. We will talk about on the field heroics soon enough, but Jewball has become – for better or….nah, just for better – as much about on the field as off. That is not to say we have neglected our football. Jewball will ALWAYS be a quality football first enterprise. However, in the age of the Enlightenment, we have developed the perfect equilibrium between quality football and quality living – quality existence. So, Dom reffing, our sensitivity to our Jewball family, and our reverence for the traditions and are founders/Vets – while all “off the field” criteria – they encapsulate who we presently are.
The Oracle is persistence personified. Maaseh avos siman labanim. The ordeals of the forefathers become symbols to the generations. We must look no further than the answering machine of legend. Jewball was incubated in the cogs, wheels, and tape of that prehistoric answering machine. When a man takes the time and effort to re-record the greeting each time someone calls in to commit to playing football (on a haphazard grass field that will at most max out at 5-5, and back when winters were cold) so that the game can be organized – so that it can happen despite the odds…that is resolute! That is stubborn! We were born in the flames of that persistence! So is it any surprise that we continue to exist – especially past a usual, expected, or normal time?
The Oracle is our Av. Rabin as well. Who is more persistent than Rabin! Think about what he has endured!! And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the season the Oracle finally returns to the field – the season where I finally get to meet the man that gave me and us the gift of Jewball – is the season of our Rookie class that produced Ice Man, Sherriff, and Mike, among others. The season where MVP returned. The year when Spira rejoined the family as a full-fledged Jewballer.
Ice Man did not make a comeback. He tried Jewball and it went badly. He came down and quit. We yelled back, “You can’t quit, you’re fired!” And…if we and he had left it at that, we never would have seen this – his revelatory ROY winning season. But there was a persistence about him. There was a willingness to push through as he pushed through Pray in the snow. His persistence has won him awards, a championship, and the admiration, fear, and respect of every Jewballer. What I love about Ice Man is what he shares with our 2022-2023 ROY – and what makes the future so blindingly bright…that is, his mind-bending talent combined with such a prolific comprehension of what we are trying to do here.
Same with the Sherriff. He was out of football. A dude with memories of his glory days playing for Perla and the Brooklyn Beasts. But Perla persisted! And joined us – and continues to persist through whatever slings and arrows we throw at him. And it allowed for his return to TNF. Which brought the Sherriff out of retirement and the Jewballers to meet him. And it was love at first sight. As I say every year when the Rookies join up…..imagine Jewball without the Sherriff?! It doesn’t exist! He drives in from far off lands and lights up the field with his sheer joy for the game (his top tier skills are almost a bonus.) While we are talking about those who persist through distance. How about Stats? How about Dobs coming in from Passaic, NJ! Jewballers! Think about the resolve! Cower in awe of the stubbornness!!!
Who takes more abuse than Mike…..and yet….anyone see him backing down? Anyone see him not calling himself first round material next year. You call it delusional. I call it a grandiose expression of the ultimate and quintessential Jewball quality. I promise you, if you think you know Mike – you do not. He has only begun to persist! The dude has depths that must be excavated and quarried and plumbed like a day in the office for Rabin. I remind everyone of the Rook from just a few years back. Who saw that guy exploding into the leader he is today? Jewball is a beautiful thing because it equally encourages, inspires, engenders and rewards persistence.
Moving on from the Rookies, how about the Vets that showed us the way this year. My God…..Dov Snow…the MVP…I am sitting here with goosebumps trying to fathom the journey this man has taken to return to football – and then take his team to the championship game. Dov, in this year of my rehab, there were so many times just thinking of your resolve and stubbornness – convinced me that giving up was not an option. Jewballers, was he the Dov Snow of old who won championships with Munch and Singer? No, of course not. Is Singer coming back next year? Oh, hells yeah. Was Snow the MVP of this season? He wasn’t. But you know what? He could have been. Because Jewball MVP considers multiple factors and Dov Snow exemplified the factors that make me proudest to be a Jewballer. The dedication to the game. To his fellow Jewballers. And a relentless persistence to push yourself to the brink. To – in a way – risk it all. It’s crazy. I know it sounds crazy. I’m typing the insane words and they read insane. But this is our lot and the length of our days. We have found something here of the mundane world and we have imbued it with a lofty spirit. So…at this point I embrace it like God’s hug of the week.
And speaking of bad Jewball puns….let us take a moment to sing the praises of Spira. Guys, he’s older than me! He hasn’t played football for twenty years. 20 YEARS! Let me give you a modern day example of what happened. It’s as if Pray retired at the end of this season and kept in touch more or less through the guys who remember him from this era as being the man. The guy who welcomed them in. The guy who was revered by all for his good nature and great gridiron prowess. And then, for no clear reason, returned to the game in his late 40s….and still managed to impress everyone – both young and old. Sounds like a fantasy. You wouldn’t believe it if it was the plot of a movie. And yet….Jewball….this is exactly what happened! Spira caught everything in his vicinity back in 2002 and he did the same damn thing in 2024. He ran precise routes then…and now. He overanalyzed everything then…and now. The only difference between the 2002 version and the present is that somehow over the past 20 years at some point Spira decided for no good apparent that he was funny. Spira, thanks for being there when I first got to Jewball and showing me what persistence means. You and Rabin. I am so grateful that both Jewball and Jewball persistence became part of who I am. And that we are still here to prove that it is so much more than a theory, a concept, an esoteric idea – but it’s a reality we can live in – as long as we persist.
When I think of Jewish persistence, and need to internalize it to get me through another day of these miserable days – I think of the diaspora. I think of the exile. I think of my ancestors being banished and chased from their precious homeland of Israel time and again and just wandering, starting anew, and despite whatever persecution or success they achieved in lands not their own, they dreamed of return. They mourned and prayed for return. They yearned for the ability to come home. What our enemies do not know (and surely don’t want to know) is that Jews – all Jews – whether European, Latino, American, Arabian, or wherever and whenever we are and were – we have – for thousands of years – just as we will tonight – sing with passionate hearts – Next Year in Jerusalem! Not Next Year in London, or New York, or the Five Towns or Lakewood. Now, the fact that we now have the ability to return and yet we persist in the exile by choice….that’s a topic for another day – perhaps Zezzy or Joey can drop some knowledge on us. But my point is – and my comfort is – they don’t know us. Jews are vilified for their persistence but their persistence will always defeat the vilification. Always.
Which brings me to the persistence of our Jewballers in exile. Whether it be Zezzy by always making sure to come back for a game every season. Or Effie and Jesus who all the boys know because they never forget their roots. Or Waldo who broke our hearts and his own by leaving for sunnier shores mid-season. But of course we have no brighter star pointing the way out of the galus than Prime. Our very own Exilarch. His yearning to come home is the torch and beacon that both warms and guides – lighting the way back. He dreamed of return – and so he will. As Effie will. Because Jewball persistence – like Jewish persistence – is not bound by the rules of time and space.
Everyone knows by now, at this point in the recap, I distract with one MVP and it’s always a bait and switch. Like if I started talking about Zinn here, you’d know for sure it wasn’t him. My problem this year is…no one is going to fall for anything because it seems like it’s so obviously going to be…
Mighty. Let’s talk about Mighty. This wasn’t Mighty’s MVP season. I think a lot of us wanted it to happen – no one more than me. And it started out looking like an inevitability. Angry Mighty was dead. Happy Mighty rolled up on a pink scooter – an homage to the player Mighty humbly called the only player better than himself in Jewball history. When Zinn was asked about the compliment, he seemed truly touched and responded, “Who’s Mighty?” The Rat was revitalized. Singer was on the sideline for the season to prevent the Rat from getting his stats, and he was getting them in droves. Picks. TDs. Jewballs. The stars were aligning. I started writing the portion of this recap that reminisced about the impact Mighty made on Jewball and how he was, is, and always will be the first superstar of Jewball. There was nothing like him before and because of that there will never be anything like him again. Zez’s impact was compared to Mighty’s. Zinn’s as well. Ice Man, and so on. Jewball was only taken to the spectacular level once and it will forever be Mighty who took us there. Everyone who follows is standing in his tiny paw prints. The numbers remained until his final game, but it was clear that the injuries crept in. Perhaps the anger retuned in small doses. By the time he walked off the field with, according to some shitas, 21 minutes and seventeen seconds on the clock of a playoff game…the MVP conversation was reduced to an inaudible murmur. So be it. But what players like myself know – what younger plays cannot – younger players who can still do everything they want to do on the field and have not lost a step – is what kind of persistence it takes to keep lacing up even as the body deteriorates. Even as the wear can no longer be masked, or massaged, or wrapped. And this is why there will never be another Mighty. Because when he started losing some physical battles, he dug his trenches to fend off the mental wars. Is Mighty a head case? Of course he is. But he has to be. You don’t achieve what he has achieved in Jewball without having ridiculous resolve. Without being the most stubborn. Without persisting beyond the realms of normalcy. So while he is not our 2023-2024 MVP, he is the reigning superstar of Jewball for the past fifteen consecutive seasons. No one else can say that. And I doubt anyone ever will.
Unless Pray does it. There is no drama or suspense here. He won so damn much. He was an excellent, supremely likeable person and player three years ago when he won Jewball MVP – and – somehow – he got better. He became more of a Jewball icon. He overcame an injury like the psycho that he is and – perhaps a bit more limited in his run game – he became an assassin with a football. Cerebral and mercenary, yet inexplicably cool and charismatic. As I messaged him after the monsoon shalom zachor (what up, Feit): Thank you for being the kind of Jewballer that we all want to walk through the pouring rain for. He won a career high 16 games while throwing a career high 60 TDs. He lead his Birds to a preposterously dominant season – winning every game from opening day to the finals. He has forged a bromance with Prime that would make JD and Turk jealous. When he won it 3 years ago it was based on his performance, but also with a sense of optimism and desire that he would live up to the mantle bring thrust on him. Well, he blew past our wildest expectations. In a way – he won his first MVP because of who we hoped he would be. This MVP is won because of who he is – pure and simple. Pray, thank you for being who you are. Don’t let softball chat change you
But, seriously – if Mighty is conscious, hard fought persistence, you are effortless persistence. It is your nature. The love of Jewball is your nature. Competing with us and being a role model for us is your nature. It’s such a blessing when the best advice someone can give you is….be you. Bro, be you…and Jewball will continue to benefit and thrive and feed off your brilliant aura. Three years ago I wrote:
“Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2020-2021 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
Today I write:
Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2023-2024 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
One last factor in this disjointed season was my own absence from the field – the only place that really matters. A Week 4 tendon tear ripped my left bicep from off the bone, resulting in a surgery, resulting in a rehab, which, all in all, stole 12 weeks of football from me. But as Pray, and Waldo, Ernie, Sting, Salem, and Oppen have had it worse and came back – and as Gronk is currently grinding it out – they don’t allow for excuses or self-pity. As they persisted, I must persist. And although I have missed time before – whether the classic ankle, or the finger tendon the season before the Revolution – or the plantaris the season before the Enlightenment. This injury was different. It wasn’t the career ender, but it was an eye opener. Every player is mortal. Even if you all have made me feel I was more than that at times. But the truth is the truth.
Next season will be my last as Commissioner. I will enter the Jewball galus, like Zez and MVP, Effie, and Waldo, and Prime. Dreaming of return. I will self-exile, not because of the injury. Not because it’s time or because I’m done. Just because I am replacing one persistence with another. My Jewish persistence has come into direct conflict with my Jewball persistence. One return will usurp another. One dream for another.
Jewball family, it’s been a 23-year dream. A dream that keeps getting better. A shared dream. A dream that is not over, nor will it be over. Jewball is our home and it always will be. Although the game must be played and played well and like you mean it – Jewball transcends the four painted corners of the turf and the orange cones we lay down. We all know it. So all that is left is to say thank you. In my absence – whether temporary (as I expect) or permanent (as you never know), it is on the collective to step up. To draft, and show on time, run, catch, grab, and tackle. To party, and congregate, and support. To be there for the games and for each other like never before. To post, write, and recap – produce and be creative and clever – in new and interesting ways . To make sure that those of us in the exile always have a home to return to.
We enter the off season with a message and motivation that will never change. Maybe we haven’t used this exact word before, but it’s always been a message of persistence. In health – both physical and mental. In fitness. In remaining unified and focused. In rising above this world which begs us to crumble while daring us to persist.