Jewball Presents: Pirkei Avot (JB edition)
CHAPTER 1
Kut the Goan taught us that Jewball was started by Alan the Oracle, passed down to Rabin who passed it down to Jordan. Jordan then spread it to the vets who passed it to the rooks.
Harav Jordan said in the name of The B-sh, Jewball stands on 3 things: Being impervious to weather; intoxication; and never cutting your fingernails.
Harav Jordan did not see the Baraisa where The B-sh discussed that it may be the Jewelry and not the nails which matters.
When it comes to stats, Reb Steve-O used to say, The best stat is coming on time. Others argues the W, but Reb Steve-O said its better to play the full game and to be considerate to others than to win.
Harav Jordan said about Rav Storm that he plays with intensity which is necessary, but none of that matters if you don’t set your alarm.
The RamTom used to teach that one should always look for a flag belt where the flag stays in. He also taught us we should acquire for ourselves a Munch
Kut the Goan explained, R’ Munch didn’t say anything, he showed up on the field and just wreaked havoc.
Harav Jordan said, Study at the feet of veterans, but have no mercy on them on the field.
CHAPTER 2
Harav Jordan gave over the teaching of Rav Beast. Five almost sacks equals one sack. Although the sages said “No, No they don’t. “
The Chacham Yaron taught us, Rav beast said “set your feet chode”
According to those who learn by Kut the Goan, Reb Beast says many things, but we do not hold by him. Rav Logan teaches us that after Mashiach comes, we will.
Kut the Gaon said in the name of R’ Mighty that he used to say “give me the damn ball”
Harav Jordan explained further using the teachings of Ravi Meyer Singer, stating that what R’ Mighty really meant was give me a damn hug.
The Gadol O said in the name of Rav Mighty Rat who said “he who has no stats and is content is a rich man.”
The Chacham Yaron Recalled that Kut the Goan said he did not care about Jewballs, but knew that he actually does.
CHAPTER 3
Reb Steve-O reminded us that Reb Violent J who was later called Harav Jordan once said “remember two games is a privilege not a right”.
Harave Jordan mentioned to his rooks that it happened many time where a rook, R’ Brody, said in both. Actually one. Actually I’m out.
The Chacham Yaron mention about Rav Singer when he says “80% in” truly meant 100% out
The house of Gronk held, “I hate when people talk more than they play.” The house of BD held “I hate when people talk more than they play, but only when it is not speaking of myself ”
Ruv Dave-O has showed us even in the darkest times you can be redeemed. He learned this from Harav Jordan and fulfilled the prophecy.
Kut the Goan taught us that Rav Bin would always say ” call one play, but do something completely different”
He [ibid] continued to teach, in response, R’ Munch would say “if it’s a running play, you gotta stick with it, otherwise it’s an ineligible player down field”
Chachom Yaron said of the House of Gronk, that they would say ” Same play, same play” and spoke of elephants and pizza
CHAPTER 4
The B-sh learned that the sages ask “how long should one be out for a torn meniscus”, Klink the Older says three years. The B-sh says “why stop playing?” Rav Doggy says “F*** it I’m done” Harav Jordan says he learnt in a. Baraisa Rav Foggy said f*** it only in the case where the ACL tore as well, but certainly in our case he would hold like The B-sh.
The Gadol O states, 18 is the age of admittance; 20 is the age of “knowing” but should be learning; 25 is the age brute strength; 30 is the age of entering a vets status; 35 is the age mental toughness; 40 is the age of knowledge; 45 is the age of teaching; 50 is the age of the man the Legend R’ Eddie
He [ibid] continued, at the age of 12 were the twins who legit beat the dreck out of each other and we let them play because Jewball was lost to all
Later Reb Steve-O added, At 16 one can play with a special heter doctor’s note from Rav Bin
Rav Bin taught us ” If I can play one game why not two? But when I play two what about my kids? Screw my kids, in for both!” The House of Gronk said “he wouldn’t do such things. “
Harav Jordan held, One game is good. Two games is better. A tournament never.
CHAPTER 5
Kut the Goan recorded the history, R’ Evan went astray and started his own faction, some called it Degel, some Croton, but it did not last. Jewball remained and prevailed.
There was a time when Jewball was thought to have been lost, but Ruv Dave-O and a few students kept it alive in a small cave-like field. After this sad time in History, Chacham Yaron came forward like the messiah to resurrect it, bringing with him talent from all comers of the land and it began to flourish once again.
R’ Evan once said to Harav Jordan “I dont blame you for ruining Croton.” Harav Jordan responded “I do blame you for ruining Jewball.”
Rav Jordan said two feet in ball out. Rav Zezzy said two feet and ball. Rav Rav Zada said two feet ball and two balls. Rav Goldberg said the ball should be enough.
Ruv Dave-O reminded us, R’ Zezzy once said “if you don’t argue every play then you aren’t playing “
Reb Steve-O once heard Reb Snow tell another player to “get open” instead of calling a play
CHAPTER 6
R’ Dobs drank too much and always wore the same shirt. Kut the Goan taught us, It did not help him.
Rebbi Salem mentioned, Rav Zada said block for me on the screen play, Rebbi Salem said “I do not know which one. There are two people coming at you.” Rav Munch said “I’ll just take out both so there is no Machloket”
Reb Steve-O taught us There are four types of people those that are slow off the line, quick to the sack; quick off the line, quick to the sack; quick off the line, slow to the sack; slow off the line, slow to the sack.
Chachom Yaron told us he was once heard Rav Bin say ” I am not homeless”
Rav bin said “Don’t touch the money. Leave a good thing alone. You f***ing idiots”
The House of Gronk would learn, Rav Bin once thought he was a pitcher but turns out Rav Bin is a catcher.
Kut the Goan taught us, The Oracle says little. The population asked for more. He did not acquiesce.
EPILOGUE
Spira HaZaken said: I saw Ravi Katzsenstein throw and stated this is the height of Jewball. I saw R’ Zezzy run, and I stood corrected. I saw R’ Mighty cut and again, I stood corrected. I saw R’ Munch rush, and again ate my words. I played in the Enlightenment, and I no longer believe in limits.
The Trei Ballim said invite guests, have them on your couch, and discuss stats even though they don’t tell the whole story.
The RamTom HaSusi tells us not to search for stats to be happy, rather all those not related to Bert should be joyful at all times
PJ Hakadur asked what is the best way to grab a flag? Ruv Dave-o asked when giving a Chanukah gift, should the gift be left out in the open? PJ HaKadur asked while a Bris is good, how do we prevent them from happening on Sunday? Ruv Dave-o asked do we leave unlabeled items out on the table? Rav Logan answered “just wrap it up”. PJ HaKadur and Ruv Dave-o responded “This is understand”
Harav Logan said it’s better to be on defense, the Ben Dachs argued better to be on offense, Rebbi Dave-O disagreed and said it’s better to be on the fence
Mar Rookva says: If they say they saw Reb Snow play without Ravi Meyer Singer, don’t believe them. If they say they saw the Rosh HaPray play without the Maggid Prime, don’t believe them. If they say they saw the Chacham Yaron play without blowing the game, don’t believe them. I have seen all three, but it may have been the unlabeled.
The Iluy Zinn said the Jewball world stands on three things: Showing up to brisses, arriving on time Sundays, and not being salty.
E HaGadol used to say “Appoint for thyself a good line, and acquire for thyself a hug. Judge all players as underrated”
The Ish Ice did not speak too much and showed us the best gifts involve family and his family was jewballers
When HaRav Jordan was the leader of Beit Jewball, he remembered all that came before him, regaled in their stories. He knows the newcomers by name and learned of their origins. He recorded the stories of victory and defeat for future generations. Those not mentioned in the writings are known as “The Forgotten”.