Last season, I flew to Israel on October 15th – Sunday afternoon, but made sure to play Jewball first. Get the games in when you can. That’s the Jewball way. On November 3rd of this season – also a Sunday – I flew to Israel, but didn’t play that morning. The threat of injury crept into the back of my mind – something that could ruin the trip. Just one year later. One tendon surgery later. These are the changes in mindset that lead to retirements. Lo Aleinu. Although I did not play, I did go to Hewlett to watch the 8am games. How could I not? It was the debut of Steve-O’s Reapers. A team that befuddled many on draft night. Some said it was Purple Cobras 2.0. A team that took their QB in the last round. A team with a top WR that notoriously leaves early in playoff games and has never won it all. A team with Goldberg and his secret agenda to destroy Leagues. A team that would rely on Solo to be the Solo of the Cronies; and not the Solo of the prior two seasons.
The experiment of new captains makes for interesting team personalities. A team often takes on the persona of its Captain. I don’t know if that has happened with the Reapers, but Steveo is and always has been an enigma. He cannot be pinned down. Just when you think he’s just some design wizard, he’s a brilliant musician. When you deem him a chiller with only love in his heart, you make the gravest of mistakes. Because get him on the football field. The kid is a killer. And he assembled a team of killers with Oppen, Solo, and Mighty leading the charge. The line went after Gronk with a ferocity Gronk was used to seeing work in his favor when he had Solo and Munch going after opposing QBs. Gronk was sacked three times…….by each Solo and Oppen. But don’t worry – the Carnivores have Zinn…and Zinn isn’t human. But in Week 5, he was. Not just human, but having his worst game as a Jewballer. Gronk is the new Yaron. Everyone is dropping his passes this season – no matter how great they are (the pass and the receiver. Sherrif was also not doing his team any favors. The way the Reaper defense was playing, the Carnivores had no room for error – and errors abounded. The questions about the Reapers offense centered on whether Feit would continue to come up small in League games. Two seasons ago, he drafted and lead a team that included Mighty, Singer, Jack, Dobs, Daveo, and Jordan – and they just could not move the ball. After a year off, the Reapers are providing Feit with a new lease on QB life. And – so far – he’s making the most of it. Although the Reapers have a fine back-up in the young gunner, Key, Feit availed himself quite nicely in his Reaper Reds. On two third and longs, he called the fade to Goldberg on the right sideline and the two players – each looking for redemption this season for different reasons – found the connection and executed the play to perfection. It moved the chains and lead to scores. In the red zone, Feit kept his poise and slung one in to Mighty and later to Ross – and two scores would be all the Reapers would need. But Feit ran one in also. He threw only 1 pick. Reapers win 26-7. Jewball to Solo and Oppen. Feit, I hear the argument, but CPOY is given out at the end of the season.
The 8am game I did not see was Pray v. Yaron and Pray won it 3-2. Pray throws 3, but Spira gets 2 scores and a sack. And is the Jewball OG. Jewball to him. Honorable mention to Waldo for coming in for the game. Yaron ran 1 in and threw a TD to Stats (season of offensive Stats). Legs had 3 sacks in the loss.
I believe the late game was on the LHS grass, but I was off to the airport. Avenger beats Dachs 5-2. Throws 5 TDs – 3 to BK, 1 to Samet, and 1 to Pray. Stacked team with 3 QBs. Dachs had 3 to the Ice Man, but not a ton of help from his squad. Looks like the Randomizer f*** over Dachs here. Jewball to the Avenger. Heal up and get back. The Rookies need a QB on 2/9.

I haven’t recapped a Bowl Game in a bit and I’m only up to recapping Week 5 with Week 9 in a few days…..so…to recap today’s game, which was neither a Bowl Game (officially) or regular game, seems a bit frivolous. But it’s a long weekend and today was special. If not for the game itself, but for what it represents. It was nice to see the chat post-game as some people were talking about their first Jewball experience, and how for Kut, his was the Jewball Turkey Bowl. What that meant to him find us. I mean, talk about something to be thankful for. Kut is every single thing that Jewball aspires to be. It was even nicer to see that – despite the pretty terrible weather – how many people were playing football today. There was a time, not too long ago, where I would have sworn and knew, that on a day like today, Jewballers would be the only ones out there. So – what does this mean? That Hewlett was taken. That other local fields were occupied (per Kill’s crew). That we split LHS. Had to turn people away who wanted our spot. That there was a game after ours even as the weather got worse. That everyone out there came home drenched. Does it mean that Jewballers are less special? I don’t see it that way. To me, it means that there are more Jewballers out there than we thought. That all these kids are our kind of people. Now, all we need to do is convince them that…what you do on Thanksgiving….is what you do every Sunday. And then convince them of about a hundred other things. But the key element – the love of football – the dedication to the game – it’s there. This next generation – we give them a lot of sh*t about being soft and on their phones all day – but they were out there today. It’s a great sign.
So, how did this game happen? Well, nothing gets the Jewballers up for a game like the Commish canceling. Today starts with Jewballers staring at their phones at five to 7am. Unbelievable. The rain had begun and I had some cancelations last night. I would bet that even more people were hoping for a cancel. But….the rain wasn’t that bad at 7am. It wasn’t bad at 8am. It was kinda bad at 9am. It was a monsoon at 10am. The move was to make the Turkey Bowl on Friday because the weather was clear (still need 6 more!) and have a pick up for today. For those who love football and understand that after football in the elements….the turkey hits different. The stuffing is a reward. The yams and green beans and cranberry sauce are wages paid for a job well done. For those who came out – and we will get to naming you – you won by showing up. And hopefully you will soon reap the benefits in the form of a plate heaped high. Then seconds. Then thirds. For the rest of you….yeah….you’ll watch football. You’ll eat. But you won’t feel as good about it as we do.
Prime took the lead because he needed to clean his palate of Tuesday night. He’s in and he signs up for Justin (we will get to this). The die hards jump in. MK, Bert, Logic, DK….Prime calls it beautiful. Zinn goes back to sleep. Yaron then says in. Then realizes that reading is fundamental and takes it back, but is ready for tomorrow. The semi-hards sign up as Dave-o, Steve-O, and Jordan say IN with the weather permitting caveat. Tom is gonna give us some time. Feit is gonna give us some time. Pray is In obvs. The rain keeps coming down. Zinn wakes up. He’s IN. Bin is heading to shul and says….just let me know where to be. The Prince of Persia hasn’t missed a Jewball Thanksgiving start since 2001. Pray promises pie. I head out to get some coffee for us. This is Jewball! A combination of commitment, synergy, and insanity. The feeling that it’s coming together. There is nothing like it. Something to be extremely thankful for. It gets better…for a second.
With the Box of Joe in the car along with a tent and the gear, Mighty is on the line saying Socks and Froglicker are looking to get in. Not only do we have a game….we have BIG GAME – with Vets coming out. The field is ours because Dom messaged that the Turkey Bowl was canceled. We know everyone worth knowing. Zinn pulled up and got to work. Dude operates at a different level for Bowl Games. He takes ownership. It was decided that we would play full length of field with 4 first downs – every 20 yards. Worked out pretty well. Meanwhile, Pray and Rabin chose up teams and the canopy kept our stuff pretty dry. Now, the problem was we were odd numbers. Because we had 13, not 14, not 15, and certainly not 16. Prime greeted me with a not gonna lie. And it was that Justin wasn’t in, but sometime you are gonna lie to make the game happen. So we never had 14. But the Frog brothers were on their way, but the Frog brothers became the lost boys because neither showed. But, have no fear – Zinn gets on the chat looking for one and Kid – who was signed up for the Turkey Bowl – says IN. We’re saved. But Kid doesn’t come out. More about that in a second. The game starts as a 6 on 7 with Bert – who else…God bless this guy – standing on the sidelines in the rain. Teams are the Praygrims v. the BinZinndians. Pray with Dave-o, Steve-O, Logic, Bert, Prime, and Kut, and Rabin with Zinn, MK, DK, Tom, and Jordan. Of course Rabin is grinning ear to ear as no one is happier to run a huddle and signal call for a team. And with Zinn at his disposal, he’s practically giddy. Everyone is tired, soaked, and the opposite of warmed up…..and Rabin knows it. So the play is hand-off to Zinn with DK lead blocking. Zinn starts in left slot and on ready jets behind Rabin and gets the ball….Pray screams NO and practically laughs because he knows that even with 95 yards to go, that’s a TD play. But while he screams No….he flies to the right sideline and crosses Zinn at the 15, and with a smooth slide of the hand, he comes up with Zinn’s flag. Looks like Zinn is stoppable after all. I mean, we all know he has very limited field awareness. Two plays later Rabin runs the same play to the other side and Zinn dekes every single player on the Praygrims, reverses the field, makes everyone cry, and scores a TD – 80 yard run. BinZinnidians up 1-0. About this time, a few guys start showing up to play some Thanksgiving football in their own traditional games. Old friends. Annual rites of passage. Very nice. Jewball approves. So that no Praygrim will have to sit, one of the dudes comes in. He told us he lives in city, is in finance, and is fast. Well on a 4th and short, Pray did that thing where he acts like he’s running so you come at him and right before he crosses the line, he throw it to the receiver you just left. In this case, that receiver was Logic and the catch is made. Finance is right there on him, but doesn’t make the play, doesn’t get the flag, and doesn’t catch Logic. The score is tied 1-1. At this point, Feit arrives and Finance slinks away. Now, it was awesome that Feit came and made us even, but I want to just sat to the Kid….I’m not gonna judge anything about what happened other than this: Read the situation better. Starting with the chat. We really were short one. Saying IN and not coming….isn’t a joke. You said you thought we were joking, but if you read the chat leading up that, it was clear we weren’t. And then once you realize that the joke wasn’t a good one – because we really were there waiting for you – don’t defend the joke…Just say two words and only two words: My bad. Done. Clean.
But, thankfully, Feit not only showed up, but he came earlier than expected and on fire. Big energy on offense and defense as he rotated with Rabin at QB for the rest of the way. Now, I can’t go play for play through the rest of the game. A.) I have the memory of a 46-year-old B.) I’m getting tired and I promised myself I’d get this out tonight (i.e. 46). So let’s just do some highlights: Rabin to Zinn again and Zinn runs all over the place and scores. Pray deep ball to Kut, caught. Pray deep ball to Kut, broken up by Jordan. Prime with a TD where Feit said he got him, but didn’t. Feit to Zinn TD, perfect pass over the middle. And of course, the goal line stand by the Prayrgims as Prime gets DK’s flag just as DK falls into the endzone. It was first called a TD, but we had to send it to the replay booth (which is located in PJ’s basement). Upon further review, the call was no TD1! Neither foot crossed the plane. No problem. The football clearly crossed the plane. Good start. Two balls to go. But after watching the play enhanced and in slow motion, it was evident that only one other ball crossed the line. The other one was left dangling over the green turf. No score. In the end, it did not matter as the Praygrim fell to the BinZinndians by a score of (I think) 4-2. For all I know, Zinn scored all 4, but I have to mention MK. Zinn got all the glory, but MK made every big catch to keep the chains moving and pulled a lot of big flags. I guess that brings this recap to an end. I had higher hopes for it, but…again…this day is fading fast. The point is…I didn’t have to write this. I guess in a way…I don’t have to write any of them. But I’m moved to write them. I’m compelled to write them. I want to write them. And today reminded me why. Because I’m thankful. And the recaps are and have always been a small way to give back. Thank you, Jewball. Been the ride of my life.

Even though I soldiered through (more or less) with recaps over the past few years, I claimed that they had become superfluous in that TBI was doing a far better job breaking down the weekly action than I could. Now that weekly TBI is (more or less) a thing of the past, I soldier on still, but with less of an excuse. I don’t know what it is. Maybe too many Jewballers giving me legal work. I’ll go with that. It’s your damn fault. As I type this, I know that when I post it, Legs is gonna be like…..THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE WORKING ON?! (And I suppose he will be proud – at least part of him will be). But, anyway, I hardly remember Week 4 – but when I look back at the box scores – thank you Steveo and Yaron! – it was a week worth recapping. For one main reason. Because one day we will search the Chronicles for the first appearance of the Avenger…and you will find these very words. On the eve of Week 4 we were short a QB, and Yaron and Pray got on the horn and started recruiting. Levinger was known to be a very talented, surly, abrasive, tough QB from the night league…and who wouldn’t want to bring that in and Jewballify it. Maybe he’ll be wearing an I Heart Jewball shirt by Chanukah time. We can only hope. Yaron messages me he got Levinger. Pray messages me he got Levinger. I’m a good Commish so I responded to each gratefully pretending they did it alone. But, whoever closed the deal, the result was that Avenger showed up Sunday morning, Week 4,the Year of our Oracle 28. Did I get to watch the game? No. I was playing across the way on a sunny LHS morning. I welcomed him in as we geared up…and often he went to tussle with Jewballers and make his fortune. The game ended up in a tie, so, no Jewball to give out, but a new QB is big news and let this be an official Chronicles welcome to the Avenger. May your Jewball career be bright, prosperous, and most of all healthy (I know…I know). Amen.
In my game, Yaron and I continued to team up and lose. We had a good team with Mighty, Goldberg, Solo, Justin, and Tom, but we played against Zinn, who has been a very winning QB this season. He is definitely settling in nicely to the role. Not much to say here…because I don’t remember much. Except that other reason that we must do recaps is to give out Jewballs – especially the well deserved ones. And although my memory of this game generally is foggy, everyone there recalls Tommy GOING OFF. 3 picks, a P6, and a TD scored. He ruled that game and kept making huge plays to stifle Yaron’s attack. I remember one pick was one handed. Another one was off a Steveo tip (of a short armed throw to me : ( ) So, Jewball to the promising rookie who plays like a Vet.
This was one of those weeks where we moved to the grass for the late game and, there, Yaron battled Pray. Quite the slugfest. Mad points put up. Yaron – the conquering hero of all games 945 – beats Pray 7-6. I think this was the game where Ice Man could have scored 3 TDs, but pitched one back to Ernie right before crossing the goal line. Pretty cool moment, giving a giant middle finger to stats (but now I see Ernie had no TDs…but I’m not gonna delete because that moment did happen! Just don’t’ know when and it should be recorded). I know this was the game where Pray launched a TD to Jordan which landed in Jordan’s arms somehow over a leaping Zinn. This is the game where Kid kept trying to get in the head of the opposition and where Rabin caught a one handed TD in traffic. Yet, Yaron wins and I have no idea how. He threw 7 TDs and only one pick, so those stats deserve a Jewball…but so do The Rook’s….3 TDs and a pick. So 3 games on the day…3 Jewball given – Tommy, Yaron, and The Rook. See you on the field.

Let’s talk about Leagues. Let’s admit that this new model is working. Leagues exist. We like the idea and the concept and the competition. But they are not dominating the storyline of the season. League Games. Not League Weeks. And I want to get the two games that were played in Week 3 (that would be Blunts of Prime v. Carnivores and Gorillaz v. Duck Dynasty), but we first we need to acknowledge how we got here. Because if the Recaps have any purpose at this stage – they tell the story of Jewball. Therefore, we need to lay the foundation for this seismic shift in Leaguedom.
Once Upon a Time….there was Jewball. And it was good. For almost 25 years it was played pick-up style. At first by choosing up on the field (since one would never know who was in that week until you got to the field and saw who ventured out). Then later – once the technology allowed for it – by set teams constructed in advance. These teams were put together by a randomly selected randomizer which would often need to make many changes in the hours and minutes leading up to the game as…things changed. Babysitters canceled. Flu bugs bit. Alarm clocks mysteriously malfunctioned (especially on cold Sunday mornings after Saturday night’s a-drinking). The players got better and more committed so the games got better. There was less need for adjustment. But Jewball was living in a world of Leagues. Competing in a world of Crotons and Degels and AFLIs. The players that would leave us to play in the Leagues…they loved Jewball. I never doubted that for a second. But when I asked them: So, you go to this field and play one hour of football? Yeah. And you don’t even play offense and defense? Yeah. So on Sunday morning….you play less than 40 minutes total of football? Yeah. Then why would you leave Jewball?! We play 105 minutes (sometimes 120 minutes) straight. Both ways. And it’s free! And we have souls! You’re giving up this to play that??? And the answer I always got was: It’s the competition. There is just something about a set team playing against another set team with playoffs and a championship being the stakes. I get it. Now, my counterargument would be that these other leagues – while technically competitive – seem to be rife with issues that corrupt the competition. Whether that be Zinn playing for every team, refs missing calls, players not respecting calls, Dachs creating super teams, or my personal number one reason for loathing these leagues….players encouraged to commit penalties because the ref might not see. What a joke. But this is a digression. The fact is…players like the competition and fire of a league. They thrive on it. Sure, many don’t. Many view it as a corruption of Jewball’s purity. But you know what? They said the same thing about going from touch to flag. About going from a 105 minute game to two 90 minute games. Jewball survives because it evolves. So we went with the Leagues idea. At first, a cabal of Captains met in Rabin’s sukkah under the cover of darkness and schach. Yaron, Rabin, Jordan, and some wide-eyed kid named….we didn’t know his name. But he showed up….and he buried his head in a bucket of wings and, with sauce all over his face, kept nodding, saying in both, and piling up bones like a chicken graveyard. There was no draft. Rabin got the first 10 picks. They were called the Assmen. Yaron ingeniously created a team that could not be verified as he could bring anyone he ever played with in Queens (or anywhere) from the beginning of time. That was the 193. We made a team for Feit, who wasn’t there. Think we gave him Mighty because….he always gets Mighty. And we looked at Pray who was leaving no scraps in the bucket of wings…and we gave him the scraps of Jewball. They became the legendary Birds of Pray. And guess what? On the final day of that League Season….a double header on the grass at Lawrence High School – a day where we got thrown off the turf and then almost off the grass – where Rabin made a phone call to save the day – and where the Assmen – with all their stars came up short – BOP won it all. Vegh went off. Pray was born. That pic of a glowing, elative Prime, Dobs, Goldberg, Legs, PJs, Salem, Vegh, and Pray is burned into my brain. The glory of it all. That pic is the seedling of majesty. It’s the kind of pic that gets framed and hung up in a Jewball sports bar in 2037 and one tipsy guy points to it while talking Jewball and sharing a beer: “That’s where Leagues began. Those guys won the first championship.” And the other guy answers…even tipsier: “That’s crazy. Can’t believe this thing has been around so lon- wait a minute…I’m Pray….I’m in that picture….lol.”
We knew so little, but we also knew so much. We knew we were onto something. The next year we took a massive leap by inaugurating the Draft Party by Rabin. The glistening pool, the Yaron/Steve-O jerseys, TBI on site making it feel like an ESPN event, Laura Curran coming out with her hot AF security guard, the Jewball Vets showing up…what a special night. As many have rightly said…..If Leagues exist for the Draft Party alone….Dayenu.
But we went too far. We did. Between TBI, the chat, and just the general hock of Jewball….it started to lean way too Leagues heavy. We were losing our essence. Leagues became the dominant talking point, if not the only storyline. The only thing that MATTERED. The Vets weren’t happy. Many of the Rooks were getting a bad taste. The flavor of Jewball was souring in their mouths. So, after 4 League seasons – this year…we made some changes to counter the negativity. In short: 1.) Leagues are for Jewballers, not mercenaries. You want to play in Leagues – you can’t show up to 6 games a season. You need to play in 10 total Jewball games to be playoff eligible. 2.) There is Jewball every week. League games are played, but there is never a Jewball week where ONLY League Games are played. There is no week where Leagues are the only story. 3.) The Captains would no longer be the QBs. The Captains would be a carefully selected group of Jewball purists. Guys who like Leagues, respect the competition, want to win, but understand that Jewball is and never will be about Leagues. And so here we are. Jewball League Year 5. And it kicked off in Week 3, which I will get to recapping.
The Blunts of Prime are a scary bunch. Or at least they should be. Or should have been. A bunch of angry, surly killer types who want to cut you and watch you bleed. Maybe the problem is they started their season against the Carnivores who want to cut and eat you. The Blunts are run by Prime, with Yaron at QB, O, Beast, Justin and Bert protecting and rushing, and Jordan, Storm, and the Ice Man WRing. The Carnivores are Kut’s team and they pulled off some magic in the draft. Got Zinn at 1 and then still managed to snag a 1st round QB in Gronk. Add to that Sherriff, Dobs, Tom, E, TBD, and Stella….and yikes. I feel like Gronk and Zinn and no one else could somehow win a game, but with that panel of players – they will be tough to beat. And tough to beat they were for BLOP. Yaron started the game promisingly with a Jordan streak down the sideline and a sliding catch by the Commish in his (allegedly) final season. But, like many BLOP drives on the day, they did not end in scores. The Blunts were getting off to a slow start. Maybe hazy start. Kinda like a start that made it seem like the Blunts took their name too literally and smoked before the game. There was lethargy, confusion, overcomplications, under-performances. And the Carnivores were the completely opposite. Slick, crisp, machine-like. Now, to be fair….both teams have a secret weapon. Zinn for the Carnivores and Ice Man for the Blunts. And Ice Man was playing with flu symptoms still hounding him. But he would never make excuses. It just wasn’t the Blunts day. They didn’t keep it close. Yaron’s diminished arm strength (due to injury) and decision making were tough to watch. He threw 3 picks and 3 TDs. Gronk threw 5 TDs (to 4 different receivers) and only 1 pick. Jewball to Gronk.
A similar Duck Tale was playing out over on the other field, as the Ducks were trying to hold off a stampede of Gorrilaz. It was another case of a team trying to find itself and not up to the task. There is definitely something to be said for drafting a team that is no assembly required. Just open the package and let the games begin. Now, it doesn’t mean that such a team will win it all, but it definitely gives that team an advantage in the early going. While teams like the Ducks and the Blunts need to cohere and figure themselves out…you got consummate professionals starring for Gorrliaz and Carnivores – and they need no winding up. And it showed in these early League games. With the Gorillaz…let me count the pros: Pray, Spira, Legs, Rook, Irv, Zada, Sting, Blitz…and they even have a guy like Kid who actually played in the pros. And while Ernie’s Ducks are not short on talent (and in fact are infused with tremendous talent) – they are a team that will need their QB, Dachs, to find his way with the new core of receivers, like Tommy, Vegh, BK, and Daveo. I didn’t see the game, but Gorillaz won by a nice amount and – most concerning – is that Ducks only scored one. Jewball to Pray for the 3 TDs thrown and the pick.
In the late game, Yaron continued a trend of playing like trash at 8am and being a wrecking ball at 945. He decimates Pray 5-1 in a game where Solo sacked Pray 3 times and Yaron threw 5 TDs to 4 different receivers (Mighty, Goldberg, Logan, and 2 to BK)….but also the thrown picks were there with 3. Regardless, Pray had his League victory in his pocket and nary put up a fight in this one. Yaron gets the Jewball, but Pray goes home 1-0. This would mean something if Leagues mattered. 😏

Week 2 Recap

It is the eve of a festival which tends to mess with the body. Eating, drinking, sleeping on a spin cycle of doom for the physique and psyche– all in the name of good times and holiness. Who am I to question thousands of years of tradition, but lest we forget 30 years of Jewball tradition. Good times and holiness on the field. And so to combat the lethargy and gluttony that creeps ever closer, we have instituted the Pitom Bowl. A post 3 Day Yom Tov football game to not only get the body and brain activated again in preparation for the work that will carry us into spring, but hopefully also to give us pause at the kiddushes, meals and simchas beises and ask ourselves the question….is this indulgence worth it? Cuz I got on the field obligations as soon as this is over and I don’t want to be a step slow, I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to be winded, I don’t want to be tired. All that said…. Sherrif….you bringing the smokes Tuesday night??
But let us travel back to a different place and time. One that feels ancient, almost, as it predates the high holies that have come and gone – as they often do – with much sound and fury, but somehow in a blink. I speak of an alternate dimension known as Week 2. Games thrown together at the last minute. Regular QBs out. Guest QBs in. Distant memories of games played at Hewlett. Was that this season or two seasons ago? Having to leave. BK and Steve-O running around checking fields like it’s 2010. A game on the grass at LHS like it’s 2013. What I always loved about Jewball and what I will always love about Jewball is that we always find a way. Like Dr. Ian Malcolm said about nature. And as nice as it is to have a permit. As spoiled and as privileged (good seeing you today, Mo) as we’ve become – I relish a chance to get booted from a field, which sends us scrambling and regrouping and figuring sh*t out and building a field somewhere else – GRASS! OUR ROOTS! – a field we have history with – a land that knows our cleat steps, our voices, our spirits – and getting the game going despite the obstacle. My proudest weeks as a Jewballer were when we had about ten excuses not to play, and we made it work. I will never forget the one week we built a small diagonal field at some school on Franklin in Woodmere – we walked from WMS after getting tossed mid-game (maybe even late-mid-game), and we hopped the fence and some people left but some stayed….and we played maybe 5 on 5 on this weird patch of grass, trespassing, for like 40 minutes. Made no sense to do it, but it proved to me that our will to Jewball is that great force of nature that Jeff Goldblum was talking about. So Week 2 – all this time later – feels at the same time eminently forgettable and memorable. The details of the games fade, but what the games represent are eternal.
The early games were played at the newly minted turf at Hewlett. Was definitely nice to be back. It was our home for a few epic seasons. Felt welcoming and secure. Like we were always meant to return. We split the field as we always had, but not with the Old Guys. Dan Faust was nowhere to be found. Instead, we took up both sides with nary an old guy, band geek, or soccer player in sight. We just waltzed right in like we owned the place. And speaking of owning the place, let’s talk about Key QBing against Snow in Game 1. Former MVP v. Future MVP. With his dad beaming from the sidelines, Key took his team on a ride, running and gunning, and leading them to a pretty breezy 5-2 victory. All hail the immortal warrior, Dov Snow, for stepping into the void and QBing for us when we needed him to, but the MVP has lost a step while Key is gaining on all the QBs in Jewball at a rapid pace (Does Feit know Key is on The Reapers?). What impressed me most about Key in this game was his accurate throws on the run. He got out of the pocket and adeptly threatened to take off, but did so with eyes up field….and more often than not, he cocked his arm back while in motion and slung it to a receiver – like his father in an ass – with surgical precision. Did he throw 3 picks? Yes. But did Snow throw 4? Also, yes. And you can’t win games like that. 4 picks thrown by Snow – one a walk-in P6 by BZ from the 5, another a full field P6 sprint by Key ripping the ball from Jordan’s hands – was too much to overcome. Key throws 3 TDs – one each to Prime, Sherrif, and Vegh…and that was more than enough. Key beats Snow 5-2 and gets his first Jewball of many. Looking forward to having someone in the League that can bring honor back to the Rahmani name.
I don’t know if it was the better game, but the closer game was played on the other side of the field. Zinn v. Yaron. And I guess the theme of the day was…if you throw 4 picks, you’re gonna lose. And Zinn threw less than 4 picks (like Key, he threw 3). Yaron did not. Yaron struggled again in this early season, throwing deep balls that either shouldn’t be thrown or are just underthrown. It’s still Week 2 in the recap world, but this is being written post League Week 1 and the trend did continue there. Alas, it’s a rocky, rollercoaster season. The early going is the time to clean things up. From the box score, it looks like having Zinn as QB obviated one of the basic requirements of any QB with Zinn on their team -that would be…getting the ball to Zinn. In this instance, he had it on hike. And so he scores 3 rushing TDs. Makes sense. He’s fast and elusive. Once he is in the open field, it is all but over (shout out to Storm with a great flag grab last Sunday defying the premise I just proffered – to be recapped). He also threw one to Irv (though we cannot confirm whether he was just throwing the ball at Irv) to account for his only thrown TD of the day. Sheer numbers give Zinn the Jewball. He put the team on his back and locked in the W.
About this time, some kids started kicking soccer balls on the field. We attempted to bully them to get off. Then their coaches showed up. Then their parents started showing up. Never a good sign. So the signal was shot into the sky (or someone posted on the chat) that a field was needed. BK checked Woodmere. Steve-O checked LHS. Everyone just moved on. No complaints. No whining. No hanging of heads. Just….let’s get them game in. Beautiful. I handed the gear to Sting and Tommy. They headed to the field. Kut reported that the grass was not only open, but there was a painted perimeter with painted yard markers. Another gift from the Jewball gods. Guys rolled up and the game was underway only about 15 minutes late. It was Ernie v. Dachs and I got to watch a nice amount of it. Filmed a bit, which I try to convince myself releases me from the obligation of recapping. But that’s a lazy voice. Let it not be missed that this was – after many teases and almost in the past – the regular season Jewball debut of Samet. He is officially in the Chronicles and record books. He got there late, but he showed up and…we all knew it – kid can ball. Ernie looked pretty good at QB. As he always tells me….if he got reps…he could regain much of the old magic. After watching him Week 2, I believe it. He had some gorgeous completions that only a real QB could make. It wasn’t like just throws. He was passing the ball in windows like a real QB. One pass to Samet on a cross was a stunner. For much of the game he went punch for punch with Dachs. But Dachs is putting up some crazy numbers this season. Again, with my knowledge of Week 3 already, I can cheat and tell you he’s thrown 10 TDs and only 2 picks. He threw 5 of those TDs in Week 2. Getting it done with the rookies. 2 to Schiffer. 2 to Tommy. Again, can check out the videos for the full experience, but these were bullets into tight windows – and his receivers did not let him down. It was a relatively mistake free game. Both teams played well, just Dachs had more firepower than Ernie. Dachs gets the W 6-4 and the Jewball. Hopefully see some of you Sunday morning and even more of you Tuesday night. And of course…Let’s Go Subway Series!!!

On a bright sunny late September day in the year 2024 – approximately 30 years after the first Jewball game was played in Queens, NY, on grass without a permit – Jewball was played in Lawrence, Long Island, on turf with a permit. The game has come a long way. It was played without the presence of anyone who had participated in the first Jewball game, though Rabin was present and he had played with those Jewball pioneers like Alan Milchman, the Oracle. And Jordan was there who played with Rabin. And Mighty was there who played with Jordan. And Kut was there who played with Mighty. And Daveo was there who played with Kut. And Yaron was there who played with Daveo. And Prime was there who played with Yaron. And Pray was there who played with Prime. And Irv was there who played with Pray. And Dachs was there who played with Irv. And Ice Man was there who played with Dachs. And Dietsch was there who now played with Ice Man. And now you see what this is and how it works and even more importantly – why it works. I have been working on these Jewball Chronicles for over 20 years. I could not tell you why I started or why I kept it up, but it’s our great fortune that they still exist and are kept and preserved by Yaron and Steveo. Because you look back and see our humble beginnings, but you also can see the regal pride embedded in our DNA. We have not mutated over the year into a monster. We have evolved into one. The monster that is Jewball was tucked into our genetic code from the very first game. It was a seed planted deep within by the guys who went out there and set up the cones and played in the cold under the shadow of Terrace on the Park. It just took nurturing. Nurturing by way of passion and commitment and love and blood and sweat and tears and heart and sacrifice. Jewball has never been short on nurturers of that sort. In fact, it has always been a magnet for them. It has always been overflowing with them. This is the only rational explanation for the Chronicles and all the characters that populate them. Characters that I met up with on Sunday mornings for over two decades and went to work with. The work of football. The work of brotherhood. The work of being present and determined and goal oriented. These characters dance through my head now as I write this and although some inactive/retired players are on this chat, I lament those that aren’t still playing. Because it really pains me that you guys didn’t play with Katzenstein, and Doggy, and Marino, and Ike, and Uri – that Prime didn’t sh*t talk with Joey. That outside of Salem, none of our current crop of menaces at line battled B-sh in his claws-out prime. And I mourn for our faded Vets as well. Imagine JK throwing bombs to Zinn. No Jewball QB has ever thrown farther and so accurate. He would have been so happy. Instead, he was stuck playing 4 on 4s as official QB with dudes who couldn’t handle his heat. Imagine Rook running Routes for Marino. Two smooth studly Jewballers decked out in crisp Dolphins gear lighting up the Jewball stage with their incandescent star power. This is what pains me. Not that it is coming to an end. Not that I write a recap now for Week 1 perhaps for the last time. But that I don’t have the power or mystical prowess to merge it all. To grab the four corners of the Jewball tapestry and pull them together into an overstuffed bindle, combining everything, all of it – the grass, the sky, the mud, the laughs, the aches, the rubber pellets that fill my socks, the feel of the football burying itself into my grip, the knowledge that there is nothing between you and endzone, that the ball will not be dropped, but carried and maybe even scored – into one compact amalgamation of beauty and greatness, and carry it off with me.
If not for the Recaps, I wouldn’t remember any Opening Day – maybe even any game. But this one may stand out as I have a vested interest in holding on to the moments of this season. I would have to guess I had the first stat of the season. Or at least I shared it with Pray. Opening play, covering Mike, Pray slings one over the middle about 25 yards deep, and Jordan with the pick, sliding to the ground. Turnover gives the ball to Yaron, who has the ultimate Jewball weapon in his arsenal – one Roy Inavder Zinn. He of the height, speed, and hands the likes of which Jewball has never seen. What if I told you he and Yaron would score zero TDs together in this game? Although Zinn would make an incredible catch late in the game over Storm and Mighty that would elicit a “Who does that?” from Dax, the phenom would go scoreless on the day. Regardless, it was a punch for punch game. Yaron to Jordan twice for scores and once to Tomaz. Pray picked up right where left off – finding ways to move the chains and frustrate defenses. Whenever his squad needed a big play, it just seemed to happen. The first of which was a desperation heave to the Kid on a 3rd and long. Jordan was on the coverage and, instead of getting a second pick on the day, tipped the ball, which ended up being bobbled by Kid once, twice, and finally hauled in on the 3rd try. The drive ended up in a score to Mighty. With the game tied late, and a 4th and goal from the 20, Pray once again found some magic reminiscent of the famous Stat Count It game, with Storm cutting hard to the endzone and turning at the goal line. Pray uncorks a bullet that takes a B line for Storm. Jordan is there. Zinn is there. 6 hands converge on the ball, but only two POSESS the ball. That would be the clamps of one Johnny Storm. His second score of the day. And with that the tie is broken. Yaron has a final chance to tie, but throws a pick to Pray and with that, Yaron drops the season opener (4-3). Jewball to Pray for the 3 TDs throw, pick, and rushing TD.
Across the field, the last of our active Dachses was taking on a reconstructed Gronk, coming off his surgery and rehab of last season. Let’s just take a moment, rise to our fee, and applaud. Hats off. Tap the heart. Proud to share a field with you, Gronk. I couldn’t’ watch the game as I was playing in a different game – and as I do not have Logan’s ability to break down games I didn’t see – I cannot really say much. But the stats tell a story. Gronk wasn’t sharp. He threw 3 picks. Rust needed to come off it seems. Threw a TD to Legs and a TD to Prime, but 2 scores was all his squad could muster. Meanwhile, Dachs was on fire. And so was some guy named Landy. Bos score says the undrafted rookie scored 3 TDs. A Mantis-like performance. But I’m going to hand the Jewball to Dachs for 4 TDs thrown, 1 rushed, and 2 picks.
I caught a glimpse of the late game, which was Rabin v. Perla. I saw Rabin throw as a professional a TD pass as you will see in Jewball to Zinn. The ball thrown true and tight and spiraled and before his receiver finished his route…so when Zinn turned in the front of the endzone, the ball was in his sight line and just gliding toward him from the perfect angle. I also saw Rabin try this a few more times with far less grace and success. I witnessed Kut score an incredible TD, running about 87 yards past all sorts of defenders who could not either pull his flag or catch up to him. Kut has that sneaky ball carrying speed. Perla wins 3-2, scoring with Irv, Kut, BK. Not sure who gets a Jewball for this one, but since Kut had a TD and sack….and I saw his heroics….let’s say him.

I wouldn’t say anything changed in me over the past 23 years as I relate to this game we call Jewball. I loved it the first day I showed up (uninvited – heard about it from a friend – and didn’t get into the game – just watched jealously from the sidelines) and I love it today. Did I know at that time that it would one day encompass half my life (by the end of this season it will officially be the majority of my life)? Of course not. I loved it, and would have liked to think I could do it forever. But you need a lot of mazal in this world. Things need to break right. Things need to not break. Or rip. Or pop. Or strain. BH I had that mazal. I played some in the 2001 season. And I showed up for Opening Day in 2002, my first full season. And then I showed up for Opening Day in 2003. By 2004, I was organizing Opening Day. By 2005 I had migrated the game from Queens to the 5Ts. And here we still are – bigger and badder than ever – almost two decades later.
So, I don’t think I’ve changed – but because Jewball has changed so much and grown so much, my Opening Day message has evolved. When its original intention was to wake up people from their summer malaise and convince them to get out and play football again – that isn’t necessary now. We are in our Enlightenment Era and Jewball has become a full on way of life. Football season ends but Jewball season is a constant. So….no need to rally the troops. I will however say…..Let’s Fucking Go. Bring it Sunday. Every damn down like u mean it.
One thing that is always needed is to talk to the Rookies/a chazara on what we are doing here. Jewball is a football league, but we like to consider it a true brotherhood where we value quality football above all, but quality people a very near second. You won’t survive here if you aren’t a Jewball type. You will either go fleeing in the opposite direction, or we will spit you out. This is the kind of thing you will experience as opposed to me explaining it. Explaining the Jewball ethos is like explaining a joke. It’s a waste of time and energy. Either you get it (or will get it) or you won’t. I will say this as the truest of Jewball truisims. The more you put in, the more you will get out. I firmly believe you will benefit just by being here. The guys here are so unbelievably awesome and talented that your life should improve incrementally simply due to osmosis. However, there is benefit and there is BENEFIT. And that’s up to you. If you show up, you will see rewards you won’t really be able to process in the short term. Again…..not gonna explain. You might ask what does show up mean? And my only answer is….show up as much as you can. Push yourself to show up. Push yourself to be a part of it. Some of it. All of it. In both is our mantra and it means in everything. As much as Jewball offers…..be greedy and partake. I say this not because we need it. Those days are over. BH we are in a very good place and on solid ground. I say this because life is an ocean of bitchery and Jewball is an island. Some of you got injured….so u may think….I’ll keep my head down until I play on the field and prove myself. Absolute nonsense. Prove yourself now! Show up now. Whether on the chat or at events or to the games. You will get out what you put in. Everyone here will attest. With that, I welcome you all to this 2024-2025 Jewball season. My 23rd full. Rabin’s like…..28th. I mention the season count because Jewball is proud of its history. If you haven’t seen our website….check it out. www.jewballsports.com. I said before I can’t explain the ethos….but exploring the site gives you a sense. I leave you with this message: Write your story. Care about the tapestry we are weaving. Care that you will be woven onto it. We are out here risking real shit. It’s worth it. Make it worth it.

My hope is that this season remains an outlier. Not because it was bad in any way. It wasn’t. This final recap will usher you through a strange, confounding, stirring, sometimes jarring, but ultimately redemptive Jewball 2023-2024 campaign. It’s a season that is hard to describe. It was like a Jewball delicacy comprised of all the usual ingredients, but the result when served had an unfamiliar taste. It was a flavor we had not experienced in the modern era. Not sour at all. But not entirely sweet. Too easy to call it salty. So I’ll just say it was different. And we all know why. Early on in the season, I wrote:
A lot of voices out there might have us question the integrity of our name. Without minimizing how difficult it is and has been to be a member of other tribes and backgrounds, it’s not easy right now to be a Jew. I guess then – since we are all one under this banner – it’s not easy right now to be a Jewballer. I have opinions and thoughts and philosophies about what is going and where it might go, but I’m smart enough to know to keep them to myself and to not listen to those of others. Let’s just stay strong. Stay together. Get through this abysmal era one game at a time.
All these months later, not much has changed. It’s still a hard time to be a Jewballer. And I really don’t want to go too far down that rabbit hole. In a way, this isn’t the place – even though in our final recap, liberties are taken. My problem is that how can I ignore it? A dark cloud hung over our season courtesy of Taylor Swift. It pains me that when Storm was doing his promo for the Patriots and he said next time he’s gonna shout out Jewball, my first thought was….best not to do that now. Our name has been tarnished and degraded. It’s an undeniable fact that we cannot rationalize our way around. In the meantime, we live on, we ball on, but it’s the stuff of tragedy. On this erev Pesach, as I write just a few blocks from where I watched the draft, the words and message of V’hi Sh’amda echo in my head and lead to where I wanted to go anyway. And that is to talk about our persistence.
“And this is what kept our fathers and what keeps us surviving. For, not only one arose and tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and God saves us from their hands.”
Or, as the Jewball Haggadah might have it:
And this is what kept the Vets and what keeps us on the field. For, not only have injuries, apathy, excuses, chumash plays, and brisses tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and our demented persistence saves us from their hands.
It’s a cheap literary and oratory device to quote the dictionary, but I’m going for it in this case:
To Persist: To go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition or warning. To continue to exist especially past a usual, expected, or normal time.
Well, damn. If that doesn’t just sum up Jewball as well as the people it was named after. But before we dig in on the nature of our persistence and perhaps even the basis for it, we need to contrast that with the comeback. Lest ye accuse this final recap of plagiarizing from its immediate predecessor. Simply put, a Comeback – as we discussed last year – involves the combining of a returner and a returnee – plus faith. One party separates (for internal or external reasons) from the other, and, with each side harnessing the unquantifiable force of faith, they reunite or reconnect. While persistence may factor in, it isn’t a necessary ingredient. It’s no coincidence that we argue each year about CPOY and who is worthy of it. And we all become Talmudic scholars, differentiating and distinguishing. That’s not really a comeback. He was injured. He was away. But, isn’t that Most Improved (like Legs 😜)? We struggle to define exactly what a Comeback is. I think this tension represents our inability to figure the difference between a comeback candidate and someone who has shown exceptional persistence.
I call the following storyline from this past season underrated only because it’s too massive to fathom or appreciate to the proper extent. That is when Rabin surprised us at the Turkey Bowl with a visit from the Oracle. It happened also to be the day Dom came down to set up and ref. Which – if you recall – was a few days after we rallied a bit to help Dom out with Thanksgiving expenses. We came down, we played football, we had a good time, Dom had a good time, we had photo ops with the Oracle, we appreciated, and we moved on. But it’s now a time for reflection. So let’s reflect.
I think these three separate coinciding events represent the transcendent state of Jewball. We will talk about on the field heroics soon enough, but Jewball has become – for better or….nah, just for better – as much about on the field as off. That is not to say we have neglected our football. Jewball will ALWAYS be a quality football first enterprise. However, in the age of the Enlightenment, we have developed the perfect equilibrium between quality football and quality living – quality existence. So, Dom reffing, our sensitivity to our Jewball family, and our reverence for the traditions and are founders/Vets – while all “off the field” criteria – they encapsulate who we presently are.
The Oracle is persistence personified. Maaseh avos siman labanim. The ordeals of the forefathers become symbols to the generations. We must look no further than the answering machine of legend. Jewball was incubated in the cogs, wheels, and tape of that prehistoric answering machine. When a man takes the time and effort to re-record the greeting each time someone calls in to commit to playing football (on a haphazard grass field that will at most max out at 5-5, and back when winters were cold) so that the game can be organized – so that it can happen despite the odds…that is resolute! That is stubborn! We were born in the flames of that persistence! So is it any surprise that we continue to exist – especially past a usual, expected, or normal time?
The Oracle is our Av. Rabin as well. Who is more persistent than Rabin! Think about what he has endured!! And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the season the Oracle finally returns to the field – the season where I finally get to meet the man that gave me and us the gift of Jewball – is the season of our Rookie class that produced Ice Man, Sherriff, and Mike, among others. The season where MVP returned. The year when Spira rejoined the family as a full-fledged Jewballer.
Ice Man did not make a comeback. He tried Jewball and it went badly. He came down and quit. We yelled back, “You can’t quit, you’re fired!” And…if we and he had left it at that, we never would have seen this – his revelatory ROY winning season. But there was a persistence about him. There was a willingness to push through as he pushed through Pray in the snow. His persistence has won him awards, a championship, and the admiration, fear, and respect of every Jewballer. What I love about Ice Man is what he shares with our 2022-2023 ROY – and what makes the future so blindingly bright…that is, his mind-bending talent combined with such a prolific comprehension of what we are trying to do here.
Same with the Sherriff. He was out of football. A dude with memories of his glory days playing for Perla and the Brooklyn Beasts. But Perla persisted! And joined us – and continues to persist through whatever slings and arrows we throw at him. And it allowed for his return to TNF. Which brought the Sherriff out of retirement and the Jewballers to meet him. And it was love at first sight. As I say every year when the Rookies join up…..imagine Jewball without the Sherriff?! It doesn’t exist! He drives in from far off lands and lights up the field with his sheer joy for the game (his top tier skills are almost a bonus.) While we are talking about those who persist through distance. How about Stats? How about Dobs coming in from Passaic, NJ! Jewballers! Think about the resolve! Cower in awe of the stubbornness!!!
Who takes more abuse than Mike…..and yet….anyone see him backing down? Anyone see him not calling himself first round material next year. You call it delusional. I call it a grandiose expression of the ultimate and quintessential Jewball quality. I promise you, if you think you know Mike – you do not. He has only begun to persist! The dude has depths that must be excavated and quarried and plumbed like a day in the office for Rabin. I remind everyone of the Rook from just a few years back. Who saw that guy exploding into the leader he is today? Jewball is a beautiful thing because it equally encourages, inspires, engenders and rewards persistence.
Moving on from the Rookies, how about the Vets that showed us the way this year. My God…..Dov Snow…the MVP…I am sitting here with goosebumps trying to fathom the journey this man has taken to return to football – and then take his team to the championship game. Dov, in this year of my rehab, there were so many times just thinking of your resolve and stubbornness – convinced me that giving up was not an option. Jewballers, was he the Dov Snow of old who won championships with Munch and Singer? No, of course not. Is Singer coming back next year? Oh, hells yeah. Was Snow the MVP of this season? He wasn’t. But you know what? He could have been. Because Jewball MVP considers multiple factors and Dov Snow exemplified the factors that make me proudest to be a Jewballer. The dedication to the game. To his fellow Jewballers. And a relentless persistence to push yourself to the brink. To – in a way – risk it all. It’s crazy. I know it sounds crazy. I’m typing the insane words and they read insane. But this is our lot and the length of our days. We have found something here of the mundane world and we have imbued it with a lofty spirit. So…at this point I embrace it like God’s hug of the week.
And speaking of bad Jewball puns….let us take a moment to sing the praises of Spira. Guys, he’s older than me! He hasn’t played football for twenty years. 20 YEARS! Let me give you a modern day example of what happened. It’s as if Pray retired at the end of this season and kept in touch more or less through the guys who remember him from this era as being the man. The guy who welcomed them in. The guy who was revered by all for his good nature and great gridiron prowess. And then, for no clear reason, returned to the game in his late 40s….and still managed to impress everyone – both young and old. Sounds like a fantasy. You wouldn’t believe it if it was the plot of a movie. And yet….Jewball….this is exactly what happened! Spira caught everything in his vicinity back in 2002 and he did the same damn thing in 2024. He ran precise routes then…and now. He overanalyzed everything then…and now. The only difference between the 2002 version and the present is that somehow over the past 20 years at some point Spira decided for no good apparent that he was funny. Spira, thanks for being there when I first got to Jewball and showing me what persistence means. You and Rabin. I am so grateful that both Jewball and Jewball persistence became part of who I am. And that we are still here to prove that it is so much more than a theory, a concept, an esoteric idea – but it’s a reality we can live in – as long as we persist.
When I think of Jewish persistence, and need to internalize it to get me through another day of these miserable days – I think of the diaspora. I think of the exile. I think of my ancestors being banished and chased from their precious homeland of Israel time and again and just wandering, starting anew, and despite whatever persecution or success they achieved in lands not their own, they dreamed of return. They mourned and prayed for return. They yearned for the ability to come home. What our enemies do not know (and surely don’t want to know) is that Jews – all Jews – whether European, Latino, American, Arabian, or wherever and whenever we are and were – we have – for thousands of years – just as we will tonight – sing with passionate hearts – Next Year in Jerusalem! Not Next Year in London, or New York, or the Five Towns or Lakewood. Now, the fact that we now have the ability to return and yet we persist in the exile by choice….that’s a topic for another day – perhaps Zezzy or Joey can drop some knowledge on us. But my point is – and my comfort is – they don’t know us. Jews are vilified for their persistence but their persistence will always defeat the vilification. Always.
Which brings me to the persistence of our Jewballers in exile. Whether it be Zezzy by always making sure to come back for a game every season. Or Effie and Jesus who all the boys know because they never forget their roots. Or Waldo who broke our hearts and his own by leaving for sunnier shores mid-season. But of course we have no brighter star pointing the way out of the galus than Prime. Our very own Exilarch. His yearning to come home is the torch and beacon that both warms and guides – lighting the way back. He dreamed of return – and so he will. As Effie will. Because Jewball persistence – like Jewish persistence – is not bound by the rules of time and space.
Everyone knows by now, at this point in the recap, I distract with one MVP and it’s always a bait and switch. Like if I started talking about Zinn here, you’d know for sure it wasn’t him. My problem this year is…no one is going to fall for anything because it seems like it’s so obviously going to be…
Mighty. Let’s talk about Mighty. This wasn’t Mighty’s MVP season. I think a lot of us wanted it to happen – no one more than me. And it started out looking like an inevitability. Angry Mighty was dead. Happy Mighty rolled up on a pink scooter – an homage to the player Mighty humbly called the only player better than himself in Jewball history. When Zinn was asked about the compliment, he seemed truly touched and responded, “Who’s Mighty?” The Rat was revitalized. Singer was on the sideline for the season to prevent the Rat from getting his stats, and he was getting them in droves. Picks. TDs. Jewballs. The stars were aligning. I started writing the portion of this recap that reminisced about the impact Mighty made on Jewball and how he was, is, and always will be the first superstar of Jewball. There was nothing like him before and because of that there will never be anything like him again. Zez’s impact was compared to Mighty’s. Zinn’s as well. Ice Man, and so on. Jewball was only taken to the spectacular level once and it will forever be Mighty who took us there. Everyone who follows is standing in his tiny paw prints. The numbers remained until his final game, but it was clear that the injuries crept in. Perhaps the anger retuned in small doses. By the time he walked off the field with, according to some shitas, 21 minutes and seventeen seconds on the clock of a playoff game…the MVP conversation was reduced to an inaudible murmur. So be it. But what players like myself know – what younger plays cannot – younger players who can still do everything they want to do on the field and have not lost a step – is what kind of persistence it takes to keep lacing up even as the body deteriorates. Even as the wear can no longer be masked, or massaged, or wrapped. And this is why there will never be another Mighty. Because when he started losing some physical battles, he dug his trenches to fend off the mental wars. Is Mighty a head case? Of course he is. But he has to be. You don’t achieve what he has achieved in Jewball without having ridiculous resolve. Without being the most stubborn. Without persisting beyond the realms of normalcy. So while he is not our 2023-2024 MVP, he is the reigning superstar of Jewball for the past fifteen consecutive seasons. No one else can say that. And I doubt anyone ever will.
Unless Pray does it. There is no drama or suspense here. He won so damn much. He was an excellent, supremely likeable person and player three years ago when he won Jewball MVP – and – somehow – he got better. He became more of a Jewball icon. He overcame an injury like the psycho that he is and – perhaps a bit more limited in his run game – he became an assassin with a football. Cerebral and mercenary, yet inexplicably cool and charismatic. As I messaged him after the monsoon shalom zachor (what up, Feit): Thank you for being the kind of Jewballer that we all want to walk through the pouring rain for. He won a career high 16 games while throwing a career high 60 TDs. He lead his Birds to a preposterously dominant season – winning every game from opening day to the finals. He has forged a bromance with Prime that would make JD and Turk jealous. When he won it 3 years ago it was based on his performance, but also with a sense of optimism and desire that he would live up to the mantle bring thrust on him. Well, he blew past our wildest expectations. In a way – he won his first MVP because of who we hoped he would be. This MVP is won because of who he is – pure and simple. Pray, thank you for being who you are. Don’t let softball chat change you 😊. But, seriously – if Mighty is conscious, hard fought persistence, you are effortless persistence. It is your nature. The love of Jewball is your nature. Competing with us and being a role model for us is your nature. It’s such a blessing when the best advice someone can give you is….be you. Bro, be you…and Jewball will continue to benefit and thrive and feed off your brilliant aura. Three years ago I wrote:
“Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2020-2021 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
Today I write:
Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2023-2024 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
One last factor in this disjointed season was my own absence from the field – the only place that really matters. A Week 4 tendon tear ripped my left bicep from off the bone, resulting in a surgery, resulting in a rehab, which, all in all, stole 12 weeks of football from me. But as Pray, and Waldo, Ernie, Sting, Salem, and Oppen have had it worse and came back – and as Gronk is currently grinding it out – they don’t allow for excuses or self-pity. As they persisted, I must persist. And although I have missed time before – whether the classic ankle, or the finger tendon the season before the Revolution – or the plantaris the season before the Enlightenment. This injury was different. It wasn’t the career ender, but it was an eye opener. Every player is mortal. Even if you all have made me feel I was more than that at times. But the truth is the truth.
Next season will be my last as Commissioner. I will enter the Jewball galus, like Zez and MVP, Effie, and Waldo, and Prime. Dreaming of return. I will self-exile, not because of the injury. Not because it’s time or because I’m done. Just because I am replacing one persistence with another. My Jewish persistence has come into direct conflict with my Jewball persistence. One return will usurp another. One dream for another.
Jewball family, it’s been a 23-year dream. A dream that keeps getting better. A shared dream. A dream that is not over, nor will it be over. Jewball is our home and it always will be. Although the game must be played and played well and like you mean it – Jewball transcends the four painted corners of the turf and the orange cones we lay down. We all know it. So all that is left is to say thank you. In my absence – whether temporary (as I expect) or permanent (as you never know), it is on the collective to step up. To draft, and show on time, run, catch, grab, and tackle. To party, and congregate, and support. To be there for the games and for each other like never before. To post, write, and recap – produce and be creative and clever – in new and interesting ways . To make sure that those of us in the exile always have a home to return to.
We enter the off season with a message and motivation that will never change. Maybe we haven’t used this exact word before, but it’s always been a message of persistence. In health – both physical and mental. In fitness. In remaining unified and focused. In rising above this world which begs us to crumble while daring us to persist.