Almost a quarter of the way through the Jewball season. Crazy how time passes but for two teams it was opening day. Trolls v. Bareback Broncos. Both teams missed their captains but understood that sometimes you just gotta get the games in. Props to Logic and Goldberg for that. Broncos were also missing legs and decided to run it with 7 and a little help from baby zinn. Trolls were at full strength minus Captain Evon. After a draft night of some excitement it was finally time to see who can back up their trash talking. And the game started quick. Broncos scored first on their opening drive on a deep ball from Avenger to Crumble, who is quietly having an impressive start, to go up 7-0 early. A few plays later it was gronk to steve-o to make it 7-6 after a failed extra point. The game would stay like that for a while. Between sacks, interceptions and stalled drives it was around 9 am and Avenger throwing two early picks to berk and gronk throwing one to landy. Combine that with the trolls line sacking avenger on almost every play and it looked like this was going to be a defensive or inept offensive struggle. But in true jewball fashion, something clicked just like that and the game went from 7-6 to 46-7 in under 30 minutes. Jewball’s newest addition started racking up yards both on offense and defense. Mighty did his best to stop him but eventually Will was inevitable on his way to a touchdown and a pick six. Tack on an insane chase down flag grab of mighty and Will made his presence known. Berk kept doing berk things and added a td of his own along with a bullet pass from gronk to kut. Finally, in the closing minutes Steve-o added a pick six and Gronk added one more td to fellow cronie vegh on a ridiculous gronk-like two handed backwards throw to close this one out. Broncos lone td would come on the opening drive and would be shut out the rest of the way. 46-7 final for the Trolls. I want to give this guy a jewball as much as he wants one but when he’s good, it’s kinda annoying for everyone else. Gronk with the five tds and one sack of his own was magnificent. Huge shoutout to the line of kuti and paddles who not only kept gronk in a clean pocket all day but racked up ten, yes ten, sacks of avenger. (the footage will be reviewed to see how many kuti took on bad snaps :))

In game 1b it was another new beginning for jewball as Spreadies went under center to try his hand as a jewball qb. To say it went well is an understatement. It was dark of pray, daveo, prime, kagan, akiva, spiegel, and rabin vs. Colors of Mandel, bz, davengier, rook, O, zada, and ice. As was the theme on sunday…..defense was non existent. Can’t really remember who scored and when but mandelbread led his team on a perfect 7/7 drives all ending in touchdowns. Not one punt on the entire day. He ran when needed, he maneuvered the pocket, and found the open man consistently. At the end of it, ice had two scores, davenger had one, rook had three, and mandel ran one in himself. Dark stayed in the game for the most part but unfortunately could not string together enough scoring drives to stay in this shootout After they scored on their first four drives and with the score 4-4, colors got a stop and never looked back. A final score of 8-4 after a pray ill advised lateral ended up in bz’s lap for a touchdown. For dark, daveo had himself a pretty touchdown on fourth and long and prime added three incredible scores in the losing effort. The second one was a hook and ladder from daveo to prime that a premature flag pull was called on. After some discussion we re-did the play and prime scored again….on the exact. same.play. Pretty incredible stuff from prime. But the story of the day was spreadies absolutely dominating and earning himself his first jewball. That elusive fifth qb may have just been found. Good stuff mandel!

For game 2, I don’t even know where to begin. Yes, continuing in the theme of the day this game had even less defense than the other two. It was dark of pray, berk, rabin, ice, blitz, kagan, and kut vs colors of yaron, crumble, paddles, mandel, prime, tom, and new comer rafi cohen. With this much scoring the order of tds gets fuzzy but I believe colors scored first on a mandel rec td. Dark answered back with a deep ball from pray to ice to make it 1-1. next play Ice with a pick six to make it 2-1. Yaron then followed up with what felt like giving the ball to prime on almost every play and let him wreak havoc. And he did just that. A long drive ending in a touchdown to tom.2-2. Dark answered with a nice drive but a crumble redzone int ended their chances. Colors then took the lead with a prime receiving touchdown and a number of patented stiff arms to peoples throats. 3-2. Dark answered with a pray rushing td and then a huge turnover on downs followed by a bullet from pray to ice to make 4-3. No idea what happened next but time seemed to be moving in slow motion as after all that scoring it was somehow only 1030. Dark somehow went up by two scores on a long ball to berk to make it 5-3. Colors answered with another prime receiving td to make it 5-4. But this wasn’t even the half of it. The scoring went on. Dark 6-4 on a kagan 70 yard td. Colors made it 6-5 on a crumble td. dark back to it on a pray rushing td to make it 7-5. colors 7-6 on a yaron rushing td followed up by dark 8-6 on a pray run and lateral to ice for a rushing td. At this point, the game should be over……but no it was somehow only 1105. Ten minutes for yaron to work his magic and in the span of two plays… a long ball to rafi cohen to make it 8-7 followed up by yaron picking off ice on a trick play and laterling to prime for a PICK SIX… just like that it was 8-8. Dark would have to score to end it. A methodical drive of curls to kagan and blitz. followed by slants to kuti, berk and ice made it 3rd and goal from the 4 yard line. The play was called and a screen to rabin with ice lead blocking would end the game…..except rabin ran a slant and the play broke down. After watching game 1 the only way this game could end also was on a two handed pass. Berk hauled in the basketball throw from pray to give dark the 9-8 win in this wacky and wild game. Jewball to iceman in this one for the 2 receiving tds, 1 rushing td, and pick six.

Who wants week 5?
Jordan/Curran 2026! Jewball hates D.