Week 2 Recap

It is the eve of a festival which tends to mess with the body. Eating, drinking, sleeping on a spin cycle of doom for the physique and psyche– all in the name of good times and holiness. Who am I to question thousands of years of tradition, but lest we forget 30 years of Jewball tradition. Good times and holiness on the field. And so to combat the lethargy and gluttony that creeps ever closer, we have instituted the Pitom Bowl. A post 3 Day Yom Tov football game to not only get the body and brain activated again in preparation for the work that will carry us into spring, but hopefully also to give us pause at the kiddushes, meals and simchas beises and ask ourselves the question….is this indulgence worth it? Cuz I got on the field obligations as soon as this is over and I don’t want to be a step slow, I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to be winded, I don’t want to be tired. All that said…. Sherrif….you bringing the smokes Tuesday night??
But let us travel back to a different place and time. One that feels ancient, almost, as it predates the high holies that have come and gone – as they often do – with much sound and fury, but somehow in a blink. I speak of an alternate dimension known as Week 2. Games thrown together at the last minute. Regular QBs out. Guest QBs in. Distant memories of games played at Hewlett. Was that this season or two seasons ago? Having to leave. BK and Steve-O running around checking fields like it’s 2010. A game on the grass at LHS like it’s 2013. What I always loved about Jewball and what I will always love about Jewball is that we always find a way. Like Dr. Ian Malcolm said about nature. And as nice as it is to have a permit. As spoiled and as privileged (good seeing you today, Mo) as we’ve become – I relish a chance to get booted from a field, which sends us scrambling and regrouping and figuring sh*t out and building a field somewhere else – GRASS! OUR ROOTS! – a field we have history with – a land that knows our cleat steps, our voices, our spirits – and getting the game going despite the obstacle. My proudest weeks as a Jewballer were when we had about ten excuses not to play, and we made it work. I will never forget the one week we built a small diagonal field at some school on Franklin in Woodmere – we walked from WMS after getting tossed mid-game (maybe even late-mid-game), and we hopped the fence and some people left but some stayed….and we played maybe 5 on 5 on this weird patch of grass, trespassing, for like 40 minutes. Made no sense to do it, but it proved to me that our will to Jewball is that great force of nature that Jeff Goldblum was talking about. So Week 2 – all this time later – feels at the same time eminently forgettable and memorable. The details of the games fade, but what the games represent are eternal.
The early games were played at the newly minted turf at Hewlett. Was definitely nice to be back. It was our home for a few epic seasons. Felt welcoming and secure. Like we were always meant to return. We split the field as we always had, but not with the Old Guys. Dan Faust was nowhere to be found. Instead, we took up both sides with nary an old guy, band geek, or soccer player in sight. We just waltzed right in like we owned the place. And speaking of owning the place, let’s talk about Key QBing against Snow in Game 1. Former MVP v. Future MVP. With his dad beaming from the sidelines, Key took his team on a ride, running and gunning, and leading them to a pretty breezy 5-2 victory. All hail the immortal warrior, Dov Snow, for stepping into the void and QBing for us when we needed him to, but the MVP has lost a step while Key is gaining on all the QBs in Jewball at a rapid pace (Does Feit know Key is on The Reapers?). What impressed me most about Key in this game was his accurate throws on the run. He got out of the pocket and adeptly threatened to take off, but did so with eyes up field….and more often than not, he cocked his arm back while in motion and slung it to a receiver – like his father in an ass – with surgical precision. Did he throw 3 picks? Yes. But did Snow throw 4? Also, yes. And you can’t win games like that. 4 picks thrown by Snow – one a walk-in P6 by BZ from the 5, another a full field P6 sprint by Key ripping the ball from Jordan’s hands – was too much to overcome. Key throws 3 TDs – one each to Prime, Sherrif, and Vegh…and that was more than enough. Key beats Snow 5-2 and gets his first Jewball of many. Looking forward to having someone in the League that can bring honor back to the Rahmani name.
I don’t know if it was the better game, but the closer game was played on the other side of the field. Zinn v. Yaron. And I guess the theme of the day was…if you throw 4 picks, you’re gonna lose. And Zinn threw less than 4 picks (like Key, he threw 3). Yaron did not. Yaron struggled again in this early season, throwing deep balls that either shouldn’t be thrown or are just underthrown. It’s still Week 2 in the recap world, but this is being written post League Week 1 and the trend did continue there. Alas, it’s a rocky, rollercoaster season. The early going is the time to clean things up. From the box score, it looks like having Zinn as QB obviated one of the basic requirements of any QB with Zinn on their team -that would be…getting the ball to Zinn. In this instance, he had it on hike. And so he scores 3 rushing TDs. Makes sense. He’s fast and elusive. Once he is in the open field, it is all but over (shout out to Storm with a great flag grab last Sunday defying the premise I just proffered – to be recapped). He also threw one to Irv (though we cannot confirm whether he was just throwing the ball at Irv) to account for his only thrown TD of the day. Sheer numbers give Zinn the Jewball. He put the team on his back and locked in the W.
About this time, some kids started kicking soccer balls on the field. We attempted to bully them to get off. Then their coaches showed up. Then their parents started showing up. Never a good sign. So the signal was shot into the sky (or someone posted on the chat) that a field was needed. BK checked Woodmere. Steve-O checked LHS. Everyone just moved on. No complaints. No whining. No hanging of heads. Just….let’s get them game in. Beautiful. I handed the gear to Sting and Tommy. They headed to the field. Kut reported that the grass was not only open, but there was a painted perimeter with painted yard markers. Another gift from the Jewball gods. Guys rolled up and the game was underway only about 15 minutes late. It was Ernie v. Dachs and I got to watch a nice amount of it. Filmed a bit, which I try to convince myself releases me from the obligation of recapping. But that’s a lazy voice. Let it not be missed that this was – after many teases and almost in the past – the regular season Jewball debut of Samet. He is officially in the Chronicles and record books. He got there late, but he showed up and…we all knew it – kid can ball. Ernie looked pretty good at QB. As he always tells me….if he got reps…he could regain much of the old magic. After watching him Week 2, I believe it. He had some gorgeous completions that only a real QB could make. It wasn’t like just throws. He was passing the ball in windows like a real QB. One pass to Samet on a cross was a stunner. For much of the game he went punch for punch with Dachs. But Dachs is putting up some crazy numbers this season. Again, with my knowledge of Week 3 already, I can cheat and tell you he’s thrown 10 TDs and only 2 picks. He threw 5 of those TDs in Week 2. Getting it done with the rookies. 2 to Schiffer. 2 to Tommy. Again, can check out the videos for the full experience, but these were bullets into tight windows – and his receivers did not let him down. It was a relatively mistake free game. Both teams played well, just Dachs had more firepower than Ernie. Dachs gets the W 6-4 and the Jewball. Hopefully see some of you Sunday morning and even more of you Tuesday night. And of course…Let’s Go Subway Series!!!

On a bright sunny late September day in the year 2024 – approximately 30 years after the first Jewball game was played in Queens, NY, on grass without a permit – Jewball was played in Lawrence, Long Island, on turf with a permit. The game has come a long way. It was played without the presence of anyone who had participated in the first Jewball game, though Rabin was present and he had played with those Jewball pioneers like Alan Milchman, the Oracle. And Jordan was there who played with Rabin. And Mighty was there who played with Jordan. And Kut was there who played with Mighty. And Daveo was there who played with Kut. And Yaron was there who played with Daveo. And Prime was there who played with Yaron. And Pray was there who played with Prime. And Irv was there who played with Pray. And Dachs was there who played with Irv. And Ice Man was there who played with Dachs. And Dietsch was there who now played with Ice Man. And now you see what this is and how it works and even more importantly – why it works. I have been working on these Jewball Chronicles for over 20 years. I could not tell you why I started or why I kept it up, but it’s our great fortune that they still exist and are kept and preserved by Yaron and Steveo. Because you look back and see our humble beginnings, but you also can see the regal pride embedded in our DNA. We have not mutated over the year into a monster. We have evolved into one. The monster that is Jewball was tucked into our genetic code from the very first game. It was a seed planted deep within by the guys who went out there and set up the cones and played in the cold under the shadow of Terrace on the Park. It just took nurturing. Nurturing by way of passion and commitment and love and blood and sweat and tears and heart and sacrifice. Jewball has never been short on nurturers of that sort. In fact, it has always been a magnet for them. It has always been overflowing with them. This is the only rational explanation for the Chronicles and all the characters that populate them. Characters that I met up with on Sunday mornings for over two decades and went to work with. The work of football. The work of brotherhood. The work of being present and determined and goal oriented. These characters dance through my head now as I write this and although some inactive/retired players are on this chat, I lament those that aren’t still playing. Because it really pains me that you guys didn’t play with Katzenstein, and Doggy, and Marino, and Ike, and Uri – that Prime didn’t sh*t talk with Joey. That outside of Salem, none of our current crop of menaces at line battled B-sh in his claws-out prime. And I mourn for our faded Vets as well. Imagine JK throwing bombs to Zinn. No Jewball QB has ever thrown farther and so accurate. He would have been so happy. Instead, he was stuck playing 4 on 4s as official QB with dudes who couldn’t handle his heat. Imagine Rook running Routes for Marino. Two smooth studly Jewballers decked out in crisp Dolphins gear lighting up the Jewball stage with their incandescent star power. This is what pains me. Not that it is coming to an end. Not that I write a recap now for Week 1 perhaps for the last time. But that I don’t have the power or mystical prowess to merge it all. To grab the four corners of the Jewball tapestry and pull them together into an overstuffed bindle, combining everything, all of it – the grass, the sky, the mud, the laughs, the aches, the rubber pellets that fill my socks, the feel of the football burying itself into my grip, the knowledge that there is nothing between you and endzone, that the ball will not be dropped, but carried and maybe even scored – into one compact amalgamation of beauty and greatness, and carry it off with me.
If not for the Recaps, I wouldn’t remember any Opening Day – maybe even any game. But this one may stand out as I have a vested interest in holding on to the moments of this season. I would have to guess I had the first stat of the season. Or at least I shared it with Pray. Opening play, covering Mike, Pray slings one over the middle about 25 yards deep, and Jordan with the pick, sliding to the ground. Turnover gives the ball to Yaron, who has the ultimate Jewball weapon in his arsenal – one Roy Inavder Zinn. He of the height, speed, and hands the likes of which Jewball has never seen. What if I told you he and Yaron would score zero TDs together in this game? Although Zinn would make an incredible catch late in the game over Storm and Mighty that would elicit a “Who does that?” from Dax, the phenom would go scoreless on the day. Regardless, it was a punch for punch game. Yaron to Jordan twice for scores and once to Tomaz. Pray picked up right where left off – finding ways to move the chains and frustrate defenses. Whenever his squad needed a big play, it just seemed to happen. The first of which was a desperation heave to the Kid on a 3rd and long. Jordan was on the coverage and, instead of getting a second pick on the day, tipped the ball, which ended up being bobbled by Kid once, twice, and finally hauled in on the 3rd try. The drive ended up in a score to Mighty. With the game tied late, and a 4th and goal from the 20, Pray once again found some magic reminiscent of the famous Stat Count It game, with Storm cutting hard to the endzone and turning at the goal line. Pray uncorks a bullet that takes a B line for Storm. Jordan is there. Zinn is there. 6 hands converge on the ball, but only two POSESS the ball. That would be the clamps of one Johnny Storm. His second score of the day. And with that the tie is broken. Yaron has a final chance to tie, but throws a pick to Pray and with that, Yaron drops the season opener (4-3). Jewball to Pray for the 3 TDs throw, pick, and rushing TD.
Across the field, the last of our active Dachses was taking on a reconstructed Gronk, coming off his surgery and rehab of last season. Let’s just take a moment, rise to our fee, and applaud. Hats off. Tap the heart. Proud to share a field with you, Gronk. I couldn’t’ watch the game as I was playing in a different game – and as I do not have Logan’s ability to break down games I didn’t see – I cannot really say much. But the stats tell a story. Gronk wasn’t sharp. He threw 3 picks. Rust needed to come off it seems. Threw a TD to Legs and a TD to Prime, but 2 scores was all his squad could muster. Meanwhile, Dachs was on fire. And so was some guy named Landy. Bos score says the undrafted rookie scored 3 TDs. A Mantis-like performance. But I’m going to hand the Jewball to Dachs for 4 TDs thrown, 1 rushed, and 2 picks.
I caught a glimpse of the late game, which was Rabin v. Perla. I saw Rabin throw as a professional a TD pass as you will see in Jewball to Zinn. The ball thrown true and tight and spiraled and before his receiver finished his route…so when Zinn turned in the front of the endzone, the ball was in his sight line and just gliding toward him from the perfect angle. I also saw Rabin try this a few more times with far less grace and success. I witnessed Kut score an incredible TD, running about 87 yards past all sorts of defenders who could not either pull his flag or catch up to him. Kut has that sneaky ball carrying speed. Perla wins 3-2, scoring with Irv, Kut, BK. Not sure who gets a Jewball for this one, but since Kut had a TD and sack….and I saw his heroics….let’s say him.