On a bright sunny late September day in the year 2024 – approximately 30 years after the first Jewball game was played in Queens, NY, on grass without a permit – Jewball was played in Lawrence, Long Island, on turf with a permit. The game has come a long way. It was played without the presence of anyone who had participated in the first Jewball game, though Rabin was present and he had played with those Jewball pioneers like Alan Milchman, the Oracle. And Jordan was there who played with Rabin. And Mighty was there who played with Jordan. And Kut was there who played with Mighty. And Daveo was there who played with Kut. And Yaron was there who played with Daveo. And Prime was there who played with Yaron. And Pray was there who played with Prime. And Irv was there who played with Pray. And Dachs was there who played with Irv. And Ice Man was there who played with Dachs. And Dietsch was there who now played with Ice Man. And now you see what this is and how it works and even more importantly – why it works. I have been working on these Jewball Chronicles for over 20 years. I could not tell you why I started or why I kept it up, but it’s our great fortune that they still exist and are kept and preserved by Yaron and Steveo. Because you look back and see our humble beginnings, but you also can see the regal pride embedded in our DNA. We have not mutated over the year into a monster. We have evolved into one. The monster that is Jewball was tucked into our genetic code from the very first game. It was a seed planted deep within by the guys who went out there and set up the cones and played in the cold under the shadow of Terrace on the Park. It just took nurturing. Nurturing by way of passion and commitment and love and blood and sweat and tears and heart and sacrifice. Jewball has never been short on nurturers of that sort. In fact, it has always been a magnet for them. It has always been overflowing with them. This is the only rational explanation for the Chronicles and all the characters that populate them. Characters that I met up with on Sunday mornings for over two decades and went to work with. The work of football. The work of brotherhood. The work of being present and determined and goal oriented. These characters dance through my head now as I write this and although some inactive/retired players are on this chat, I lament those that aren’t still playing. Because it really pains me that you guys didn’t play with Katzenstein, and Doggy, and Marino, and Ike, and Uri – that Prime didn’t sh*t talk with Joey. That outside of Salem, none of our current crop of menaces at line battled B-sh in his claws-out prime. And I mourn for our faded Vets as well. Imagine JK throwing bombs to Zinn. No Jewball QB has ever thrown farther and so accurate. He would have been so happy. Instead, he was stuck playing 4 on 4s as official QB with dudes who couldn’t handle his heat. Imagine Rook running Routes for Marino. Two smooth studly Jewballers decked out in crisp Dolphins gear lighting up the Jewball stage with their incandescent star power. This is what pains me. Not that it is coming to an end. Not that I write a recap now for Week 1 perhaps for the last time. But that I don’t have the power or mystical prowess to merge it all. To grab the four corners of the Jewball tapestry and pull them together into an overstuffed bindle, combining everything, all of it – the grass, the sky, the mud, the laughs, the aches, the rubber pellets that fill my socks, the feel of the football burying itself into my grip, the knowledge that there is nothing between you and endzone, that the ball will not be dropped, but carried and maybe even scored – into one compact amalgamation of beauty and greatness, and carry it off with me.
If not for the Recaps, I wouldn’t remember any Opening Day – maybe even any game. But this one may stand out as I have a vested interest in holding on to the moments of this season. I would have to guess I had the first stat of the season. Or at least I shared it with Pray. Opening play, covering Mike, Pray slings one over the middle about 25 yards deep, and Jordan with the pick, sliding to the ground. Turnover gives the ball to Yaron, who has the ultimate Jewball weapon in his arsenal – one Roy Inavder Zinn. He of the height, speed, and hands the likes of which Jewball has never seen. What if I told you he and Yaron would score zero TDs together in this game? Although Zinn would make an incredible catch late in the game over Storm and Mighty that would elicit a “Who does that?” from Dax, the phenom would go scoreless on the day. Regardless, it was a punch for punch game. Yaron to Jordan twice for scores and once to Tomaz. Pray picked up right where left off – finding ways to move the chains and frustrate defenses. Whenever his squad needed a big play, it just seemed to happen. The first of which was a desperation heave to the Kid on a 3rd and long. Jordan was on the coverage and, instead of getting a second pick on the day, tipped the ball, which ended up being bobbled by Kid once, twice, and finally hauled in on the 3rd try. The drive ended up in a score to Mighty. With the game tied late, and a 4th and goal from the 20, Pray once again found some magic reminiscent of the famous Stat Count It game, with Storm cutting hard to the endzone and turning at the goal line. Pray uncorks a bullet that takes a B line for Storm. Jordan is there. Zinn is there. 6 hands converge on the ball, but only two POSESS the ball. That would be the clamps of one Johnny Storm. His second score of the day. And with that the tie is broken. Yaron has a final chance to tie, but throws a pick to Pray and with that, Yaron drops the season opener (4-3). Jewball to Pray for the 3 TDs throw, pick, and rushing TD.
Across the field, the last of our active Dachses was taking on a reconstructed Gronk, coming off his surgery and rehab of last season. Let’s just take a moment, rise to our fee, and applaud. Hats off. Tap the heart. Proud to share a field with you, Gronk. I couldn’t’ watch the game as I was playing in a different game – and as I do not have Logan’s ability to break down games I didn’t see – I cannot really say much. But the stats tell a story. Gronk wasn’t sharp. He threw 3 picks. Rust needed to come off it seems. Threw a TD to Legs and a TD to Prime, but 2 scores was all his squad could muster. Meanwhile, Dachs was on fire. And so was some guy named Landy. Bos score says the undrafted rookie scored 3 TDs. A Mantis-like performance. But I’m going to hand the Jewball to Dachs for 4 TDs thrown, 1 rushed, and 2 picks.
I caught a glimpse of the late game, which was Rabin v. Perla. I saw Rabin throw as a professional a TD pass as you will see in Jewball to Zinn. The ball thrown true and tight and spiraled and before his receiver finished his route…so when Zinn turned in the front of the endzone, the ball was in his sight line and just gliding toward him from the perfect angle. I also saw Rabin try this a few more times with far less grace and success. I witnessed Kut score an incredible TD, running about 87 yards past all sorts of defenders who could not either pull his flag or catch up to him. Kut has that sneaky ball carrying speed. Perla wins 3-2, scoring with Irv, Kut, BK. Not sure who gets a Jewball for this one, but since Kut had a TD and sack….and I saw his heroics….let’s say him.