My hope is that this season remains an outlier. Not because it was bad in any way. It wasn’t. This final recap will usher you through a strange, confounding, stirring, sometimes jarring, but ultimately redemptive Jewball 2023-2024 campaign. It’s a season that is hard to describe. It was like a Jewball delicacy comprised of all the usual ingredients, but the result when served had an unfamiliar taste. It was a flavor we had not experienced in the modern era. Not sour at all. But not entirely sweet. Too easy to call it salty. So I’ll just say it was different. And we all know why. Early on in the season, I wrote:
A lot of voices out there might have us question the integrity of our name. Without minimizing how difficult it is and has been to be a member of other tribes and backgrounds, it’s not easy right now to be a Jew. I guess then – since we are all one under this banner – it’s not easy right now to be a Jewballer. I have opinions and thoughts and philosophies about what is going and where it might go, but I’m smart enough to know to keep them to myself and to not listen to those of others. Let’s just stay strong. Stay together. Get through this abysmal era one game at a time.
All these months later, not much has changed. It’s still a hard time to be a Jewballer. And I really don’t want to go too far down that rabbit hole. In a way, this isn’t the place – even though in our final recap, liberties are taken. My problem is that how can I ignore it? A dark cloud hung over our season courtesy of Taylor Swift. It pains me that when Storm was doing his promo for the Patriots and he said next time he’s gonna shout out Jewball, my first thought was….best not to do that now. Our name has been tarnished and degraded. It’s an undeniable fact that we cannot rationalize our way around. In the meantime, we live on, we ball on, but it’s the stuff of tragedy. On this erev Pesach, as I write just a few blocks from where I watched the draft, the words and message of V’hi Sh’amda echo in my head and lead to where I wanted to go anyway. And that is to talk about our persistence.
“And this is what kept our fathers and what keeps us surviving. For, not only one arose and tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and God saves us from their hands.”
Or, as the Jewball Haggadah might have it:
And this is what kept the Vets and what keeps us on the field. For, not only have injuries, apathy, excuses, chumash plays, and brisses tried to destroy us, rather in every generation they try to destroy us, and our demented persistence saves us from their hands.
It’s a cheap literary and oratory device to quote the dictionary, but I’m going for it in this case:
To Persist: To go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition or warning. To continue to exist especially past a usual, expected, or normal time.
Well, damn. If that doesn’t just sum up Jewball as well as the people it was named after. But before we dig in on the nature of our persistence and perhaps even the basis for it, we need to contrast that with the comeback. Lest ye accuse this final recap of plagiarizing from its immediate predecessor. Simply put, a Comeback – as we discussed last year – involves the combining of a returner and a returnee – plus faith. One party separates (for internal or external reasons) from the other, and, with each side harnessing the unquantifiable force of faith, they reunite or reconnect. While persistence may factor in, it isn’t a necessary ingredient. It’s no coincidence that we argue each year about CPOY and who is worthy of it. And we all become Talmudic scholars, differentiating and distinguishing. That’s not really a comeback. He was injured. He was away. But, isn’t that Most Improved (like Legs 😜)? We struggle to define exactly what a Comeback is. I think this tension represents our inability to figure the difference between a comeback candidate and someone who has shown exceptional persistence.
I call the following storyline from this past season underrated only because it’s too massive to fathom or appreciate to the proper extent. That is when Rabin surprised us at the Turkey Bowl with a visit from the Oracle. It happened also to be the day Dom came down to set up and ref. Which – if you recall – was a few days after we rallied a bit to help Dom out with Thanksgiving expenses. We came down, we played football, we had a good time, Dom had a good time, we had photo ops with the Oracle, we appreciated, and we moved on. But it’s now a time for reflection. So let’s reflect.
I think these three separate coinciding events represent the transcendent state of Jewball. We will talk about on the field heroics soon enough, but Jewball has become – for better or….nah, just for better – as much about on the field as off. That is not to say we have neglected our football. Jewball will ALWAYS be a quality football first enterprise. However, in the age of the Enlightenment, we have developed the perfect equilibrium between quality football and quality living – quality existence. So, Dom reffing, our sensitivity to our Jewball family, and our reverence for the traditions and are founders/Vets – while all “off the field” criteria – they encapsulate who we presently are.
The Oracle is persistence personified. Maaseh avos siman labanim. The ordeals of the forefathers become symbols to the generations. We must look no further than the answering machine of legend. Jewball was incubated in the cogs, wheels, and tape of that prehistoric answering machine. When a man takes the time and effort to re-record the greeting each time someone calls in to commit to playing football (on a haphazard grass field that will at most max out at 5-5, and back when winters were cold) so that the game can be organized – so that it can happen despite the odds…that is resolute! That is stubborn! We were born in the flames of that persistence! So is it any surprise that we continue to exist – especially past a usual, expected, or normal time?
The Oracle is our Av. Rabin as well. Who is more persistent than Rabin! Think about what he has endured!! And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the season the Oracle finally returns to the field – the season where I finally get to meet the man that gave me and us the gift of Jewball – is the season of our Rookie class that produced Ice Man, Sherriff, and Mike, among others. The season where MVP returned. The year when Spira rejoined the family as a full-fledged Jewballer.
Ice Man did not make a comeback. He tried Jewball and it went badly. He came down and quit. We yelled back, “You can’t quit, you’re fired!” And…if we and he had left it at that, we never would have seen this – his revelatory ROY winning season. But there was a persistence about him. There was a willingness to push through as he pushed through Pray in the snow. His persistence has won him awards, a championship, and the admiration, fear, and respect of every Jewballer. What I love about Ice Man is what he shares with our 2022-2023 ROY – and what makes the future so blindingly bright…that is, his mind-bending talent combined with such a prolific comprehension of what we are trying to do here.
Same with the Sherriff. He was out of football. A dude with memories of his glory days playing for Perla and the Brooklyn Beasts. But Perla persisted! And joined us – and continues to persist through whatever slings and arrows we throw at him. And it allowed for his return to TNF. Which brought the Sherriff out of retirement and the Jewballers to meet him. And it was love at first sight. As I say every year when the Rookies join up…..imagine Jewball without the Sherriff?! It doesn’t exist! He drives in from far off lands and lights up the field with his sheer joy for the game (his top tier skills are almost a bonus.) While we are talking about those who persist through distance. How about Stats? How about Dobs coming in from Passaic, NJ! Jewballers! Think about the resolve! Cower in awe of the stubbornness!!!
Who takes more abuse than Mike…..and yet….anyone see him backing down? Anyone see him not calling himself first round material next year. You call it delusional. I call it a grandiose expression of the ultimate and quintessential Jewball quality. I promise you, if you think you know Mike – you do not. He has only begun to persist! The dude has depths that must be excavated and quarried and plumbed like a day in the office for Rabin. I remind everyone of the Rook from just a few years back. Who saw that guy exploding into the leader he is today? Jewball is a beautiful thing because it equally encourages, inspires, engenders and rewards persistence.
Moving on from the Rookies, how about the Vets that showed us the way this year. My God…..Dov Snow…the MVP…I am sitting here with goosebumps trying to fathom the journey this man has taken to return to football – and then take his team to the championship game. Dov, in this year of my rehab, there were so many times just thinking of your resolve and stubbornness – convinced me that giving up was not an option. Jewballers, was he the Dov Snow of old who won championships with Munch and Singer? No, of course not. Is Singer coming back next year? Oh, hells yeah. Was Snow the MVP of this season? He wasn’t. But you know what? He could have been. Because Jewball MVP considers multiple factors and Dov Snow exemplified the factors that make me proudest to be a Jewballer. The dedication to the game. To his fellow Jewballers. And a relentless persistence to push yourself to the brink. To – in a way – risk it all. It’s crazy. I know it sounds crazy. I’m typing the insane words and they read insane. But this is our lot and the length of our days. We have found something here of the mundane world and we have imbued it with a lofty spirit. So…at this point I embrace it like God’s hug of the week.
And speaking of bad Jewball puns….let us take a moment to sing the praises of Spira. Guys, he’s older than me! He hasn’t played football for twenty years. 20 YEARS! Let me give you a modern day example of what happened. It’s as if Pray retired at the end of this season and kept in touch more or less through the guys who remember him from this era as being the man. The guy who welcomed them in. The guy who was revered by all for his good nature and great gridiron prowess. And then, for no clear reason, returned to the game in his late 40s….and still managed to impress everyone – both young and old. Sounds like a fantasy. You wouldn’t believe it if it was the plot of a movie. And yet….Jewball….this is exactly what happened! Spira caught everything in his vicinity back in 2002 and he did the same damn thing in 2024. He ran precise routes then…and now. He overanalyzed everything then…and now. The only difference between the 2002 version and the present is that somehow over the past 20 years at some point Spira decided for no good apparent that he was funny. Spira, thanks for being there when I first got to Jewball and showing me what persistence means. You and Rabin. I am so grateful that both Jewball and Jewball persistence became part of who I am. And that we are still here to prove that it is so much more than a theory, a concept, an esoteric idea – but it’s a reality we can live in – as long as we persist.
When I think of Jewish persistence, and need to internalize it to get me through another day of these miserable days – I think of the diaspora. I think of the exile. I think of my ancestors being banished and chased from their precious homeland of Israel time and again and just wandering, starting anew, and despite whatever persecution or success they achieved in lands not their own, they dreamed of return. They mourned and prayed for return. They yearned for the ability to come home. What our enemies do not know (and surely don’t want to know) is that Jews – all Jews – whether European, Latino, American, Arabian, or wherever and whenever we are and were – we have – for thousands of years – just as we will tonight – sing with passionate hearts – Next Year in Jerusalem! Not Next Year in London, or New York, or the Five Towns or Lakewood. Now, the fact that we now have the ability to return and yet we persist in the exile by choice….that’s a topic for another day – perhaps Zezzy or Joey can drop some knowledge on us. But my point is – and my comfort is – they don’t know us. Jews are vilified for their persistence but their persistence will always defeat the vilification. Always.
Which brings me to the persistence of our Jewballers in exile. Whether it be Zezzy by always making sure to come back for a game every season. Or Effie and Jesus who all the boys know because they never forget their roots. Or Waldo who broke our hearts and his own by leaving for sunnier shores mid-season. But of course we have no brighter star pointing the way out of the galus than Prime. Our very own Exilarch. His yearning to come home is the torch and beacon that both warms and guides – lighting the way back. He dreamed of return – and so he will. As Effie will. Because Jewball persistence – like Jewish persistence – is not bound by the rules of time and space.
Everyone knows by now, at this point in the recap, I distract with one MVP and it’s always a bait and switch. Like if I started talking about Zinn here, you’d know for sure it wasn’t him. My problem this year is…no one is going to fall for anything because it seems like it’s so obviously going to be…
Mighty. Let’s talk about Mighty. This wasn’t Mighty’s MVP season. I think a lot of us wanted it to happen – no one more than me. And it started out looking like an inevitability. Angry Mighty was dead. Happy Mighty rolled up on a pink scooter – an homage to the player Mighty humbly called the only player better than himself in Jewball history. When Zinn was asked about the compliment, he seemed truly touched and responded, “Who’s Mighty?” The Rat was revitalized. Singer was on the sideline for the season to prevent the Rat from getting his stats, and he was getting them in droves. Picks. TDs. Jewballs. The stars were aligning. I started writing the portion of this recap that reminisced about the impact Mighty made on Jewball and how he was, is, and always will be the first superstar of Jewball. There was nothing like him before and because of that there will never be anything like him again. Zez’s impact was compared to Mighty’s. Zinn’s as well. Ice Man, and so on. Jewball was only taken to the spectacular level once and it will forever be Mighty who took us there. Everyone who follows is standing in his tiny paw prints. The numbers remained until his final game, but it was clear that the injuries crept in. Perhaps the anger retuned in small doses. By the time he walked off the field with, according to some shitas, 21 minutes and seventeen seconds on the clock of a playoff game…the MVP conversation was reduced to an inaudible murmur. So be it. But what players like myself know – what younger plays cannot – younger players who can still do everything they want to do on the field and have not lost a step – is what kind of persistence it takes to keep lacing up even as the body deteriorates. Even as the wear can no longer be masked, or massaged, or wrapped. And this is why there will never be another Mighty. Because when he started losing some physical battles, he dug his trenches to fend off the mental wars. Is Mighty a head case? Of course he is. But he has to be. You don’t achieve what he has achieved in Jewball without having ridiculous resolve. Without being the most stubborn. Without persisting beyond the realms of normalcy. So while he is not our 2023-2024 MVP, he is the reigning superstar of Jewball for the past fifteen consecutive seasons. No one else can say that. And I doubt anyone ever will.
Unless Pray does it. There is no drama or suspense here. He won so damn much. He was an excellent, supremely likeable person and player three years ago when he won Jewball MVP – and – somehow – he got better. He became more of a Jewball icon. He overcame an injury like the psycho that he is and – perhaps a bit more limited in his run game – he became an assassin with a football. Cerebral and mercenary, yet inexplicably cool and charismatic. As I messaged him after the monsoon shalom zachor (what up, Feit): Thank you for being the kind of Jewballer that we all want to walk through the pouring rain for. He won a career high 16 games while throwing a career high 60 TDs. He lead his Birds to a preposterously dominant season – winning every game from opening day to the finals. He has forged a bromance with Prime that would make JD and Turk jealous. When he won it 3 years ago it was based on his performance, but also with a sense of optimism and desire that he would live up to the mantle bring thrust on him. Well, he blew past our wildest expectations. In a way – he won his first MVP because of who we hoped he would be. This MVP is won because of who he is – pure and simple. Pray, thank you for being who you are. Don’t let softball chat change you 😊. But, seriously – if Mighty is conscious, hard fought persistence, you are effortless persistence. It is your nature. The love of Jewball is your nature. Competing with us and being a role model for us is your nature. It’s such a blessing when the best advice someone can give you is….be you. Bro, be you…and Jewball will continue to benefit and thrive and feed off your brilliant aura. Three years ago I wrote:
“Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2020-2021 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
Today I write:
Pray, it is with both awe and gratitude that I present to you – by the powers invested in me as Recap writer – the Jewball 2023-2024 Season MVP. I see many more of these in your future, with God’s help. Amen.
One last factor in this disjointed season was my own absence from the field – the only place that really matters. A Week 4 tendon tear ripped my left bicep from off the bone, resulting in a surgery, resulting in a rehab, which, all in all, stole 12 weeks of football from me. But as Pray, and Waldo, Ernie, Sting, Salem, and Oppen have had it worse and came back – and as Gronk is currently grinding it out – they don’t allow for excuses or self-pity. As they persisted, I must persist. And although I have missed time before – whether the classic ankle, or the finger tendon the season before the Revolution – or the plantaris the season before the Enlightenment. This injury was different. It wasn’t the career ender, but it was an eye opener. Every player is mortal. Even if you all have made me feel I was more than that at times. But the truth is the truth.
Next season will be my last as Commissioner. I will enter the Jewball galus, like Zez and MVP, Effie, and Waldo, and Prime. Dreaming of return. I will self-exile, not because of the injury. Not because it’s time or because I’m done. Just because I am replacing one persistence with another. My Jewish persistence has come into direct conflict with my Jewball persistence. One return will usurp another. One dream for another.
Jewball family, it’s been a 23-year dream. A dream that keeps getting better. A shared dream. A dream that is not over, nor will it be over. Jewball is our home and it always will be. Although the game must be played and played well and like you mean it – Jewball transcends the four painted corners of the turf and the orange cones we lay down. We all know it. So all that is left is to say thank you. In my absence – whether temporary (as I expect) or permanent (as you never know), it is on the collective to step up. To draft, and show on time, run, catch, grab, and tackle. To party, and congregate, and support. To be there for the games and for each other like never before. To post, write, and recap – produce and be creative and clever – in new and interesting ways . To make sure that those of us in the exile always have a home to return to.
We enter the off season with a message and motivation that will never change. Maybe we haven’t used this exact word before, but it’s always been a message of persistence. In health – both physical and mental. In fitness. In remaining unified and focused. In rising above this world which begs us to crumble while daring us to persist.