It’s a cliché, but Jewball has become the gift that keeps on giving. With every season, we add something new that immediately becomes an integral part of the tradition. As if we’ve always done it. As if the innovation had just been waiting for us to incorporate it into our ever expanding schedule. And so it has been with our Chanukah Party – now a mere three years old, but feeling like a well worn pair of jeans. Just comfortable and reliable and always a good look. Legs was just a precocious newbie when he stated with the authority of a Vet that Jewball shall have a Chanukah Party. And the wives shall be invited. So it shall be written. So it shall be done. Year one was a pool hall in Island Park. Year two was a brewery in Oceanside. Year Three was a music hall in West Hempstead. Three different flavors, but each one absolutely spot-on for the moment in time. My only regret is that not everyone could be at every one. But to those who came out, thank you. It’s a major source of a chizuk for me personally and for all those who appreciate the world we have built and continue to. Thank you to Legs once again for starting this up and buying us all drinks. To Rabin for sponsoring the games. To Yaron for handling the food (and to all those who sent him $). To Daveo, Steveo and Ice Man for the donuts (support Alans!). To the big O for thinking about our wives and getting them extremely thoughtful gifts. To Weague Leek (Kut, Ernie, Dax, Daveo, and Steveo) for entertaining the hell out of us. And most of all to DK for giving Ernie a permanent complex.
The party preceded Week 10, and although there wasn’t mass intoxication at the party, there seemed to be a group hangover Sunday morning by anyone playing against Yaron.
It was our second week in a row of pending rain storms. So cold and gloomy, but the Jewball gods once again kept the downpour in check so the games could be played.
Let’s start with the blow out loss. We can blame one of two things for such an uneven game – if we are looking for excuses. One is Brody’s big comeback was delayed at the last minute by none other than Brody. I believe he wholeheartedly intends to return, but I think I speak for all of us when I say – I’ll believe it when I see it. So Spira – a very good player – takes the place of Brody. The issue is just they are different kinds of players. It took a speed receiver away from Pray. The other excuse is Pray who was getting over a flu-like symptomy week. He just wasn’t himself. The other possibility – and it should not be brushed aside – is that Gronk is back to the dominant Gronk that beat up on every QB we threw at him. A week after leading a team that put up a whopping 8 scores, he leads a team that puts up….a whopping 8 scores. Although this will be remembered as the Tom game, where the big fella galloped his way to two awe-inspiring touchdowns, it’s really about what Gonk is doing right now. As Tom himself said later in the day while chasing his kids around Ohr Torah, “Gronk uses me.” And that’s what makes the Mat Stafford doppelganger so effective. He has gift for processing the field and finding the open man. He firmly believes that the open man gets the ball – no matter what the power rankings or the mock drafts say. Faith breeds confidence and confidence breeds catches. Well, Gronk ran away with this one. Literally. He ran, sashayed, shook, and shimmied for 3 scores himself while throwing 5 more to 3 different receivers. Pray could only put up half that many points in his diminished state. The Rat got his stats with a TD and a pick. Mike made a really sweet deep catch for a score, starting to show the skills that he’s been promoting on the chat. And the quiet hero of Jewball, Josh Scott Dobs, not only inflated the menorah, but inflated his stat line with 2 TDs. Although I’d love to give the Jewball to Tom because he’s a majestic beast of a man, it’s got to be Gronk for laying the smackdown two weeks in a row.
On the other side of the cones, Yaron was doing his best Gronk impression – he himself rushing for 3 TDs, but would it be enough? His opposing QB, the great recent girl dad Dachs, is known for putting up points and running up a score. But to do this, your receivers needs to catch the ball. And his have been suffering from a chronic case of the dropsies. A malady that plagued many of Yaron’s receivers in the past.
Now what if I told you that Yaron’s top receiver, Ice Man, would go down early with ankle, attempt to tough through it, but eventually limp off the field not to return. What if I told you that his replacement, Legs, would not show up until garbage time. What if I told you the Sheriff would score two for Yaron, but they would each be canceled by calls (Goldberg PI, and Beast that the line moved – poetic combo). What if I told you, two of Yaron’s players, Goldberg and Ross, would each have multiple easy almost picks which they bumbled. And then what if I told you Yaron won by 3 scores over Dachs, 5-2. It’s hard to say what was wrong with Dachs, but I guess I’ll just say Mazal Tov. He had a lot on his mind and his receivers were making his life miserable with some unforced errors. Either way, the W by Yaron was inexplicable. But that’s why we play the games. Two very hot QBs going head to head in Week 11 in a League Game (in less than 10 hours actually). Jewball to Yaron for winning this one with smoke, mirrors, scotch tape, and other scraps of the trash his game is made of.
The late game was better. While Pray’s fever had still not broken, at least this time Spira was actually supposed to be on his team. I have to admit, I spent most of the game talking life, hashkafa, and shidduchim with Irv, I was cognizant of the game for fleeting moments. One of them allowed me to witness a spectacular, stunning, and stupendous touch down pass from Pray to BK like Lock to Smith-Njigba. BK getting to the ball in full stride and hauling it in with his fingertips down the right sideline. At another instant of paying attention, I saw Legs looking more and more like the T-1000 version of Christian McCaffrey. But this terminator wears tiny pink shorts. Brad had 2 sacks, a TD, came early to help Jewball, and wore his shorts. I was going to give Yaron two Jewballs on the day, but he’ll gladly take his 2 wins and the momentum into tomorrow. Instead, it’lll go to Legs since TBI and the general consensus of Jewball is that Legs is the man right now. Or at least the cybernetic organism right now. Come with me if you want to win.

League Weeks 1 and 2 Recap

Although we played one League game Primeaturely, Week 7 of Jewball marked the official start of League Weeks. The hype for Leagues this season was somewhat muted by the reconfigured Draft Party and the long wait for the games to begin, but Jewball Leagues are Jewball Leagues, and there is really nothing quite like it in our history. We’ve had big games, whether against non Jewball teams or – most similarly – Vets Rooks, but there is something about Leagues. The jerseys. The team names. The bonding. The knowledge that only one crew will remain standing, and DOMA sits at the end of the crucible. I like to think that Jewballers bring it every week – and for the most part, they do. No one takes a play off. Except for Snow accidentally saying in the huddle once, “Let’s have some fun,” and Zinn accidentally saying on the chat once that Vets Rooks doesn’t matter, Jewballers generally show up ready to rumble. But you can’t deny the sizzle in the air on League Weeks. So, despite the drama, it was a great idea, it remains a great idea – and – with some tweaks – we are continuing to make it a core element of the Jewball season.
Week 7 featured two games, Cronies v. Dawgs and Lionhearts v. Cobras. The Crocs (0-1) and Birds (1-0) had the week off and a bunch of their players came down to watch.  First up was Cronies v. Dawgs. Gotta hand it to the Dawgs. They have shown up for both League Games so far with their full rosters available. That’s always a great sign. Cronies have 3 players on the IR (Sting, Jordan, and Samet), with possibly only Jordan poised to come back this season. And PJs was on assignment. So it was formed Crony (and Championship MVP) Maor to the rescue. That gave the team 6. Daxxy recruited a kid from high school with a good reputation to round out the squad – nice, kid, but the result was less than nice.
Gronk came out leading his Cronies with that Gronk swagger. Quick long strike, perfectly placed to Storm, and it was Cronies on the board first. 6-0. But all that potential and hype disappeared as the game progressed. Daxxy’s Plus 1 had a brutal game of drops. And we know Gronk – he gives up on no one who is open. Player was open. The ball hit him in the hands. The ball hit the ground. Time and time again. The good news for the Cronies was, Dawgs were going drop for drop with them. Think even Mighty dropped one. For sure Ross did. Dachs and Gronk were handling their business and being let down. However, Dawgs has Mighty and Legs – two players that have shown this season that they will not be held down. Mighty caught 2 TDs, and had a P6. Legs erupts for 6 sacks. Jewball to each of those monsters. This is also the game where Beast reffed, and I think it went relatively well with someone making calls. Less fights. Even though some of the calls were made under the influence. I think. Your final is 26-6 Dawgs (1-0) over Cronies (0-1).
In a game that felt like it would be even more one-sided than the early game, Lionhearts v. Cobras had some juice at the end. Once again, it was the team that had its roster show up looking a lot better than the team trying to plug holes. Listen, I give Perla a ton of credit. He is the ultimate gamer. He abides by the philosophy of…..you do your best with what you have and you fight to the whistle. But Cobras need MK, Solo, Goldberg, and Sherrif at every game to compete. And so far they have not had a game with those 4 in attendance. They played a fully stocked Lionhearts and it wasn’t close for most of the game. Yaron jumped out to a 3 score lead, looking really comfortable with his new toys. While his usual go-to, Jack, did have a rushing TD, it was Fox having the statement game hauling in 3 TDs. With all hope seeming lost, Perla did his usual furious comeback bit. Riding the elusive speed and sure-handedness of Sherrif, and the rage of Big E Walls (3 sacks), Cobras made it interesting in the end. Whiskey caught at TD pass which brought the Cobras to within a score to tie the game. But Yaron pumped two late TDs in (1 to Stats and 1 to Fox) and put it out of reach. Jewball to Yaron for the 5 TDs thrown and 2 sacks as his Lionhearts (1-0) defeat the Cobras (0-1).
After a rain checked Week 8, League Week 2 was played – all 3 games at 8 am. We will begin with the 2 played at Lawrence High School on an unseasonably warm and calm December morning – though the clouds were pregnant with a brewing storm. And speaking of storms a brewing, our very own Johnny Storm had himself a game for the Cronies. This time it was Cobras with MK and Goldberg, but without Perla’s main weapon, Sherrif. Regardless, there is no real good excuse for what happened. Cobras need to figure out something that works. They have too many talented players to not be competitive. This one is not worth analyzing much more than saying Gronk gets Jewball for throwing 6 TDS to 4 different receivers (3 to Storm). The Kids scores the only TD for Cobras. PJS had a TD and an epic sack which we just learned will sideline Perla for a bit (welcome to the club). And Tommy looks like a keeper. Cronies (1-1) right the ship and Cobras (0-2) are still looking for answers.
 Across the way, a heavyweight battle was underway. BOP v. Dawgs faced each other in a game that many think will be replicated in the finals. Once again, Dawgs were fully loaded, while BOP was missing Prime, and for most of the game it was Dawgs on top. The game was scoreless for the first quarter, but as the 2nd quarter began, Dachs found Waldo streaking across the back of the endzone and took the lead. The lead was held until 2 minutes before the half, when Pray found former FCFT and Top Guns captain, Feit, a step off the sideline in the endzone and the QB did his best WR impression, making the catch and getting 3 balls in. Game tied. At this point, I ventured to WMS to scope our 3rd game of the day, but when I returned 45 minutes later, it was clear that Dawgs had been victimized. They were wronged in some way and the game was unofficially being played under protest. Two calls by BOP were being disrespected (a flag guard call by Daveo and PI call by Ice Man) had the Dawgs uproarious. Meanwhile, they had the lead with 15 minutes left. But the lead was squandered as the clock ticked down. After multiple holding calls by Legs as BOP knocked on the door of a game tying TD, Pray eventually slipped one in to Ice Man and the score was tied.  Everyone was exhausted from the arguing, spirits were low, and players had/wanted to go – so it was decided to go 1 and 1 full possession with Dachs and Dawgs getting ball first. You could kind of tell that Dawgs were going to lose this game based on the way things had gone. Right or wrong, the calls and the turn of events had them unfocused and resigned to a bitter fate. They went 3 and out. Pray and BOP were confident and played with their chins up. O had to run so the Dawgs were down a big defensive weapon, especially on the pass rush and slowing the QB run. Pray used this to his advantage and marched down the field with a few runs mixed in. On the final play of the game, Pray connects with Feit once again in the endzone and as the saying goes, Feit got hands. He makes the catch and closes this one out. BOP (2-0) 18 and Dawgs (1-1) 12. Jewball goes to a man who hasn’t played much football with us this season. In fact, this was his first regular season game. He had a very disappointing season last year, and a disappointing League season the year before that….but Jewballers never say die. Feit told us he couldn’t commit to playing this season. Couldn’t commit to Leagues. But he entered the draft and was chosen in the very late rounds by Pray. And last Sunday he was a game winning hero. Jewball to Feit for all the reasons we give out this award.
The last game is the one I know the least about. I know that it was scheduled to be played at HHS, but was rerouted to WMS and thankfully that worked. I know that Yaron was without Fox, who was the real scoring difference-maker for him in League Game 1. MVP and the Crocs were also short a few players, but what a blessing to have Jesus come back and play some Jewball with us. Jesus does it right (as does Zez). It’s okay to leave Jewball if you must, but if you are around – get a game in. Keep the tradition going. Stay with the family. Jesus is a Golden Age player who has made sure to catch a game whenever he can. If you ever find yourself away from Jewball, but have an opportunity to come back for a game, ask yourself: What would Jesus do? Jesus ended up needing to play for both teams as Rabin had some tightness which gave him scare enough to pull himself from the game. If I’m not mistaken, Crocs never trailed. They either had the lead or were tied from the beginning. I asked Zinn after the game, what he thought of Crocs. His quietly confident take: “We are working on some things.” I interpret that as, we have a good team, and we can win this whole thing….but we need to stay hungry and have the mentality of improve every game. It’s a very likeable and talented team. Well, Zinn lead by example last Sunday with 3 scores and a pick – Jewball to him. Jesus told me on the sideline about Zinn, we’ve had great athletes, but no one ever as smooth as that kid. Can’t argue. Zinn’s 3 TDs plus 1 by BK were enough to beat a subdued Lionhearts offense. Snow’s Crocs (1-1) just had too much firepower and Lionhearts (1-1) felt the absence of Fox.

One day, someone might read this recap and wonder why it has so few details considering it was written between Week 6 and Week 7, as is the tradition. Not just tradition, but more or less the practice for almost 20 years. But, as an excuse as well as an indictment, this recapper must admit that it is being drafted on the eve of Week 9. I will catch up, but it won’t be pretty.
Week 6 was played 6 days after the surgery that has me on the sidelines for another month. I made some notes so I wouldn’t forget the games entirely. There were 3 games played. I have a note saying, “the week Pray screwed everyone.” Presuming my memory serves and Woodmere Middle School did not turn into Yaron’s favorite beach club, this was the week we thought perhaps Yopray was making his earthly debut. So, it went from a really hot Pray v. Dachs matchup. A one for the ages battle of brothers as the Dachs boys clashed with the K Bros. It had the makings of a Jewball inferno. Instead, Pray goes ahead and has a staring contest with his wife for 5 hours, waiting for her to flinch and clear him for departure. With each contraction, the quality of our games contracted. Not only did she ultimately not have the baby until two weeks later, but Pray couldn’t make the call early enough, so a Pray lead team became a Rahmani lead team – and not even the Vet….it was the undrafted rookie, Akiva Rahmani. Truth be told, he wasn’t that bad. He has his dad’s confidence and determination, and he threw some true passes. Put up 2 scores with Legs and 2 with the Rook, but too little too late as this was a revenge game for Dachs who had been starved of his prized weapon for weeks. No one can say Dachs isn’t talented on his own (Recap of Week 7 will allow for this discussion), but give him Dax and one can call the force unstoppable. With Daxxy on their side as well – and Pray out – well, very few things in Jewball are inevitable, but math is math. And 3 Dachs > 3 Ks + 2 Rahmanis. Dax goes off for 5 TDS in a Dachs over Rahmani win 6-4. Jewballs to Dachs and Dax, proving once again that there is no better tandem in Jewball.
One benefit of writing the recap embarrassingly late is that I can epilogue here and report with the nachas of a grandfather that we were zocheh to see the aforementioned Prayby born between Week 7 and Week 8, which caused much light and joy in the Jewball world. Beginning with the collection for the Jewball gift (thank you, as always, big O), which I am told was the most participated in gift we have had. And I’m not surprised. Many people contribute to things. Many do so consistently. A bunch do it every time. But, I can say this unequivocally about Pray – he is as zealous and generous when it come to giving to Jewball as it gets. And he’s being doing it since day 1. In other words – he doesn’t just deserve it, he’s creating his own reality. You INDEED reap what you sow. As I told him after the shoyloym zoychoyur that Jewball descended on a week ago Friday night, thank you for being the guy we want to walk to in the pouring rain for. There was no question. No doubt. It’s a Pray simcha. We’re there. Was capped off by the bris, which I did forget about (so there goes the speech above), but thankfully Daveo messaged a dig at BD (who probably hates this paragraph so much), which got me there in a flash – just in time to catch the pic and learn that Kut likes his eggs runny af. I was also able to botch a Harachaman (thank you, Pray – means more to me than you can know) and hear Pray speak and call Jewball his other family. Well, he didn’t lie – we are. May Yonah grow l’tackles, catches, and mvp seasons.
Across the field on a stunning football Sunday, Yaron and MVP were locked in perhaps the best game of our young but rapidly aging Jewball season. Do I remember much about it? Of course not. But I do recall it being a good one. I believe it was the Solo Jewball season debut and he made it a real good one. The kind of game you get Jewballs for with 5 sacks and getting his team on the board with a dump and run TD. Was great to see him doing his rhythmic breathing exercises on the field once again. If I recall – and I don’t – Yaron jumped out to a lead in this one by maybe two scores. He was giving Snow a licking while the only thing Snow was licking was his fingers. Despite all that moisture – or maybe because of it – Snow threw 3 picks (Dobs, Bron, and The Kid). And what if I told you that Yaron put up 3 scores in the game? Sounds like Le’Bron got himself off the matt and went home with a W. But, no. Despite throwing zero picks…I guess the defense just locked down on him and prevented further damage, while Snow threw 3 TDs to the Mighty one and one to the Wizard….and – let’s just say in OT since I think it was – Snow defeats Yaron 4-3! Jewball to Mighty once again. It’s getting stupid.
In the 945 Game, Yaron, coming off a tough loss, had a very tough task. A hungry Pray was released and showed up ready to ball. It was clear that all his frustrations with his wife, marriage, life choices, and religion were about to be unleashed on the field. And then the randomizer went full crackhead and handed him Solo, Legs, Spira, Ice Man, Salem, and Beast. It’s like the Suicide Squad version of Jewball and I don’t mean the softball version, emphasis on the soft. Although Yaron had the power of 4 Katzes (and btw – just thought of a great name for an all Katz team – ThunderKatz), it wasn’t remotely enough to prevent the murder death kills that greeted him that Sunday morning. Pray threw 5 TDS. Two to the Ice Man, 2 to Legs, and 1 to my boy Spira. Pray gets the Jewball for risking his marriage once again for Jewball. Not sure that’s a good thing, but he should at least get something for his questionable decision making. 
TURKEY BOWL
I’m not gonna recap these games because I filmed them, but I must certainly once again commend Rabin for bringing The Oracle down. How cool is that? The guy was the first Jewballer! I’ve never met him until a few weeks ago and he was able to watch our game and the guys were able to give him respect and express gratitude. We will pick this concept up at the Chanukah Party, but miracles are no coincidence.
Dachs beats Snow in the early one. Dom came out to set up and ref, which was also a Jewball first. My ice cream cake melted into oblivion and I believe is now a permanent fixture to the LHS track. I got to finally drink beers with Ernie. Kut made juicy wings.
Every year on Thanksgiving we ask for a miracle and that Rabin will put it all together and throw a game of winning football. Until 120 we hope to continue. But, such miracles are happening much less frequently in recent years. We will always have that incredible Turkey Bowl Tourney win….that was top 3 Jewball moments. But, alas, you were struggling in this one and Gronk took over about half way through. Was an excellent game. Feit was back and…y’know….he just looked really sharp. He looked like the Feit that caught on at the end of the Miracle Season and was immediately handed a League Team. He looked like the guy who had IT. Less pump fakes and more pumped up. He did end up losing as Gronk stages a sweet comeback with Rabin as receiver playing hero – making a wild catch behind his head even though he was facing the QB….so…yeah. But Feit had this game. Dropped TD by Pray, and Irv didn’t come down with a game winner. But Thanksgiving isn’t about results or stats. I mean, results matter – Ws never die, but – again – these recaps are coming in late and we have the ability to take the long view of everything. I am thankful for Dom, and Feit, and The Oracle, and Shuey Offman who came out to watch some Jewball, and the memories of that epic tournament with Rabin, and the fact that we celebrate all things together – because we take nothing for granted.

Coming Soon