The Carnivores continued their torrid pace of getting in League Games by facing off with the Duck Dynasty in Week 10, and it was a bounce back affair. – for both teams. With their full compliment of players in the fold, Kut’s team put up 5 scores, with Gronk throwing all of them (2 to Stella, 2 to Sherrif, and 1 to Zinn). The Ducks did a very fine job of countering the attack and – although they lost by 3 points – this was one to build on. Dachs diversified his receiver portfolio and cashed in with 4 different receivers (Daveo, DK, Tommy, and Vegh), but they’d have to wait a few more weeks for their first win. Stella gets the Jewball for the 2 scores and a pick to boot.
Yaron wins in the early game since it wasn’t a League Game. He takes down Pray in a tight one, 3-2. TDs to Goldberg, Legs, and Steveo. Legs and Oppen each had 3 sacks and this was too much for Pray to overcome as he only put up points by connecting with Prime and Rook. Legs executes the Jewball deal by being a menace on offense, defense, and in his personal life.
You can usually count on both a bounce back from Pray after a loss and a setback for Yaron after a win, and that’s what happened in the late game. Pray gets a Jewball for throwing 2, rushing for 2, and picking Yaron in a one sided win for the two time MVP. Pray over Yaron 5-2.

What should have been a clash of League titans wound up being a somewhat boring affair as Kut’s Carnivores did not show up to take on Rook’s Gorillaz. No, like they literally didn’t make it to the field. Carnivores were short 3 players with one of them being their QB (apparently, sometimes “Out” really does mean Out)…so Jordan played for the Carnivores and the loss was therefore guaranteed. Zinn admirably filled in at QB, but – as everyone knows – teams win when they show up and play as teams. It’s extremely hard to stumble into a W when the competition is this fierce. The Gorillaz win 26-13. Pray throws 3 TDs (Rook, Irv, Legs) and runs one in (while throwing 2 picks). Nothing much wrong with Pray on this day. Jewaball to him.
On the other side of the cones, this wasn’t the Jesus Bowl, but Jesus was back and where he belongs. Unfortunately, he came in from Cincinnati and picked himself up an L, but, I think at this stage he’s kinda like me – taking it in and happy we are still rolling. Though he did a stat to his files. One sack recorded. And of Yaron! Jesus, do you have any pics of you from your Jesus days…with the long hair? Yaron gets sacked by the chosen one, but he does so in a W. Beats Dachs 5-3. Dachs had a nice stat line with 2 thrown, 1 rushed, and an interception, but it wasn’t enough as Yaron thew 4. Stats gets the Jewball as his season of resurrection (see what I did there) continues. 2 scores and a sack of Dachs. Dachs was sacked 3 times on the day (Justin and BZ got him also), which is surprising considering his elusiveness. Daveo also had a nice day with 2 scores and pick….but we all knows that sacks > picks.
The late game started with Yaron throwing a P6 to Jordan and three on the day in a loss to Pray who put up 3 scores (1 thrown and a P6 of his own). Stat line says Jordan had 2 sacks and the P6….and I don’t even remember winning this game, but I guess Jewball to me for the busy stat line.

To paraphrase Ernie back when he was famous: I’m just here so I don’t get fined for not giving out Jewballs. When I look back on Week 8 – and when I say look back, I mean check the box score so I can at least pretend I know something about it – I see that I lost twice. And lost close twice.
Let’s just get this out of the way and go rapid fire with some scattershot memories and Jewball awards:
Yaron wins early game over Gronk in close comeback fashion. Gonk’s team drops too many and Yaron doesn’t throw enough picks (only 1) to lose. Gronk has the hat trick of TD, Pick, and Sack, and puts up 2 scores. Yaron throws 3 TDs (Mighty, Kut, and Tom) and gets the 3-2 victory. Kut looks like your Jewball winner with 3 sacks and a TD. Notable also is the Jewball debut of Dovi Schwartz.
In the other early game, Zinn continued his quest to become a full fledged (dominant) Jewball QB. This was also a game where the last two ROYs teamed up to take on the two time MVP. The combo of Zinn and Ice Man proved too much for Pray, Legs, TBD, E, Stats, Blitz, and Bert. Pray throws 3 picks in this one (2 to Dietsch and 1 to Zinn) and Ice Man scores 2. Zinn threw 4 TDs and had a pick. That’s an MVP performance. Jewball to the Invader.
Zinn’s huge day continues in the late game with Pray throwing to him and Yaron loses by one score once again. Effie and Rook catch one TD each from Pray and Zinn snags 3 of em. Yaron is sacked 5 times (Prime, Effie, Rook, and Tom twice). Jordan, Stats, and Storm score for Yaron and Bron runs one in himself, but it isn’t enough. Pray win 5-4 and with 5 TDs thrown and 1 pick….he picks up a Jewball as well.

Is there such a thing as a perfect Jewball Sunday? If there is one – and we’ve experienced such things – it starts with football. Of course. Football is the blood in our veins. It’s the force that flows through us and everything. From the arrival to the field, the groggy march from warm cars to cold sidelines, the stretching, the grunts of greeting to our fellow Jewballers. To the game itself – the shit talk, the beatings, the playmaking. And finally the result – whatever it may be – whether heartbreaking or exhilarating – followed by hugs, handshakes, more shit talk, and the hours spent analyzing and reminiscing. Maybe some footage shared. That’s a great Jewball Sunday. But…sometimes….sometimes the games are only the beginning. On rare occasions, the stars collide and the games are followed by an event of some sort that celebrates the other aspect of Jewball. It’s 4th dimension. That of secret society (note that I didn’t say cult). Like the annual Super Bowl BBQ, sometimes we get to meet up after the game. And it’s always great. Isn’t that the thing? Even a weak Jewball thing is pretty great. But, on November 17th, Week 7 of the 2024 Jewball Season, we played football – and then later that night gathered perhaps for the greatest night in Jewball history. Or at least the most uniquely great. That would be the Rook 7B.
But the day started off with the business of football. With the Reapers coming in at 1-0 and the Blunts coming in at 0-1. Would the Reapers get off to a really promising start after the skepticism of draft night? And would the Blunts get off to a really unpromising start after the hype of draft night? The Blunts lost their first game to the Carnivores by playing ineptly at the start and never recovering. The team needed to prove that it was ready to take the game of football and the mission of it’s captain seriously. The Reapers just wanted to show that they were for real. Would Feit be able to play clean? Would the offense score enough points? Could a team built upon the foundation of a dominant line contend? The Blunts came out flat again. The irony is not being lost on anyone. A team based on the theme of weed smoking…plays like they are high. Kinda dazed and confused. For the early part of the game, Oren was the only one competing. Doing his long ass monkey armed darndest to keep his team in the game. Getting the sideline and pulling flags. Sacking Feit twice. Forcing turnovers. The game was scoreless for the early stretch. Reapers scored first with a TD to Mighty, but it seemed like BLOP would break through. The big play was right around the corner. And then it happened. A Storm streak down the left sideline and a 45 yard perfect strike that Storm pulled in….and then lateraled back to Ross for the unearned pick. Storm had no idea how he did it or why it happened….he’s never done anything like or remotely close to that in all our years playing together. So the answer is….Blunts are just not up to speed and when you are a team in disarray…..it just creates chaos. I mention the unearned pick by Ross, but this was a day where he would earn much, including a Jewball. What a game the kid had. So far….Steveo is like that GM who looks like a genius (or wizard) because everything he touches or tries or mixes or matches….hits. Solo is his best Solo. It’s Week 13 and Mighty is still healthy and putting up big numbers. Feit – good for a inexplicable pick here and there – but mostly on point – throwing a clean ball and showing that he can make all the throws. In Week 7 he made many of those throws to Ross, who had 12 receptions for 106 yards, including a TD and a clutch P6. The BLOP did score, but it was always catch up. The scoring began on nice deep cross pass from Yaron to Jordan which Ice Man punched in on the next play. Unfortunately, the Ross P6 came a possession later, negating the score and keeping the Reapers at a safe distance. Ice Man would score again, and the Blunts would get a final shot to win the game with a score and an extra point, but the drive stalled – and Blunts stay winless while the Reapers remain undefeated.
The other early game was Pray v. Dachs, and it looks like Dachs had a very good game, but Pray had a flawless game. I’m just gonna guess that Dachs threw some really nice passes that people couldn’t catch, and it was just enough for him to lose 5-4. Pray wins the game and the Jewball – 3 TDs thrown, no picks, and he ran in 2. Kut supported the effort with a TD reception and 2 sacks, and BZ had 3 sacks. So that’s all….no one else on their team did much. Except for Daveo…whose heroics for the day were just starting. He picks Dachs thrice! And adds a receiving TD. With stats like that….you get a Jewball. But….he was just getting warmed up.
There was a late game between Bron and Pray, which ended in a tie. No Jewball, but come get your stats.
Now, let’s get to the main event.
For me, it’s for sure a season of reflection. It has been for the past 5 seasons or so, but for sure this one – as it marks the end of an era. One thing that has been clear since the Revolution is that we are pushing the limits of what we are and what we can be. And you know what? Pushing limits is risky. It’s scary. The world – as we encounter it – preordained with borders and boundaries. We are sort of programmed to see lines everywhere. Between ourselves and others. THIS is your family! THEY are not. Between our community and others. THESE are your people. THEY are not. Between countries, colors, cultures, and on and on and on. See the lines, we are told! Respect the lines. Don’t test them or G-d forbid cross them. What I love about Jebwall is that it says fuck the lines. If you see them, ignore them. If you can’t ignore them, blur them. Or better yet, move them. Or better yet, obliterate them. Now, I’m not talking about kumbaya shit or holding hands with the rainbow coalition. I’m talking about just not buying into what is expected, acceptable, or even normal. All this by way of introduction to what the Rook did. His speech that night said it all. It’s worth a listen if you can. It’s brilliant in many way, but one particular insight that he proffered was this: I am not the first Jewballer to get married, but I am the first to invite everyone. He said this by way of explanation as to why we were where we were in that moment. It’s not because he got married. It’s not because we love him. It’s not because a sheva brachos was available. It’s because he saw a line that was still left unobliterated and he punted it into oblivion. Granted, there are few lines left. I think we are all better for it. I think the world is better for it. But the Jewball wedding was something we dreamed of, and it had never happened. And the Rook made sure it happened. So when Kut messaged me and said…Should we do a Sheva Brachos for Rook….I think I responded in 3 seconds with a It’s happening and immediately the vision came to me. We had the plans and the committee that day. We had the date, the flyer, the momentum, and thrill of it being born never let up. It was so obvious that it was meant to be. I knew it as clear as I’ve ever known anything.
B-sh, Daveo and Kut got to creating menus. I got to booting my dad from his house (father-son disrespect is big in our family). Steveo, PJs, Yaron rounded out the team and we just kept brainstorming and collaborating, from day one until set up. If you were there, you saw how it came together. I can do my Dayenu shtick I wanted to. The night occupies its own suite in the cavernous, sprawling resort that is my subconscious. I start with Steveo and Yaron arriving and we start opening the tables and throwing on the tablecloths. PJs arrives a little before Daveo. Daveo pulls up with Nechama and the car is jammed with….everything. Food, glasses, candles, centerpieces, plates, silverware. Nechama, Jewball to you for being the unsung superstar of that day. I probably only have a small sense of how much you did to make that night happen, but I do know, that whatever you did it was done with an incredible amount of skill, grace, and love. Thank you. Once Daveo got there, we got to real work – setting the table and laying out the stunning tables that Daveo designed. B-sh and Kut came and got comfortable in their element. Cutting, chopping, searing, grilling, washing, smearing, stacking, and plating. Two masters. And us mortals sit back, watch them at their craft, and can only marvel and be grateful. DJ arrives and gets his set up going. Kagan arrives….a stranger……by the end of the night he was a Jewballer! The place looked perfect. The vibe was pure Jewball slass. The Jewballers descended and the party started. The least awkward social event imaginable. We’ve never done anything like this before, but….how normal did it feel? Okay, so let’s take for granted now the excellent food, the ambience, the speeches from the heart, and porch scene. I think the night is encapsulated by the Sheva Brachos themselves. Ernie MCing and floating around the room with a full glass – allowing us to give blessings to the Rook and Jessica. To sing and bang the table and let our souls soar. To express with breath and sound and emotion what the Rook means to us. But a lot more than that. What WE mean to us. What this whole insane night means to us. Ashreinu! How fortunate are we! I mean…guys….how f*$king fortunate are we?? And then with that unanswerable question washing over us in a wave of awe and grandeur. As we are dumbstruck by the magnitude of a life that includes such powerful moments as the one being experienced – one that feels bigger than life, more expansive that this reality….perhaps a taste of the next world…We leave our chairs. We throw them aside. And it’s on. A circle of….family? No….Friends? Not really. We are one thing…and it’s the only description we know and it makes sense to no one but everyone who ever adopted the name. It’s a circle of Jewballers. Connected in way that defies all the preconceived lines. And we dance around our bride and groom and bring God into the room and say thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU.
I’m sure many of you have shared that video with outsiders. They don’t know what to think. These are people you play football with? They don’t understand. Why did you make them a sheva brachos? They can’t see how this fits into the world they occupy. They can’t process the configuration of lines. They watch us jump, and rally, and scream – and they know it’s special – this they know – but they can’t figure it out. Where are the lines? How do they intersect? They don’t see the boundaries, and borders, and buffers that they were told are so integral. They can’t comprehend the why and how? To that I selfishly say….good.

Ahh where to begin… Anyone? I guess I’ll say something. So week 6 a bunch of games happened but I can only tell you of the tale of one those games, a game of defense. A battle of 2 of the top two way players (yeah Dachs proved he could do it, but he should have been doing it since year one so he doesn’t count yet) Pray vs Zinn. The major difference between the two teams was an Iceman given the mission to shadow Zinn and not let him run by prays team or ever find the end zone on offense. Zinn led the dark team of Jack, Spira, Logan, Beast, Daveo, Deitsch. A strong team that doesn’t take shit from anyone. On the other side, Pray was backed by Ice, BZ, Justin, Zada, Steve-O, Tom. A formidable team that could pull a win out of hat.
Some back and forth action eventually led to Pray marching down the field methodically with short pass and curls and runs. At the red zone, run is dead, points in sight, pray reads his man running to the front right corner of the end zone. Scored!!! But by Zinn? Zinn, grabs the ball out of the air at the 1 and bring it 99 the other way for the first score of the game.
Pray now needs to score and after a few stalled drives by each team, he decided he needs to do it himself and hits a nice left side run. He makes it halfway through the field and is getting wrapped up and in desperation flips it back to Steve-O who passes the last defender and brings it to the house to tie it up. Colors defense stops Zinn and dark to set them up with the go ahead drive. Slowly taking it down field pray goes off on the run again and again gets wrapped up and tosses it back to Steve-O, this time to be ruled down, sitting atop Logan and taking an unexpected knee to the head… Sorry.

Still close to scoring he needs to throw another TD. And unfortunately he does, but this time a pick 6 to Logan to end the game and prove interceptions are better than sacks.

Jewball to Zinn, because when in doubt choose the QB and when you don’t remember much else you remember the plays he made.
Who’s in for week 7?

Last season, I flew to Israel on October 15th – Sunday afternoon, but made sure to play Jewball first. Get the games in when you can. That’s the Jewball way. On November 3rd of this season – also a Sunday – I flew to Israel, but didn’t play that morning. The threat of injury crept into the back of my mind – something that could ruin the trip. Just one year later. One tendon surgery later. These are the changes in mindset that lead to retirements. Lo Aleinu. Although I did not play, I did go to Hewlett to watch the 8am games. How could I not? It was the debut of Steve-O’s Reapers. A team that befuddled many on draft night. Some said it was Purple Cobras 2.0. A team that took their QB in the last round. A team with a top WR that notoriously leaves early in playoff games and has never won it all. A team with Goldberg and his secret agenda to destroy Leagues. A team that would rely on Solo to be the Solo of the Cronies; and not the Solo of the prior two seasons.
The experiment of new captains makes for interesting team personalities. A team often takes on the persona of its Captain. I don’t know if that has happened with the Reapers, but Steveo is and always has been an enigma. He cannot be pinned down. Just when you think he’s just some design wizard, he’s a brilliant musician. When you deem him a chiller with only love in his heart, you make the gravest of mistakes. Because get him on the football field. The kid is a killer. And he assembled a team of killers with Oppen, Solo, and Mighty leading the charge. The line went after Gronk with a ferocity Gronk was used to seeing work in his favor when he had Solo and Munch going after opposing QBs. Gronk was sacked three times…….by each Solo and Oppen. But don’t worry – the Carnivores have Zinn…and Zinn isn’t human. But in Week 5, he was. Not just human, but having his worst game as a Jewballer. Gronk is the new Yaron. Everyone is dropping his passes this season – no matter how great they are (the pass and the receiver. Sherrif was also not doing his team any favors. The way the Reaper defense was playing, the Carnivores had no room for error – and errors abounded. The questions about the Reapers offense centered on whether Feit would continue to come up small in League games. Two seasons ago, he drafted and lead a team that included Mighty, Singer, Jack, Dobs, Daveo, and Jordan – and they just could not move the ball. After a year off, the Reapers are providing Feit with a new lease on QB life. And – so far – he’s making the most of it. Although the Reapers have a fine back-up in the young gunner, Key, Feit availed himself quite nicely in his Reaper Reds. On two third and longs, he called the fade to Goldberg on the right sideline and the two players – each looking for redemption this season for different reasons – found the connection and executed the play to perfection. It moved the chains and lead to scores. In the red zone, Feit kept his poise and slung one in to Mighty and later to Ross – and two scores would be all the Reapers would need. But Feit ran one in also. He threw only 1 pick. Reapers win 26-7. Jewball to Solo and Oppen. Feit, I hear the argument, but CPOY is given out at the end of the season.
The 8am game I did not see was Pray v. Yaron and Pray won it 3-2. Pray throws 3, but Spira gets 2 scores and a sack. And is the Jewball OG. Jewball to him. Honorable mention to Waldo for coming in for the game. Yaron ran 1 in and threw a TD to Stats (season of offensive Stats). Legs had 3 sacks in the loss.
I believe the late game was on the LHS grass, but I was off to the airport. Avenger beats Dachs 5-2. Throws 5 TDs – 3 to BK, 1 to Samet, and 1 to Pray. Stacked team with 3 QBs. Dachs had 3 to the Ice Man, but not a ton of help from his squad. Looks like the Randomizer f*** over Dachs here. Jewball to the Avenger. Heal up and get back. The Rookies need a QB on 2/9.

I haven’t recapped a Bowl Game in a bit and I’m only up to recapping Week 5 with Week 9 in a few days…..so…to recap today’s game, which was neither a Bowl Game (officially) or regular game, seems a bit frivolous. But it’s a long weekend and today was special. If not for the game itself, but for what it represents. It was nice to see the chat post-game as some people were talking about their first Jewball experience, and how for Kut, his was the Jewball Turkey Bowl. What that meant to him find us. I mean, talk about something to be thankful for. Kut is every single thing that Jewball aspires to be. It was even nicer to see that – despite the pretty terrible weather – how many people were playing football today. There was a time, not too long ago, where I would have sworn and knew, that on a day like today, Jewballers would be the only ones out there. So – what does this mean? That Hewlett was taken. That other local fields were occupied (per Kill’s crew). That we split LHS. Had to turn people away who wanted our spot. That there was a game after ours even as the weather got worse. That everyone out there came home drenched. Does it mean that Jewballers are less special? I don’t see it that way. To me, it means that there are more Jewballers out there than we thought. That all these kids are our kind of people. Now, all we need to do is convince them that…what you do on Thanksgiving….is what you do every Sunday. And then convince them of about a hundred other things. But the key element – the love of football – the dedication to the game – it’s there. This next generation – we give them a lot of sh*t about being soft and on their phones all day – but they were out there today. It’s a great sign.
So, how did this game happen? Well, nothing gets the Jewballers up for a game like the Commish canceling. Today starts with Jewballers staring at their phones at five to 7am. Unbelievable. The rain had begun and I had some cancelations last night. I would bet that even more people were hoping for a cancel. But….the rain wasn’t that bad at 7am. It wasn’t bad at 8am. It was kinda bad at 9am. It was a monsoon at 10am. The move was to make the Turkey Bowl on Friday because the weather was clear (still need 6 more!) and have a pick up for today. For those who love football and understand that after football in the elements….the turkey hits different. The stuffing is a reward. The yams and green beans and cranberry sauce are wages paid for a job well done. For those who came out – and we will get to naming you – you won by showing up. And hopefully you will soon reap the benefits in the form of a plate heaped high. Then seconds. Then thirds. For the rest of you….yeah….you’ll watch football. You’ll eat. But you won’t feel as good about it as we do.
Prime took the lead because he needed to clean his palate of Tuesday night. He’s in and he signs up for Justin (we will get to this). The die hards jump in. MK, Bert, Logic, DK….Prime calls it beautiful. Zinn goes back to sleep. Yaron then says in. Then realizes that reading is fundamental and takes it back, but is ready for tomorrow. The semi-hards sign up as Dave-o, Steve-O, and Jordan say IN with the weather permitting caveat. Tom is gonna give us some time. Feit is gonna give us some time. Pray is In obvs. The rain keeps coming down. Zinn wakes up. He’s IN. Bin is heading to shul and says….just let me know where to be. The Prince of Persia hasn’t missed a Jewball Thanksgiving start since 2001. Pray promises pie. I head out to get some coffee for us. This is Jewball! A combination of commitment, synergy, and insanity. The feeling that it’s coming together. There is nothing like it. Something to be extremely thankful for. It gets better…for a second.
With the Box of Joe in the car along with a tent and the gear, Mighty is on the line saying Socks and Froglicker are looking to get in. Not only do we have a game….we have BIG GAME – with Vets coming out. The field is ours because Dom messaged that the Turkey Bowl was canceled. We know everyone worth knowing. Zinn pulled up and got to work. Dude operates at a different level for Bowl Games. He takes ownership. It was decided that we would play full length of field with 4 first downs – every 20 yards. Worked out pretty well. Meanwhile, Pray and Rabin chose up teams and the canopy kept our stuff pretty dry. Now, the problem was we were odd numbers. Because we had 13, not 14, not 15, and certainly not 16. Prime greeted me with a not gonna lie. And it was that Justin wasn’t in, but sometime you are gonna lie to make the game happen. So we never had 14. But the Frog brothers were on their way, but the Frog brothers became the lost boys because neither showed. But, have no fear – Zinn gets on the chat looking for one and Kid – who was signed up for the Turkey Bowl – says IN. We’re saved. But Kid doesn’t come out. More about that in a second. The game starts as a 6 on 7 with Bert – who else…God bless this guy – standing on the sidelines in the rain. Teams are the Praygrims v. the BinZinndians. Pray with Dave-o, Steve-O, Logic, Bert, Prime, and Kut, and Rabin with Zinn, MK, DK, Tom, and Jordan. Of course Rabin is grinning ear to ear as no one is happier to run a huddle and signal call for a team. And with Zinn at his disposal, he’s practically giddy. Everyone is tired, soaked, and the opposite of warmed up…..and Rabin knows it. So the play is hand-off to Zinn with DK lead blocking. Zinn starts in left slot and on ready jets behind Rabin and gets the ball….Pray screams NO and practically laughs because he knows that even with 95 yards to go, that’s a TD play. But while he screams No….he flies to the right sideline and crosses Zinn at the 15, and with a smooth slide of the hand, he comes up with Zinn’s flag. Looks like Zinn is stoppable after all. I mean, we all know he has very limited field awareness. Two plays later Rabin runs the same play to the other side and Zinn dekes every single player on the Praygrims, reverses the field, makes everyone cry, and scores a TD – 80 yard run. BinZinnidians up 1-0. About this time, a few guys start showing up to play some Thanksgiving football in their own traditional games. Old friends. Annual rites of passage. Very nice. Jewball approves. So that no Praygrim will have to sit, one of the dudes comes in. He told us he lives in city, is in finance, and is fast. Well on a 4th and short, Pray did that thing where he acts like he’s running so you come at him and right before he crosses the line, he throw it to the receiver you just left. In this case, that receiver was Logic and the catch is made. Finance is right there on him, but doesn’t make the play, doesn’t get the flag, and doesn’t catch Logic. The score is tied 1-1. At this point, Feit arrives and Finance slinks away. Now, it was awesome that Feit came and made us even, but I want to just sat to the Kid….I’m not gonna judge anything about what happened other than this: Read the situation better. Starting with the chat. We really were short one. Saying IN and not coming….isn’t a joke. You said you thought we were joking, but if you read the chat leading up that, it was clear we weren’t. And then once you realize that the joke wasn’t a good one – because we really were there waiting for you – don’t defend the joke…Just say two words and only two words: My bad. Done. Clean.
But, thankfully, Feit not only showed up, but he came earlier than expected and on fire. Big energy on offense and defense as he rotated with Rabin at QB for the rest of the way. Now, I can’t go play for play through the rest of the game. A.) I have the memory of a 46-year-old B.) I’m getting tired and I promised myself I’d get this out tonight (i.e. 46). So let’s just do some highlights: Rabin to Zinn again and Zinn runs all over the place and scores. Pray deep ball to Kut, caught. Pray deep ball to Kut, broken up by Jordan. Prime with a TD where Feit said he got him, but didn’t. Feit to Zinn TD, perfect pass over the middle. And of course, the goal line stand by the Prayrgims as Prime gets DK’s flag just as DK falls into the endzone. It was first called a TD, but we had to send it to the replay booth (which is located in PJ’s basement). Upon further review, the call was no TD1! Neither foot crossed the plane. No problem. The football clearly crossed the plane. Good start. Two balls to go. But after watching the play enhanced and in slow motion, it was evident that only one other ball crossed the line. The other one was left dangling over the green turf. No score. In the end, it did not matter as the Praygrim fell to the BinZinndians by a score of (I think) 4-2. For all I know, Zinn scored all 4, but I have to mention MK. Zinn got all the glory, but MK made every big catch to keep the chains moving and pulled a lot of big flags. I guess that brings this recap to an end. I had higher hopes for it, but…again…this day is fading fast. The point is…I didn’t have to write this. I guess in a way…I don’t have to write any of them. But I’m moved to write them. I’m compelled to write them. I want to write them. And today reminded me why. Because I’m thankful. And the recaps are and have always been a small way to give back. Thank you, Jewball. Been the ride of my life.

Even though I soldiered through (more or less) with recaps over the past few years, I claimed that they had become superfluous in that TBI was doing a far better job breaking down the weekly action than I could. Now that weekly TBI is (more or less) a thing of the past, I soldier on still, but with less of an excuse. I don’t know what it is. Maybe too many Jewballers giving me legal work. I’ll go with that. It’s your damn fault. As I type this, I know that when I post it, Legs is gonna be like…..THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE WORKING ON?! (And I suppose he will be proud – at least part of him will be). But, anyway, I hardly remember Week 4 – but when I look back at the box scores – thank you Steveo and Yaron! – it was a week worth recapping. For one main reason. Because one day we will search the Chronicles for the first appearance of the Avenger…and you will find these very words. On the eve of Week 4 we were short a QB, and Yaron and Pray got on the horn and started recruiting. Levinger was known to be a very talented, surly, abrasive, tough QB from the night league…and who wouldn’t want to bring that in and Jewballify it. Maybe he’ll be wearing an I Heart Jewball shirt by Chanukah time. We can only hope. Yaron messages me he got Levinger. Pray messages me he got Levinger. I’m a good Commish so I responded to each gratefully pretending they did it alone. But, whoever closed the deal, the result was that Avenger showed up Sunday morning, Week 4,the Year of our Oracle 28. Did I get to watch the game? No. I was playing across the way on a sunny LHS morning. I welcomed him in as we geared up…and often he went to tussle with Jewballers and make his fortune. The game ended up in a tie, so, no Jewball to give out, but a new QB is big news and let this be an official Chronicles welcome to the Avenger. May your Jewball career be bright, prosperous, and most of all healthy (I know…I know). Amen.
In my game, Yaron and I continued to team up and lose. We had a good team with Mighty, Goldberg, Solo, Justin, and Tom, but we played against Zinn, who has been a very winning QB this season. He is definitely settling in nicely to the role. Not much to say here…because I don’t remember much. Except that other reason that we must do recaps is to give out Jewballs – especially the well deserved ones. And although my memory of this game generally is foggy, everyone there recalls Tommy GOING OFF. 3 picks, a P6, and a TD scored. He ruled that game and kept making huge plays to stifle Yaron’s attack. I remember one pick was one handed. Another one was off a Steveo tip (of a short armed throw to me : ( ) So, Jewball to the promising rookie who plays like a Vet.
This was one of those weeks where we moved to the grass for the late game and, there, Yaron battled Pray. Quite the slugfest. Mad points put up. Yaron – the conquering hero of all games 945 – beats Pray 7-6. I think this was the game where Ice Man could have scored 3 TDs, but pitched one back to Ernie right before crossing the goal line. Pretty cool moment, giving a giant middle finger to stats (but now I see Ernie had no TDs…but I’m not gonna delete because that moment did happen! Just don’t’ know when and it should be recorded). I know this was the game where Pray launched a TD to Jordan which landed in Jordan’s arms somehow over a leaping Zinn. This is the game where Kid kept trying to get in the head of the opposition and where Rabin caught a one handed TD in traffic. Yet, Yaron wins and I have no idea how. He threw 7 TDs and only one pick, so those stats deserve a Jewball…but so do The Rook’s….3 TDs and a pick. So 3 games on the day…3 Jewball given – Tommy, Yaron, and The Rook. See you on the field.

Let’s talk about Leagues. Let’s admit that this new model is working. Leagues exist. We like the idea and the concept and the competition. But they are not dominating the storyline of the season. League Games. Not League Weeks. And I want to get the two games that were played in Week 3 (that would be Blunts of Prime v. Carnivores and Gorillaz v. Duck Dynasty), but we first we need to acknowledge how we got here. Because if the Recaps have any purpose at this stage – they tell the story of Jewball. Therefore, we need to lay the foundation for this seismic shift in Leaguedom.
Once Upon a Time….there was Jewball. And it was good. For almost 25 years it was played pick-up style. At first by choosing up on the field (since one would never know who was in that week until you got to the field and saw who ventured out). Then later – once the technology allowed for it – by set teams constructed in advance. These teams were put together by a randomly selected randomizer which would often need to make many changes in the hours and minutes leading up to the game as…things changed. Babysitters canceled. Flu bugs bit. Alarm clocks mysteriously malfunctioned (especially on cold Sunday mornings after Saturday night’s a-drinking). The players got better and more committed so the games got better. There was less need for adjustment. But Jewball was living in a world of Leagues. Competing in a world of Crotons and Degels and AFLIs. The players that would leave us to play in the Leagues…they loved Jewball. I never doubted that for a second. But when I asked them: So, you go to this field and play one hour of football? Yeah. And you don’t even play offense and defense? Yeah. So on Sunday morning….you play less than 40 minutes total of football? Yeah. Then why would you leave Jewball?! We play 105 minutes (sometimes 120 minutes) straight. Both ways. And it’s free! And we have souls! You’re giving up this to play that??? And the answer I always got was: It’s the competition. There is just something about a set team playing against another set team with playoffs and a championship being the stakes. I get it. Now, my counterargument would be that these other leagues – while technically competitive – seem to be rife with issues that corrupt the competition. Whether that be Zinn playing for every team, refs missing calls, players not respecting calls, Dachs creating super teams, or my personal number one reason for loathing these leagues….players encouraged to commit penalties because the ref might not see. What a joke. But this is a digression. The fact is…players like the competition and fire of a league. They thrive on it. Sure, many don’t. Many view it as a corruption of Jewball’s purity. But you know what? They said the same thing about going from touch to flag. About going from a 105 minute game to two 90 minute games. Jewball survives because it evolves. So we went with the Leagues idea. At first, a cabal of Captains met in Rabin’s sukkah under the cover of darkness and schach. Yaron, Rabin, Jordan, and some wide-eyed kid named….we didn’t know his name. But he showed up….and he buried his head in a bucket of wings and, with sauce all over his face, kept nodding, saying in both, and piling up bones like a chicken graveyard. There was no draft. Rabin got the first 10 picks. They were called the Assmen. Yaron ingeniously created a team that could not be verified as he could bring anyone he ever played with in Queens (or anywhere) from the beginning of time. That was the 193. We made a team for Feit, who wasn’t there. Think we gave him Mighty because….he always gets Mighty. And we looked at Pray who was leaving no scraps in the bucket of wings…and we gave him the scraps of Jewball. They became the legendary Birds of Pray. And guess what? On the final day of that League Season….a double header on the grass at Lawrence High School – a day where we got thrown off the turf and then almost off the grass – where Rabin made a phone call to save the day – and where the Assmen – with all their stars came up short – BOP won it all. Vegh went off. Pray was born. That pic of a glowing, elative Prime, Dobs, Goldberg, Legs, PJs, Salem, Vegh, and Pray is burned into my brain. The glory of it all. That pic is the seedling of majesty. It’s the kind of pic that gets framed and hung up in a Jewball sports bar in 2037 and one tipsy guy points to it while talking Jewball and sharing a beer: “That’s where Leagues began. Those guys won the first championship.” And the other guy answers…even tipsier: “That’s crazy. Can’t believe this thing has been around so lon- wait a minute…I’m Pray….I’m in that picture….lol.”
We knew so little, but we also knew so much. We knew we were onto something. The next year we took a massive leap by inaugurating the Draft Party by Rabin. The glistening pool, the Yaron/Steve-O jerseys, TBI on site making it feel like an ESPN event, Laura Curran coming out with her hot AF security guard, the Jewball Vets showing up…what a special night. As many have rightly said…..If Leagues exist for the Draft Party alone….Dayenu.
But we went too far. We did. Between TBI, the chat, and just the general hock of Jewball….it started to lean way too Leagues heavy. We were losing our essence. Leagues became the dominant talking point, if not the only storyline. The only thing that MATTERED. The Vets weren’t happy. Many of the Rooks were getting a bad taste. The flavor of Jewball was souring in their mouths. So, after 4 League seasons – this year…we made some changes to counter the negativity. In short: 1.) Leagues are for Jewballers, not mercenaries. You want to play in Leagues – you can’t show up to 6 games a season. You need to play in 10 total Jewball games to be playoff eligible. 2.) There is Jewball every week. League games are played, but there is never a Jewball week where ONLY League Games are played. There is no week where Leagues are the only story. 3.) The Captains would no longer be the QBs. The Captains would be a carefully selected group of Jewball purists. Guys who like Leagues, respect the competition, want to win, but understand that Jewball is and never will be about Leagues. And so here we are. Jewball League Year 5. And it kicked off in Week 3, which I will get to recapping.
The Blunts of Prime are a scary bunch. Or at least they should be. Or should have been. A bunch of angry, surly killer types who want to cut you and watch you bleed. Maybe the problem is they started their season against the Carnivores who want to cut and eat you. The Blunts are run by Prime, with Yaron at QB, O, Beast, Justin and Bert protecting and rushing, and Jordan, Storm, and the Ice Man WRing. The Carnivores are Kut’s team and they pulled off some magic in the draft. Got Zinn at 1 and then still managed to snag a 1st round QB in Gronk. Add to that Sherriff, Dobs, Tom, E, TBD, and Stella….and yikes. I feel like Gronk and Zinn and no one else could somehow win a game, but with that panel of players – they will be tough to beat. And tough to beat they were for BLOP. Yaron started the game promisingly with a Jordan streak down the sideline and a sliding catch by the Commish in his (allegedly) final season. But, like many BLOP drives on the day, they did not end in scores. The Blunts were getting off to a slow start. Maybe hazy start. Kinda like a start that made it seem like the Blunts took their name too literally and smoked before the game. There was lethargy, confusion, overcomplications, under-performances. And the Carnivores were the completely opposite. Slick, crisp, machine-like. Now, to be fair….both teams have a secret weapon. Zinn for the Carnivores and Ice Man for the Blunts. And Ice Man was playing with flu symptoms still hounding him. But he would never make excuses. It just wasn’t the Blunts day. They didn’t keep it close. Yaron’s diminished arm strength (due to injury) and decision making were tough to watch. He threw 3 picks and 3 TDs. Gronk threw 5 TDs (to 4 different receivers) and only 1 pick. Jewball to Gronk.
A similar Duck Tale was playing out over on the other field, as the Ducks were trying to hold off a stampede of Gorrilaz. It was another case of a team trying to find itself and not up to the task. There is definitely something to be said for drafting a team that is no assembly required. Just open the package and let the games begin. Now, it doesn’t mean that such a team will win it all, but it definitely gives that team an advantage in the early going. While teams like the Ducks and the Blunts need to cohere and figure themselves out…you got consummate professionals starring for Gorrliaz and Carnivores – and they need no winding up. And it showed in these early League games. With the Gorillaz…let me count the pros: Pray, Spira, Legs, Rook, Irv, Zada, Sting, Blitz…and they even have a guy like Kid who actually played in the pros. And while Ernie’s Ducks are not short on talent (and in fact are infused with tremendous talent) – they are a team that will need their QB, Dachs, to find his way with the new core of receivers, like Tommy, Vegh, BK, and Daveo. I didn’t see the game, but Gorillaz won by a nice amount and – most concerning – is that Ducks only scored one. Jewball to Pray for the 3 TDs thrown and the pick.
In the late game, Yaron continued a trend of playing like trash at 8am and being a wrecking ball at 945. He decimates Pray 5-1 in a game where Solo sacked Pray 3 times and Yaron threw 5 TDs to 4 different receivers (Mighty, Goldberg, Logan, and 2 to BK)….but also the thrown picks were there with 3. Regardless, Pray had his League victory in his pocket and nary put up a fight in this one. Yaron gets the Jewball, but Pray goes home 1-0. This would mean something if Leagues mattered. 😏

Week 2 Recap

It is the eve of a festival which tends to mess with the body. Eating, drinking, sleeping on a spin cycle of doom for the physique and psyche– all in the name of good times and holiness. Who am I to question thousands of years of tradition, but lest we forget 30 years of Jewball tradition. Good times and holiness on the field. And so to combat the lethargy and gluttony that creeps ever closer, we have instituted the Pitom Bowl. A post 3 Day Yom Tov football game to not only get the body and brain activated again in preparation for the work that will carry us into spring, but hopefully also to give us pause at the kiddushes, meals and simchas beises and ask ourselves the question….is this indulgence worth it? Cuz I got on the field obligations as soon as this is over and I don’t want to be a step slow, I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to be winded, I don’t want to be tired. All that said…. Sherrif….you bringing the smokes Tuesday night??
But let us travel back to a different place and time. One that feels ancient, almost, as it predates the high holies that have come and gone – as they often do – with much sound and fury, but somehow in a blink. I speak of an alternate dimension known as Week 2. Games thrown together at the last minute. Regular QBs out. Guest QBs in. Distant memories of games played at Hewlett. Was that this season or two seasons ago? Having to leave. BK and Steve-O running around checking fields like it’s 2010. A game on the grass at LHS like it’s 2013. What I always loved about Jewball and what I will always love about Jewball is that we always find a way. Like Dr. Ian Malcolm said about nature. And as nice as it is to have a permit. As spoiled and as privileged (good seeing you today, Mo) as we’ve become – I relish a chance to get booted from a field, which sends us scrambling and regrouping and figuring sh*t out and building a field somewhere else – GRASS! OUR ROOTS! – a field we have history with – a land that knows our cleat steps, our voices, our spirits – and getting the game going despite the obstacle. My proudest weeks as a Jewballer were when we had about ten excuses not to play, and we made it work. I will never forget the one week we built a small diagonal field at some school on Franklin in Woodmere – we walked from WMS after getting tossed mid-game (maybe even late-mid-game), and we hopped the fence and some people left but some stayed….and we played maybe 5 on 5 on this weird patch of grass, trespassing, for like 40 minutes. Made no sense to do it, but it proved to me that our will to Jewball is that great force of nature that Jeff Goldblum was talking about. So Week 2 – all this time later – feels at the same time eminently forgettable and memorable. The details of the games fade, but what the games represent are eternal.
The early games were played at the newly minted turf at Hewlett. Was definitely nice to be back. It was our home for a few epic seasons. Felt welcoming and secure. Like we were always meant to return. We split the field as we always had, but not with the Old Guys. Dan Faust was nowhere to be found. Instead, we took up both sides with nary an old guy, band geek, or soccer player in sight. We just waltzed right in like we owned the place. And speaking of owning the place, let’s talk about Key QBing against Snow in Game 1. Former MVP v. Future MVP. With his dad beaming from the sidelines, Key took his team on a ride, running and gunning, and leading them to a pretty breezy 5-2 victory. All hail the immortal warrior, Dov Snow, for stepping into the void and QBing for us when we needed him to, but the MVP has lost a step while Key is gaining on all the QBs in Jewball at a rapid pace (Does Feit know Key is on The Reapers?). What impressed me most about Key in this game was his accurate throws on the run. He got out of the pocket and adeptly threatened to take off, but did so with eyes up field….and more often than not, he cocked his arm back while in motion and slung it to a receiver – like his father in an ass – with surgical precision. Did he throw 3 picks? Yes. But did Snow throw 4? Also, yes. And you can’t win games like that. 4 picks thrown by Snow – one a walk-in P6 by BZ from the 5, another a full field P6 sprint by Key ripping the ball from Jordan’s hands – was too much to overcome. Key throws 3 TDs – one each to Prime, Sherrif, and Vegh…and that was more than enough. Key beats Snow 5-2 and gets his first Jewball of many. Looking forward to having someone in the League that can bring honor back to the Rahmani name.
I don’t know if it was the better game, but the closer game was played on the other side of the field. Zinn v. Yaron. And I guess the theme of the day was…if you throw 4 picks, you’re gonna lose. And Zinn threw less than 4 picks (like Key, he threw 3). Yaron did not. Yaron struggled again in this early season, throwing deep balls that either shouldn’t be thrown or are just underthrown. It’s still Week 2 in the recap world, but this is being written post League Week 1 and the trend did continue there. Alas, it’s a rocky, rollercoaster season. The early going is the time to clean things up. From the box score, it looks like having Zinn as QB obviated one of the basic requirements of any QB with Zinn on their team -that would be…getting the ball to Zinn. In this instance, he had it on hike. And so he scores 3 rushing TDs. Makes sense. He’s fast and elusive. Once he is in the open field, it is all but over (shout out to Storm with a great flag grab last Sunday defying the premise I just proffered – to be recapped). He also threw one to Irv (though we cannot confirm whether he was just throwing the ball at Irv) to account for his only thrown TD of the day. Sheer numbers give Zinn the Jewball. He put the team on his back and locked in the W.
About this time, some kids started kicking soccer balls on the field. We attempted to bully them to get off. Then their coaches showed up. Then their parents started showing up. Never a good sign. So the signal was shot into the sky (or someone posted on the chat) that a field was needed. BK checked Woodmere. Steve-O checked LHS. Everyone just moved on. No complaints. No whining. No hanging of heads. Just….let’s get them game in. Beautiful. I handed the gear to Sting and Tommy. They headed to the field. Kut reported that the grass was not only open, but there was a painted perimeter with painted yard markers. Another gift from the Jewball gods. Guys rolled up and the game was underway only about 15 minutes late. It was Ernie v. Dachs and I got to watch a nice amount of it. Filmed a bit, which I try to convince myself releases me from the obligation of recapping. But that’s a lazy voice. Let it not be missed that this was – after many teases and almost in the past – the regular season Jewball debut of Samet. He is officially in the Chronicles and record books. He got there late, but he showed up and…we all knew it – kid can ball. Ernie looked pretty good at QB. As he always tells me….if he got reps…he could regain much of the old magic. After watching him Week 2, I believe it. He had some gorgeous completions that only a real QB could make. It wasn’t like just throws. He was passing the ball in windows like a real QB. One pass to Samet on a cross was a stunner. For much of the game he went punch for punch with Dachs. But Dachs is putting up some crazy numbers this season. Again, with my knowledge of Week 3 already, I can cheat and tell you he’s thrown 10 TDs and only 2 picks. He threw 5 of those TDs in Week 2. Getting it done with the rookies. 2 to Schiffer. 2 to Tommy. Again, can check out the videos for the full experience, but these were bullets into tight windows – and his receivers did not let him down. It was a relatively mistake free game. Both teams played well, just Dachs had more firepower than Ernie. Dachs gets the W 6-4 and the Jewball. Hopefully see some of you Sunday morning and even more of you Tuesday night. And of course…Let’s Go Subway Series!!!