Week 16 Part I
With great football comes great recapsibility. Steveo is not to blame for this terrible opening line. But he is responsible for the following…
Weather was great as the players took the field at Hewlett High School on an unofficial Jewball Sunday. One-man down, Stats came in to save the day to even out the game with Jordan. Unfortunately, the short bus had not arrived yet and Special K was nowhere to be seen. Maybe it was in a different school district, but regardless he was not coming. The Commish sat the game out to keep the game even at 6s where Yaron started with the ball with one of his favorite WRs Goldberg, the Power Ranking Vampire aka Stats von Count, Spira, BZ, and the Real Slim Sammy. In the first drive Yaron connects with a beautiful pass over Steve-O and behind everyone to Stats who continues his hot streak this season to put the first score on the board. Rabin answered back with a pass to Steve-O and with a few spin moves and a broken tackle takes it down the field to balance the score. After that Yaron would bring it down the field but could not score against the defense of both O bros, Stella, Rabin, Kut, and Pray. Rabin did give them several chances throwing picks to BZ, who had a day, and finally a short pass to Stats and missed easy flag grabs, led to more stats and a 2-1 lead for Colors.
Rabin moving the ball fairly well, along with trick plays and runs with plays, sent BZ another ball his way, BZ racing to the endzone with Stella close behind, pulls ahead for a point as Stella’s Hamstring fell off making him look like the absent TBD. Earlier, J had walked off into the abyss with his fist pumped in the air, to the background of 80s music so the game was left with an odd count yet again. While the discussion to end the game, or go with an official defender, was underway, Sam went looking for his father at the convenient store, where they must have restocked the milk by now, and the game went on.
Down 3-1. Dark had the ball, but there was a major difference, there were no lineman. A dead/rush count in effect, as Jabroni reminisced about the Dark Ages he never experienced, Rabin returned back to a decade where he had no pressure and new cleats. No pass was in the ground and there were some beautiful balls thrown. The game was tied up quickly after a nice TD pass, and pick, and a beautiful run by Pray which he turned into a cross field bullet pass lateral to Kut to bring dark back in the game.
From there on out it was a fun and friendly shoot-out, both teams spreading the ball and racking up stats (lowercase). In the final moments of the game, tied at 7s, Yaron had one more drive to make it happen, but dark made the necessary stops. Rabin going with schoolyard “get open” plays, moved the ball downfield and again hitting Steve-O on the flag route where he takes it to the house for the W. A combined 7 TDs, 2 picks, 1 TD thrown, and a sack for the O bros all possible to the never-give-up attitude of a Jewball OG, throwing like Esiason and possibly retiring those cleats, of Rabin. Jewball for the GOAT.
I’ll take it from here, Wizard….
Week 16 Part II
We start with a little old school Jewball Recap moralizing from the soap box. There was controversy before, during, and after the game about Mike. I bring this up not to exacerbate it, but only to hopefully alleviate it. Though I may only be exacerbating. Here is what I will say about the Kid: He clearly hates the cold. Cali native stuck on the east coast and the low temps get under his skin and invade his soul. I don’t think he’s exaggerating how miserable the cold makes him. And I stand by and support his position that he has plenty of times stood out there in the cold and either played part time or hardly at all. He’s been a trooper at times. But….I will also say this… it’s not enough. We aren’t judged here by how much we do relative to how little we could potentially do. We are judged here based on the totality of what we do and how we do it. Compared to nothing and no one. The more you give to Jewball, the more you get. And conversely, the more you take from Jewball, the more you lose. Mike has given to Jewball. He started off like Rook and Waldo. Super interested by what he saw going on from a distance. Itching to become one of us. A very promising sign as he stood on the sidelines, waiting to get in, watching and being hopeful. Learning from Beast, talking football. It all looked so rosy and bright. But something did get lost along the way. At this point it doesn’t matter what. We all know the chat stuff, on field stuff, communication stuff. The fact is, Mike, you are one of us….and you are not too far gone. We are not beyond resolution, but it takes both sides. We all have to make sure our Jewball balance sheet always reflects more giving than taking. Kid, you have to start fresh with us – prove yourself on and off the field. And my hope is that this allows Jewball to give you a fresh start and…lay off you a bit ?
This preamble is a long, pedantic, and circuitous way of saying Gorillaz came into Week 16 a bit discombobulated. Their disposition matched the field’s. Hate to make Feit right and God bless him for not sending me an “I told you” so text….but I would have sworn that the sun would have melted the snow from the prior week and LHS turf would be both ours and clear. It was ours. One end zone and twenty-five yards were shoveled to make a short soccer field and a pile of snow was built like a battlefield mound just beyond the 25. The beauty of Jewball after 23 years is….you always need to find new ways to adjust, to make it work, to plow through. You can do this year after year and no matter how long you persist…you’ve never see it all. This was a first. So everyone got to doing what they do best. Mighty and Opes grabbed shovels and starting digging us out. Yaron started using his Beautiful Mind and calculated that a 60-yard field would work (15 yards shorter than our usual) and lay down the cones – and Jordan started yelling at everyone trying to help. Thank you, Might, Oppen, and Yaron for setting up the field. I did shovel the hashes, btw – so it wasn’t just yelling.
And when all the field prep was done…it was time for Reapers v. Gorillaz. The Reapers were the Top Guns of Draft Night…in that everyone was wrong about them. The Reapers lost draft night. That was murmurs, whispers, and TBI gossip. But the hell with the rumor mill – These dudes show up! Speaking of showing up – where was Irv? Rook had already dropped the Mike and his team was still short one. Irv eventually came looking like Timmy Tim…skipped the mandatory stretches and hopped on the field. Can’t miss those stretches, Irv. Opening play with Pray over center for the 2-1 Gorrilaz….Irv gets a step on Ross on a post to the middle of the field. Perfect pass….and right through the wickets. Would have made a huge statement. Would have likely been a score. Would have changed the entire dynamic of the game for Gorillaz and settled everything down. Instead, it compounded everything. Sorry, Irv…was that kinda day. See you Sunday. Bring it.
Meanwhile, Feit has only been building and gaining momentum with his squad. The QB has shown that he has a non-stop motor – and I’m talking about his mouth on the sidelines. Just kidding (I mean, not really). But for real – he’s playing really good football, and as the weeks progress and Reapers keeping sowing wins, Steveo is looking more and more like a….well…..a draft wizard. Feit is making passes that no one else makes. Not that he is the most talented QB in Jewball. He isn’t. He knows it. But right now…he’s the master of touch (relax, PJs). It’s not just the high and tight fastball to Goldberg for the TD on a slant. It’s the looping sky-high arch of a pass to Logic in the back corner of the endzone. It’s the passes that meet his receivers at the exact right moment whether they are on a cross or a fly. Keep this dude in mind come awards season. His story is a great one (speaking of fresh starts that no one saw coming). From irreparable Feet to incredible feats.
Another great performance in this game was that of the line judges. One in particular. When Rook picked Feit in the endzone, Jordan was right on the spot making the call. Didn’t give anyone time to argue whether it was a catch or not a catch. Jordan knew that the point of the line judge was to show authority. By making a definitive call so that the game would not be interrupted by incessant arguments and petty bickering. Everyone stayed cool and accepted the call. No one lost their mind. The line judge concept once again proved itself to be a worthy addition to Jewball and Leagues. Although at one point Jordan’s fellow line judge, Yaron, left his post because he said he was lonely – which is cute – but on the very next play there was a call needed right where he stood before.
Oh, btw, the Reapers crushed the Gorillaz. We start with they are great team. We start with Solo in the short sleeves totally bought in. We advance to he and Oppen menacing QBs with a boisterous spirit. We add a very talent receiving core lead by an MVP caliber Mighty. We consider Feit playing his best football and being his best self. And then we have Goldberg who was just the top player out there that day and gets the Jewball. I know this because he told me. But now I see he had 2 TDs and pick, so checks out. And we end with….poor Pray. The two time MVP might have won this game if his players….y’know….caught the great passes he threw. But they didn’t. They seemed to drop or misplay them all. I presume some catches were made, but they were few and far between. Gorillaz go to 2-2. Reapers remain undefeated at 4-0-1.
Logan must have read the Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuvah between Week 12 and Week 16. Not only does he show up to any icy field, not only does he show up to an icy field without sleeves, not only does he play, not only does he dive on the first play of the game (to make a hell of a catch), not only does he cut himself on the ice and bleed from his well-tone arms the entire game, but he does all that without saying….you don’t fucking know me, mother fuc*ers (yes, I cleaned up the second f-bomb because the context was different). Talk about a full and complete Teshuvah!
It was physical ball last Sunday (wow…writing a recap between games is a cool thing…I should do this more often ?). The short field contributed to the intensity and immediacy. The whole experience felt surreal. Disorienting, but in a good way. The need to constantly orient demanded a heightened concentration level and focus. Mental toughness was at a premium. Yaron had Prime, Zinn (back from the IR), Logan, Kut, Bert, and Whiskey, and Pray lined up with Dobs, Justin, Kagan, The Rook, Tom, and Jordan. Early on, Prime was picking on the Rook, who still looked shel-shocked from the beat down he had recently emerged from in the early game. Sometimes it’s hard to wash off a loss in sports, day to day or even week to week, but Jewball often demands you do it minute to minute. Yaron took a fairly quick 2-1 lead. Prime rushed for 1 and Zinn caught one deep getting behind Pray. At the half it was 3-2 Yaron as he connected with Logan just before halftime. After some soul-searching in the locker room, Pray’s crew figured out the defense and just got gritty with it. It’s an old cliché, but in this case it was true: Pray’s team just wanted it more. OMG! Just kidding! Yaron threw some mind-numbingly bad picks that let Pray back in the game….none worse than a floating heave that he threw blindly to no one while getting sacked that landed in Dobs’ arms. Was Dobs second pick of the day. Dobs also put up a point and nearly had another one on an awesome leap in the middle of the endzone, but the ball glanced off his fingertips. His defense was also stellar, holding up Zinn so the phenom could not break free and break one off, and diving to knock away a big 3rd and short pass to Kut. Jewball to him for the inflated stat line. Shoot….I gave away the ending. Jewballs are for winners and this means Pray won. The QB who was plagued by drops in the League Game was blessed with a bounty of caught balls in the late game. Pray, who was also clearly rattled by the early game, hung in the there and hung tough. He ran when he needed to. Picked up some critical first downs by inches in pivotal moments when his team needed a leader and a back to jump on. Down 3-2 with a quarter of football left, he found Kagan in the back of the endzone to tie things up, right? And then took the lead when Rook was left alone deep. He even challenged Zinn on a deep ball and stuck with him stride for stride, knocking the pass away at the last second. Yaron and co. did not score for the last 30 minutes of the game due to such relentless defense, with Tom in particular picking up some big time sacks and applying pressure on every play. And just generally, Pray’s team utilized that sports intangible known as momentum….it swung wildly in this one. Yaron’s crew was losing their cool as Pray’s crew was gaining their confidence on route to a comeback dub.

With their tailfeathers against the wall, Duck Dynasty shocks the world. The 0-2 men in orange whose leader loves oranges, beat the undefeated Gorillaz. Gorillaz are a stacked team and they showed up to play. It was simply an Any Given Sunday situation which is as true in the NFL as it is in Jewball. You show up to play and compete. You don’t listen to Draft Party musings. You don’t listen to TBI prognosticating. You play the damn game. Pray threw 2 picks to Dachs (or we can say Dachs picked Pray twice) in this low scoring affair. A defensive grudge match. Potential 2025 Rookie Portal plays for Tommy and scores a TD. DK earned two sacks for the Ducks, and Captain Ernie supports his cause with a TD. Legs and Spira recorded 2 sacks each for the Gorrilaz, but the team only scores one (TD pass to Irv). 12-6 your final.
Yaron loses to the yet undefeated Zinn/Ice combo in the other early. Yaron gets sacked 4 times (twice by E, once by BZ, and once by Ice). Zinn throws 3, but Jewball to Ice with the well balanced stats line of 2 scores, a pick, and the sack.
It was Key v. Feit in the late one where Zinn ended up coming in for Key as the offense stagnated a bit late in the game. Prime and Feit put up 2 scores together and Prime had a pick. Prime had a Jewball in his pocket, but this one ended in a 3-3 tie. Key threw 1, Zinn threw 1, and Zinn rushed in for 1. Zinn also had a sack. If only stats mattered.
WEEK 13
Finally, a game I slightly remember. I was playing across the way, and saw a lot of Ice Man heroics. As I sent the teams before Wek 13, I was a bit worried that the Randomizer had messed up and made me look bad…and seems it had. Gronk throws 5 TDs (2 to Blitz, and 1 to Goldberg, Kut, and Prime)…but… he also threw 5 picks (2 Ice, 2 Pray 1 Zada). Pray threw 5 TDs, but once again Ice Man gets the Jewball because of the equally proficient offense and defense with 3 TDs and 2 picks.
At the other early, Yaron beats Bin/Zinn in a close one. Bin put up 4 scores (Solo, Ross, 2 to Zinn), but Yaron had a nuclear option with a Jeremy Brody appearance and Legs on fire making up for the 3 Yaron thrown picks. Yaron comes back and wins this one behind 2 sacks and 2 scores by Legs and a P6 by Brody. Legs targets and acquires the Jewball.
Return of the Avenger in the late game and this guy does not like to lose. 4 TDs thrown (Bert, Portal, 2 Pray, Prime) and a sack. That’s a Jewball for him. Yaron only lost by 1 and that’s pretty good considering how loaded Avenger’s team was. Ice Man gets his requisite (minimum) 2 scores (win or lose) and Ross adds 2. Avenger was loaded so good work Bron and co for keeping it close.

The 0-2 BLOP crept into Week 11 swaggerless, as their season was not shaping up to be the bullyfest that was expected. Carnivores came in 1-2, also unsure of themselves as they had been last seen struggling and dropping 2 in a row after the season debut win against Blunts. In other words, both teams were looking to regain steady footing. Blunts and Carnivores were hoping to fix their prior mistakes and get on the right track. For the Blunts it was a matter of cleaning up the defense and figuring out a functional red zone offense. Carnivores just needed to get Zinn back to his dominant self. And in the end….Carnivores did what they needed to do. BLOP did not. Zinn threw 2 and ran for 2, picking up a Jewball in the process. Blunts had no answer for his speed or elusiveness. Storm and Yaron picks but couldn’t turn into points as the Red Zone offense continued to be a major problem. Iceman can always be good for two scores in any game he has, win or lose. Adding injury to insult, the game was called as BLOP was down a score and kept losing players. In the final play of the game, Zinn took the snap and retreated about 30 yards as Jordan and Justin pursued. E landed a killer block on Jordan 25 yards behind the line of scrimmage. Zinn raced back to the line and found an open Sherrif in the end zone. Yaron wanted to keep it going even with Ice Man and Storm knocked out and bleeding on the floor. But it was over and the BLOP series of unfortunate events continued. Also noteworthy is that Sherrif broke his hand in this one and has not been seen on the Jewball field since. Heal up, Sherrif. You are missed.
While Yaron’s projectile dysfunction continued in League Games, Pray and Dachs were showing Jewball how to put up points in an old school shoot out. Pray throws 6 TDs and Dachs throws 5 (and runs one in). That’s a 6-6 tie. Stats punched in 2 for Dachs and Mighty went hat trick for Pray.
Jewball is life. It never dies. When you leave, it’s just a break. When you want to return, we are here for you. Just as Diego as he returned to the game he loves after an 11 year absence (I made that number up – could be more or less). Not only did he return, but he immediately earned respect, bot from the Vets and the Rooks. For his strength and his hands. The game was a Pray v. Yaron special. Yaron of course wins since this wasn’t a League Game. This one also had a rare Salem sighting. A man who shall never be forgotten. Daveo scored and sacked Pray 4 times…damn, son. Jewball to you. Diego scores in the loss. Welcome back, brother.

The Carnivores continued their torrid pace of getting in League Games by facing off with the Duck Dynasty in Week 10, and it was a bounce back affair. – for both teams. With their full compliment of players in the fold, Kut’s team put up 5 scores, with Gronk throwing all of them (2 to Stella, 2 to Sherrif, and 1 to Zinn). The Ducks did a very fine job of countering the attack and – although they lost by 3 points – this was one to build on. Dachs diversified his receiver portfolio and cashed in with 4 different receivers (Daveo, DK, Tommy, and Vegh), but they’d have to wait a few more weeks for their first win. Stella gets the Jewball for the 2 scores and a pick to boot.
Yaron wins in the early game since it wasn’t a League Game. He takes down Pray in a tight one, 3-2. TDs to Goldberg, Legs, and Steveo. Legs and Oppen each had 3 sacks and this was too much for Pray to overcome as he only put up points by connecting with Prime and Rook. Legs executes the Jewball deal by being a menace on offense, defense, and in his personal life.
You can usually count on both a bounce back from Pray after a loss and a setback for Yaron after a win, and that’s what happened in the late game. Pray gets a Jewball for throwing 2, rushing for 2, and picking Yaron in a one sided win for the two time MVP. Pray over Yaron 5-2.

What should have been a clash of League titans wound up being a somewhat boring affair as Kut’s Carnivores did not show up to take on Rook’s Gorillaz. No, like they literally didn’t make it to the field. Carnivores were short 3 players with one of them being their QB (apparently, sometimes “Out” really does mean Out)…so Jordan played for the Carnivores and the loss was therefore guaranteed. Zinn admirably filled in at QB, but – as everyone knows – teams win when they show up and play as teams. It’s extremely hard to stumble into a W when the competition is this fierce. The Gorillaz win 26-13. Pray throws 3 TDs (Rook, Irv, Legs) and runs one in (while throwing 2 picks). Nothing much wrong with Pray on this day. Jewaball to him.
On the other side of the cones, this wasn’t the Jesus Bowl, but Jesus was back and where he belongs. Unfortunately, he came in from Cincinnati and picked himself up an L, but, I think at this stage he’s kinda like me – taking it in and happy we are still rolling. Though he did a stat to his files. One sack recorded. And of Yaron! Jesus, do you have any pics of you from your Jesus days…with the long hair? Yaron gets sacked by the chosen one, but he does so in a W. Beats Dachs 5-3. Dachs had a nice stat line with 2 thrown, 1 rushed, and an interception, but it wasn’t enough as Yaron thew 4. Stats gets the Jewball as his season of resurrection (see what I did there) continues. 2 scores and a sack of Dachs. Dachs was sacked 3 times on the day (Justin and BZ got him also), which is surprising considering his elusiveness. Daveo also had a nice day with 2 scores and pick….but we all knows that sacks > picks.
The late game started with Yaron throwing a P6 to Jordan and three on the day in a loss to Pray who put up 3 scores (1 thrown and a P6 of his own). Stat line says Jordan had 2 sacks and the P6….and I don’t even remember winning this game, but I guess Jewball to me for the busy stat line.

To paraphrase Ernie back when he was famous: I’m just here so I don’t get fined for not giving out Jewballs. When I look back on Week 8 – and when I say look back, I mean check the box score so I can at least pretend I know something about it – I see that I lost twice. And lost close twice.
Let’s just get this out of the way and go rapid fire with some scattershot memories and Jewball awards:
Yaron wins early game over Gronk in close comeback fashion. Gonk’s team drops too many and Yaron doesn’t throw enough picks (only 1) to lose. Gronk has the hat trick of TD, Pick, and Sack, and puts up 2 scores. Yaron throws 3 TDs (Mighty, Kut, and Tom) and gets the 3-2 victory. Kut looks like your Jewball winner with 3 sacks and a TD. Notable also is the Jewball debut of Dovi Schwartz.
In the other early game, Zinn continued his quest to become a full fledged (dominant) Jewball QB. This was also a game where the last two ROYs teamed up to take on the two time MVP. The combo of Zinn and Ice Man proved too much for Pray, Legs, TBD, E, Stats, Blitz, and Bert. Pray throws 3 picks in this one (2 to Dietsch and 1 to Zinn) and Ice Man scores 2. Zinn threw 4 TDs and had a pick. That’s an MVP performance. Jewball to the Invader.
Zinn’s huge day continues in the late game with Pray throwing to him and Yaron loses by one score once again. Effie and Rook catch one TD each from Pray and Zinn snags 3 of em. Yaron is sacked 5 times (Prime, Effie, Rook, and Tom twice). Jordan, Stats, and Storm score for Yaron and Bron runs one in himself, but it isn’t enough. Pray win 5-4 and with 5 TDs thrown and 1 pick….he picks up a Jewball as well.

Is there such a thing as a perfect Jewball Sunday? If there is one – and we’ve experienced such things – it starts with football. Of course. Football is the blood in our veins. It’s the force that flows through us and everything. From the arrival to the field, the groggy march from warm cars to cold sidelines, the stretching, the grunts of greeting to our fellow Jewballers. To the game itself – the shit talk, the beatings, the playmaking. And finally the result – whatever it may be – whether heartbreaking or exhilarating – followed by hugs, handshakes, more shit talk, and the hours spent analyzing and reminiscing. Maybe some footage shared. That’s a great Jewball Sunday. But…sometimes….sometimes the games are only the beginning. On rare occasions, the stars collide and the games are followed by an event of some sort that celebrates the other aspect of Jewball. It’s 4th dimension. That of secret society (note that I didn’t say cult). Like the annual Super Bowl BBQ, sometimes we get to meet up after the game. And it’s always great. Isn’t that the thing? Even a weak Jewball thing is pretty great. But, on November 17th, Week 7 of the 2024 Jewball Season, we played football – and then later that night gathered perhaps for the greatest night in Jewball history. Or at least the most uniquely great. That would be the Rook 7B.
But the day started off with the business of football. With the Reapers coming in at 1-0 and the Blunts coming in at 0-1. Would the Reapers get off to a really promising start after the skepticism of draft night? And would the Blunts get off to a really unpromising start after the hype of draft night? The Blunts lost their first game to the Carnivores by playing ineptly at the start and never recovering. The team needed to prove that it was ready to take the game of football and the mission of it’s captain seriously. The Reapers just wanted to show that they were for real. Would Feit be able to play clean? Would the offense score enough points? Could a team built upon the foundation of a dominant line contend? The Blunts came out flat again. The irony is not being lost on anyone. A team based on the theme of weed smoking…plays like they are high. Kinda dazed and confused. For the early part of the game, Oren was the only one competing. Doing his long ass monkey armed darndest to keep his team in the game. Getting the sideline and pulling flags. Sacking Feit twice. Forcing turnovers. The game was scoreless for the early stretch. Reapers scored first with a TD to Mighty, but it seemed like BLOP would break through. The big play was right around the corner. And then it happened. A Storm streak down the left sideline and a 45 yard perfect strike that Storm pulled in….and then lateraled back to Ross for the unearned pick. Storm had no idea how he did it or why it happened….he’s never done anything like or remotely close to that in all our years playing together. So the answer is….Blunts are just not up to speed and when you are a team in disarray…..it just creates chaos. I mention the unearned pick by Ross, but this was a day where he would earn much, including a Jewball. What a game the kid had. So far….Steveo is like that GM who looks like a genius (or wizard) because everything he touches or tries or mixes or matches….hits. Solo is his best Solo. It’s Week 13 and Mighty is still healthy and putting up big numbers. Feit – good for a inexplicable pick here and there – but mostly on point – throwing a clean ball and showing that he can make all the throws. In Week 7 he made many of those throws to Ross, who had 12 receptions for 106 yards, including a TD and a clutch P6. The BLOP did score, but it was always catch up. The scoring began on nice deep cross pass from Yaron to Jordan which Ice Man punched in on the next play. Unfortunately, the Ross P6 came a possession later, negating the score and keeping the Reapers at a safe distance. Ice Man would score again, and the Blunts would get a final shot to win the game with a score and an extra point, but the drive stalled – and Blunts stay winless while the Reapers remain undefeated.
The other early game was Pray v. Dachs, and it looks like Dachs had a very good game, but Pray had a flawless game. I’m just gonna guess that Dachs threw some really nice passes that people couldn’t catch, and it was just enough for him to lose 5-4. Pray wins the game and the Jewball – 3 TDs thrown, no picks, and he ran in 2. Kut supported the effort with a TD reception and 2 sacks, and BZ had 3 sacks. So that’s all….no one else on their team did much. Except for Daveo…whose heroics for the day were just starting. He picks Dachs thrice! And adds a receiving TD. With stats like that….you get a Jewball. But….he was just getting warmed up.
There was a late game between Bron and Pray, which ended in a tie. No Jewball, but come get your stats.
Now, let’s get to the main event.
For me, it’s for sure a season of reflection. It has been for the past 5 seasons or so, but for sure this one – as it marks the end of an era. One thing that has been clear since the Revolution is that we are pushing the limits of what we are and what we can be. And you know what? Pushing limits is risky. It’s scary. The world – as we encounter it – preordained with borders and boundaries. We are sort of programmed to see lines everywhere. Between ourselves and others. THIS is your family! THEY are not. Between our community and others. THESE are your people. THEY are not. Between countries, colors, cultures, and on and on and on. See the lines, we are told! Respect the lines. Don’t test them or G-d forbid cross them. What I love about Jebwall is that it says fuck the lines. If you see them, ignore them. If you can’t ignore them, blur them. Or better yet, move them. Or better yet, obliterate them. Now, I’m not talking about kumbaya shit or holding hands with the rainbow coalition. I’m talking about just not buying into what is expected, acceptable, or even normal. All this by way of introduction to what the Rook did. His speech that night said it all. It’s worth a listen if you can. It’s brilliant in many way, but one particular insight that he proffered was this: I am not the first Jewballer to get married, but I am the first to invite everyone. He said this by way of explanation as to why we were where we were in that moment. It’s not because he got married. It’s not because we love him. It’s not because a sheva brachos was available. It’s because he saw a line that was still left unobliterated and he punted it into oblivion. Granted, there are few lines left. I think we are all better for it. I think the world is better for it. But the Jewball wedding was something we dreamed of, and it had never happened. And the Rook made sure it happened. So when Kut messaged me and said…Should we do a Sheva Brachos for Rook….I think I responded in 3 seconds with a It’s happening and immediately the vision came to me. We had the plans and the committee that day. We had the date, the flyer, the momentum, and thrill of it being born never let up. It was so obvious that it was meant to be. I knew it as clear as I’ve ever known anything.
B-sh, Daveo and Kut got to creating menus. I got to booting my dad from his house (father-son disrespect is big in our family). Steveo, PJs, Yaron rounded out the team and we just kept brainstorming and collaborating, from day one until set up. If you were there, you saw how it came together. I can do my Dayenu shtick I wanted to. The night occupies its own suite in the cavernous, sprawling resort that is my subconscious. I start with Steveo and Yaron arriving and we start opening the tables and throwing on the tablecloths. PJs arrives a little before Daveo. Daveo pulls up with Nechama and the car is jammed with….everything. Food, glasses, candles, centerpieces, plates, silverware. Nechama, Jewball to you for being the unsung superstar of that day. I probably only have a small sense of how much you did to make that night happen, but I do know, that whatever you did it was done with an incredible amount of skill, grace, and love. Thank you. Once Daveo got there, we got to real work – setting the table and laying out the stunning tables that Daveo designed. B-sh and Kut came and got comfortable in their element. Cutting, chopping, searing, grilling, washing, smearing, stacking, and plating. Two masters. And us mortals sit back, watch them at their craft, and can only marvel and be grateful. DJ arrives and gets his set up going. Kagan arrives….a stranger……by the end of the night he was a Jewballer! The place looked perfect. The vibe was pure Jewball slass. The Jewballers descended and the party started. The least awkward social event imaginable. We’ve never done anything like this before, but….how normal did it feel? Okay, so let’s take for granted now the excellent food, the ambience, the speeches from the heart, and porch scene. I think the night is encapsulated by the Sheva Brachos themselves. Ernie MCing and floating around the room with a full glass – allowing us to give blessings to the Rook and Jessica. To sing and bang the table and let our souls soar. To express with breath and sound and emotion what the Rook means to us. But a lot more than that. What WE mean to us. What this whole insane night means to us. Ashreinu! How fortunate are we! I mean…guys….how f*$king fortunate are we?? And then with that unanswerable question washing over us in a wave of awe and grandeur. As we are dumbstruck by the magnitude of a life that includes such powerful moments as the one being experienced – one that feels bigger than life, more expansive that this reality….perhaps a taste of the next world…We leave our chairs. We throw them aside. And it’s on. A circle of….family? No….Friends? Not really. We are one thing…and it’s the only description we know and it makes sense to no one but everyone who ever adopted the name. It’s a circle of Jewballers. Connected in way that defies all the preconceived lines. And we dance around our bride and groom and bring God into the room and say thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU.
I’m sure many of you have shared that video with outsiders. They don’t know what to think. These are people you play football with? They don’t understand. Why did you make them a sheva brachos? They can’t see how this fits into the world they occupy. They can’t process the configuration of lines. They watch us jump, and rally, and scream – and they know it’s special – this they know – but they can’t figure it out. Where are the lines? How do they intersect? They don’t see the boundaries, and borders, and buffers that they were told are so integral. They can’t comprehend the why and how? To that I selfishly say….good.

Ahh where to begin… Anyone? I guess I’ll say something. So week 6 a bunch of games happened but I can only tell you of the tale of one those games, a game of defense. A battle of 2 of the top two way players (yeah Dachs proved he could do it, but he should have been doing it since year one so he doesn’t count yet) Pray vs Zinn. The major difference between the two teams was an Iceman given the mission to shadow Zinn and not let him run by prays team or ever find the end zone on offense. Zinn led the dark team of Jack, Spira, Logan, Beast, Daveo, Deitsch. A strong team that doesn’t take shit from anyone. On the other side, Pray was backed by Ice, BZ, Justin, Zada, Steve-O, Tom. A formidable team that could pull a win out of hat.
Some back and forth action eventually led to Pray marching down the field methodically with short pass and curls and runs. At the red zone, run is dead, points in sight, pray reads his man running to the front right corner of the end zone. Scored!!! But by Zinn? Zinn, grabs the ball out of the air at the 1 and bring it 99 the other way for the first score of the game.
Pray now needs to score and after a few stalled drives by each team, he decided he needs to do it himself and hits a nice left side run. He makes it halfway through the field and is getting wrapped up and in desperation flips it back to Steve-O who passes the last defender and brings it to the house to tie it up. Colors defense stops Zinn and dark to set them up with the go ahead drive. Slowly taking it down field pray goes off on the run again and again gets wrapped up and tosses it back to Steve-O, this time to be ruled down, sitting atop Logan and taking an unexpected knee to the head… Sorry.

Still close to scoring he needs to throw another TD. And unfortunately he does, but this time a pick 6 to Logan to end the game and prove interceptions are better than sacks.

Jewball to Zinn, because when in doubt choose the QB and when you don’t remember much else you remember the plays he made.
Who’s in for week 7?

Last season, I flew to Israel on October 15th – Sunday afternoon, but made sure to play Jewball first. Get the games in when you can. That’s the Jewball way. On November 3rd of this season – also a Sunday – I flew to Israel, but didn’t play that morning. The threat of injury crept into the back of my mind – something that could ruin the trip. Just one year later. One tendon surgery later. These are the changes in mindset that lead to retirements. Lo Aleinu. Although I did not play, I did go to Hewlett to watch the 8am games. How could I not? It was the debut of Steve-O’s Reapers. A team that befuddled many on draft night. Some said it was Purple Cobras 2.0. A team that took their QB in the last round. A team with a top WR that notoriously leaves early in playoff games and has never won it all. A team with Goldberg and his secret agenda to destroy Leagues. A team that would rely on Solo to be the Solo of the Cronies; and not the Solo of the prior two seasons.
The experiment of new captains makes for interesting team personalities. A team often takes on the persona of its Captain. I don’t know if that has happened with the Reapers, but Steveo is and always has been an enigma. He cannot be pinned down. Just when you think he’s just some design wizard, he’s a brilliant musician. When you deem him a chiller with only love in his heart, you make the gravest of mistakes. Because get him on the football field. The kid is a killer. And he assembled a team of killers with Oppen, Solo, and Mighty leading the charge. The line went after Gronk with a ferocity Gronk was used to seeing work in his favor when he had Solo and Munch going after opposing QBs. Gronk was sacked three times…….by each Solo and Oppen. But don’t worry – the Carnivores have Zinn…and Zinn isn’t human. But in Week 5, he was. Not just human, but having his worst game as a Jewballer. Gronk is the new Yaron. Everyone is dropping his passes this season – no matter how great they are (the pass and the receiver. Sherrif was also not doing his team any favors. The way the Reaper defense was playing, the Carnivores had no room for error – and errors abounded. The questions about the Reapers offense centered on whether Feit would continue to come up small in League games. Two seasons ago, he drafted and lead a team that included Mighty, Singer, Jack, Dobs, Daveo, and Jordan – and they just could not move the ball. After a year off, the Reapers are providing Feit with a new lease on QB life. And – so far – he’s making the most of it. Although the Reapers have a fine back-up in the young gunner, Key, Feit availed himself quite nicely in his Reaper Reds. On two third and longs, he called the fade to Goldberg on the right sideline and the two players – each looking for redemption this season for different reasons – found the connection and executed the play to perfection. It moved the chains and lead to scores. In the red zone, Feit kept his poise and slung one in to Mighty and later to Ross – and two scores would be all the Reapers would need. But Feit ran one in also. He threw only 1 pick. Reapers win 26-7. Jewball to Solo and Oppen. Feit, I hear the argument, but CPOY is given out at the end of the season.
The 8am game I did not see was Pray v. Yaron and Pray won it 3-2. Pray throws 3, but Spira gets 2 scores and a sack. And is the Jewball OG. Jewball to him. Honorable mention to Waldo for coming in for the game. Yaron ran 1 in and threw a TD to Stats (season of offensive Stats). Legs had 3 sacks in the loss.
I believe the late game was on the LHS grass, but I was off to the airport. Avenger beats Dachs 5-2. Throws 5 TDs – 3 to BK, 1 to Samet, and 1 to Pray. Stacked team with 3 QBs. Dachs had 3 to the Ice Man, but not a ton of help from his squad. Looks like the Randomizer f*** over Dachs here. Jewball to the Avenger. Heal up and get back. The Rookies need a QB on 2/9.